What or where to tell your kids?

[Rhonda123]

I have been dressing on and off for all of my life. My wife is ok with it just as long as she is not around. She has seen me and I have dressed in front of her, and she is ok. But I have a 12 year old girl. I just don't know when or how to tell her. I know that I have to. She is always tring on my heels and even wearing them sometimes. She has bigger feet than my wife. I think that she may have an idea but I am not sure. What should I do. Please help.

[DonnaT]

First, discuss it with your wife, to weigh the pros and cons.

At 12 yrs old, she may be at a good age to handle it, rather than at around, say 16.

Start off by talking about how people are different, and various lifestyles such as being gay, or transgendered are not wrong. She may ask what being transgendered means, so be ready to explain it. Talking about it now is a lot better than being caught at it.

I know a girl in Australia that caught her dad. She had a rough time with it, but after finding one of these forums, and after 2 yrs of talking to some of us, she has finally realized that this is who her dad is, and has even decided to help him in his appearance and possibly accompany him out. She has said she wished her dad had told her when she was younger. Too bad her mother couldn't handle it though and left.

[Melissa Ryan]

Hiya! I told my son over 2 years ago. He is 13 now. He loves Melissa. We were in the car one night, and I had wrestled with it all for ages. I had to tell him. I dont live with him or his Mum, so it was all getting a mess with times and dressing. I didnt want him to think that I was just finding any excuse to not see him. So I told him the truth.

I made it funny for him, I wasnt hitting him with the harsh reality. Just a lauagh at his Dad in a bra. I showed him the rest as time flowed. He is cool with it, and I dont have to lie to him. Lyns lil one is staying with us at the moment. She has now seen me dressed. I am dressed now and kicked her off the pooter for my shot! She is 11, and here again, it was explained in a way so she is comfortable. Is her job to paint my toenails!

Kids are moulded. In sharing truths with them, you are creating peopke with acceptance. I realise there will be some that disagree with this, but it is working for me.

[TGMarla]

I agree with what Donna said. Look, she's 12. 12-year-old kids will tell every best friend they have, and she is likely to have many. Then those kids will tell others as well. She is only in her formative adolescence, and is barely able to handle her own budding sexuality at this point in her life. If you are at all able to wait (and maybe you aren't), I'd wait. When she's sixteen, or better yet, seventeen, she will be much more mature, stable within herself, and able to handle something like this.

[Rhonda123]

Thanks for all of the feed back so far. I still don't know what I will do. I really want to tell her, but not too sure. I think that we would have a lot of fun together, going shopping, talking, you know girl stuff.

[Sharon]

Thanks for all of the feed back so far. I still don't know what I will do. I really want to tell her, but not too sure. I think that we would have a lot of fun together, going shopping, talking, you know girl stuff.

If this is why you want to tell her, then I suggest you don't.

The only reason to tell your child should be to be open and honest with her, not to have a girlfriend. You are still her father.

[Kimberley]

I agree with Marla on this one. If she hasnt grown up with it then I would leave it alone until she is an adult and able to reason and understand without undue influence of teenage hormones.

The only thing I would do is make sure I steered her to an open mind and acceptance of diversity throughout her life. Help her to see the gray areas, not just the black and white.

Kimberley.

[Julie Avery]

Just today, before reading this thread, I came across a good article on the topic by a therapist, which you can read here (http://www.proudparenting.com/page.cfm?sectionid=77&typeofsite=storydetail&ID=800&storyset=yes).

[Kayla Smith]

In my opinion, I would first discuss telling your daughter with your wife and another think to consider is how mature is she( for her age). In my own situation back just last summer, I had to tell my daughters(12 and now 14) of my CDing, due to that fact that they where starting to ask questions that I nor my wife could not just answer with a simple answer, now my wife and I have raised our daughters to be open minded, so when I did come out to both of my daughters, they did not have any problems with my CDing.

My daughters have also went with my wife and I to my monthly Tri-Ess meetings.

Just my 0.02,

Hugs

[Cathy Anderson]

I think that we would have a lot of fun together, going shopping, talking, you know girl stuff.
Nope. Now you're crossing the line from a potentially harmless admission of your "hobby" into fantasy stuff. Don't lay your fantasy on others--least of all your children.

Are you considering what's best for her?

The fact that you have this strong need or want to tell her seems a sign that you shouldn't.

Cathy

[kathy gg]

First off, talk to your wife. you both have to hae a united front if this is to be done right. even if you are separated, your wife needs to know that you plan on spilling the beans.

Also, by the reason you gave for telling....
" I think that we would have a lot of fun together, going shopping, talking, you know girl stuff."

That reason sounds pretty shallow. :nono:

For my husband and I sharing who we are completely with our child is important so she grows up in a home with no secrets and knows she was respected and trusted enough to be a complete part of our life. If she in time decides she wants to either go out with us, or partake in this part of our life that will be her decision.

I also want to expose her to many different family situations as I believe any child who grows up too sheltered feels that they have to epereince and try everything in secret. When a vareity of things are talked about with compassion and intelligence it takes some of the 'danger factor' away.

anyway...start with yrou wife before you start planning your future as best girl friends.






I have been dressing on and off for all of my life. My wife is ok with it just as long as she is not around. She has seen me and I have dressed in front of her, and she is ok. But I have a 12 year old girl. I just don't know when or how to tell her. I know that I have to. She is always tring on my heels and even wearing them sometimes. She has bigger feet than my wife. I think that she may have an idea but I am not sure. What should I do. Please help.

[Rhonda123]

Thanks for all of the feed back. I hope that I didn't sound like all I wanted was another girl friend. Sometimes I have a hard time writing what I am wanting to say. I will always be a father, dad, and best friend to my children. It is just that I hate the idea of hidding something from them. I told my wife before we got married and she was ok with it all. And something even stranger was that one day before we got married both her and April, the oldest girl hers from a previous marriage, were looking at and going through my clothes. Wow. I want to tell her. Like I said thought before she may know but I am not sure.