how do you feel after all these years

[krissy]

me i have regrets i wish i had known that i was not alone along time ago. in my 60 years i have only know two cross dressers one was my uncle,and the other was a childhood friend from high school didnt find that out till 5 years after high school .for the longest time i thought i was a freak or alone .and the women in my life hated this part of me.i just lost a good girl friend that accepted me she knew i loved to dress but i couldn't spend time with her because she was my current wife's best friend so we just stayed friends through the years. she always tried to encourage me to go out dressed but i felt if i went with her i would be cheating on my wife .i just didnt want to do that .my wife knew of my wanting to dress as a woman before we got together hell she was living with her female lover when i met her .when she broke it off with her she looked me up .Dont get me wrong i love my wife with all my heart .but after we got her friend to help me dress once along time ago the next day she told me i cant stand to see you dressed.i have not dressed in front of her since.in all my life with her we held each other once while i was dressed it was the most wonderful hug and kiss i have ever had .here i thought i found the woman of my dreams .and for the most part she is to this day but i find i missed out on all that dressing and when i was fine and younger,now as i get older i want to dress more i cant .now i have grand children visits every day .ilove it but i want to dress is it wrong to want to be held and told its ok .that they still love you while dressed .Im so glad i found this site it saved my life. ilove to read and see all my friends here its the only place i feel im truthful with my feelings but i still want that big hug i miss so much.i have raised kids and grandkids i want someone to pay attention to me and my needs Is It Wrong to feel this way:hugs::idontknow:

[Lana Mae]

Krissy, first a great big hug from Lana Mae! My story is a little different! My wife did not approve! I asked before we got married if I could try wearing women's clothes and she said there will only be one woman in this relationship! We were married for 34+ years and have two great children! Until the wife died 2 years ago, I really did not understand all of this! I often wonder what life would have been like if I really understood all this long ago! But then the children would not have been born! The children accept but I do not dress in front of them for now! Yes a nice big hug while dressed would be nice! I am so glad they accept for now! Hugs Lana Mae

[docrobbysherry]

There is absolutely nothing wrong with u or your dressing desires. U simply haven't been with a woman who u can dress around. You'll find there r quite a few of us closet dressers here who suffer from that!:sad:

From what u say, it sounds like u not only want a woman that accepts your dressing but will welcome u dressed into her bed. That's like finding hen's teeth! There seem to be many females that will befriend crossdressers and T's, but very few who r willing to date them. Sorry. Just the facts, Krissy.:sad:

[Beverley Sims]

You have every right to feel howw you do, I would have felt I missed out somewhere.

I have been going out as a woman in short periods all of my life.

When the children left home it gave me more freedom.

Now it is 23/7. :-)

[Becky Blue]

Krissy, you are totally allowed to feel anyway you want to if you feel you have missed out. Its a really tough trade off many of us happily married TPeople have to sacrifice girl time for the sake of our relationships. I guess the question many of us ask ourselves is do we/did we make the right choice and what would have happened with our marriages/lives if we had made different choices. Not easy at all.

[deebra]

Imagine being 18, not married and knowing the opportunities that are available now. Day late and a dollar short OR years to early and opportunities weren't there then.

[alwayshave]

Krissy, it's not wrong to feel the way you feel. We all make compromises for marriage and you had to make yours. It's OK to want to dress, find some time for your self and do so.

[GretchenM]

Krissy, I completely sympathize. I am in a similar situation and at 72 it is hard to accept the opportunities lost. On the other hand, I still love my wife very much after 48 1/2 years of marriage. I respect her views. But still, there are these feelings which, according to science, are probably due to a genetic predisposition to be this way. Nothing I can do about that. If that is the case, then it was not some choice I made long, long ago that just refuses to be changed and eliminated so I can be a "normal" guy, whatever that is. In a way, it is being short changed on both sides. But we are who we are and in a society that tolerates but doesn't really accept there is not much more that we can do except find compromises. The secretiveness of being closeted is perhaps the most damaging part of this. At least some know. The dressing is not really damaging at all; in fact it is often a saving grace as it allows us some time to be ourselves. Thing is, I suspect most of us here and on other forums and even those who have never belonged to a forum are in pretty much the same boat. That can be reassuring in some ways, but is discouraging in other ways. Once again, you do what you can and often must give up the desire to satisfy a greater good. Hard choices to be sure. Just do what you can and love the wife and grandkids. Sometimes, including a little feminine bit in your drab dressing can help. Nothing bold, just a little hint that reminds you of who you are and satisfies a little bit of the desire; takes the edge off so the inability to achieve full satisfaction of the need is not so bad.

[Jayne44C]

Imagine being 18, not married and knowing the opportunities that are available now. Day late and a dollar short OR years to early and opportunities weren't there then.

I agree with you Deebra. There was a ten year period, in my single-post collegiate life, when I could dress as I wanted. While I do love my family life today, I wish I had that situation today. Things aren't perfect for "us" in 2017 but, I believe they are better.

- - - Updated - - -


Krissy, it's not wrong to feel the way you feel. We all make compromises for marriage and you had to make yours. It's OK to want to dress, find some time for your self and do so.

Krissy, listen to Jamie here.

[CarlaWestin]

Why is regret a thought that you would ever entertain. That's just a view of the past which has nothing to do with being happy.

Yesterday's history, tomorrow's a mystery.

You can't change the past so put it to rest.

[April Rose]

krissy, it sounds like you would be a good candidate for a cross dressers support group. Texas is a big state, but if you are in or near a large city, there is likely to be one. If you are having daily grandchildren visits then it is clear that you have adequately discharged your responsibilities as an adult. You deserve to have some leeway. You are obviously past reproducing, so maybe it's time for you to look into a little self care.

If your wife married you knowing you were drawn to women's clothes, and has been in a lesbian relationship, she is likely to be open to you at least expressing your feelings on this, even if she doesn't want to see you dressed. Bringing her into the process of finding a support group might be a way of finding a common ground on this issue. Having one night a week out at a club meeting is a perfectly reasonable expectation of a sixty year old grandfather.

[LeannS]

Krissy I do understand wanting to have a hug dressed. I also watch my grandson he is almost a year old now. I can dress around him but I can't put my hair on as it freaks him out. How old are your grandkids?? how about some skinny jeans and a nice top??
if that doesn't work out for you try getting some time away from everybody and go enjoy yourself.

just my 2 cents

Leann

[Sidney]

Krissy, you have every right to feel what ever your feelings. I am 71 and didn't accept my female side until I was 65. A lot of lost time for me. However I came out to my wife of 26 years a little over a year ago. She is accepting, learning and we do have bounderies. We both go to counseling and the boundaries are expanding. In the last few years I have learned not to look back at what could have been but to look forward to what can be. On a side note I have noticed more than a few senior crossdressers on this site. Maybe we need to start connecting. I may be wrong but I think a senior cd has alot of different desires and problems than a twenty something cd.

[Stephanie47]

How do I feel after all these years????? I would have to say life would have been a lot less stressful if I was not a cross dresser. That being said the single most regret I have dates back to the early 1980's. When my wife and I had "The Talk" she did blow up. When she settled down and realized there was really nothing wrong with her, she mellowed out. She didn't want to see it. She did not understand it. However, she said, If I wanted to find a support group she was fine with that. I tried. However, the early 1980. even in Seattle, there was no opportunity. Cross dressing was not at all accepted. I was able to contact by telephone a cross dressing support line. The person was down right rude. At that point I decided to go it alone. I've become so use to being in the closet, plus other factors thrown in having nothing to do with wearing women's clothing, that I am comfortable being an in home cross dresser.

[Sarah Doepner]

Krissy, like you I've had ups and downs, victories and regrets. In a way, it's all pretty normal when you put it in a lifetime (68 years) of perspective. My crossdressing life has had plenty of great moments but also has been full of limitations, compromises and sacrifices all for the good of the family. If I look at it only through the lens of my chances to explore my crossdressing it would be full of regrets, but I have to expand my vision and see how many other things are better because of those choices. I'm still doing the same things but because of all I've been through I better understand how much my gender identity has shaped me to be the person I am now. I also see there is still room for growth and change and I'm excited to see what the future holds for me. I guess I'm one of those "eternal optimists", even when all the signs suggest I take cover and hide or just run.

[CynthiaD]

I often "wish" that I had come out of the closet when I was a teenager. It seems like so much lost time. But life is a series of choices, and when you choose one thing, it often means you can't have something else. I chose to hide everything for a long time, and it was probably the right choice, but not without some regrets. I went through high-school in the early 60's, and coming out during that period would have meant going through hell. Staying in the closet was probably for the best.

[michelle64]

Well let me first say i apologize to the mods for what i have to say..i feel great now...i was bullied in skol for having a big butt and well just not like other guys...today those bullies have beer guts, divorced, kid problems, health problem, etc..me i feel great...been told by many i have the figure to play dress up...i can walk into the mall and get treated like a queen at the makeup counters..mac and all the rest...i have a beautiful wife and great kids, no issues or problems..well work stress but we all mostly have stuff like that..so to all those bullies i say "**** you"...i did not like them back then and certainly do not today...i am happy being me...a dude with a big ass and hips and i so wanted to be normal back then..today i can see i was the gifted one and not those sporty bully ****ing pricks (can u tell i dont like those jerks)..mods i apologize but i cant state it any other way...yea..i feel great..life is good...

[Stephanie Julianna]

Krissy and Sarah Charles hit the nail on the head for me in so many ways. I have been very fortunate to have had many oppurtunities to dress in my younger days due to business travel. I learned from the best, Lee Brewster, and enjoyed years of doing the NYC crossdressing scene with friends for over 25 years. I will admit that it was a slippery slope that more than once almost lored me away from my duties as a husband and a father. The temptation to throw caution to the wind and finally transition was very strong at times but my true friends in our crossdressing community were always there to support me and remind me of what was most important, Family. I will not tell you that it isn't frustrating to not be able to dress as I please and when I need to but that's life. The rewards are a strong marriage for 46 years and three great kids with 7 incredible grandchildren. When the pink fog takes over, they help me get through it without even knowing it. I am who I am, no regrets. I just wish it could be easier sometimes.