Wife retireing Wendy?

[Wendy me]

Hello here we go excited and ???
Ok my wife is retireing shortly after
The new year... wicked cool... hey
Wendy....

She knows abought Wendy dose not totaly
Like it can’t believe her husband is Wendy
So she has been home from early October
Now putting Wendy in the closet just is not
Going to happen ....

We kinda talked some she is not warm
And fuzzy abought it ....

I bought a few new dresses a pink above the
Knee short sleeve ... (way too cute) and
A Red below the knee long sleeve that
I am so sure Wendy is going to rock it

Any way they are in my closet and she (my wife )
Asked who’s dresses are they... ? I said
Wendy’s ... the look omg the look ...

I know that whole take and give thing
This will and needs towork out ...

I told her we need a girlfriends shopping
Trip... she said what do you mean?
I said you and Wendy out shopping
Then she said your going to be in drag?
I said Wendy doesn’t wear male clouthing

Good times on the way

[Heidi Stevens]

If she’s never met Wendy, I see a special closet or a storage unit in your future. My wife has let me have a separate closet for Heidi right now, but we are leaning towards a storage unit. She wants nothing to do with Heidi, so I will be using our climate controlled unit sometime in the future. If she’s ok with Wendy, great. If not, expect a move for your wardrobe in the near future.

[Ressie]

Maybe if she sees Wendy dressed in wild S&M fetish gear she'll be ready to compromise to the mild mannered Wendy. Don't listen to me though, I've been divorced and single for 12 years.

[Stephanie47]

Good times on the way? Don't count your chickens before they hatch. Overburdening your wife with visual stimuli may not produce the result you want.

[kimdl93]

Well, good luck!

[Abbey11]

Good luck, hope things go as you'd like

[Jayne]

Tread very carefully.
If you push too hard you may regret it, I am speaking from experience.
I retired and started to dress more than normal.
I also under dressed most of the time for a month and then everything blew up.
I ended up taking half my things to charity shops and have just started to feel I can dress again after a very bad 18 months.
I wish you well but please be careful.

Hugs

Jayne xx

[alwayshave]

Wendy, I'm with Heidi, get a heated/air conditioned storage locker and dress there.

[SherriePall]

And to think that people actually look forward to retiring!

[Sara Jessica]

I am seeing nothing but a recipe for disaster but as is often said in these pages, You go girl!!!

[T Gram]

Just be honest with your wife about Wendy, talk to her about things. Dressing,how you feel when you dress Wendy's needs, ie...undergarments, shoes, beauty products etc. Don't ever make her feel like she's in competition in any way with Wendy, that's what may do you in. I'm kind of in this situation right now. I wish my SO would be more open and talk more about ok "her" so I could feel more like "her friend" instead of me feeling like "he" thinks more about his "alter" and doing for her than he does for me.

[Wendy me]

Well not good odds on this going well
Going to try the slow at a faster pace

I mean she has met Wendy on a few
Times I have been busted more times than I can tell
You all abought

We should be ok ? Going to be a interesting
Summer Wendy’s beach outfit is a skimpy black bikini
Good times on the way

[Sara Jessica]

It is just mind blowing how cavalier you are about this whole thing. Your poor wife, by your own words she comes across as pretty much being horrified by her husband being "Wendy". She cannot fathom you in a dress. She ain't gonna go shopping with you as girlfriends (this is so not cool for many/most of our SO's). You can bet the farm that she won't dig your skimpy black bikini.

Good times? Tell me what I'm missing. Her husband isn't Wendy. He is the dude she married no matter how you try to convince her that dressing girly magically transforms you into this Wendy. You are seeing things through your own pink lenses which cannot be good for the relationship.

And don't say I'm piling on in any way. You have provided plenty of low hanging fruit given an evident lack of respect for your wife's feelings.

[Ineke Vashon]

Good times on the way?? Doesn't sound like it from your posts.

Ineke

[Wendy me]

Ok it may not be all good ...
please Debbie downers look at what could
Happen I am not saying everything
Will be roses but not all weeds positive
Thinking goes a long way

[Wendy me]

Ok small steps or what you can my frist
Thread abought my wife retireing
Was met with a ton of you can’t do that
Well ????

Ok she knows she busted me she came home early
She brought family and friends to our beach
House ... she has looked in my
Closet ....bought me with make up on
Over the last 40 years she knows

She just doesn’t like it .... so let’s do this
I stopped doing my Wendy clouthing
Including my bras panties socks tights
And that kind wash.....

Now it’s in the wash I do wash as well as my wife
Now she is not excited abought it....but she dose it
And makes a little thing abought it
My him things in a pile neet and folded
Wendy things in a pile .... not folded or hung up


She said your clothes are upstairs on the bed
And the out stuff is there too....

She has issues with my undies skimpy things
And cute panties ...

I offered her to go shopping with me she
Just gives me the look ....

Lol she found a light pink 3/4 sleeve
Knee length dress ..and said who’s is this

I looked at her and said not the dogs...
Eyes rolled ....

I believe we will get better at this she should
Know that it’s going to be hard to get usta but
It know we could have some fun ...

Fingers crossed.....👗👠💼👢👚👙🌹

[char GG]

I understand your frustration. You already know that CDing is a touchy subject for your wife. However, in reading your post, my suggestion is to not get sarcastic when answering her:
I looked at her and said not the dogs... If my husband answered me in such a condescending manner, I would be upset. Quips like that are not helpful to your cause.

I'm sure you may have already tried a reasonable conversation. If you both are retired, it would be nice if there could be some kind of amicable solution.

[Wendy me]

Point taken I would love her to open
To this person who I am ... would love to
Go out at the cape were our beach house
Is and shop go to dinner and out for drinks

I know it’s a long way going ...

As far as hideing this major part of me
Not trying to sound selfish but I can’t
Put Wendy in the closet ... time will tell

[Sara Jessica]

Here we go again.

She clearly isn't down with doing your laundry, yet you continue to rub her nose in it? I'd think her reaction is telling enough.


I believe we will get better at this she should
Know that it’s going to be hard to get usta but
It know we could have some fun ...

Fingers crossed.....��������������

Reality check. The way things are tracking by your own words, she is unlikely to ever be all good with this. Any fun you can imagine is just that...your imagination. Some women just will not or cannot get their heads around this. The sooner you realize that yours is likely in that camp, the sooner you can begin to move on towards a (hopefully) healthy DADT situation. Based on what you have written, she is not likely to ever be participating in any way. Might as well get that going out for drinks out of your mind.

[Wendy me]

Wow Sara so what now cut my hair?
Toss out my clothes ? Find a way to
Lose my boobs ?

Get my brain rewired to be male?

Thinking things need to be moved to were
A understanding works ...

Or what ? Divorce sell everything
Transition ? And toss everything away
House cars beach house and grandkids ?

I may not be complete right but Sara
I am not wrong totaly ....

Let’s hope for progress ...

[Jaylyn]

You may have to ask yourself if you can live without her? You mentioned a divorce and in my opinion I'd try DADT first. Talk to her in a that's true to your heart but remember there are two sides of this whole thing. There is lots of give and some take that has to happen on both sides. Your live will change a bunch when she is fully retired and if she is not in on your dressing things will get very rough. You need to keep the lines of communication open, somehow some way I would ever mention divorce. You have to work it out as she is going to be spending a lot more time with you at home. After reading your writings I think there is more to this, but getting her to understand is not going to be easy unless you both can be adult about it and agree that that in yours n her golden years of retirement you are both going to have to work out something. Being snide in your remarks is not the way to reach her. Just my humble opinions from a cd whose wife is also retired.

[Sara Jessica]

Cut out the hyperbole, no one suggested those things.

If you cannot tell, I'm on Team Wife right now based on the limited information you have provided. And no, I'm not going to review over 31K posts spanning in excess of 13 years to learn what makes you tick. I barely skimmed 2017 and I grew tired.

Allow me to share my admittedly superficial view of things, skewed of course in favor of your wife.

You are older, retirement age. You have children. Grandchildren. The relationship has been around for quite a while. Your lives are intertwined on what seems to be a solid foundation. Regardless of whatever species of trans you might be, you have built this life around being a husband and father. You have a wife who by your own words is not keen on this Wendy person in the least bit.

So what exactly is your endgame? If it is transition (I don't get a sense of that from what little I've read), then you are in the wrong section. My interpretation is that you are longing to have your cake and eat it too, that you wish to bring your feminine expression front and center in your current life and with your wife now that both of you are of retirement age. You want her to go out and play with you. Maybe you have been there (as in retirement) longer and are faced with losing much or all of the free time to run around as Wendy.

Your wife has dealt with this for how long? 40+ years? Since before your marriage? These are important facts when putting yourself out there as you have done. Regardless of the amount of time though, I still think you are cavalier in both your actions and expectations. I'm just not seeing that she will come around based on your own words. You are making this all about you but what about her feelings? If it is all about you to the point where living and/or presenting nearly full time as Wendy is the highest priority, then serious counseling towards that goal is indicated, not to mention absolute honesty with your wife, your life partner, about where you see this whole thing going. Regardless of your own POV and/or endgame, take it to a very basic place...how much of your own hopes and/or expectations have been expressly communicated with your wife? Or do you plan to continue with the cutesy games of innuendo and beating around the bush that you have described thus far?

I'm not suggesting in any way for you to change who or what you are. I'm just saying that your wife doesn't seem to be on board for the ride and you need to respond realistically, not with wild hopes and dreams. Is her vision of retirement going out with her husband as girlfriends? Is it sitting in your respective recliners with her husband presenting as a woman? She has known for years, what makes you think she can or will change now?!?!

Where does my point of view come from? Personal experience. My wife loves me to the core of my being just as I love her. Yet I have come to an understanding with 100% acceptance that never in a million years will she be an active participant in my feminine expression. Cut my hair? Done that. DADT? I actually call our situation yeah, whatever (Y,W®) meaning she gives me my space to take as much or as little as I need...generally not in her presence. However, communication remains open and honest.

This thing of ours has ripped apart stronger relationships than either of us have. What is it that you really want? What does she want? Can you compromise? Can she?

[Di]

You are always Wendy!
If there is a discussion explain its just part of you and do not make promises you can not keep.
You both can work out what works for you both ... I know you can.
As far as the laundry .... Since she is showing her displeasure how she treats the clothes how bout if you do Wendy's clothing or all the washing- if that's not what works between you chore wise - just let it be she's showing you without fighting .
I know you are caring and thoughtful and it's just a hiccup in your routine - I know you love her and she has to underneath know this is part of you... Or now she will soon figure it out.
Big hugs Wendy

[Stephanie47]

I've been retired for a full ten years. My wife is semi-retired. She works a full day when she wants. Since March 2016 she has not worked often due to back surgery followed by cancer treatments. She is still regaining her strength. When I was newly retired Stephanie had plenty of opportunities to come out and play. Not so much now.

I will attest there can be changes when the diversions created by working are gone. Issues which are squirreled away in the back of the mind start creeping out of their hiding places. Your view of retirement is to have Wendy run amok. Your wife has not appreciated Wendy's quirk for forty years. My wife has the same feelings. So for me it has always been DADT. DADT literally has meant not evidence of emulating a woman since she married her masculine man, not a feminine woman. No body modifications. No hanging dresses in the closet or lining shoes up at the foot of the bed. If I was to decide to enhance Stephanie's experience at the expense of my wife's feelings I'm fairly sure "retirement land" will not be pretty. What may have been tolerable for your wife while working may be come an intolerable situation.

The comment made above (#9, Sherrie) concerning looking forward to retirement has to be looked at for BOTH spouses. Go ahead and let Wendy run roughshod over your wife. You make it sound as if your intentions are to wear her down. I suspect it will only lead to marital discord.

And for Pete sake do your own laundry.

[Lisa85]

And for Pete sake do your own laundry.


No kidding. Both genders. You get it dirty, you clean it and put it away. duh

I'm just not hearing any back and forth being presented here. What were you expecting a room filed with pawns chanting 'bad black queen' and 'yeah for white queen'.
This sounds too much like a teenager mindset. I just don't get it. You come to a mixed gender forum and don't expect to have a femine emotional response to your postings.

I have not read:

1-- this is my ideal fantasy of life with a retired wife,
2-- this is my ideal life as Wendy,
3-- the is the part of non-Wendy that I want to preserve and nurture.

As a former poster used to say, "life is a symphony and does not work without all parts in harmony". He/She had a vision and engaged in long conversations with SO and on forum working thru and is reported as now enjoying the better sounding life. Maybe the next step is to examine the range of sounds in different slices of life and then can focus on blending. Life is way way to short to endure disharmony

[Wendy me]

Di how are you long time ...

Ok my wife not totaly into my fem side
Not excited abought Wendy....cool I can
Get that I do ... years ago we had talks
Abought this .. ..we did her big fear
WAsi was going to become a woman
and have surgery .., I told her then
I was not going to at that time and could not
Say for sure I would notat a latter time

She over the years found clouthing or fought me
Dressed ...or in male mode make up
Not cleaned off complete some eye liner or maskra
Not quite off ...

Fast forward to last 5 years and our beach
House .... I have spent at least. 4 to 5 days a week all summer long
Down there doing my Wendy thing
She was still working and went on weekends
With me ....

She has came down with family friends and coughs me coming home
Dressed....

I know she knows she knows I know she knows

Look this is my thought that this could be.
Fun ...

We go out for drinks or dinner and I always
Get mistaken for a woman my long blonde /gray
Hair ...and breasts yes I have had them
From my early teens ....she always
Tells me you take too long to get ready
To go any were ...and always says you take
Longer than a girl ....

Look this is who I am .... I am WENDY
Inside me I am WENDY....

Been through hell in this life always
Trying to hide this I was a good husband
Father to our two sons .... and a wicked
Cool granfather to my two granddaughters

- - - Updated - - -

So I say it’s been a long path I want to no I need to be Wendy
And Turing off Wendy not going to happen
A pause switch works... just as long as
it get turns on again...

I am not a cross dresser I am trans
without surgery I do this limbo stage
Because I care and love those around me more than
Doing what completes me... lol love me hate me
Try to get in my head good luck been trying
To do that for years ....

Not in trans groupe because someone here doesn’t think I belong

I came here a long time ago a totaly messed up chick
Found a home and became a member of the staff
Here and have a ton of everyday friends

Opened my heart cared way too much
Got hurt burnt nocked down and walked away

Depressed broken and wiped out

Came back here very slow ...starting to in a small way
Be like I belong .....could it be that I don’t
Belong I don’t fit in? ......

Thinking I belong alone .... a walk on the beach
In the sun or at night even in a storm alone
Is were I belong .... got to rethink this

[Sara Jessica]

Be careful with your words. Your decision not to transition doesn't mean your love for family is any more or less than a person who does in fact go down the transition path. It means your fear for loss of the life you love is greater than your need for transition. Again, I say that out of experience because I'm in the exact same boat.

Putting a continued possibility of transition out there, however remote it may be, may be honest but it is very unfair to your wife. She probably thinks daily at some point "is this the day my husband, my soulmate, tells me that he is going to transition into the female that he says is at the core of his very being?" Think about what that burden means to a woman who I doubt ever saw herself in such a situation with retirement looming. And if she doesn't think such thoughts, it is likely because she has buried all things trans deep into her psyche in an attempt not to even confront those demons. A woman of her age should be concerned with family, health and security that retirement has to offer rather than whether her husband of 40+ years is going to live as a female.

So be honest with yourself. What is the realistic chance that you will transition and spend the rest of your days as a female? To paraphrase Roger Waters, is this the life YOU really want? Once you honestly answer that question, you will be better positioned to address the needs of your wife and family. Regardless, you still have not shared anything which would lead an objective reader to conclude that your wife is going to be more accepting and/or participating no matter how much fun you think it will be. Fun for you, yes, but clearly not for her.

[Wendy me]

You would think years of dadt plan would end up
In a mess ... not saying that being disrespectful
To my wife’s feelings is a good thing and I get it
What persons get is dadt will end in a mess for our trans
Cd persons....

Being trans here I am on a cd forum talking to cd’s
Abought how a bad plan dadt is not good
See it’s not abought a bra panties and shopping
More so it’s abought slowly killing the person trapped
In here ...not going to kill Wendy can’t kill Wendy


Not understanded here or anywhere and
Not at home .....

See we’re do you turn when persons who
Say you can’t because your not trans
Life in limbo ....

[Beverley Sims]

Mmmm?

Yes, rough times are on the way if you don't tread carefully.

Post #22 has a few of the views I hold about this situation.

Call me reserved if you like.

[DaisyLawrence]

Here is my reply:

Read all posts by Sara Jessica again in date order and try to understand what she is saying this time.

Sara - thanks, you saved me a lot of typing.

[Kayliedaskope]

It's not about "killing" Wendy ... it's about what and who your decisions affect.

Again: are you planning on fully transitioning? Yes or no?

Your wife of forty-plus years is uncomfortable with this. Is that okay with you? Yes or no?

If this leads down the path to divorce, are you prepared both emotionally and mentally for this? Yes or no?

You feel unhappy as a man, and only feel like yourself when you are Wendy. Your wife feels like she is losing her man to another woman ... who just happens to be Wendy.

I am not trying to make light of this. I am a CD, not trans, and have no idea of what that path looks like. I have seen others on that path, and can understand why they are there, and can be supportive of their own personal journeys. Whatever the outcome may be, please know that I respect your own personal journey towards the person you want to be, and wish you the best of luck.

[Krisi]

If I were Wendy I would tone it down a bit. Way down.

Forget the sexy pink dresses and the heels. Wear flats and casual women's clothes. Jeggings and a simple blouse perhaps. Conservative jewelry. Light makeup, just lipstick and enough beard cover to conceal the beard.

As far as the "girlfriend shopping trip", put that on hold until she is comfortable with it. And again, tone it down, dress like a GG would dress.

[Wendy me]

Going to see were things go as far as ton
It down I am a beach girl so at the beach
And places there I dress like one dose light
Skimpy flowing cool as not to sweat no not ****
Like ... my make up ? My avatar is my every day look
Not bad for 60

[Pat]

[moderating] A gentle reminder that forum rules forbid ridiculing the way in which a person expresses themselves. An equally gentle reminder, that if you feel you've been picked on, the proper action is to push the report button (little triangle with an exclamation point) at the bottom of the post you object to and report why you feel it's a problem. The moderators will see it and respond accordingly. Or you can take it to Private Message (PM) Do not get confrontational on the forum. Please.

[TracyT]

Thanks Pat.

[Wendy me]

Getting started or restarted don’t believe in
Team Wendy not do I believe in team wife

Ok after a life time of being together
And every set back and positive that can happen

We talked no yelling no nasty things no blame
We talked I told my wife that I have known
Abought this part of me from age 4 or 5
And it’s not going away ... but we need
To make a understanding ....

I asked her what she wanted .....

She said no dressing around our granddaughters cool
I don’t and don’t plan on it .... she said
She would not want me to dress all the time. Cool
We can wok this out ...

Then she got all worked up and said I am scared
Your going to be a woman ... I said I promise
That I won’t and if that were to be a thought
We would need to talk big time...

She said promise ? I told her I love you
And I don’t want to hurt you...

She said you know we can go to our beach hous together
Every outher week ... you can do a little of your thing
And the outher week you can go do your thing without
Upsetting things

Think team us is going to be ok

[Shelly Preston]

Hi Wendy

I am so glad to hear you have come to an understanding which suits both of you.

The future seems bright.

Good luck to both of you.

[Stephanie47]

I believe you and your wife have struck a good resolution of the issue. Both of you have made a reasonable accommodation of both spouses' needs.

[Di]

I just felt in my heart you two could figure something that will work for you both! I'm so happy! Just remember you are ALWAYS Wendy no matter what clothing you have on and this is who your wife loves. She seems to get it. Happy News!

[Wendy me]

Time will tell hope things go well
I am sure some bumps will happen
Not easy when one could do as they want
Now with us two retired bending not breaking

[Kayliedaskope]

Sounds like a solution - perhaps not an ideal solution, but a solution. Good job.