Go figure

[Sidney]

I came out to my wife of 16 years about a year ago. Second marriage for both of us. We both are retired seniors. If we had not sought counceling we wouldn't be married today. No kids living at home. Counselor suggested we each have our own bedroom as our private space to do what we want. Our third bedroom is the guest bedroom. When one of us goes in there it an invatation for some real together time. This is really working great for the both of us. After hearing some of you girls rejection stories I feel truly blessed in our relationship.

Now here is the question. My wife is accepting of my female side. Has gone shopping with me a few times for bras and panties. Is comfortable sitting around house with me in panties, bra and my knee length nightgown and her in her nightgown. Has told me I can wear what I want in my bedroom and when I go out. BUT she doesn't want me dressing or underdressing in the house (other than in my bedroom). I don't understand the exclusion of not dressing or underdressing in the house when she has given me so much acceptance and freedom to express my feminine side. Any input as to why she has this constriction. I asked her and she cannot give me an explination other than becauae. Our counselor doesn't understand it either. I have come out to both our daughters, who are my shopping buddies, and they dont understand her logic either.

I still go to counseling once a week. I'm still am finding my female me. I am a crossdresser and have no desire to dress full-time or to transition. I am very comfortable going back and forth between he and she.

[Tina_gm]

If you really think about it, is there any real logic in any CDer who has no desire to actually be a woman, transition, dress full time yet still does on occasion? You are looking for logic in a place where there really isn't any to begin with.

For 15 years your wife looked at you as only a regular man, as far as gender anyway. In just one year you have gotten quite a bit of acceptance that many of us will never get. From convos with my wife, the actual dressing itself, not the knowledge of it is a barrier for her she can't shake. She just cannot find or feel any comfort in it, and actually has a great amount of discomfort in it. For my wife, me dressing is where she has too hard of a time seeing me as the man she married. She has no plans to ever leave me because I dress, or that I am an overall feminine person. I still represent to her a man, and a husband and when I am dressed in her presence, she has a hard time viewing me as such. That may not make sense, but none of it does. It may not be the reason why your wife wishes you not to be dressed in the house, she truly may not even know the exact reason. My wife doesn't understand how she can accept that I dress or my overall femininity as well as she does. She just knows that when I am dressed in her presence it is an uncomfortable situation for her and she is not connecting to her husband, her man.

[Laura912]

Your wife has a reason for her feelings. Would it not be wiser to let her get to the point where she can either tell you what it is or to allow you more freedom? You have an advantage in that your counselor helps you figure out the answers to your inner questions. You have been married 16 years and only one year or 1/16 of your time together has she known. The freedom you have now, many here would really like to have.

[ShaunaTossaint]

Very well said Gendermutt,
My situation sounds very similar to what you explained, and I suspect is what Yensis's wife is going through. We must remember that while our wife’s might not have a problem with us showing our female ways and desires, THEY still want their MAN, and we should not deprive them of that all the time. Yensis, she has accepted you in bra and panty sets and a nighty only and wants her husband the rest of the time, that seems like it.
Please give us an update as time goes on. Seasons Greetings to all.

[docrobbysherry]

Yendis, here's my take on it. Knowing WHY she doesn't want u dressing isn't the point. :straightface:

It's, "Can u live with that rule or not?" If u can, all good. If u can't, don't stay married. It sounds like you're on the road to becoming roommates away.:heehee:

[Jodie_Lynn]

Since many of have lost marriages, or are in struggling relationships because of CD/TG issues, I would count myself dammed lucky if I were Yendis. Don't look a gift horse in the mouth.

As for Mrs Yendis' "illogical" restriction, maybe she feels that she is in a situation that is totally beyond her ability to control or correct. Perhaps her condition (in light of the VAST amount of liberty she has given), is merely to give a sense of stability and control in her world. You must admit that your revelation certainly threw her world into chaos, yeah?

[Micki_Finn]

Sometimes feelings defy logic. Does it matter why? The only reason you’d pick at why is if you want to invalidate her feelings with reasoning. Respect her wishes if you value your relationship. Your own desire to dress isn’t exactly logical either.

[suzanne]

I'm stuck on the concept of "allowing" or forbidding an activity. That's controlling behavior and if a husband controls his wife in that way, it's called abuse.

Your wife really wants a DADT relationship, and I feel bad for any CD who is stuck in one. I genuinely hope it gets better for you.

[Sidney]

I'm not going to get into a long dialogue. My wife and I have a soul level love. She accepts me. I asked a simple question and it has gotten all blown out of portion. I am so thankful for the loving and accepting wife I have. I am thankful for the freedom she has allowed me. I am 71 and she is 73. It is not always about sex. The soul connection is what make a relationship work. We are happy and in love.

[Aunt Kelly]

Count your blessings, yendis. Your marriage is sound. Though there may be aspects of it that are not what you would wish them to be, so it is for your wife as well. You seem to accept that, and respect it. That is well. I for one, am happy to hear your story.

Hugs,


Kelly