No real evidence for this, just one of those feelings

[Helen_Highwater]

Reading posts over the last year, and I accept I've no real statistical evidence for this, it just seems to me that the number of members talking about their successes in going out in public has grown.

I may be way off the mark here. It's just one of those things that pops up in your thinking, an mmmm moment.

If I had to justify this or find a reason then I'd have to say I'd put it down to confidence breeding confidence. As more talk about and describe their postive experiences so their confidence rubs off. The chorus of "You can do this to" grows ever louder as more write about their, "I did it" moment.

As I say, I've not kept a tick sheet of posts by type or have any other hard evidence. It is just one of those feeling, an awareness, that we all sometimes get. And isn't there truth in the, more that go out then more will go out, mantra that we read here on a regular basis. Success breds success.

So, who's New Year's resolution will be, "I'm getting out that front door, world look out"

[Leslie Mary S]

I would If I had a hint of passing.
Many of us CDers do not have, what we perceive as necessary in our world, what is needed to go out that door dressed.
Many of us still live in communities were CDing could get you maimed or even shot.
Things slowly change but the gender line will always be the slowest to dissolve.

[LaurenS]

I think you are right. I know I want get get out even more now.

[Charona]

Personally, I think too many of us make too big a deal of "passing. " Most of us cannot. Instead of "passing" perhaps we should fall back to the "Man in a Dress" status. We also have to remember that the very act of wearing a dress almost eliminates any chance of blending in, simply because not very many women wear dresses these days.

[kimdl93]

When I think back over nearly nine years on this site I’ve seen many people evolve towards more open expression, coming out and going out in public. Myself included. I can’t say the number is growing or not. I do think one of the influences of this site and these discussions is to open the mind to possibilities that one might not have considered in the past.

[Fiona123]

I find that reading about the sucess of others does inspire me.

[Pat]

I think you may be right. We're getting more and more public awareness of transgender folks and once you find out there are others out there, people may well start thinking "why not me?" I'm hoping it will continue to grow -- we're never going to be a large part of society, but once we can be accepted as "ordinary" then I think we've pretty much won our case. ;)

[DaisyLawrence]

I believe you are correct Helen. Merry Christmas.

[MindiB]

I like your positive vibes Pat.

[Shely]

I also agree that there seems to be a lot of talk of going out. I have ventured out a couple of times, very short, private trips. But i have contemplated strolling in the mall someday with pants, flats, blouse, wig, etc. I guess there is some sort of display urge that goes with the dressing up. That's why we take pictures and spend so much time looking in the mirror. I guess i'm not the only one who loves looking in the mirrors at the lady. But i see some would not be comfortable trying to be seen in public.

[DIANEF]

Only in the last year have I ventured out on a semi regular basis and it is true that reading stories here has inspired me to push myself more than I thought I ever could. I don't pass but do seem able to blend without any problems, so now I am wondering what is next for me.

[GracieRose]

I never ventured out until a little over a year ago.
I seriously doubt that I would have done it if not for the positive experiences that were related on this site.
I have had no bad experiences in any of my ventures out in public. The worst that I can recall is one disapproving grimace from a passerby. That may have been more my imagination than anything real, since I am still always watching for any signs that I am attracting any unwelcome attention.

[TheHiddenMe]

There is some self-selection here. People who go out are more likely to post here, because if they have the confidence to get out, they are more willing to post pictures, etc.

That notwithstanding, I'm Exhibit A for what Helen is talking about. Except for a couple of Halloween's, prior to last October, I had NEVER been out locally. In 2017, I made it out probably 20 times locally.

Part of my change was a WTF mentality. But a large part was reading about others on this forum and on web sites, and telling myself, "I can do that".

And I have, with absolutely no problems.

I think Hannah's recent post at her website (and if you don't follow her website, you should) is spot on. I don't think I "pass", but I don't care. I think I look presentable. I May be a guy in a dress, but I want it to be a pretty dress. And it's a lot of fun finding that pretty dress.

[sometimes_miss]

Many of us still live in communities were CDing could get you maimed or even shot. Things slowly change but the gender line will always be the slowest to dissolve.
^this. While a great many can get away with going out dressed in a city, in the smaller towns where even one gay person will be known to everyone, being the only 'out' crossdresser probably doesn't bode well for that person. Sure, there will be the one out of every forty two men in that town that also crossdress, but the vast majority will probably remain deep in the closet as well. If we travel, perhaps on business to a larger place where we're not known, then maybe we might give it a shot. But for most of us even that is an unlikely scenario.

[Tracii G]

And you know what is funny myself and many others on here kept saying yes you can do it (get out) and were castigated for even implying you could.

Using the small town excuse is just that an excuse.
My town isn't huge and I have no trouble going anywhere and I know scads of people.
The big difference is I am not afraid to step out the door.
I'm not saying closet girls have to go out I'm just saying its possible but don't tell others they can't just because you don't want to..

[JocelynJames]

Here would be my “reasons” or excuses as others call them . My boss’ nephew- lives right next door. 8 people that I work with live in town and I see them all the time. Worse , the see me and my car all the time when I don’t know they do and tell me so. But whatever. I’ve said it before , all different situations. Do what’s right for you.

[Teresa]

Helen,
As I replied on a similar thread to yours ,when I asked the question about being out or wanting to be almost 70% said they wanted to very few said they were totally comfortable in the closet .

I do see members in the UK find it easier and have less problems , social groups are more abundant and easier to find , the government policy on the TG community is for more encouraging .

It is sad to see comments like Leslie makes on safe or unsafe communities .

Charona makes the comment about the passing issue , if we wait for that to happen we would never get out the door, as you know dress appropriately and do it with confidence , believe in yourself . Yes we will get looked at for several reasons but they're not all bad , some have never seen a CDer before .

[Helen_Highwater]

Here would be my “reasons” or excuses as others call them . My boss’ nephew- lives right next door. 8 people that I work with live in town and I see them all the time. Worse , the see me and my car all the time when I don’t know they do and tell me so. But whatever. I’ve said it before , all different situations. Do what’s right for you.

Jocelyn,

You are of course absolutely right. For some there will be significant obstacles in their path. One thing I would hope for is that the reporting of other's successes emboldens those who would like to go out to seek such an opportunity. Mine came from having the opportunity to have a week away from home on my own. Had that not happened then I to would not have experienced all that I have. It's a case of where there's a will (or desire) there's often a way. Again I acknowledge that for some it may never happen but that's not a reason for those who do succeed not to offer encouragement and support.

My early small successes were transformed by my meeting other CD'ers and seeing what they, one in particular who definitely didn't pass, achieved in going out in public. Their success fuelled mine. So perhaps what we're seeing is a form of confidence "trickle down". Pyramid selling that does actually work for all involved.

[susan54]

I go out a bit less than before, but regard it as less of a big deal. My favourite boutique has closed and I now rarely get a pedicure so there are fewer reasons to go out. I have been out hundreds of times and always enjoyed it but then I live in Scotland. My favourite boutiques (past and present) are in small towns or villages and that is not an obstacle. It is the city centre I avoid. I now have a new excuse to go out as I meet up with a new GG friend for coffee and shopping. I do not feel the need to meet up withy other CDs and have only done so once. Once you have gone out a few times it becomes much much easier and you realise no one cares even if they know you are a man.

[Maria Blackwood]

I simply have no need or desire to. I might go do a professional makeover transition and photo shoot, though. There’s three places near me now that I know of.

[Robyn n TN]

You have to do what you feel comfortable doing. For some it is no big deal to go out dressed. To others the thought of walking out the door is Terrifying. Each individual is different and each situation is different. We need to support each other to go as far as each feels they can.

[Helen_Highwater]

Robyn,

"To others the thought of walking out the door is Terrifying." I can remember my earliest days. After dark drives, changing in the car, finding so deserted road so as to walk a few yards. That feeling of being scared that the pitchfork, torch carrying mod was hiding around every corner just waiting for me to venture that foot too far.

As time passes and you eventually get to that point where you're now mixing with the muggles the realisation that those fears were constructs of your own imagination. That's not to say that we all have to be sensible about where we go dressed but the truth is the world to a man and woman isn't out to get us.

I don't think anyone here is saying "If you CD then you have to go out!" What's happening is those who discover the joy of getting out do feel a need to share and to dispel those feeling, those fears that in stepping out you immediately put yourself in harms way.

And if I may can I come back to the point of the post. After writing within days there were a couple of posts where folks described their getting out moments. So for me it makes absolute sense that the reporting of success generates others to follow. I don't see anyone decrying those who choose to stay indoors. Those of us that do go out, certainly for me, don't want that confinement being because of a perceived fear of a harm that will automatically befall them one step from the front door.

[Stephanie47]

I'm glad you recognize there is no statistical evidence to conclude there are masses of cross dressers out and about. I do a lot of shopping and running around for the family. It's been years since I saw a 'man wearing a dress' out in the wild. I don't know if there are places for cross dressers to congregate other than the area of town frequented by gays and lesbians. I hope there are cross dressers out there who pass so well that I don't notice them.

I have to assume the daily life of a transwoman is somewhat different than the day of a casual 'recreational' cross dresser. My wife has a cousin whose daughter is transitioning to a man. She has to live her life 24/7, while a cross dresser does it when the urge arises. I have found through casual discussion and legitimate reporting in the media there is much discussion concerning transsexuals. Even those who do not accept any medical evidence that transsexuals are not making a choice do not include cross dressers in the discussion.

As a casual 'recreational' cross dresser I have gone for those evening car rides and evening strolls. I can say it was nice to feel the breeze caressing my legs and playing with the skirt of my dress. But, I have never had the urge to go any where en femme. When I go to an event I go to the event to enjoy it, not to wear women's clothing too.

I'm not trying to be "Debbie Downer" but this is a site with similar thinking individuals. I suspect if you did keep tabs on those who have ventured out and mingled with the masses it would be an extremely small minority of casual cross dressers. There have been posts on this site of members who have been pumped up with all the narratives and followed others only to have their lives blown up in the face, whether it be coming out to wife, family or coworkers. Birds of a feather flock together. Just be careful when spreading your wings.

[Teresa]

Stephanie,
You sum up your reply by addressing yourself as a " casual recreational CDer ".

We have to share all the small steps we take to guide and help ourselves and so help others who look to us to pave a way for them. I do think your assumption is incorrect I am not a casual CDer venturing out and found a high percentage feel the same way last time I asked the " IN/OUT " question , maybe it should be updated and asked again . You appear to be suggesting that there is a certain amount of BS being put forward in some replies , I can't speak for others but I don't do BS it doesn't do me or anyone else any favours .

Spreading our wings is bound to have a down side but for some of us it has to happen and live with the consequences , I have possibly handled it right for my circumstances and will soon be able to dress as I choose but not with the loss of my family , I am still there for them and they still support me .

[Helen_Highwater]

I'm glad you recognize there is no statistical evidence to conclude there are masses of cross dressers out and about.

Stephanie,

I make no claim that we, (CD'ers) are everywhere. All I'm saying is within our little community the number of us who venture out is on the increase. Percentage wise we will undoubtedly make up a small proportion of the population. Possibly greater than some estimates, possibly smaller. As for spotting a CD'er while out. When I'm out in a busy High Street I estimate 98%+ of those around me never spot me. Don't given me a second glance, they're too busy going about their business so why should we spot each other? I'm to busy looking in shop windows.

Even in drab, we become part of that 98%+, just doin' our thing. So is it surprising we don't see each other?

The LGBT community has made huge strides in the last 10 years. Having gay friends has gone beyond fashionable to "So what?". What we shouldn't be doing is putting ourselves down, getting into the mindset of the world hates us. I have had so many truly wonderful interactions with "normal" folk. Treated no differently because of the way I've dressed. True I've had a teenage girl exclaim, "OMG, that a man" when I was in a department store cafe but you know what, no-one reacted, not even me. Goes with the turf.

Please, let's not run scared, controlled by fear. I know and accept there are dangers out there. What we need to do is realistically quantify those dangers and realise that the gains far outweigh losses.

In life's risk assessment balances if we looked at the chances of us being hurt then very very few of us would go out. Why, because many many more will be hurt in car accidents getting to the shops than getting bad comments while visiting them enfemme.

[Jackie7]

To those who stay closeted for fear of what will happen in their family and small town. I can take the long view, because i’ve lived through the experience you fear. Lived through, survived, and ultimately thrived. When my ex-wife outed me in 2000, we lived in a small New England town where I lost some friends, keep some friends, and also made some new ones. I lost that wife, for many reasons including my cross dressing, but then I found a new partner who accepts me and approves of me, and has her own fun with my cross dressing. I was working as a freelance in the gig economy, if I lost any clients due to cross dressing I was not aware of it — in any freelance gig business you lose some and add some every year.

Was it easy? No, not at first, but slowly I learned that mobs with torches did not lurk around every corner, and the more I relx3d into being my CD self, the easier it got. Was it expensive? Divorce is never cheap, but now, 12 years post divorce, i’m retired and financially comfortable again. Was it fun? Yes, and the more fear I shed the more friends and the more fun I’ve had.

It’s your life, you get to choose, and that includes your consequences and regrets. You can succumb to regrets, or you can transcend them, and its entirely your choice. Initially i did not choose to be out, it was imposed upon me, but once I chose to stop resisting and embraced my reality, everything just got better and better. So in the end, and at this new year, I wish all of you joy on your path, whatever you choose.