my femme side bleeding through?

[junetv]

I thought I would share what happened over the holidays with family:

I was at my inlaws for the Christmas holiday and we had a white elephant gift exchange. I made a gift by putting a $20 dollar bill into a zip lock bag, then put the bag into a small jewelry sized box and poured plaster into. You would need a hammer to break it open to get the gift. Since it was just a weighted box at that point. I decided to include some a picture strip taken with my wife at a photo boot at a church event. I think we look silly in the photo.

Well, the gift was a great hit, but my brother-in-law grabs the photo and starts laughing. It was meant to be funny. Then he says "he looks like a woman!" His wife says chimes in "Yeah, he looks like he's transitioning." All at once I felt very awkward. My mind was racing as to why they would say that so quickly. I was wondering if they knew. The only other person in her family that knows about my crossdressing is her mother. I wondered if my "metrosexualness" - i don't hide the fact that I shave my legs or get manicures from anyone - was being judged beyond the surface. Among this family, I'm the one who does all the masculine things - fix almost everything, grill and or smoke meat, shoot guns, use chain saws, mow my grass, and move heavy stuff. My brother-in-law only grills meat and his hands are softer than mine.

Mind you, en drab, my hair is in a crew cut. I'm not wearing anything feminine in the photo. My pose is kinda girly, but it was meant to be silly. My wife approved of the photo before I enclosed it. We're in a DADT type of relationship, so this reaction by her family upset the delicate balance and brought out a lot of resentment towards me. We're headed towards divorce, but she doesn't want anyone to know about my feminine side until everything is final.

My complexion is improving since I started using some other skin care products like serums with retinol, hylanuric acid and vitamin c along with a facial cleansing scrubbing regimen, that involves Boraxo powder hand cleaner for exfoliation, then a toner like sea-breeze. I have deep pits from acne. So on the plus side, I guess it's all working :)

[Sidney]

Sorry to hear about family problems. I am happy for you to hear that you have accepted this side of you. Stay strong and I pray 2018 is a better year for you. Thanks for the story.

[Lana Mae]

Sounds like her mother let the cat out of the bag! Glad you are able to let yourself be you! Best wishes going forward! Hugs Lana Mae

[lingerieLiz]

You never know what causes people to say things about others. He may have just recognized you as a wimpy guy all of a sudden. I've seen it happen to guys where there was nothing more than an idol joke thought

[Gwen M]

I find it interesting that we try in secret to become more feminine and yet when someone notices our progression we are upset. Either we are committed or not. Embrace your feminine self and enjoy your progress.

[kimdl93]

Seems to be a moot point. If you’re heading towards divorce, any speculation or joking aside, that’s a much heavier issue. If you’re sure about the end, your ex in laws will eventually be an irrelevant part of a former life.

[Brynna M]

You seem to be going all out with your “metrosexualness” for someone in DADT. I think it is safe to say your fem side is showing through. I’m sorry it’s causing you problems. ��

[Pat]

I'm confused about the point of the post. You seem to be indicating that you have a desire to be more feminine, but you're upset that your brother-in-law and sister-in-law said that you appeared to have a desire to be more feminine. And then you give a list of things that make you more manly than your brother-in-law but, again, you seem to want to be more feminine and so in fact that list is meaningless. What's the issue?

[junetv]

Sorry to hear about family problems. I am happy for you to hear that you have accepted this side of you. Stay strong and I pray 2018 is a better year for you. Thanks for the story. Thank you :)


Sounds like her mother let the cat out of the bag! Glad you are able to let yourself be you! Best wishes going forward! Hugs Lana Mae Thanks Lana, you always write sweet things.


You never know what causes people to say things about others. He may have just recognized you as a wimpy guy all of a sudden. I've seen it happen to guys where there was nothing more than an idol joke thought I would of thought it was a mere joke, but he was intent on keeping the picture for future humiliation. He's that type of person.


I find it interesting that we try in secret to become more feminine and yet when someone notices our progression we are upset. Either we are committed or not. Embrace your feminine self and enjoy your progress. If they noticed without laughing I would've been OK.


You seem to be going all out with your “metrosexualness” for someone in DADT. I think it is safe to say your fem side is showing through. I’m sorry it’s causing you problems. �� Trust me, I'm holding back ;)


I'm confused about the point of the post. You seem to be indicating that you have a desire to be more feminine, but you're upset that your brother-in-law and sister-in-law said that you appeared to have a desire to be more feminine. And then you give a list of things that make you more manly than your brother-in-law but, again, you seem to want to be more feminine and so in fact that list is meaningless. What's the issue? Pat, let me clarify, they were doing it in a mocking way. Sometimes joking hits a little to close to home. I have no problem with people recognizing these traits in a respectful manner. The list? Well it's my way of belittling him in all honesty. Perhaps a little petty at this point. sorry for the confusion.

[DaisyLawrence]

Like Pat I too am confused about the point of the post. You seem upset about comments from your brother-in-law and sister-in-law but go on to state you are heading for divorce. Therefore what is upsetting you? After your divorce is finalised do you think you will ever see these people again?
Also, I agree with others that your mother-in-law (who is 'in the know') has let the cat out of the bag.

[alwayshave]

June, abut a year ago I thought I was going to be outed to my father, it did cause me some amount of consternation. I hope that all goes well for you.

[junetv]

Like Pat I too am confused about the point of the post. You seem upset about comments from your brother-in-law and sister-in-law but go on to state you are heading for divorce. Therefore what is upsetting you? After your divorce is finalised do you think you will ever see these people again?
Also, I agree with others that your mother-in-law (who is 'in the know') has let the cat out of the bag.

Let me share something that John Gray talks about in his book "Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus" : (from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Men_Are_from_Mars,_Women_Are_from_Venus) "One example is men's complaint that if they offer solutions to problems that women bring up in conversation, the women are not necessarily interested in solving those problems, but mainly want to talk about them." Perhaps I just want to talk about it, rather than find a solution ;) Hence there is no point, other than sharing what happened during my holiday with the in-laws. As for how I felt...well that's how I felt when it happened and there isn't anything that can go back and change that - whether right or wrong. Asking what is upsetting me feels like you are marginalizing the way I felt at the time. As for being upset...no, I felt awkward. And yes, I will probably see these people again. Thank you for your reply.


June, abut a year ago I thought I was going to be outed to my father, it did cause me some amount of consternation. I hope that all goes well for you. Thank you, Jamie :)

[jennifer0918]

Your mother in law spilled the beans,I told a TS friend of mine about my femme side and within 1 month 3 other friends (other TS woman) of hers knew.2 of her friends I met briefly the other I meet years ago,but my friend blamed it on the alcohol, saying when she drinks she tends to say things without thinking. At the moment I did get upset but then I tought about it maybe it's part of my journey. Who knows? Good luck darling hope everything works out for you.

[Pat]

June -- Ah. OK. I'm going to offer something that is NOT trying to solve your problem, but is just talking about it and perhaps helping you think about what happened in a different way. In Communications we (I get to say 'we' because I've studied the topic in a formal setting) talk about how people express themselves and what impact that has. It seems like what you describe in the OP is Hierarchical Speech -- your siblings-in-law were trying to assert that they were "above you" through their speech. Your reaction implies that you read that intent and reacted badly to it. Their words were not necessarily in disagreement with your own statements about yourself, but you were reacting to having people who you view as hierarchically beneath you assert superiority/dominance. Again, I'm just describing how it seems to me. Not solving your problem, but just saying when it was me in that position (with somewhat less loathsome-seeming people) it helped me a lot to realize that I didn't care about their opinion -- it totally defused the situation for me. I could just let their words roll off me; I was disinterested but amused. Hierarchical speech is a totally valid tool in the right situation but when it's being misused the verbal jujitsu move to disarm it is to remove yourself from the hierarchy they're trying to employ. This is a key technique that I use when dealing with verbal bullies. ;)