Sex related question / discussion

[Stephanie43]

I’m a little reluctant to ask this question, but it’s been weighing on my mind. There was a thread pretty far back titled “have you ever been with a guy” or something along those lines. My question isn’t about that, but similar in nature I suppose. Bear with me here while I set up the question I’m trying to get to.

Sometimes when I’m all femmed out and I think I’m looking hot, I feel like a very sexual woman. Just to clarify, I don’t dress for sexual pleasure. I dress to be female. Anyway, when I feel like a hot, sexual woman, I want to have sex as women. Since I obviously don’t have a particular lady part, the sex is recieving. I fly solo in this department, mainly because I’m to embarrassed to involve my wife. When I’m feeling like a hot, sexual woman, I love the feeling of being penetrated as a woman. The penatrating sex feels really good, is super hot and at times can last awhile.

It’s not my intention by posting this to be crude, dirty or perverted. I’m merely just wondering if I’m a little weird with feeling this way and then acting on the feeling. I know this subject may be a little personal for some, but any feedback is appreciated.

[Stephanie43]

Just to clarify one of my comments. When I said “I fly solo in this department, mainly because I’m to embarrassed to involve my wife”, I meant being embarrassed about asking her to be on the giving end of penetration. She’s knows and is excepting of my CD”ing.

[prene]

I understand the feelings. I have them also but have never been with a guy or gal that way.

[Maria_mtf]

I would say normal for crossdressing and non crossdressing guys, based on my internet research. It's an area of pleasure so why ignore it.

[SamanthaToday]

I feel this way all the time, I can have sex with my wife when dressed, but its never as a stereo Male ...Female, its more Lesbian..

But a lot of times when dressed, I fantasize about being with a male, which is weird because I can honestly say I have never been in drab and seen a male and thought there's a guy I would love to have sex with.

But dressed up, absolutely I can see it.

[LaurenS]

I feel the same way, but it just seems to be normal or whatever to me now. Like Samantha, I don’t feel that way when I’m not dressed, but even if I did, it would be acceptable and logical.

Great observation articulated very well.

[sometimes_miss]

Having been molested as a child, but also having the same person as my only source of physical affection (not sex) as well, I grew up linking being penetrated with being loved, cared for and being taken care of. It made for some really confusing times when I grew older and couldn't understand why I wanted to be penetrated, but didn't actually enjoy it when it happened, no matter how prepared I was or using lube or putting it in carefully, it just didn't feel right.
We also have to deal with, as you suspect, the idea that women will automatically assume that we're either gay or just in denial.
If your SO is intelligent enough to be okay with crossdressing, perhaps put together some sort of explanation that you like the penetration and why. OR, encorporate some sort of penetration play (That's becoming more and more of a topic that women understand as they come to grips with their own G spot, which I believe corresponds to a man's prostate being stimulated as it's the same general area) into your straight lovemaking first.

[Fiona123]

Very normal & natural. Dressing can be a sensual experience. There is nothing wrong with that.

[Stacy Darling]

I personally don't see anything weird about what you do or how you feel.

I also believe that consenting adults pleasing each other or themselves is just another pleasure of life!

Stacy!

[Pat]

There was a thread pretty far back titled “have you ever been with a guy” or something along those lines.

I recall the thread. I'm not sure if it ended up being deleted (probably) or just locked. I seem to recall its end being pretty ugly. Keep in mind the Male to Female Crossdressers forum is a forum to support crossdressers/crossdressing, not a sex site. We specifically forbid mention of sex toys and ANY sexually explicit content. It's very easy for a thread to wander out of bounds and get deleted. Best advice: keep it vague.

[Jean 103]

First, warning, you may not want to go down this road, just saying.

I’m BI, have boyfriends, so for me this is normal.

But to something else you said. Clothing is sexual, or has a sexual component. It is an expression of it, in that it may say, stay away, Hi, I’m hot, along with other things. How you dress absolutely says something about you, that is why it is referred to as your stile. It is how you want to be seen, your statement or nonstatement.

[Krisi]

I understand the penetrating thing but for me, when I take off my hip and butt padding, my male parts are dangling and swinging and I can no longer pretend I'm a female. Dressed, there is still one option but I really couldn't ask my wife to participate in that.

[Samantha981]

Hi Stephanie, I'd say that I have very same feelings. When dressed up, feeling very much like a woman, and of course usually sexy clothing. I like to experience life as a women, so go out, get makeovers and interface with the world en femme. There are many more aspects to being a woman that going out shopping or getting pampered... intimate aspects have entered my mind and I also wonder what it would be like to experience sex as a woman. I too have been curious and have gone ahead with anal play - also solo in my case. And agree with the sensations / enhanced feelings from being on the receiving end. I don't include my wife, she would not be interested, I supposed I'd be a bit embarrassed to ask too. I started CDing later in life, and I wasn't interested in this this aspect until seeing myself dolled up and feeling womanly.
What I am getting to is that I don't think it is weird at all and maybe not all CDs are interested. But some of us have that same interest/wonder of what its like.

[Krisi]

I think many of us wonder about this but it's mostly a fantasy for most. We don't have a vagina so we could never really know the feeling. And many of us are married so we can't really go to a gay bar and ask some guy to "do" us just to find out what it feels like.

Now going back to the original post, here's a question: If a man is married (to a woman) but occasionally pleasures himself sexually (whatever way), is that "cheating"? Is he cheating with himself? And especially if he is dressed as a woman at the time?

[Sherrii]

Yes, I know how you feel, have the same feeling at times. But I don't know if I would ever want to actually be with another guy. Possibly a GG, playing the male part. But that hasn't happened either. Sherri.

[josie_S]

I completely understand Stephanie because I have similar feelings. I don't think it's "weird" at all. Then again you're (mostly) going to avoid judgment here.

I say enjoy your body as much as you can. The mind is the most erogenous zone we have!

[Nikki.]

You could be asking yourself a much deeper question, and to a certain extent, on the edge of the rabbit hole should you choose to jump in. Not knowing any of you background- maybe there’s not a gender component for you, it’s just fun and you’re just a crossdresser. If so, the following probably is meaningless for you. but, if your cross dressing is an expression of a deeper gender identity and you feel some conflict between your biological sex and your gender, then perhaps you may wish to explore further :) Or maybe you already have and this is already known to you.

As part of his research into transsexualism, Ray Bl@nchard* found some otherwise female attracted ts’ were aroused by the thoughts of or fantasies of sex with a faceless male- ie sexual experiences as a woman, but as an abstract concept, not as an actual realistic sexual fantasy with an identifiable man.

If your CD’ing is deeper than “just a crossdresser”, you may find yourself sucked in to those deeper explorations of gender and sexuality. I’ve come across some interesting, well researched and intellectual bloggers that explore this area. It's been worth my time, in a number of ways, especially in moving to self acceptance.




*I’ve read enough to believe RB wishes to portray female attracted mtf T* people as a bunch of sexually motivated perverts, so I refuse to post his name or his theory in any way that might increase his popularity.

[IamWren]

I have a niece (assigned female at birth) who is about as girly and female as one could get. Absolutely stunning looks. Everything about her oozes femininity and being a woman. And I know for a fact that she has absolutely no desire to have penetrative sex with a male because she is a lesbian and has felt this way since as far back as she can remember.

I don’t think strapping on boobs and a wig makes one’s sexual orientation change.
Dressing as a woman, simply creates a vehicle for having same sex experiences more tolerable to the mind.

My sexual orientation doesn’t change when I dress as a girl. What it does is create a vehicle where I can express a feminine side of myself that is more tolerable than doing so in boy-mode.

[Meghan4now]

Interesting.

Current pop psychology and relationship advice often suggests that hetero anal play, while not super common is somewhat acceptable. Now a lot of people will assign it the "ick" factor, and many have strong opinions.

If it were a standalone desire, it might have a better chance of flying. Let's just guess at 20%. Now if you add the crossdressing with it, then the partner may become alarmed. Things can add up. If CDING were to get 30% acceptance rate, then you could predict the acceptance rate by the product of the two. .2x.3=.06, or a 6% chance of acceptance.

Just saying.

[AllieSF]

Now going back to the original post, here's a question: If a man is married (to a woman) but occasionally pleasures himself sexually (whatever way), is that "cheating"? Is he cheating with himself? And especially if he is dressed as a woman at the time?

I do not believe that anyone is cheating when they satisfy themselves sexually. If that was the case there probably would be only rare "faithful" relationships in this world!!

[Teresa]

Krisi,
To answer your question if going solo is cheating. To give you my answer it would be no , after the change my wife lost all interest in any intimate contact , that was over ten years ago so being a fully functioning male what choices do I have . I have to admit I'm not 100% happy with the situation , so am I cheating or is my wife cheating me ?

As for the original question , no matter how I'm dressed I'm only interested in a relationship with a woman, I can't relate to a male to male relationship, although I admit I have AGP I have never considered myself hot , whether others have I can't say apart from I did have a pass made at me , which I found flattering but declined the invitation .

[michelleg]

I believe I commented in the other thread, that I have fantasized about being with a man when fully dressed as a woman, so for me personally I don't think it's strange to have those feelings, especially if you are feeling sexy in what you are wearing and what's wrong with feeling sensual and excited.

[Kristy 56]

I feel completely the same way when dressed. Never had the chance to act on it,and only feel that way when dressed. Can be very confusing and frustrating.

[Meghan4now]

I do not believe that anyone is cheating when they satisfy themselves sexually. If that was the case there probably would be only rare "faithful" relationships in this world!!
There is a school of thought that it does. Something to consider. 1. If the act then creates a barrier to the normal relationship sharing by way of substitution, or 2. The act degrades the special nature of the shared experience, or 3. The act becomes obsessive and excludes other expessions by becoming a necessity.

Just some things to consider.

[Meghan4now]

Tracii,

Let's face it, half the homophobia out there is based on social pressure. Eliminate any chance of anyone knowing, and the story could be different.

[MissPaula]

We all have our reasons, origins, triggers as to why we dress, and in some way we are all trying to get in touch or embrace our feminine side. I remember asking a drag queen when I was still in high school if having sex with a guy would make me want to be a woman. Her response was "when you let a man have your body, you'll never be the same and you'll know what you want to be" and she was right!

[Gillian Gigs]

There are some very interesting comments regarding your question.
1. Is going solo cheating? Are you denying your wife sexually? If you are not having sex with her, you are denying her! If you are looking for more than she is interested in having, that is a different story. To me the question is then, what or who are you thinking about? A fantasy which has her in it as the other person is not cheating. Another person instead of her in the fantasy is a different story...My opinion.

2. Clothing can be and often is sensual. I don't know about others, but I like to wear pantihose and rub my foot up and down my calf because I like the feeling. That is a sensual activity as it feels good on the senses. The feel of nylon lingerie has a similar effect, so I wear lingerie almost always. In my younger days those sensual feelings usually lead to sexual feelings that culminated in a solo act. With age things have changed a lot, which is good for the sensual side of things.

3. The sex is anal. The quickest and closest way to the Prostate gland is through the back door. Getting the wife to give you a prostate massage could be opening an opportunity to farther play in that area. Anal play obviously is enjoyed by many people, just look at the toys available in Adult stores.

4.Your sexual thoughts are your own and a part of you whether you are dressed or not...my opinion. Within your marriage the question is whether you act on those thoughts, or not. From everything I have read, I think it is time to have a talk about what is , or is not acceptable in the bedroom. Anything should be by mutual consent, being enjoyed by both of you.

[Lacy PJs]

As other have commented here, what you feel seems normal under the circumstances.

If you and your wife have a happy, healthy intimate relationship, you might consider discussing this with her at an appropriate time & place. If she is interested in pleasing you and sharing the experience... well, "role reversal" is becoming more and more mainstream in the wedding chamber.

Lacy PJs

[Tina_gm]

From what the o.o read, the feelings or fantasy isn't so much a man but the act of penetration. Fwiw, women commonly find anal to be pleasurable. There are more straight via guys who indulge in anal play of some sort then one might imagine. Not saying a majority, but enough to make it common. So while tgis may be tied into your cding, it could also very well be that it feels good to you simply because it's somewhat common among both genders and all specialities that it does.

[Trione]

Late wife and i would switch roles sometime when i was fully dressed and we found it enjoyable, she was with me when i was dressed and had a guy. I enjoyed the wife and me switching roles much much more.

[Jennifer Soames]

My best thought is do not over think it. Try it, enjoy it or not, and go from there. You will not be at peace until you know.

I also believe keeping secrets amplifies the allure. If you are married I suggest you will ruin everything you value if you wrestle with this on your own.

So consider confiding in your SO.

[jayme357]

I wouldn’t.

[FrannGurl]

I don't think you're weird for feeling that way at all.

Everyone is different, but I feel ( as a few others have said) that's its more common than most people think.
Maybe very casually bring the subject up with her when you are in bed together and gauge her reaction.
I wouldn't say it shows youre gay or even bisexual as long as you are with your wife and don't cross over.
For me though,( I'm bi) I wouldn't say dressing makes me desire penetration any more or less, but it is exciting for
me when I'm dressing, doing my makeup,ect and my guy is coming over to pick me up or knowing we will be
snuggling on the couch with a nice bottle of wine and a good movie, wondering how the evening will end.:daydreaming:

[IleneD]

Her response was "when you let a man have your body, you'll never be the same and you'll know what you want to be" and she was right!

What delightful insight. Thank you Miss Paula.

I first tried coming to grips and understanding "what the hell was wrong with me" way back in the day. When I was a kid & young man, if you were feminine, felt girly, like girly things or were soft.... you were gay. I think the F word was most often used. But you get my drift. Everyone and everything "not manly" was labeled as homo.
For the longest time; most of my youth and my adult life, I wrestled with "what the hell was wrong with me". Why I had these feelings and compulsions. Why I had this need to do womanly things and wear women's clothing. In that exploration I thought I was gay, and yes..... I experimented.

I've made love to a man and had a man make love to me [in my misspent youth]. As Miss Paula says, it is an amazing experience that your body will never ever forget. It wasn't just the sensation of penetration that made it unique. It was the sense of total surrender; of being in the arms of a man and a total giving of myself.

That was a handful of experiences long ago To prove that a body never forgets, I've had erotic dreams (akin to wet dreams) involving recall of this sensation. The dream isn't so much a graphic sex or "porno" dream. It is a dream of FEELING, of having that same deep sense of surrender and peace.

I don't think it's so weird. I'd feel weird if I was living as a woman (full transition?) and leading myself to believe I was a male lesbian (of all things). One of my motivations for crossdressing is that I want to be a woman. I've always wanted to be a woman apparently. I don't find the fact so strange that someone who wants to be a woman or fancies themselves as a woman would want a man.

[docrobbysherry]

I am a CD with all my parts and no intention of going TS.:straightface:

Yet, when I want sex as a woman, I have it the way they have it when they r alone. All that involves is for u to be tucked and you can use your imagination--------------:o

If anyone wants more details? PM me!:battingeyelashes:

[jennifer0918]

MissPaula wow very intresting what your drag queen friend said. You got me thinking.

[Rayleen]

Very interesting.

How about when you're dressed and feeling completely feminine and thinking,

If I had the parts of a woman, and you have the desire to have sex with another woman.

Does that make you a lesbian ?

[Isabella Ross]

I think you can find many answers to your questions at www.crossdreamers.com. Check it out. It answered a lot of questions for me. As for self-pleasure, it's ridiculous to think that this can be bad in any way, with the exception of beco0ming so obsessed as to not being willing or able to satisfy the sexual needs of your partner.

[Krisi]

......... Fwiw, women commonly find anal to be pleasurable. .........

I would have to hear that coming from several women to believe it. I have never had a woman ask me to perform anal sex on her.

[Tina_gm]

I have, on more than one occasion. I have literally been physically directed to that area. Having had discussions with many women about what they like, I have had several say they like it, a couple even prefer it. I have also heard many who say no way no how.

[Rosemary+]

I was supposedly a closeted straight Cder, until my wife and I divorced not that many years ago. I was dressed one night after my divorce and the urge to Explore what it felt like to be penetrated was overbearing. In my mind I needed to experience what it felt like to be woman during sex. The next day I went out and bought the appropriate eqipment
Well let me say this after a couple of months of self exploration, I took the next step and actually met a man and we had a wonderful evening together. Now I consider myself a gay man, though it is very hard to find other gay men who like Cders.

[Micki_Finn]

I would have to hear that coming from several women to believe it. I have never had a woman ask me to perform anal sex on her.

I can attest to the relative accuracy of gendermutt’s statement. While “commonly” might be an overstatement, it’s certainly not UNcommon and as she mentioned, I too have met women who prefer it.

[Lisa Gerrie]

Yep. One referred to it as her "favorite". Another said "it's an exit not an entrance".

Endless varieties.

[Pat]

I can attest to the relative accuracy of gendermutt’s statement.

I too can confirm that such people exist. I can't really say if it's common or not.

[Robyn2006]

As I've said in other posts, when I dress as a woman something shifts inside me and I truly feel completely feminine, and along with that comes all the desires of a woman. It's an odd thing really, for as my normal, drab self I'm completely heterosexual and the thought of being with a man is nothing that interests me in the slightest. However, once I've done my male-to-female transition, once everything is right, once that last stoke of lipstick is in place and I'm feeling rather hot (as Stephanie does), being with a man is all I dream about. And in a rather amazing way, I again feel completely heterosexual. :battingeyelashes:

[Gillian Gigs]

There is one comment that seems to make sense when it comes to dressing totally feminine, and emulating being a female. It is the desire for total surrender, which is very much a mind thing. Hence to totally surrender in the arena of sex would be seen as a female thing. Where a problem arises is that many women want to be the one to surrender and it is the man's job to dominate, especially in the bedroom.

[DIANEF]

Very interesting.

How about when you're dressed and feeling completely feminine and thinking,

If I had the parts of a woman, and you have the desire to have sex with another woman.

Does that make you a lesbian ?

I think that would be me.

[lynda]

I have been dressing as a woman for 2 years and my wife is taking over the role as the man she has also taken her role as a aggressor in bed so I so I know about penetration I have enjoyed it once a week for the past 2 years that wouldn't have it any other way love you girls peace Lynda

[Alice B]

I think the vast majority of members of this site have had these thoughts and am sure tat many have acted on them with self satisfaction. There is nothing wrong with this. Acting on them outside of yourself is another story that needs a lot of thought. Asking your GF, SO or spouse os something that none of us can advise on. Only you know the depth of your relationship and acceptance level. I would love to have my wife participate. Do I think she would - never. Would I ask her - never. Would I participate with another - never. It just remains a fantasy as it is for most of us,

[Tina_gm]

Very interesting.

How about when you're dressed and feeling completely feminine and thinking,

If I had the parts of a woman, and you have the desire to have sex with another woman.

Does that make you a lesbian ?
No, but if they were truly a woman then it would. Having said that, when it comes to being somewhere on the TG spectrum, sexuality for many of us does sit somewhere other than simply straight or gay. I am not implying preference by this, simply that it isn't the straight up same sex opposite sex situation for us.

[Stephanie43]

I am super thrilled at all the responses I’ve received with this thread. I’m glad to see that this topic has sparked so much conversation.

[Maria 60]

Wow I'm surprised this thread is still here, but in reality it is a strong and real part of crossdressing to recognize this side and being curious how everyone here reacts to these feelings even though everyone dresses for there own different reasons.
I'm a hedrosexual man and to be honest my wife brought it up to me one day when I got all dressed up and looking myself in the mirror, she asked me why does everything have to be so perfect am I going somewhere.
She said when I dress she believes that I believe I'm a women and she wonders what would happen if I did get out and get attention from a man what I would do.
My wife is very interested and infatuated with my dressing, her theory is its all hormonel for me, more about the feelings of the clothes, because everytime I dress it ends with orgasm, and believes I love being a man.
But on the other hand my wife brought up a Halloween a few years back when we all dressed up and we went house hopping, of course I was dressed as a prostitute. When we were at my brother in laws friends house, his friend told me what great legs I had and he put his hands on my ankle and ran his hand up my leg and lifted my dress all the way up exsposing everything and felt my leg up and down and even between my thighs. I was frozen I just stood there, but I remember getting so aroused. My wife seen this and told me she seen by the look on my face that I was enjoying it and I didn't try to pull my skirt down or pull away or do anything to stop him. I believe honestly is the best policy so when she asked me if I enjoyed it, I was straight and told her it did and I felt his hand for days later.
For myself I had no attraction to him, I didn't want to go to bed with him, I guess I just enjoyed the attention. My wife thinks that when I'm dressed I believe that I'm a real women and if opportunity came that I would like to be felt up but doesn't believe I would have sex with a man, in which I did confirm I have no intention of that and never thought of it.
BUT, and there's always a but, because she's not 100% sure of this, she has some things and she told me if I have any temptation or if I want to experiment on my own she told me which one I could use. I'm not going to lie, I do experiment with it and trying to keep an open relationship with my wife, as hard as it is I tell her about it.
I don't know if I went out of line here but I thought I would give some of my experience with this and at times we go through different emotions.
After reading everyone's response, we all dress for different reasons and we all have different destinations and goals we want to reach. It's hard for you to get a straight answer because we are all different. Thanks great thread.

[Maria in heels]

I too have the same feelings and thoughts Stephanie. As you have read, there are many of us that feel this way when dressed, as our other persona comes out and wants to experience the true essence of being a woman. I think on a whole we are all more generous, loving, and softer than our male friends, and i know that my wife understands that Maria is part of me, and helps define who i am. I too have thought about having sex as a woman too, but am afraid to ask my wife .... she has been very understanding after finding out many years ago about Maria, but is only ok as long as Maria stays in the house.....

[Tina_gm]

I'm going to buck the trend on this. I had a gf about 10 years ago who had no limits. Was bi, but more inclined to men. While at the time I was still in my denial about myself, she was convinced I was something other than cis hetero. Out came her toys as she was going to show me this and that and basically thought I would enjoy it, and it would lead to a 3 or more-some. I did try with the toys, and the fantasy talk, but it was all a complete no go for me. It had the reverse effect for me. Imagine having a girl who wants you to do anything and everything. I ended up just waving off after a couple of tries, which included copious amounts of alcohol with the 2nd try. Figured it would lower my inhibitions. I guess if I was born female I would truly be a lesbian.

Other women have had the no way no how, my wife hates it backdoor as well. I said don't worry I have no interest in any of it giving or receiving. I've told her this story btw... I personally don't gender my love making with her, other than the a.c. part I have.... I do totally get that it must enhance the experience of cding.... but having visited it beforehand and someone actually pushing me to have sex with men, it just isn't a part of it for me.

[Renihoward]

The interesting thing for me on this topic is I desire to be orally pleasing to a man, not penetration. Not sure what this means if anything.

[Becky Blue]

Stephanie, what you say makes perfect sense. In her excellent book 'Alice in Genderland', Alice, who lives a very happy dual life said that she needed to have sex with a man to complete Alice's experiences as a woman. Whilst I don't feel that way myself its completely logical to feel that way.

[faltenrock]

Stephanie43

You're making an interesting point. I can very much relate to what you say. When I'm out & about, especially in bars and places to dance, I get hit by quite a few guys. Sometimes they start touching me, feeling my legs, holding my hands, treating me like a woman. And it feels very good, I feel accepted and appreciated for what and who I am.
At the same time, I'm very clear about those guys. I'm not gay and don't feel any attraction to men at all, I just like that feeling. However, I can clearly see that the motives for those guys are very different. They like CD and TS people and have a certain fetish about us.

[Krisi]

I'm not sure if they like CD and TS people or if they are just seeing the prospect of a BJ, especially when alcohol is involved. Alcohol changes everyone's perceptions, even yours.

[Lacy PJs]

I would have to hear that coming from several women to believe it.

The same thought went through my mind as well...

Lacy PJs

[Marianne S]

Stephanie, I'm another of the many who finds this idea attractive. In my case, experimentation (mostly "flying solo" as you put it) has not turned out to be quite as physically satisfying as I hoped. And for several good reasons I've never sought to try it with a male partner. Yet that fantasy still holds irresistible attraction.

I have a theory about this: specifically that the desire to experience sex in a particular role, whether it's the male ("penetrating") role or the female ("receiving") role, is a separate trait in its own right, independent of genetic or anatomical sex, gender identity, or sexual preference. I've never heard of anyone attaching a label to this trait, so I call it coital preference (or "coital role preference").

I presume a great many men prefer the male coital role exclusively. I suspect that's even true of some in the gay male world. Not that I know much about the gay world, so somebody may want to enlighten me on that question. But certainly some people like you and me can enjoy embracing either the male or the female role per se. In that limited sense we're "bisexual" (or "bi-coital") for want of a term.

I believe this trait has certain ramifications. For one thing a number of CDers fantasize about sex with a man, but like me, are never motivated enough to seek it in reality. Or if they do, it turns out disappointing or worse, a disaster. That could well be because some of us are really only attracted to sex in the female role, and not truly androphilic. "Men" as such are not erotic to us in the fuller sense they would be to a woman or a gay or bisexual man. But it's normal to want to play the female role with a female partner, which is what you're seeking and which undeniably appeals to me too.

For another thing I'm a little different from yourself insofar as I do find sexual pleasure in dressing. But when that's true for a CDer, what's the source of that sexual pleasure? Traditionally it's often ascribed to fetishism, and I know very well that's a factor--though not the only one in a complex array of motivations for crossdressing. Alternatively this pleasure is ascribed to something dubbed with the jawbreaker term "autogynephilia," an explanation I gather is controversial. There may or may not be something in that, for some of us anyway. However, I'm strongly inclined to believe coital preference plays a part in making dressing so erotic for some of us. If the female coital role is sexualized for us, then dressing facilitates that female role, or the fantasy of it. No matter whether our partner is male or female, real or imagined, dressing makes us feel deliciously "girly" and "ready to receive"!

I would suggest talking with your wife about this. You never know: she might be willing to accommodate you!

[Devi SM]

Stephanie, I couldn't find your question but I think that you're just wanting to share your sexual curiosity or sexual preference behind a question that I couldn't find. but if support in your desires is what your looking for or sympathy, you will find it, no worries, you're not the first man with homosexual desires...
Whatever, in my case I usually define myself bisexual but I'd haven't sex with no more than 4 women all my life and I lost the count on sex with men. May be the heterosexuality in my case was just to deny my homosexuality, so finally, living in a point where, I realize that while watching porn what really turns me on is the man and not the woman, that sex with women is limited just to my wife but with my mind with a man, I can conclude that I'm homosexual.
Now talking about the physical thing, I firmly believe that sex is in the mind. The proof is a violated woman. she will not experience pleasure with the sexual organ that in other situation should provide her pleasure, but now is just pain and all the feeling associated, fear, shame, etc.
The same with anal sex. In the very first time is not pleasure but pain but if the person is looking for pleasure she/he will find it.
But inside we have the prostate that is one of the strong sexual organs that confides pleasure to any men. Now if it can be rhythmically stimulated will create or produce an orgasm, independently if the mind of that man is heterosexual or gay.
There are many men that experience pleasure behing without even have homosexual thoughts or feelings but just open their minds.
To finalize my comment that can be dangerous for the openness, I don't understand when many as you here say:

" I don’t dress for sexual pleasure. I dress to be female. (what does mean to be female if you don't experience sex as a woman?)Anyway, when I feel like a hot, sexual woman, I want to have sex as women. Since I obviously don’t have a particular lady part, the sex is anal"
If you dress as woman is because there is some grade or bigger femininity in you than other men, if you don't go further is may be just for stupids conventional isms or fears that are rooted very deep in your mind that doesn't allow you explore new things.
May be some thing is dangerous and I respect that, Be careful, Once you cross some bridges in life there's no bridge to come back and to really finalize, the culprit, the cimax of feeling as a woman is to be seduced have sex with a man that can treat you as a real woman not a prostitute or object.As I said, the sex is in the mind but our body respond to that and I'm not going to limit myself on this life...
I support you and call you to don't feel embarrassed and just feel good...

[HollyGreene]

I have never had any desire to be with a man, nor to have anal penetration, and dressing as a woman does nothing to change that. I would love to have sex with my wife while dressed though, but I know that's never going to happen.

[sometimes_miss]

Stephanie, I'm another of the many who finds this idea attractive. In my case, experimentation (mostly "flying solo" as you put it) has not turned out to be quite as physically satisfying as I hoped. And for several good reasons I've never sought to try it with a male partner. Yet that fantasy still holds irresistible attraction.

I have a theory about this: specifically that the desire to experience sex in a particular role, whether it's the male ("penetrating") role or the female ("receiving") role, is a separate trait in its own right, independent of genetic or anatomical sex, gender identity, or sexual preference. I've never heard of anyone attaching a label to this trait, so I call it coital preference (or "coital role preference").

I presume a great many men prefer the male coital role exclusively. I suspect that's even true of some in the gay male world.
Male feelings about sex are almost always with the goal being orgasm, as that is what is most important in spreading their dna line as wide and as far as possible.
Female feelings about sex are primarily about connecting emotionally, as that is what will be most important in THEIR dna line of progeny surviving. This is perhaps why we see women who are content to have sex without orgasm, but very, very few men would agree with themselves being happy with that. And men who are preoccupied in trying to make sure that his female mate reaches orgasm, because to HIM, there's no possible way that he could ever consider sex without orgasm as satisfying. So he believes that all women feel that way, too. And while women DO enjoy orgasm, immensely so, it's quite apparent that they don't require it all the time the way that men do (well, almost all the time; there are rare situations where a man will fake an orgasm just to end the encounter, but it is RARE; I've done it: ONCE).


The interesting thing for me on this topic is I desire to be orally pleasing to a man.
I get this desire because my abuser would keep my head in his lap, stroking my hair and neck after he was 'done'. The link to receiving affection after giving oral sex was pretty clear, so like pavlov's dogs and the bell, I associate oral sex on a guy with the affection that I got afterwards. And THAT feeling has never gone away, either. Drives me almost mad sometimes, how past events can shape the rest of our lives no matter how much we know about why they don't make sense.

[Ashleyrobyn831]

I actually had the flip side to what you describe: in my case, there came a point where my wife approached me about the idea of her taking on the "man" role in the bedroom, prior to which I had never really given the matter much thought. When we eventually did give it a try, we found that we both enjoyed it more than we expected, but I honestly believe that that was mostly due to it being us, if that makes sense. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I suspect that if I had tried it with a man or even by myself I think I wouldn't have found the same pleasure in it.
I don't know if that helps in any way, I just thought that sometimes having the exact opposite perspective to draw from can be helpful. If not, sorry to waste your time. 😉

[Adelina]

It's all a very real feeling. I definitely think prefer everything else about women compared to men, but I think sexually I'm more geared to want receive than give. It's something that I often do myself and I do find when my desire to dress is higher, so is my desire to be a girl in bed (even if just by myself).

[kimberly c]

Really love to be the woman in bed and my SO takes care of my needs. I will be the one wearing the lingerie. PM me for details if you like.

[michele4848]

I myself have only been sexually attracted to one man in life, but never acted on it nor did he know of it. I would have done anything for him as I loved him with all my heart. I gladly would have gone through hormones and grs just for him. I don't find the male body attractive. females, yes, so I guess I would be a lesbian. that's just me.

[Stephanie Julianna]

I'm so glad that this thread is not being closed. This is important because there are some here who are dealing with so many emotions that get stirred up by dressing. For many here dressing is a wonderful and needed outlet for so many things and just like girls growing up and struggling with their sexuality we struggle also, just sometimes later in life. I was molested by a priest at 15 and than again at 17 by a New York artist. That being said I find that the ultimate expression of love for some of our female personas might be some form of penetration which is a very feminine way of offering yourself to another. If it makes you feel complete and loved or simply sexually fulfilled than what's wrong about it. Just be safe.

[Susan Smokes]

Add me to the list of crossdressers who are sexually stimulated when I dress. I have some of the same urges and desires as others do on this thread. In the past I had a former SO who enjoyed sharing this experience with me, but for now when I dress, it is self gratification. I don't where this is taking me, but as long feels right, I am going to enjoy it.

[Kayliedaskope]

In male mode, I have no desire to be with guys, but in female mode, I have been with male, female, and trans, more often than not being penetrated. Yes, the clothing helped me feel "more" female during the act, especially the beginning of it. Afterwards it was all fun and games and lots of cuddling. (Hope I've been sufficiently vague but informative here ... )

[Jenny22]

From being a CD and then to come to the realization that I'm really TG, I became incredibly Bi-curious. Due to my advanced age, I can no longer function in the male role nor satisfy myself, but the sex in my mind thrives. My sex fantasies, now, are as a female with an understanding, acceptable male and giving him total pleasure as a female. So, yes, I join the ranks of those who have the same feelings.

[missNikki]

I consider myself a straight guy, but when dressed up also have urges to be with a man sexually. I't not really that I find guys attractive, it's more on how they make me feel.

I guess I like to be treated well, and feel attractive to him, feel safe with a guy, and when I find a nice guy that I feel safe with, I like to be the women in and out of the bed.

I'd like to find a guy that makes me feel attractive, and safe. I could cook dinner, watch a movie on the couch cuddled up with some wine.....:daydreaming:


But finding a guy that is nice is a lot harder than it seems.......so till then I 'fly solo' as well....

[docrobbysherry]

I'm not sure if they like CD and TS people or if they are just seeing the prospect of a BJ, especially when alcohol is involved. Alcohol changes everyone's perceptions, even yours.
There is much truth to what u say, Kristi. While I'm not every guy's cup of T dressed, I have been hit on quite a few times. :battingeyelashes:
Those that were verbal all wanted the same thing, a BJ!:straightface:


------------------------------But on the other hand my wife brought up a Halloween a few years back when we all dressed up and we went house hopping, of course I was dressed as a prostitute. When we were at my brother in laws friends house, his friend told me what great legs I had and he put his hands on my ankle and ran his hand up my leg and lifted my dress all the way up exsposing everything and felt my leg up and down and even between my thighs. I was frozen I just stood there, but I remember getting so aroused. My wife seen this and told me she seen by the look on my face that I was enjoying it and I didn't try to pull my skirt down or pull away or do anything to stop him. I believe honestly is the best policy so when she asked me if I enjoyed it, I was straight and told her it did and I felt his hand for days later.
For myself I had no attraction to him, I didn't want to go to bed with him, I guess I just enjoyed the attention. My wife thinks that when I'm dressed I believe that I'm a real women and if opportunity came that I would like to be felt up but doesn't believe I would have sex with a man, in which I did confirm I have no intention of that and never thought of it.
-----------------------------------------------
I've been touched by a number of men, and some GG's out dressed, Maria. I use the "toe test" to see how interested in sex with a person I am. I imagine me sucking their toe and they sucking mine. Since I'm not a foot person, I'd have to be very attracted to someone to be willing to do that!:daydreaming:

So far, no men have passed my test and only a few GG's!:battingeyelashes:

[Evie82]

My partner and I do as we feel. If your wife is accepting and supportive(?) of your dressing then why not suggest it? Maybe pass it off as a “heat of the moment” thing if you play en femme with her and she doesn’t respond well? It doesn’t have to start as you saying you want the full works, more suggesting something smaller you could try together to experiment with.
Incidentally, you may find more answers and support that can be a little more... erm... detailed if you post your question on someof the CD groups in Fetlife (apologies in advance if I’m not allowed to promote that particular site). Going by some of the replies saying they’re surprised this thread is still going I’d say it’s definitely worth a try!

[CONSUELO]

What you are feeling is not at all unusual and for many cross dressers the emotional fulfillment can be huge. Don't be embarrassed or ashamed of what is a natural need for many of us. If you wish to understand more about this read ALICE in GENDERLAND by Richard Novic.

[Kate Jennings]

Just as you shouldn't beat yourself up or over analyze why you dress, I don't think one should worry or feel abnormal about their sexual desires when dressed.

For me, dressing can be a major sexual stimulation and often my desire is for a man. When dressed I am very turned on at the thought of orally pleasing a guy and I have a real desire to be penetrated. I have played with men when dressed, without any regret and yes, I'll do it again.

Enjoy the variation and embrace your desires. If you don't like it, don't continue.

[Luci]

Stephanie
I would have to say yes.
I would have to add that as time goes by I find myself being attracted to men while I am in drab.

[ChubbyLeahCD]

OP,

I think that’s normal. I too feel the same way. I am lucky that I had a gf who would indulge me that way but my wife doesn’t.
Do I wish she would or that I would be with a guy that way? You betcha!
Funny thing is, I do not like the idea of another CD doing that to me but a transexual woman with still the manly parts, that is an exciting idea

[ReineD]

... Anyway, when I feel like a hot, sexual woman, I want to have sex as women. - [snip] - I’m merely just wondering if I’m a little weird with feeling this way and then acting on the feeling.

You're not weird for this discussion board. The arousing part for most people is feeling sexually like a woman more than an actual attraction to a particular man.

I did a quick search of the largest threads on this issue (more than 200 posts) and you can read through them here (in date order):

I'm only allowed five links per thread, so you can copy and paste the last three link addresses into your address bar.

1) 07-24-2007: 29,472 views, 232 replies
Has any one been with a guy? (https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?63375-Has-any-one-been-with-a-guy&highlight=dating+men)

2) 12-21-2009: 149,749 views, 728 replies
Crossing dressing and dating guys? (https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?122184-Crossing-dressing-and-dating-guys&highlight=dating+men)

3) 09-02-2010: 53,955 views, 217 replies
hey, how are my gay male crossdressers doing? (https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?138715-hey-how-are-my-gay-male-crossdressers-doing&highlight=dating+men)

4) 06-19-2013: 41,790 views, 331 replies
Liking boys as a girl (https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?196641-Liking-boys-as-a-girl&highlight=dating+men)

5) 01-22-2014: 60,746 views, 455 replies
So... Just how straight of a guy are you?? (https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?208133-So-Just-how-straight-of-a-guy-are-you&highlight=dating+men)

6) 08-20-2015: 47,982 views, 305 replies
Have you been with a guy?
https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?230852-Have-you-been-with-a-guy&highlight=dating+men

7) 03-05-2016: 41,849 views, 295 replies
Have you ever kissed a man?
https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?237704-Have-you-ever-kissed-a-man&highlight=dating+men

8) 11-18-2016: 17,488 views, 287 replies
How Many are Straight?
https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?245119-How-Many-are-Straight&highlight=dating+men

[michele4848]

my answer to your question is, if I was a born gg woman I would probably want a man (maybe not). as a transwoman or cd, a woman. however as you age your outlook changes. what you liked as a child, you hate today. and what you hated as a child, you love today. gay, lesbian or bi are just labels. if I were in my say early 20s, could pass or could transition, I might say be with a man(maybe not). these are things none of us will ever really know. michele

[Fiona123]

As I posted in another thread cross-dressing can be intensely sensual and sexual. There's nothing wrong with that and there's nothing wrong with dressing for pleasure. I could be wrong but I don't think our sexuality is defined by our sexual fantasies. I sometimes become aroused when dressing and think about what it would be like to be with a man. I too have gone solo. It's fun. But it's not who I am.

[michele4848]

I agree Isabella, in any loving relationship, you care more for the other than you do for your self. I must say that 3rd wife, (best of all), taught me what true love was and how to express it.

[sometimes_miss]

My sexual orientation doesn’t change when I dress as a girl. What it does is create a vehicle where I can express a feminine side of myself that is more tolerable than doing so in boy-mode.
And there we are. It's simply a way to embrace the homophobia by telling ourselves 'It's not REALLY me. It's just 'a side'. I can't stand the idea that I might like homosexual behavior, so I'll pretend that it's not what I REALLY like. We see this commonly here, the creation of a separate third personality or a 'side' of us, to project the homosexual feelings onto in order to distance ourselves from it.

I think many of us wonder about this but it's mostly a fantasy for most. We don't have a vagina so we could never really know the feeling.
It's the male viewpoint of what we think women feel. And, of course, it's wrong. Because women feel different about sex than we do. Many women routinely enjoy sex without orgasm. I don't think a lot of men would agree that, that is possible on more than a rare occasion when we aren't able to orgasm for some reason (exhaustion the most common). It's why women get so tired of the 'Did you come?' question so often posed by their male partners. We.....don't.....understand. Not most of us, anyway. Sex without orgasm? Blasphemy you say!

If a man is married (to a woman) but occasionally pleasures himself sexually (whatever way), is that "cheating"?
She would think so. Problem is, we can pleasure ourselves in a very, very short time. When we do it with her, however, many of us make a big production out of it in order to insure her pleasure. So the difference could be a couple of minutes on our own, vs usually over an hour with her. They don't understand that. Women, I think, severely underestimate how much effort a lot of us go through, for her enjoyment. And while I would agree that I enjoy all that time with her as well, when I have to be awake and back at work in three hours, and I'm horny and can't sleep because of it, I'm not looking for a sexual adventure. I'm looking for the commercial interruption instead of the full program.

I do not believe that anyone is cheating when they satisfy themselves sexually. If that was the case there probably would be only rare "faithful" relationships in this world!!
Women don't want to hear that. They want to believe that they are the only object of our affections. Even the knowledge that we think about having sex with other women, they consider infidelity.

Let's face it, half the homophobia out there is based on social pressure. Eliminate any chance of anyone knowing, and the story could be different.
Half? I'd say >95%.


I would have to hear that coming from several women to believe it. I have never had a woman ask me to perform anal sex on her.
Me neither. But working in a primarily female environment, I've been privy to a whole lot of girl talk these last 40 odd years, and have heard some very interesting things. In my experience, NONE of the women I've heard speak of it prefer anal sex (and nearly all of them dislike it for the same reason that I do; the smell. Poop odor is apparently a turn off for a lot of people, to the point where psychologists in the past have recommended that women who are in danger of being raped were suggested to defecate in their clothes to prevent the sexual act from occuring). Some tolerate it, and, much the same as oral, a lot of the ones that do, do it to please their partner; then, there's also the experience of knowing that the other person finds you so desirable that they get turned on by the though of having sex with you. This is a large part of the female sexual and romantic experience; that of feeling so wanted and seeing and feeling the evidence of the other person's lust and desire for you, that they can't help themselves but feel they NEED to have sex with you.


It is the desire for total surrender, which is very much a mind thing. Hence to totally surrender in the arena of sex would be seen as a female thing. Where a problem arises is that many women want to be the one to surrender and it is the man's job to dominate, especially in the bedroom.
And THIS is the heart of the entire crossdressing phobia; it's the generally assumed conclusion that people have about crossdressers, that we want to 'surrender' to another male, and the potential that because we enjoy it sexually, then of course we would do so in every other situation as well, disregarding our imposed responsibility to fight to protect our family, our mates, and our fellow soldiers. Men are supposed to fight to the death; NEVER surrender, especially in any situation where another person might be harmed if we did.


Clothing can be and often is sensual. I don't know about others, but I like to wear pantihose and rub my foot up and down my calf because I like the feeling.
Is it only because of the tactile effect, or it is more because it's WOMAN'S hose? They do make nylon men's socks that extend to the knee, but I dare say none of us would get the same result by wearing such things.

[ShyLibrarian]

I've read that alpha males (as just one example) nearly always have muscular tension that they're unable to alleviate. Cross dressing can simply create a situational desire to submit, leading to a euphoric relaxation of the musculature and a wonderful feeling of ease - becofe they head back to the commodity pit on Monday morning, or test iloting, or neurosurgery or whatever the average alpha male does.

That's apparently why cross dressers include captains of industry, admirals, judges, senior churchmen et alia

[kimberly c]

I enjoy dressing as a women and my feeling is that I want to have sex as a women and see nothing wrong with having it even if I do not have the right female parts. So called flying solo is one why to go but sharing this side of your desires with your wife would be a great experience. I take the role of the female in bed and my wife accommodates my every need. Do I feel gay no I feel like a woman.