What to do when dressing is not enough

[Maria_mtf]

If you have read my other posts you will know I am struggling with working out if I have a fetish or something else. I know to most labels don't matter but I am trying to understand.

I am sitting here wearing panties, tights, corset, bodysuit shapeware, 2 padded bras and a pink Grace Karin prom dress that sits just above the knee, supposed to be below the knee but I am tall. Finished with a pink jacket to keep me warm. I love playing dress up, I love shopping for women's clothes, but I sit here thinking what next. I don't feel much different as to when I wear guy clothes. I know I want the wig and the makeup but I imagine if I ever do that I willl finish and sit here the same with nothing to do. Note I am working from home so I have things to do, but the clothes just distract me. I normally end up doing the solo activity so the urge to dress goes and I get on with my work.

Does anyone else feel that way, all dressed up then what next?

[Helen_Highwater]

Jon,
I to used to work from home a lot and having the house to myself I could dress regularly. There were days when I couldn't be bothered to dress as it somehow seemed pointless. However those days were few and far between.

When actually dressed I treated it as those were my clothes for the day. I wasn't dressing up, I was simply going about my business in my clothes just as any GG would.

As for the not being enough. What you're possibility experiencing is the flustration of not being able to move on, to take your dressing to the next level. I would say, get the wig but don't expect it to be some wonder drug. A cure all for your ills. Instead just think of it as another small step along your CD'ing journey. Something that helps complete the jigsaw.

I've read many times feelings described similar to yours. Some talk about feeling trapped inside the four walls. That their dressing looses purpose as they're restrained to doing the same things over and over. It's this flustration that's sometimes the catalyst that takes people beyond the front door.

So perhaps one thing you might like to try is dress down. No prom dresses, nothing fancy. Just wear what an average GG might wear if they were spending the day working from home. Just be as natural as you can be. I know from my experiences just being average gave me a great sense of calm. I was comfortable in being me. I felt no pressure, I relaxed into being Helen. Forms under comfortable clothes, a wig, no makeup, just relaxed in an inner peace.

[SamanthaToday]

The 2 padded bras? why not 3 or 4..

Maybe this is your level , there would be nothing wrong with that.

[Maria_mtf]

Hi Helen I really like your advice thank you. It's funny because before reading I had just switched to my non wired non padded bra and a casual black and white dress, however the reason was my sister is law is coming to drop something off at some point and I need something I can put a jumper over and hide.

I guess I do feel like you said, but buying a wig isn't that easy. I am in a sort of dadt but I agreed not to hide my purchases from my wife, although I have with a recent dress and bra but for a wig, makeup or forms she would want to know as it is the next step. For some reason I am scared to broach the subject for fear or letting her down as she doesn't really want me to progress. I guess I do feel trapped, always think to myself "if I lived on my own I would... Do this, wear that etc", not healthy thoughts to have when married with kids.

Samantha, the prom dress has a quite large built in bust I had to fill it with something! Switched to one bra and it did actually look better smaller.

I am starting to feel more relaxed now dressed for a few hours but every passing car I tense up.

[Teresa]

Jon, You do appear to be obsessed with clothes but not fully worked out what they really mean to you , OK I get the sexual component , but when that passes and you still want to remain wearing female clothes where is it going to lead you ? I admit the multiple layers is something some of us pass through, I had a thing about slips and loved to wear as many layers especially if I could end up sleeping in them . Now it's dressing as a woman would dress , thinking about the items and putting outfits together , I keep everything to a minimum now , I love the natural way of dressing just enough in my bra to give me a balanced figure . In a few weeks it could mean going full time , so the clothes take on different meanings and fulfill a different role , I need to be convincing without going OTT, ( I'm not using the pass term because it's not 100% possible to achieve ). So have the other little quirks gone , well not entirely , dressing up is still fun but then GGs enjoy the same thing sometimes , and the sexual part is still in the background .

[kimdl93]

If the clothing evokes a sexual response that abates after orgasm, the garments certainly are functioning as a fetish. That’s ok. I would avoid assigning a label. It is what it is, unless and until it is something else.

[Stephanie47]

It does appear there is a fetish component to dress. That's alright. However, I can see where dressing hinders productivity. I am in-home dresser. When I have a full day to be en femme it starts off dressing followed by eating breakfast and catching up on the news. There are chores to do; washing and ironing clothes, washing dishes, vacuuming, tending flowers in the garden when weather permits, baking, meal preparation. A real June Cleaver day. I wish there was a next level. I do go our for drives and evening strolls when I can. That falls under the umbrella of really doing nothing. I don't have the desire to be en femme outside the home. I cannot see myself getting en femme to attend a military modeler event and so on. The clothes do become just clothes. I find myself watching "Wheel of Fortune" because I love watching Vanna model her clothes. As a young child I loved art. Maybe I find women's clothing to be more artistic than men's; colors and patterns and such. I love the different flowers in the garden for their shapes and colors.

I really do not know "what's next?" There is no social group in my area that I am aware of. The closest is forty miles away. When I did yearn to be among others like me which my wife urged me to do thirty plus years ago there was no group.

In your situation I think getting a wig is helpful. If you can stay relatively clean shaven for several hours perhaps a minimal amount of makeup would suffice. Go for an evening stroll or a drive.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Jon;

When anything disrupts your life to the point that you need it before you can carry on with you work or family life, that's when it's time to seek professional help. What you are describing is not just a fetish, but an addiction.

[CindySTJ]

I agree to change it up and go casual occasionally like you were just hanging around the house with some girlfriends. I wear 5 inch heels one day and then sometimes it is a cute pair of warm socks, leggings, sports bra and concert shirt. I do know the wig thing is great and can get out of hand (I am so guilty), different hair styles, colors, for different outfits.

[docrobbysherry]

U ask what comes next? Other covered the sexual component of dressing. But, that doesn't change by adding a wig and makeup, Jon.

What mite change after u dress to the 9's is u may want to go out and meet other dressers. I've met a few girls from Oz who attend events in the States. They meet up regularly Down Under, too. Just get online and find some near u!:battingeyelashes:

[Shely]

I guess it's very different for everyone. I can't seem to get enough! There are millions of types, colors, styles, fabrics. I am totally enthralled with the infinite variation in women's clothes compared to men's clothes. Did i mention the the differing feel of wearing them. I think the next step, for me anyway, is to get out of the house.

[Devi SM]

I haven't read all the comments on this thread but here's my experience:
I was thinking and feeling similar some days ago with a feeling of anxiety.

I daily dress in the mornings and stay upstairs while wife has her own child day care business downstairs, without make up because someone could shows up and I can switch fast, I don't need wig because my hair has grown enough to be no gender but I stylize a bit while dressed.
So same question, what's next? I need to go out more iftwn and need to go out of the closet, I need to live more time as Vanessa and the idea and the implications scariest me....but definitely is not just dressing. May be is because I'm bisexual and since I get out to wife I promise not laying with men but at the same time sexual arouse has diminished with wife...I don't know, I'm not a fun of New year's resolutions I don't think that the jump of the second hand of the watch will change anything tonight but next year for sure will have dramatic changes...

[krissy]

for me when i dress im happy but i do find myself saying what now but i think its like that for a lot of us older crossdressers we didn't have the support the younger ones have now. when i started i thought i was the only one who went through these feelings and as far as women hell all the women in my life hate this part of me .but i know i cant stop and wont stop its part of who i am .i just have so many regrets if i had the courage to do it when i was younger or before i had kids and now grand kids .i still want to dress and socialize with others like myself just to be myself with others like me .:hugs::c9:

[Rachelakld]

I tend to go out for coffee - a lot
286298

Sometimes I go to the library
286299

Sometime just find events to attend
286300

Yesterday I went of a ferry to the city, because the day was perfect to be on the water.
This morning I crashed wife's car, but at least I looked pretty doing so.

[Beverley Sims]

I have got to the stage where dressing does not distract me any more.

[Maria_mtf]

Thanks all for your replies, very interesting responses. The one that got me the most ia this one.


Jon;

When anything disrupts your life to the point that you need it before you can carry on with you work or family life, that's when it's time to seek professional help. What you are describing is not just a fetish, but an addiction.

I didn't like this and I think that is because I am not 100% sure its false or not. Normally feedback on here is not to feel guilty and be yourself but if its an addiction a guess thats not the best advice.

Dressing does not get in the way of my family life, friends or hobbies, family comes first. However since working from home I finally have a lot of freedom to dress, so I am taking advantage. I am learning a new role which is very hard to learn, I am less productive because of time spent dressing. However when I do work in the office it doesnt take much to distract me away from my work (talking to colleauges etc). so I think the cause of my reduced productivity is enthusiasm not dressing. I think I am actually just lazy :-(

Writing this I think I have convinced myself I am not an addict, but I just have some tendencies of an addict.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Jon :hugs:, It sounds like you are ready to transition >Orchid...:daydreaming:...

[Becky Blue]

We are all different of course, I am in the Rachel camp when dressing in is no longer enough its time to go out. I call it the slippery slope, for some of us each level we get to eventually is no longer enough.. does this mean ultimate transition who knows???

[Maria_mtf]

Orchid I presume that is a joke :-) that is not a path I am going to take.

Helen,I kinda did as suggested, I underdressed all day just in basic stuff and got on with my day. It went well, excitement wasnt there most of the day.

One thing it turns out I dont really have any normal womens day clothes, especially not for winter so I need to do some shopping for jeans etc.

[Micki_Finn]

It sounds to me like you’ve moved on from the “fetish” and are maybe ready for something more. Try to redirect that focus into putting yourself together. If I was a confidant, I’d recommend you bite the bullet, go out and figure out the wig and makeup thing, and put together an outfit. I think you’re on the cusp of something and once you see yourself transformed and not just piling on women’s clothes for the fetish you’ll figure out what it is.

Just my two cents.

[Helen_Highwater]

Jon,

It seems to me that already you're finding your way to a greater calmness in your dressing. From what you've written about the DADT relationship significant spending isn't a possibility If you're able to negotiate a budget with your SO then can I recommend http://www.very.co.uk/ and look at the clearance section. At the present there's dresses for £10 or less, skirts £7-£10. Nothing to dressy, just everyday stuff. For me in the past, and even still today, this site was a huge help. As someone in the closet I could use the CollectPlus delivery where the clothes are delivered free to a local convenience store, you get a text, you go and pick them up, easy. Plus free returns if stuff doesn't fit.

If you're wary, nervous of the door bell ringing while dressed my top tip is buy some pull on skirts. Add a top you slip on over your head and it's possible to go from fab to drab in a few moments. Just remember to take your forms off!

I hope this is the year you are able to move your dressing on and discover the feeling of calmness just casual dressing can bring. Enjoying how it can bring out your more feminine side, without feeling stressed, just being the everyday you.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Jon'

Please understand my post was not ment to offend, but rather to give as much info as possible to help you understand what you are going through. All posts are opinions. It does sound like you are ready for a professional counseling session. I go one or twice a tear and think of it as having a tune up like a car engine.

[Maria_mtf]

Thanks kelly for your response. I was not offended but more shocked at the thought you were right. I would like to see a professional but there are a few hurdles to jump before I can. I struggle to talk to my wife about any of this anyway and getting a professional involved would be next level which I am not sure we are ready for. In short I need to communicate more but I am too scared too and I dont know why.

Hi Helen, thanks for the link, I have picked a few things out I like do you want to see, do they every day stuff? I guess the scuba dress maybe not but its lovely.

http://www.very.co.uk/v-by-very-power-shoulder-sleeve-jumper/1600190196.prd#BVRRContainer
http://www.very.co.uk/v-by-very-foam-scuba-printed-dress/1600205491.prd?amendCommerceItemId=ci173362003648
http://www.very.co.uk/v-by-very-high-neck-long-sleeve-top-berry/1600208492.prd#BVRRContainer
http://www.very.co.uk/miss-selfridge-bethany-dress/1600197882.prd

- - - Updated - - -
I was a little naughty this morning and popped to the local supermarket, early so not many people in and I quickly picked up some skinny jeans on sale for £5 and a soft turtle neck fleece for £8. Risky but if spotted I bet my wife would love the fleece, shes my size too. Self service tills too

I am wearing now and feel like I have graduated to non fetish crossdressing.

[Helen_Highwater]

Jon,

Well let's start by saying I'm certainly not the fountain of all fashion wisdom so this is purely a personal opinion. I'd say the 2 dresses are both lovely but not what I'd sit and work in. The 2 tops are fine. The sort of skirt I'd have worn while sat working would be something like this; http://www.very.co.uk/v-by-very-midi-pleat-denim-skirt-dark-blue/1600121899.prd If you want to feel a little bit more office work like then for my money you can't beat a pencil skirt; http://www.very.co.uk/v-by-very-the-pencil-skirt-black/1600162207.prd

Dress wise I'd wear something like this; http://www.very.co.uk/v-by-very-cowl-neck-cupro-midi-dress/1600181531.prd

I have a couple of tops similar to this; http://www.very.co.uk/v-by-very-square-neck-skinny-rib-top-black/1600198271.prd which are great for both wearing at home but can be dressed up for going out.

Like I say, I'm no fashionista so our choices may be a reflection of out relative ages. I suspect you're not anywhere near my 60+ years

[Rebecca60]

Yes the pencil skirt us awesome. I like the style.

[Sarah Doepner]

Jon,

If what you have is Gender Dysphoria and treating it by crossdressing isn't resolving the discomfort/distraction you feel, what else is left? If you read enough posts you find people who try to bury it with exaggerated manly stuff, risky behavior, alcohol, drugs, sex and the like. You also usually discover those things don't work in the long run. Some of us regularly go shopping at thrift stores or spend hours and hours on line here or on various Crossdressing related sites. Something in there may work to feed the needs you feel and if it works, more power to you.

But when none of those things works the suggestion to seek someone to talk with about it is good advice. That can be your spouse, another Transgender person or a professional counselor. There are options and in order to stay healthy and able to remain the same important part of your family, you need to find the ones that work best for you. It's not an admission of failure in self control or acceptance you are going to transition or anything else construed as negative. It's the recognition that you deserve to be happy, healthy and productive and seeking help of any kind is a positive step.

[Maria_mtf]

Helen thank you for the fashion advice, its the first I have had so very useful. The two skirts are quite nice but I love the dress and the top, shame I already placed my order otherwise I would have got those too, didnt want sale items to go.

I do already have this skirt which I love so hopefully I will have a top to go with it. I am 30 and based on those picks I think you have great taste.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B06Y65MP1Z/ref=yo_ii_img?ie=UTF8&psc=1

Sarah,

Thanks for the info, of all the confusion I have I am 99.9% sure I do not have gender dysphoria. I am happy as a man but I like the idea of being able to present myself as a women when I choose to.

[Helen_Highwater]

Jon,

Just remember it's not a race. It's too easy to buy loads and loads of stuff and then realise there's no way you'll ever get to wear some of it. Keep an eye on the online sales. Vendors such a Very (other online retailers are available) have free returns and I've noticed some buyers order 2 or more sizes of the same thing, returning those that don't fit or suit.

Taking things slowly will help you find "yourself". Dressing for comfort, just spending the day doing what you'd do in drab but enfemme will help you loose that initial intensity, that rush that brings on the sexual aspect of it. If you're dressing 6-8 hours a day starting on a Monday, by Thursday or Friday it's mellowed into being the norm, just you being you.

When I worked from home my office was the spare bedroom. One thing I grew to like was just the simple pleasure of going downstairs to get a drink or make lunch. Just doing the ordinary I found myself learning to move, walk in just that bit more feminine way. Just felt good but in a non sexual way. It was the pleasure of being...