Wife's retirement and being able to dress.

[Panties4me]

Ok, so my wife knows I wear lingerie and we are in a basically dadt situation. Twice in the past 10 years she has found items of women's underwear, first a bodysuit then about 7 months ago a shapwear cami with padded breasts. To say she was not pleased on both occasions is an understatement. Although she has known for the past forty years that I wear panties 24/7, in bed and during sex, she upset that I was wearing other items of lingerie. She would only have to look in my drawers of my bedroom to find cami, bras, hosiery, shapewear, nighties etc to discover my stash of lingerie. After the last find we had the talk after about three days of no talking. The usual questions and I assured her I loved her, she asked did I want a divorce and she would not use my cding against me. Said no I didn't want a divorce. Aked did I want to see a "counsellor" to which I replied no, I have accepted who I am but did she. I also told her I have no intention of stopping my cding, that I only ever underdressed and no intention of transitioning. I'm pretty sure she was more upset that I had effectively been lying to her all these years.

Now to the crux of my thread. My wife has now retired and this is really having an impact on my dressing time. I work shift work so was home alone a lot which enabled me plenty of time to indulge in my most favorite past time. Even in the cooler weather I could get away with forms,bras, hosery etc when she was home with me. Well its summer here at this time and about the only item of linger I have been able to wear are panties and I am so missing my forms, bras, camis etc that I am sure you can appreciate. Well today my wife went camping, I will be joing her tomorrow but have to work tonight. It was sooo great to be able to wear forms and a leotard and pantyhose again that I am wearing them at work right now. Dreading the thought of having to take them of to meet up with my wife. So that's my little rant/delima. Guess I'll will have gurl up, have another talk and explain to her just how important to my mental well being being able to wear my lingerie is to me. Sorry for the long story but it does help getting it out there.

[MindiB]

Yes that is frustrating but it sounds like you have no choice but to talk with her. I wish you the very best.

[kimdl93]

Pretty familiar circumstances for many CDrs. I’d suggest rephrasing DADT to mean ‘Do Ask, Don’t Tell’ meaning only that the conversation should focus on her feelings, rather that yours.

[Pat]

With your wife's retirement, the rules are in flux. You have to be your own advocate and try to get a rule change in your favor if you want a happy outcome -- silence means you lose; talking means you might lose. Only you can make the choice if you're going to gamble on it, but as mentioned in another thread, the problem isn't that life is short, it's that life is long if you can't be yourself. Maybe you should both go see that counselor.

[Stephanie47]

I know your pain. My wife and I have been married for forty-six years. I have been retired for a full ten years. She has continued to work which did give me the opportunity to be en femme seven plus hours per day when she did work. She is semi-retired and works when she wants. Due to back surgery and then cancer treatment she did not work for eighteen months. It was not really frustrating as I thought because my male self arose to be protector and care giver. Now she has recovered. She is toying with the idea of permanently retiring.

We have not talked about my cross dressing since the early 1980's. I had the same situation arise. Several times I had failed to tuck away a panty or a bra which she put out of sight on top of the dryer. Other than telling me she found something and where she put it, there was zero discussion. The best I am able to accomplish daily is sleeping in Vanity Fair nylon panty briefs. The day will never come that Stephanie will be donning wig, dress, undergarments, hosiery and heels before her. That I can accept. However, I really really think it would be difficult to not dress. Perhaps she will visit her cousin in the southwest for a week every year??? Hope spring eternal.

I sort of figured out over the past eighteen month dry spell the way to weather the storm was to indulge myself by purchasing panties. Lots of panties. Just yesterday Macy's had a sale of my favorite panties at 7 for $27, and, another of BOGO free plus 15% off coupon. I really don't need anymore panties but it is cheaper than paying for therapy and having nothing to show for it.

So,pantie4me, hang in there. Maybe you can have a productive discussion concerning your needs and she will go visit relatives on occasion. I would conjecture there is going to arise a lot of angst in your future and mine with a wife home all the time.

[Alice B]

I truly understand your frustration. Before my wife retired I could dress every day if I wanted and I did very often for the entire day. My wife knows about Alice and accepts, so I did not have to hide. Then she retired and my daily dressing came to an end, except a few evenings, but only after dinner, which leaves little prime time, unless I want to go out. This has led to some noticable frustration on my behalf. She notices, but we have not spoken on the subject. I have started wear a bra, with forms a lot at night, to bed and in the morning at breakfast. It helps and she has said nothing negative. This does help, but I still want to dress for an entire day at home. O guess this rant tells me I have to discuss this with her.

[Jaylyn]

I've gone thru this same situation, my wife retired and I have also joined the ranks of DADT not my favorite thing to do either. You will survive just be honest and maybe you can work things out.

[Sami Brown]

I am not in the same DADT and retired situation as most of those who have already written here. I do have a question for you gals though. Couldn't you do some things away from the house from time to time? Even if it is driving to another town, getting out to fill the tank, then driving back, that would give you some time to dress while having minimal risk of exposure.

I can empathize with all of you though. It certainly isn't easy, so I wish for all of you that you'll eventually figure something out.

Sami

[Alice B]

Sami. GFor me that is not the same and is running away from the problem

[Janine cd]

I've had the same experience. I was able to take early retirement five years before my wife. Those were truly happy years during which I was able to dress up totally every day and peruse my every dream. Now I am forced to wait until she visits her sister out of town about once every other month. This puts a lot of stress on me for having to forego anything except wearing panties under my male clothes. I've tried to reason with her s about letting me wear a skirt and blouse around the house as well as a bra and pantyhose, but she is adamant against seeing me dressed. I guess that I will just have to live with it.

[audreyinalbany]

nothing specifically about retirement, but...one of the real problems about my dressing is that it puts this barrier up between the wife and I. I find myself anxiously waiting for her to go out for the day or hoping she'll be late coming home from work so I'll be able to dress & I feel much more guilty for THAT than for simply being a crossdresser.

[KristyE]

With your wife's retirement, the rules are in flux. You have to be your own advocate and try to get a rule change in your favor if you want a happy outcome -- silence means you lose; talking means you might lose. Only you can make the choice if you're going to gamble on it, but as mentioned in another thread, the problem isn't that life is short, it's that life is long if you can't be yourself. Maybe you should both go see that counselor.

I agree with Pat that you both should go to a counselor. My wife doesn't work so there was no alone time for me. The counselor got us to a place where I can wear my nighties in the am and pm without any thing said. This has given me enough to balance my mind/soul. We only did about 6 sessions to get to that point after starting with "I want a divorce". Hope this helps.
Love KristyE

[Vicky Peters]

I took early retirement 5 years before my wife retired. My wife knows about my crossdressing since childhood but helps when I ask. During the retirement days I would dress when the mood strikes. I miss those times. Now I dress when my wife goes out shopping, before she leaves, she will ask if Vicky is dropping by and do I need anything from the store. I'm happy with the time I get.

[docrobbysherry]

DADT doesn't mean; lie, sneak, and hide! It works pretty well for me and my live in adult daughter. I tell her when and where I'm planning to dress if it's outside my bedroom. She arranges not to visit that area or to be gone then.:thumbsup:

[Krisi]

I think it's a bit sad when we look forward to the times our wives are away so we can play "dress up". Try to find a way to bring her around to where you can dress when she is home at least some of the time. Find out what her limits are and then very slowly try to stretch them. It took me a few years to go from a night gown to fully dressed with a wig, boobs, butt, etc. but now I can be Krisi or Homer as I please.

That said, I'm careful not to overload her with the Krisi thing. A couple times per week perhaps.

[SherriePall]

Perhaps, we have all overlooked an easier solution. Maybe, your wife could find some volunteer work a couple of days a week. This would give you some needed space without the guilt. Just my thoughts.

[suzanne]

I'm sorry, but I don't get how DADT is any kind of model for a healthy marriage. Isn't marriage supposed to be a partnership where the feelings of BOTH parties are taken into consideration and sometimes a compromise is reached? For either party to say "If I ever see...... I'll destroy you and burn this marriage to the ground and take you to the cleaners." is absolutely reprehensible. The relationship is more master/slave than husband/wife. Is there never any alternative to just laying down and taking it?

I feel really sorry for anyone who continues to feel trapped in this situation. I hope that changes for all of you.

[Panties4me]

Thanks to all the girls who have replied to this thread and a little bit sad that there are others in the same boat. We have just had three days away in our caravan and on the first night had sex for the first time since August. I was wearing panties of course. Although I didn't get the result I was wanting it was very pleasurable indeed. So she has no problem with me wearing panties but any thing else is met with disapproval .
She has gone into town to meet up with some friends and will be gone for a few hours. My wife is also going away for three days at the end of the week so that will give me some time to dress up and catch up on some delicates washing. In about three weeks we are going on hols so either before or during that time I intend to have "THE TALK ". I'll let you know how it goes.

[Monique65]

Perhaps, we have all overlooked an easier solution. Maybe, your wife could find some volunteer work a couple of days a week. This would give you some needed space without the guilt. Just my thoughts.

My wife volunteers at a local food bank twice a week. This has become my girl time.

[Sissy_Michelle]

Panties4me,

This talk shouldn’t be put off... Approach her and tell her how important dressing is to you and that with her retirement in effect that you’re afraid that she will get upset if she sees you while dressed. From what you have explained it seems as if she wants to stay with you? Well your dressing is part of who you are, start slowly, or offer her a compromise during that time you need, perhaps she could start a hobby or get together with her friends to allow you the time you need if she is truly uncomfortable with your dressing...

@—}——-
Michelle