Observing women

[Helen_Highwater]

Last night I was out (in drab) at a New Year's celebration. There were of course many nicely dressed females, sequins in abundance, lovely shoes, much to admire and covet.

What struck me though wasn't so much the clothes as the attitude, the behavior of the GG's. They are much more self confident in public. The singer wanted 2 volunteers. Two young ladies leaped into action. No hesitation, they were up for it. The GG's are always the one's first to the dance floor, just seeking out having a good time.

What I saw were females bonding, supporting each other. There were a few 3-5 year old girls in their party/princess dresses. So many of the GG's spoke to them with words of encouragement, the "Oh don't you look pretty". "That's a lovely looking dress". They support each other and bond in a way males can only wonder at.

We can observe female mannerisms, the walk, hand gestures, hair flicks etc. and try to emulate them to make ourselves look more convincing but I suspect the hardest one to add is the one of confidence. That ability to not be self conscious, to become that social animal, unafraid, not lacking in confidence to take part. There's a spontaneity to it, almost a subconscious response.

We can wear the uniform, many can look very convincing but crossing that bridge to get to the point of having that ability of free self expression is something I suspect many of will never do. "Man I feel like a woman" has a sort of hollow ring to it.


Happy New Year

[Jane G]

Well put and so true .:daydreaming:

[CarlaWestin]

Hence the popularity of the Cyndi Lauper song, "Girls Just Want To Have Fun!"
I presume.

[Tina_gm]

I see it somewhat similarly. IDK if it is necessarily confidence, as women often say how often they are second guessing themselves and are fraught with feelings of self consciousness. Perhaps it is a reason why women tend to generally be more supportive toward each other, knowing how the affirmation feels to them so they are eager to give it in return.

What I do observe most of all is a generally brighter disposition by many women. They make eye contact, they smile more, they acknowledge each other more. Why I find myself drawn toward the company of women are those exact things.

[docrobbysherry]

I'm not so sure, Helen. At the many T events I attend I see lots of girls complimenting others on their looks or on particular items of dress that stand out. I try to do that as much as possible.:thumbsup:

Also, it's a great ice breaker to begin a conversation with a girl u haven't met yet!:)

[NancySue]

A great New Year’s reality check. We’ll never really know, but what fun and challenges there are. From my experience and perspective, without society’s tolerance/acceptance, we’ll, largely not have the feminine confidence needed. Of course there are exceptions. You can see this in most cd videos, i.e. nervous, looking around, no smiling, over exaggerated mannerisms, etc. Gendermutt’s second paragraph is spot on.

[Pat]

I've noticed similar things. I think it may have to do with socialization. Women learn that they can build others up without losing any stature themselves. I don't know if men/boys are taught that complimenting others lowers their place in the hierarchy, but certainly that's how it felt to me when I was trying to pass as male. ;) Just one of the many things I love about assuming a female social role is the fact it frees me up to recognize the achievements of others and provide encouragement without being afraid of being perceived as sycophantic.

[Jean 103]

The difference is playing at it and living it.

Most of my friends are GGs. They as well as everyone else treat me as one of the girls.

Yes this is how we behave, how else are we to behave.

[DaisyLawrence]

Interesting thread Helen. Your observations are spot on and I think Pat sums it up superbly in her reply about socialisation.

The strange thing is that this confident, always first to volunteer or hit the dance floor, not afraid to compliment and build others up type of woman you describe is the person I have always been. I find that part of passing as a woman easy because it is who I am and what made me first think I was 'different'. I just wish the physical side of passing was as easy, if it was my life would be simple indeed, a woman I would be and no-one would know otherwise. Ah well, we can but dream.

Happy new year Helen.

[Alice Torn]

I agree. i used to go to singles dances, and often saw women go out on the dance floor with other women dancing and having a ball, with each other. "Girls just want to have fun," Maybe we males can learn from them, and start complimenting other men on their nice shirts, haircuts, suits, ties, coats, etc, and be much more encouraging to them, like they do to each other. Why should just girls have all the fun!? We men need to stop competing with each other so much, and start complimenting each other.

[Lydianne]

I don't know if men/boys are taught that complimenting others lowers their place in the hierarchy, but certainly that's how it felt to me when I was trying to pass as male. ;).

Between peers, there appears to be a reluctance to be supportive to each other unless it's done as a covert message to a 3rd party ( "you're not one of us" ). I've received a bit of that.. not for being trans, though. However, if you happen to be an early twenty-something year old male that can kick a soccer ball into a net a few dozen times a year, then all manner of otherwise-alpha males will stand in lines to worship you and wear your name on their backs, heh heh ;).

- Lydianne.

[Sara Jessica]

We can observe female mannerisms, the walk, hand gestures, hair flicks etc. and try to emulate them to make ourselves look more convincing but I suspect the hardest one to add is the one of confidence. That ability to not be self conscious, to become that social animal, unafraid, not lacking in confidence to take part. There's a spontaneity to it, almost a subconscious response.

I'd almost buy this premise if I hadn't managed to live it myself from time to time.

What is needed is an event where you can let a true sense of self confidence shine through. Admittedly, among the best I have found are dressy trans events where even though you are in a public venue, you are among friends so there is less looking over your shoulder. It is the best kind of place to own it if you dare and to work the room as any other self-confident woman might do. It is truly magical when the stars align for this to happen to one of us.

[Teresa]

Helen,
It's a man thing !!

I must admit getting on the dance floor and dancing with GGs just happens when dressed , at time it's difficult to escape ! I often think of the difference when I'm dressed in drab, who wants to dance with an older guy , it's like dancing with your grandpa ! I must admit I feel more alive when dressed , not so much the rush she more relaxed and comfortable, and people embrace that in women .

[GracieRose]

I've noticed this same thing at gatherings and would like to join in, but hold myself back because I feel that as a guy, I'd be out of place. I believe that I hold myself back because I've been conditioned to behave like a male. As a youngster, I was told so many times that the way I acted etc. was not the way boys do such and such, and I learned to emulate the appropriate behavior, even if it did not come naturally. I'm trying to join in when in male mode, but 60 years of conditioning is hard to push through. Perhaps this is a good New Year's resolution.

[Dana44]

Helen happy new year to you. Well put and indeed.

[Nikki A.]

It seems that as I further accept this part of me, I do find it easier to interact and complement others especially women. It is true that it is easier when dressed but either way, when it is sincere and not a hit on I get a sincere smile to the acknowledgment that I notice them.

[LaurenS]

Great post and thread. You’ve all given me much to think about. Thanks!

[Helen_Highwater]

I'm not so sure, Helen. At the many T events I attend I see lots of girls complimenting others on their looks or on particular items of dress that stand out. I try to do that as much as possible.:thumbsup:

Also, it's a great ice breaker to begin a conversation with a girl u haven't met yet!:)

Sherry,

When we have our face on, in like thinking,and dressing, company, I think many of us do find it that bit easier to let our guard down and be that bit more spontaneous. As it's been quoted many times, "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery".


Interesting thread Helen. Your observations are spot on and I think Pat sums it up superbly in her reply about socialisation.

The strange thing is that this confident, always first to volunteer or hit the dance floor, not afraid to compliment and build others up type of woman you describe is the person I have always been. I find that part of passing as a woman easy because it is who I am and what made me first think I was 'different'.

Daisy,

There will always be the exception to the rule. Some men are blessed with an outgoing personality and that ability to bridge gender barriers. Can you hear that little bit of envy in my voice?


I'd almost buy this premise if I hadn't managed to live it myself from time to time.

What is needed is an event where you can let a true sense of self confidence shine through. Admittedly, among the best I have found are dressy trans events where even though you are in a public venue, you are among friends so there is less looking over your shoulder. It is the best kind of place to own it if you dare and to work the room as any other self-confident woman might do. It is truly magical when the stars align for this to happen to one of us.

Sara,

It's something I've yet to experience. Being at a venue with others where dancing was taking place. If you stop to analyse it it's possibly something akin to how GG's behave. If one does it, the rest have little or no hesitation to follow. A desire to be part of the group. Whether we remain that little bit more self aware than GG's do I guess we could debate but as we don't really know how they feel in that moment it's difficult to really know.


It seems that as I further accept this part of me, I do find it easier to interact and complement others especially women. It is true that it is easier when dressed but either way, when it is sincere and not a hit on I get a sincere smile to the acknowledgment that I notice them.

Nikki,

As we find greater acceptance with ourselves, we develop those little mannerisms and traits that GG's naturally possess. Greater use of facial expressions and hand gestures help break down the personal space barriers we all have. Once you bridge those people will more readily take you on face value. So when you make a compliment it's more easily accepted as you've created a bit of a bond.

[kayegirl]

Helen , once again I find myself in total agreement with your post. I would however say that I am always very careful about what I say to any little girls who may be present. At my grand daughters 5th birthday party, onetc parent got very upset when I made a general comment about how pretty all of the girls looked. It's a sad indictment on today's society, but one that we have to consider.

[Helen_Highwater]

Kaye,

I know what you're saying. It's saddening to know that some muggle folks still equate CD'ing with at the better end of the spectrum, being Gay or at the lower end, being some sort of predatory pervert. Overcoming these stereotypes is going to be a slow process and for some it's an unwinnable fight. No amount of reason will shake them from their misconceptions.

Out shopping a few Christmas's ago in drab I spotted a young girl 5-7 years of age out on the street busy with shoppers. Obviously she'd been parted from her parent so I stopped to ask her if she'd lost her mommy or daddy and she nodded a yes. Immediately a asked the first female passing if they'd just stand with me until we could located the parent. It's a sad reflection upon our society but as a male I was wary of being accused of attempting to abduct the child. It's a sad truth that some will always jump to the worst conclusions.

Fortunately in a matter of seconds a woman appear who was obviously in a panic and I signaled her and reunited mother and daughter. As I say saddening to be afraid that doing the right thing will bring about bad consequences.

[Helen_Highwater]

I posted this; https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?255149-Observing-women

about the differences and difficulties we face. At the same event one other thing I noticed, and this is something it's going to be soo difficult to imitate, regardless of age, after a short while many of the women started to feel hot. By hot I don't mean in the sexual sense, I mean physically hot, warm. Across the room females were finding anything and everything they could lay their hands on to use as a fan, menus, paper plates, coasters.

I and all the other males in the room seemed oblivious to any heat issues. I certainly didn't think the room was overly warm. And this is the point. It's all about metabolism and no amount of observation is going to alter our bodies responses to the environment.

I suppose if dressed you could take a cue from the GG's around you but this is one of those things that for me personally I'd avoid doing. I suspect it would be seen for what it is, imitation and possible as in some way showing disrespect. While imitation is the sincerest form of flattery this I feel could be a step too far. Having said that, if wearing corset and other under garments plus a wig, it could possible be the case that the heat may become an issue for one of us.

[Pat]

Yeah, body comfort is pretty hard to fake. I'm not sure there's a reason to -- there's a range of behavior.

However, I can tell you from the experience of hormone therapy that the difference between men and women at various temperatures is biological. Estrogen makes you keep your core temperature more stable and it does it by shutting down blood flow to the extremities in the cold and increasing it in warm conditions. My girlfriends used to call me "the human blast furnace" when I was testosterone-based, but for the last two winters I've been on hormones and I've suffered in the cold. On the other hand, I couldn't take temps much over 80 on T, but revel in 90 degree weather now. So if you really want to experience it.... ;)

topical video I just saw: https://youtu.be/d2NNm8MTboA

[Cheryl T]

they were probably having hot flashes.
Many women experience this frequently.

[Helen_Highwater]

Cheryl,

That's a possibility however it was across the age ranges whereas the hot flushes tends to be a thing for more mature ladies. There were GG's in their late teens/early twenties flapping away along with the 50+'s.

[Maria 60]

I find women are great actors and not to honest with each other, my wife talks to a another women and compliments her and then walks away and tells me what a bitch that girl is They are good together im not doubting that but women are very jealous of each other.

[Sarah Doepner]

I'd almost buy this premise if I hadn't managed to live it myself from time to time.

What is needed is an event where you can let a true sense of self confidence shine through. Admittedly, among the best I have found are dressy trans events where even though you are in a public venue, you are among friends so there is less looking over your shoulder. It is the best kind of place to own it if you dare and to work the room as any other self-confident woman might do. It is truly magical when the stars align for this to happen to one of us.

Sara describes a rare and wonderful environment and probably the best reason for TG events to exist. Finding yourself in that safe, supportive environment with others who are comfortable and confident is an amazing experience. I've been attending one for many years now (Diva Las Vegas, where I see Sara and try to compliment her on her amazing grace, style and incredibly tight dresses :battingeyelashes:) and I look forward to those large gatherings where I see old friends and new acquaintances who are able to erase all the concerns that work to suppress those social traits Helen observed. It doesn't mean it comes naturally, I grew up attempting to learn how to be a guy, those interests and skills were never encountered. If you meet me and I behave in any way that seems feminine, it is something I've learned in the last 25 or 30 years. It takes a lot of parts to make that all work. For most of us here, the environment, the role models and the desire are all required to have it flow easy and natural.

[Stephanie Julianna]

I've been dressing in public for almost 40 years and I find that I am at my most confident when I feel like the look I worked on that day is working. I find that mannerisms and speech etc, fall into place. When a SA in a store compliments my boots or hair it just gets better. Like you said, there is this tribal support that women have but it always has to be based in yourself for it to build. Even the girls support needs a foundation.

[Beverley Sims]

It does help to be confident and have an outgoing personality as a man first.

I have always made eye contact with women in both modes, this is a must as well.

When it comes to doing something silly, like getting up on stage, be at the forefront of the ction and others will follow.

I still volunteer for silly stunts when in drab and this is why I often got to dress up in drag so many times.

[Krisi]

Women seem confident as women because they are women. They have been women all their lives. In our male lives, we are just as confident because we are males and have been males all out lives. Where we sometimes lack confidence is when we dress as women and try to pass as women. It's something new and unusual to us.

When (and if) we get to the point where we are living our lives as women, we will gain that confidence.