CD and split personality?

[Ms. Maybe]

So I've been CDing since I was an early teenager. Its part of who I am and j accept that.

My question relates to the fact that my personality changes when CD.

As a man, I'm a real "man's man". I'm exclusively interested in women, I know how to fix cars, I go deer hunting , etc....

However, when the BFs and nail polish go on, something changes. I fantasize about men. I use a vibrating massager. I love reading erotica from the female's POV.

Could anyone explain what's going on? I know some of you are thinking that I may just be bi. I don't believe so. The catch is, when CDing I more or less mentally become a straight woman. All sexual interest in women disappears.

[Alice Torn]

I know what you mean. I even met four different "admirers" as the woman, but set boundries of no penetration sex. The reality usually is not as satisfying as teh reality though. Be very cautious about any admirers.

[Sidney]

Mrs Maybe, I don't think your alone in your thoughts. I for one share your thinking as do many others on two seperated post here in the last week or so. My take is there is nothing wrong with fantizing and self gratification as long as it takes nothing from your wife (I assume your married by your name). Now if you start acting of this in real life you are cheating on your wife. I don't think you can explain it, if you enjoy then enjoy it. Just stay away from going outside of your marriage. Good luck and Happy New Year

[Tracii G]

You are having a fantasy thats all nothing more.
Not uncommon for CDers.
I does not mean you are bi or gay so don't worry.
Just remember its a fantasy and its only a problem if you let the fantasy take over your daily life.

[Pat]

Ms Maybe -- Frist, welcome. Second, speaking as a moderator I have to say this forum is a support forum for crossdressing and crossdressers, not a sex site, please review the rules you agreed to when you signed up. I understand that sex is a part of everyone's life and transgenderism/crossdressing intersects with that but it is not our focus.

There seem to be two popular theories on CD/TG split personality. One is that you do indeed have separate "sides" that you express at different times. I can't really support or defend that side since I go with the other theory which is that you are always the same person, but when you crossdress you're allowing yourself to express things that you suppress when presenting male. In that case, it's sometimes useful to ask yourself why she has permission to do something that he does not have permission to do. Many of us here have found that with some examination of ourselves, we can become a single, integrated personality. YMMV.

Read some of the existing threads that are already on the forum -- I think you'll find there are many folks similar to yourself.

[Micki_Finn]

Maybe you ARE bi and you only allow youself to experience those feelings because you’re expressing the “correct” gender for your desires? Honestly sounds like a question for a professional.

[Fiona123]

Who you are in your sexual fantasies does not define who you are. A healthy imagination is ok. Be safe, mantain appropriate boundaries and keep things in perspective

[Tina_gm]

While this is very common among CDers, whether it be a way to help themselves to keep a distinct separation, or maybe truly some sort of a dual personality due to gender, but I have never had any of any splitting of personality. Regardless of how I am dressed or whatever I am doing I feel internally the same.

[Ms. Maybe]

Ms Maybe -- Frist, welcome. Second, speaking as a moderator I have to say this forum is a support forum for crossdressing and crossdressers, not a sex site, please review the rules you agreed to when you signed up. I understand that sex is a part of everyone's life and transgenderism/crossdressing intersects with that but it is not our focus.

There seem to be two popular theories on CD/TG split personality. One is that you do indeed have separate "sides" that you express at different times. I can't really support or defend that side since I go with the other theory which is that you are always the same person, but when you crossdress you're allowing yourself to express things that you suppress when presenting male. In that case, it's sometimes useful to ask yourself why she has permission to do something that he does not have permission to do. Many of us here have found that with some examination of ourselves, we can become a single, integrated personality. YMMV.

Read some of the existing threads that are already on the forum -- I think you'll find there are many folks similar to yourself.

Thank you very much.

[Sami Brown]

I am in agreement with Gendermutt on this one. No split personality here.

I also agree with the others, that there should be nothing wrong with having different personalities, preferences and fantasies while en femme.

Sami

[Ressie]

You fix cars and hunt deer as a man so what fem attributes do you have when you dress other than sexual stuff? I'm just saying my personality doesn't really change when I dress unless I put on an act. However, I sometimes have fantasies similar to yours but I see that as an aspect of sexuality, not another personality. YMMV

I can't explain what's going on with you. It's taken a long time for me to figure out what's going on with myself. For me, it all adds up from childhood, to puberty and to adulthood - fantasies, feelings and some of it's hormonal. You may not be bi, but you don't sound like you're 100% heterosexual either.

[Tracy Irving]

My personality doesn't change when I change my clothing.

[jennifer0918]

@maybe split is a good movie I watched it also.
I also deer hunt and I see plenty of woman also hunting, my mechanic is female and she is very good. I miss your point on the man's man thing.
To answer your question just do what feels natural to you ,have fun and enjoy your CDing.
Happy new year
Cheerio darling XOX

[DaisyLawrence]

There seem to be two popular theories on CD/TG split personality. One is that you do indeed have separate "sides" that you express at different times. I can't really support or defend that side since I go with the other theory which is that you are always the same person, but when you crossdress you're allowing yourself to express things that you suppress when presenting male. In that case, it's sometimes useful to ask yourself why she has permission to do something that he does not have permission to do. Many of us here have found that with some examination of ourselves, we can become a single, integrated personality. YMMV.

This is true (if in doubt, 'listen to Pat' is my moto). In time, if you are lucky enough, you will come to realise that this is reality and you will morf your feminine side into your normal personality and then think "wow, I am a better person, who knew?". Happened to me anyway.

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Your compartmentalism of these two sides of your personality doesn't imply a split personality in the clinical sense.

However if you accidentally discover that you have unknowingly created 2 different CD.com members, one male and one female, neither of which is aware of the other, you might have cause to worry.

Many of us have different sexual characteristics depending whether we're en femme or not. And yes, I think you're bisexual.

[Kiwi Primrose]

I have always been more interested in the company of women regardless of how I am dressed, but I can mix with either.
Feelings for men are almost non-existent, but are strong for women.

[Isabella Ross]

Well, I am very similar to you in terms of my compartmentalization of my two "sides". Like Nikki, I would have to suggest you're bi, but not in the classical sense....instead, as is the case for many of us, you have classic "crossdreaming" characteristics. The entire concept of crossdreaming seems to rarely come up on this site, and that surprises me, as I think it is very useful in explaining why many of us are the way we are. Do some online searching and you'll discover what I'm talking about. One final thought: it always amazes me that there is a subtle tendency here to paint being bi or gay in some sort of negative light. For example, Tracii G writes above: "It does not mean you are bi or gay so don't worry. Just remember its a fantasy and its only a problem if you let the fantasy take over your daily life." There is ABSOLUTELY NOTHING WRONG with being bi or gay. What is wrong is expecting the public to accept us as TG people, while we subtly discriminate against bi and gay people in this way.

[Shelly Preston]

Leading a double life is more likely.

You have separated your male and female lives which I think most of us have tried to do at some point in our lives.

That is just a way of dealing with your situation and keeping your female side away form those who have no idea about you.

A split personality is much more difficult to deal with as they normally surface without warning. If this is the case then you really need to seek medical advice.

[GretchenM]

I agree with others. I think you are probably in the early stages of what many of us have experienced which is a merging of what seems to be two personalities. Most of us, at one time or other and perhaps even at present, tend to be highly secretive about our inclination to express as women when we are male in terms of sex. There is a lot of fear associated with that; fear that is really unnecessary. That naturally tends to create a lot of false dissociation in our personality, sort of like living double lives.

But many times we eventually realize we have to come to grips with who we are and resolve the division created by the secretiveness we have maintained, perhaps for decades (it was almost 60 years for me). We may not come out to others, but we do kind of come out to ourselves and accept who we are. When we go down that road some interesting things happen to us. Very, very often it eventually leads to a merging of what we thought was two separate identities. We tend to develop a personality that spans a very wide part of the gender spectrum and much wider than most people ever experience. In some ways it is a gift even in spite of the difficulties it produces in social settings.

I suspect you are in the initial stages of this process. But, I do wonder what other feminine things you do or are interested in doing besides the sexual aspect of womanhood. Gender has very, very limited connections to sex and has to do far more with normal behavior patterns that are more or less characteristic of each of the two sexes so the two can work together well in creating a common world that is supportive and able to survive for a lifetime. Do you knit, sew, enjoy cleaning, seem to be unusually compassionate and empathetic for a male, like romantic movies with lots of emotional interactions between the characters? I don't care much for guy movies and love "chick flicks" and often cry along with my wife. Things like that. Anyway, welcome to the forum. Stay with it here and read, read, read. You will likely find a path that suits you and helps you to become the realized you.

[Monique65]

Rather than two separate sides, I think of it as two sides of the same coin, each complimenting the other. And yes, Gretchen, it is a gift.

[Sabrina.K]

I used to be the same. But it eventually spilled over into guy mode too.

So don't be shocked if you end up fully gay or Bi at some point (Don't be worried either. It's fine, if it happens :))

[LaurenS]

...you crossdress you're allowing yourself to express things that you suppress when presenting male.
...Many of us here have found that with some examination of ourselves, we can become a single, integrated personality. YMMV.

Read some of the existing threads that are already on the forum -- I think you'll find there are many folks similar to yourself.

YMMV! Indeed! Thanks - insightful!

sometimes I wonder if many of us are fantasizing about the stereotypical woman, and wishing to be her, but then, I wonder if stereotypes did not exist, would I have these feelings, then I get all confused.

After frequently pondering on it, I dress very casually, put a little makeup on, and fix my hair.

Then, I go work on my truck or clean a rifle. The best was installing a gun rack in my truck and freshening my lipstick in the rear view mirror!*

*Not a true story

[Stacy Darling]

Does your or my personality really change when we dress or do we just enjoy the present moment and what comes with it?

As my body and mind sleeps in the morning hours it senses the blissful relaxation. As I wake, breath fresh air and the sun kisses my face I sense something completely different.

May it not be such a bad thing to be in touch with all of your senses and feelings?

Stacy!

[Ressie]

Also just to be clear, "split personality" isn't a phrase used in the world of psychology. The disorder is "multiple personality" or Dissociative identity disorder (DID). It involves memory lapses when another personality takes over so your chances of having it are very low.