An apology on behalf of humanity

[Littleg2]

In my spare time over the holidays I was playing an online Scrabble app; One kid I was playing, whom I ended up engaging in a seemingly polite conversation with initially, made a comment asking my age and for my picture (Actually he was 30, not that much younger than me at 38, but “kid” seems the only appropriate description after our interaction. Immature to say the least.). I have no problem telling someone I’m 38, and I have an avi pic there, so no need to have another, in my opinion, so I asked him something along the lines of “What does it matter if we’re just playing online Scrabble?”.

Obviously this conversation was getting off track, and he came back with a comment about how he had come across men playing as women and wanted to know for sure he was playing a female. At this point I decided to tell him that although it might end our game, my bf is a crossdresser, I don’t think there is anything wrong with that, and he might very well be playing my bf presenting as a women someday (I knew this was going a direction I wasn’t happy with, so decided to be honest, but gave no specific details.). Well, this morphed quickly into this kid being wildly inappropriate, making disgusting comments to me and sending me horrifying questions about my sexual preferences and bedroom activities with my bf when he’s dresses as a women.

The sad thing was is that he was not unaccepting, but just had a horribly gross misunderstanding of the whole thing. It made me sad that even when people are curious and interested in your lifestyle, they are so illy misinformed and only focus on it being a kink or fetish or deviant behavior that they can’t see beyond that. I ended up quickly blocking this kid and actually uninstalling the app. I probably should have reported him, but I just wanted the whole thing gone off my phone and was feeling horrified about the whole experience. (I did share with my SO, by the way.)

I know I shouldn’t have engaged even as long as I did, but I have had plenty of kind, respectful conversations online with strangers without it going completely off the rails like this, so it kind of shocked me. My point is, I only got a little taste of the type of thing most of you likely have had to deal with at some point, and/or for a very long time, and it just left me feeling so bad for any of you that have.

I am sorry for those of you who have had to deal with this sort of thing, and I hope that someday the world, in general, will be better informed.

Take care,
-g

[Gillian Gigs]

The problem with the internet and related forms of communication is that the anonymity allows for a lack of self control! The trolls come out of the woodwork and this is not good for a society. We all need some form of control in our lives, whether we like it or not. Where would we be without traffic laws? Personally I am glad we have moderators on this site who selflessly give of themselves to help things stay controlled. I enjoy reading and contributing to this site and it has helped me put my CD'ing into a proper frame of mind, and I have grown as a result.
Don't let neanderthal's get to you, use safe sites, fortunately we have one here thanks to our moderators.

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o -g,
Thanks for trying!
When dealing with kids I’d recommend
switching to the Crayon font.

You don’t nessisarily need to feel sorry
for any of us, the world is changing.
If this sort of thing can occur during an
online scrabble game, it can, and will,
happen just about anywhere.
Knowing this “kid” is relating his side of your
story with someone else is spreading the word.

So...Thanks again!
Much Love,
Kristyn

[Tracii G]

You tried to be open about it and you now see why so many CD and trans people keep quiet.
I have run in to people that hate me for just being me.
I don't hate them but they sure don't mind trying to ruin my day and toss all their ignorance and hate on me.
There have been a few that get violent but they had no idea I can dish out large helpings of pain if I have to.
I have posted about that before just to make sure people keep their eyes open to danger around them.
Lucky that he was on a keyboard far away.
Now you see what we go thru on a daily basis and why we have to be careful of who we let into our world.

[Micki_Finn]

Yeah unfortunately there are a lot of people who aren’t ill-intentioned but HORRIBLY misinformed and inappropriate.

[docrobbysherry]

LittleLeg, it is my theory that if every vanilla would sit down with a CD/T/dresser and have just a 15 minute conversation, we would no longer be considered to be a threat or scourge as we r now. Most dressers r just like everyone else. Except that we dress differently!:straightface:

[Micki_Finn]

A little off topic but just had an “ignorance” situation at work. There was an Asian family sitting around outside where I work enjoying lunch, when a woman walked up to them and asked “What part of Korea are you from?” The boy looked at her quizzically for a moment and responded with “Inglewood”. I died laughing.

[Pat]

It made me sad that even when people are curious and interested in your lifestyle, they are so illy misinformed and only focus on it being a kink or fetish or deviant behavior that they can’t see beyond that.

Strangely enough, in the trans world, we call these people "admirers." ;) They can be astonishingly uninformed. And it often shows up in their erotic fantasies.

I do have to wonder about the mindset of a person who thinks it's somehow a problem if he's playing Scrabble with someone who's TG.

[paulaprimo]

i'm sorry you had to go through that and i thank you for your support and concern.
but for those of us that do go out, thin skin is something we can't have! there's
always going to be a rotten apple and i have come across my share of them...
but the majority of people that i have had interactions with have treated me with
the utmost respect, even though i knew they "clocked" me. no matter how well
i present myself i know i'm not fooling anyone. so as long as i can accept, be
happy and confident with myself i'm pretty sure that i can handle any
negative comments from ignorant people. :)

[AllieSF]

Strangely enough, in the trans world, we call these people "admirers." ;) They can be astonishingly uninformed. And it often shows up in their erotic fantasies.

Pat, I recommend that you edit your response to make it clear that only some of the admirers are that way. Most are just regular people looking to hook up, and not always sexually.

[Tina_gm]

There's no shortage of uninformed and down right hateful people in regards to trans people. I will say though that Hollywood and the media have not helped in this matter whatsoever. While they claim they are liberal and are on our side, the sensationalism, hyper sexual and comic way in which we are portrayed only further cements what many think of when it comes to trans.

[Becky Blue]

Sorry to hear you had to have such an unpleasant conversation with an uninformed ignoramus. Unfortunately there is a lot of misinformation and ignorance about the trans community out there. As they say in the classics in the absence of information people will make up what they want to believe.

[Tracii G]

GM its funny how your Hollywood types claimed to be inclusive to trans people but made more fun of us in reality.
Look who the freaks and pedophiles turned out to be, the hollywood elites that claimed to be on our side.

[DIANEF]

On almost any forum anywhere you are going to come across the stupid, the hateful, the ignorant and ill informed, fortunately this forum seems to have been largely spared that. I was on a model aircraft site, pretty innocent enough you would think, but some posts descended in to the worst kind of verbal abuse and name calling. It seems to me that change is happening, (there's currently a cornflakes advert on UK tv featuring a couple of drag queens without making an issue of it...) but at a depressingly slow pace.

[sometimes_miss]

LittleLeg, it is my theory that if every vanilla would sit down with a CD/T/dresser and have just a 15 minute conversation, we would no longer be considered to be a threat or scourge as we r now.
Homophobia is rampant. Most people alive right now were brought up in some religious environment where homosexuality was considered a sin, even to the point where they wanted to kill you if you displayed ANY behavior or signs that you might be gay.
So there are plenty of people out there who don't want us around, because they still think that being gay/TS/CD is something that they or their children can 'catch' from us, like some sort of communicable disease. As ignorance and belief in imaginary non factual things is now making a huge comeback, it's likely that we'll see more and more of this type of negative response when we out ourselves to these people.

so as long as i can accept, be
happy and confident with myself i'm pretty sure that i can handle any
negative comments from ignorant people. :)
It's not the comments that I worry about. It's the actions that may occur when groups of these uneducated folks get together and the fear and hate they have for us festers.

[audreyinalbany]

the world is such a strange place. It's true the internet allows for faceless conversations where people can say hateful things with anonymity, but its symptomatic of the cultural trend that allows for offensive and rude behavior, seemingly hearkening back to Maury Povitch, Geraldo Rivera, and the shouting match talk shows of the eighties and nineties.

[Julia1984]

Yeuch!

Sorry you had that experience. Online abuse sucks, I know. Even when it is based on nothing and is utter claptrap. Let me know if you want a game of Scrabble��
Diane I haven't seen the cornflakes ad. Will have to look that up!
Hugs
Juliaxx

[~Joanne~]

The problems surely do have a lot to do with people being ill informed but at the same time, those same people really don't go out of their way to learn about anything that isn't inside their "box" for which they live. TV/Movies don't do us any favors either. Your post made me think though, how would anyone on xbox live feel if they knew I was fully dressed and beating them at whatever game we are playing. lol I never thought about it until now.

[ellbee]

My point is, I only got a little taste of the type of thing most of you likely have had to deal with at some point, and/or for a very long time, and it just left me feeling so bad for any of you that have.

Sorry you had to go thru that. :(

And thanks for your support & understanding! :)


Yeah, with this kind of crap out there (of which I've had my fair share), people think CD'ers/trans/TS's/whatever are this way by *choice*??

I did not "choose" this in life -- it chose *me*!


So, cut us a little slack, eh, people? Thanks so much! :wave:

[giuseppina]

Sorry you had to go through that, Littleg2. My inclination is reporting such behaviour to those in control of membership so that consequences can be imposed on the errant member.

[Sarah Doepner]

Sometimes it's worth the effort to try and educate those who show an interest, even if it's based on misinformation. However, we have to be ready to back away when they become aggressive, abusive or unwilling to learn. I just ran across a thread related to a newspaper article where one person kept posting he "Knew" transgender wasn't a real thing and there were only two genders and Trans people needed mental health care until they were cured. The responses ran the full range from very educated and authoritative with references and links to compassionate, caring explanations and even some that too his same disrespectful tone. Nothing ever made him even consider anyone but himself was correct. It was an old article and the thread was closed, but I'll be watching for him the next time.

[Tina_gm]

GM its funny how your Hollywood types claimed to be inclusive to trans people but made more fun of us in reality.
Look who the freaks and pedophiles turned out to be, the hollywood elites that claimed to be on our side.

They are not my types. but yeah, the hypocritical nature of hollywood, the media and politicians is truly nauseating.

[Leslie Mary S]

. . . Snip

I do have to wonder about the mindset of a person who thinks it's somehow a problem if he's playing Scrabble with someone who's TG.

I think those people think that TGers, and even CDers, use a modified word set. GRIN. Oh, how little they know.

[Kayliedaskope]

-g, didn't you realize that all of us on here are disgusting, twisted, perverted freaks that should [insert choice of punishment here]? No? I mean, it's on the internet, so it must be true, right? Abraham Lincoln tweeted that himself!

Seriously, I'm sorry you got to see that side of people who don't understand us, and worse, don't want to learn.