Already in transition? No? sure?

[Devi SM]

I've been seriously thinking about transitioning. Evaluating all the pros and cons.
At the same time, always checking all the different threads in this web and I took me to watch my older pictures and I realize that I'd evolved a lot. At the beginning, it was just panties (talking about my adult stages of cding) of course pics of that, then one day I add, a bra, then lingerie, more pics. One day I have the intense desire to do a whole transformation and bought a wig on Halloween season from Wal-Mart and try some make up from wife plus the whole set of a mini skirt and small edges from my wife just to see myself more complete. One day I had the guts and went to Ross and try shoes and I left the place with a pair of beige pumps (I lost it in one of the purge).

So I start thinking about my feelings on transition and I discover that, I don't know yet for how long it's been, when did this start, but I'm transitioning.

I feel every day new sensations, dreams as a woman could feel, just go to windows shopping and enjoy dresses. I'm not in hormones but may be when you're getting older the testosterone begins to diminish and it makes me feel more feminine, I don't know .

Is this not called for some here a journey? I don't want to go to technical or scientific definitions because I'm reading a book that someone recommend about transsexuals and transgender, a scientific vision, but is not the same? if you could, would you go all the way to the closest you can to be a woman and live like one?

At least I've been paying attention to the "transition" of several here. Always improving make up, other losing weight, some like me, letting hair grow, but in essence always improving your feminine presentation and the most important thing adventuring to go out and in a sense live some hours, others a whole day, others traveling in woman's mode.
My rhetoric question is not that transitioning?

What is your experience? what stage of this "transition" are you?

[SometimesJen]

Vanessa, two of the key differences I've seen repeatedly between just improving your appearance and transitioning is your end goal and your resons for the steps you take. If you feel you actually are, want to live 24x7, and are making conscious efforts to live as the authentic female you, then you may be taking steps to transition. If you still feel that the core of your being is male, but like to express as female sometimes, then you likely aren't making the transition to live as female, but are working toward improving your female appearance. I'm more of the latter, but that doesn't keep me from shopping for nice blouses, dresses, shoes, and other things when I get the chance.

[kimdl93]

Rhetorically speaking or not, that isn’t transitioning. Its evolving...gaining experiences, enjoyable ones. And fantasizing about more. Change perhaps, But not transition.

Fortunately the question was asked here and not in the vicinity of transgender women whose identity demands that they endure the physical, legal, social and sometimes economic consequences of becoming.

[Sarah Doepner]

Evolving, growing, changing, progressing, on a journey, experimenting, wandering in gender-land, rediscovering a true self, learning and yes even in transition. But as Kim suggests, reserving "Transitioning" for those who are fully committed to a complete social, medical and legal change in gender is a respectful choice.

I've been somewhat loose in my terminology and from time to time I've suggested that once we make that first step away from cis-normative behavior we have started a transition of sorts. For some of our group it is a very short trip and for others it takes the rest of their life. I wish you the best and happiest outcome both on the journey and should you ever arrive at a destination.

My travels have me brushing up against the far wall from time to time, but not sure if I'm going to walk through the gate. It would make some things easier and others more difficult, so I'm still a work in progress.

[Lana Mae]

On my journey, I had my ears pierced and wear my earrings and nail polish 24/7. I wear panties when not at work. My jeans are by Woman Within and my shoes are women's loafers or sneakers. I am going to a counselor on Monday and will discuss: Where do I go from here? Am I still on a journey or is this my destination? I do not feel that I am transitioning! I am just being me! Just my $.02! Hugs Lana Mae

[Rachael Leigh]

Vanessa there are many different ways to transition I think because being trans has different levels for many. Age can be a
factor as well as family obligations.
As you know I am in transition not yet on HRT and this year I will be my true self as Rachael nearly 24/7
We all do have a journey and path even if your just a part time dresser
Rachael

[Tracii G]

If you are "thinking" about it maybe you need to do more reflection.
For some Transitioning is a must do kind of thing.
Do you feel as though you are a woman or just kind of feel like one sometimes?

[Pat]

My hippie-dippy take on it is that if you are doing things that you think are you transitioning, you're transitioning. WPATH standards for transition specifically do not specify any kind of process or checklist, and they think about this topic pretty deeply. The only real metric is that you should transition from what you are NOT -- usually a thing you've been pretending to be to please others, to what you ARE (generally referred to as "your authentic self.") If that's Male to Female, cool. That transition is understood pretty well and there are a lot of people who can help. If it's something else, then you'll have to do a lot of your own legwork. But the good news is that there are people who are willing to help if you can tell them what you need.

The most important thing to know about transition is that it is a temporary state. If you make a list of all the things you need to do for your social, medical and legal transitions, eventually everything on the list is going to get checked off (OK, maybe you'll get hit by a meteor before you finish, but the point is, it's finite.) At the end of transition, you have this life that you asked for -- that you fought to get -- and you have to live it. This authentic you has to go to your kids' weddings and your parents' or sibling's funerals, has to work out a strategy for dealing with the grandkids, this authentic you may end up in a nursing home or prison, may have to stand at the front of the room and lecture or may run for public office. Transition is not about the operations or the meds you take. It's about the life you're seeking -- demanding, really -- to lead. Shopping and thinking girly thoughts is all well and good, but if you transition it's day-to-day life you're going to be dealing with. You up for that?

[kimdl93]

I like your response, Pat. I wish I had been able to express it so well!

[OCCarly]

I suffered massive, debilitating panic attacks for ten years before I realized that the feminine thing and the panic thing were connected. I was in bad shape and almost housebound when I finally went in for therapy.

I had to deal with the painful realization that male me was never really me. He was a facade, an act, a suit of armor, my male life a consolation prize from society and from my father for depriving me of my identity.

Hormone therapy resolved half a lifetime of anxiety, nightmares, sleepwalking, allergies, nervous habits and stress related illnesses.

I didn’t expect much in the way of physical changes from the hormones at 53 years of age, and what has happened over the past 18 months has absolutely stunned me. I pretty much can’t pass for male any more except with people who knew me as male before transition.

I’m here now. I’m happy. I’m me.

[grace7777]

To add to what Pat said, transitioning is a lot more than shopping or dresses or taking trips out of town en femme. The goal off transitioning for an mtf is living as a woman 24/7, not just when you feel like it. Whenever you go out you present as a woman. The changes can be gradual. For me there was a period where I would live as a woman with the exception of work, but that is the case no more. It is now 24/7.

It means also changing your name on all legal documents, and gender when it a applies. There is no more being in the closet. There is the possibility a lot of your family and friends will want nothing to do with you. If you attend church, you may be prohibited from attending that church anymore. Employment opportunities may become more limited.

I have now been doing hormones for over a little over 14 months. In the next few years I am hoping to have SRS. There are also health risks to transitioning.

For me what makes it all worth it is living my life as who I truly am.

[Tina_gm]

technically, the entire human experience is always in a state of transition, in one form or another. My personal opinion is that anyone who has significant gender variance, it all originates from the same place, or the same source. BUT- the outcome can make for an entirely different life and circumstances which cannot be related to by each other just based on gender variance alone.

For someone who is opening up to their own gender variance and freedom to express themselves in a manner which they feel comfortable is not the same at all to a person who is transitioning from mtf or ftm entirely. Pat has been very careful to state what transition is for her as opposed to a complete MTF transition. I would think that it would be at least out of respect for those who are taking that path, to not relate gender expression freedom with transitioning completely from male to female.

[LaurenS]

The only real metric is that you should transition from what you are NOT -- usually a thing you've been pretending to be to please others, to what you ARE (generally referred to as "your authentic self.")

Good advice for everyone, tg or not.

[Pat]

I suffered massive, debilitating panic attacks for ten years before I realized that the feminine thing and the panic thing were connected. I was in bad shape and almost housebound when I finally went in for therapy.

I hear stories like that so much from trans folks. And it was true for me too (I was morbidly obese, I had uncontrolled diabetes, and a pretty straight-up death wish. All vanished when I decided to be me.) I think that's almost an identifying characteristic of people who have delayed transition too long -- toxic false identity buildup. ;) That's why I love that kids are coming out and being supported at younger ages now -- they can skip that step. They can transition when the changes required are a minor bump in the path rather than life-wrenching. They will never experience "transition or die" and I hope for a future where they're mystified that people from our time ever did.


Pat has been very careful to state what transition is for her as opposed to a complete MTF transition. I would think that it would be at least out of respect for those who are taking that path, to not relate gender expression freedom with transitioning completely from male to female

Darn tootin' ;) I totally respect what TS folks (the ones I think of when I read "complete MTF transition") go through. My path has been similar in some areas, but it's different -- 'way different. But they're often my role models when things get hard, so I'm hoping to earn their respect in return, for me and people like me.

[Sarah Doepner]

The most important thing to know about transition is that it is a temporary state. If you make a list of all the things you need to do for your social, medical and legal transitions, eventually everything on the list is going to get checked off (OK, maybe you'll get hit by a meteor before you finish, but the point is, it's finite.) At the end of transition, you have this life that you asked for -- that you fought to get -- and you have to live it. This authentic you has to go to your kids' weddings and your parents' or sibling's funerals, has to work out a strategy for dealing with the grandkids, this authentic you may end up in a nursing home or prison, may have to stand at the front of the room and lecture or may run for public office. Transition is not about the operations or the meds you take. It's about the life you're seeking -- demanding, really -- to lead. Shopping and thinking girly thoughts is all well and good, but if you transition it's day-to-day life you're going to be dealing with. You up for that?

Transition Should be a temporary state. But there are some (many?) of us who dilly-dally around and never manage to find and accept our authentic self; male, female, unique midpoint combination, whatever, and remain frustrated. I stepped off the mainstream path years ago and I'm still wandering, but it seems I'm hanging around the same lamppost on the same corner looking at the same door a lot of the time. No one is barring the door, I just keep thinking about all those things you mention here and although I don't like where I am, I don't know if I'm up for all that. I remember the old saying; Be careful what you wish for, for you may someday get it and not know how to deal with it. And that's why I've got an appointment to talk to the therapist next week.

[Devi SM]

Well this tread is a proof that crossdressers, TG TS are not perverted, mental ill people but for the fact that we have to face really different issues, feelings, thoughts and situations than the"normal" (not with the intention of insult but just to differentiate) three are a lot of very smart people here.
There is so much wisdom here. I really appreciate your comments, answers, critiques and support. I really feel that there's a lot of friendship and love her. I feel more resolved to keep my journey or transition....

[Beverley Sims]

Me? I have to change clothes to go to work.

One day......