I gotta question!

[Alenko]

So I've recently started dressing up and it feels really exciting, but also weird at same time. I say 'weird' because while in the process I keep telling my self "what the HECK are you doing??' but I just persist. I feel like I'm hypnotized... makeup suddenly interests me, I like girly clothing, etc. I mean, this sensation to want to be a girl wasn't really prevalent most of my life, and it just started happening! But if I can pinpoint it, it happened about a year ago when my friend said I'd look like a "pretty girl" if I dressed up as one, and then suggested I'd make a good model for some crossplay. I suppose after that.. well, it just encouraged me to try more... and here I am asking questions about this on a internet forum! Does anyone here that's more experienced understand what I'm talking about? Thanks!

[Tracii G]

It sounds like it was a challenge at first and now its become a hobby that you enjoy.
Nothing wrong with that in my opinion.

[IleneD]

Fear not, Alenko.

It's all part of the experience; the transformation. At first it is amazingly FASCINATING, and in fact that fascination drives it and may never go away. Not a bad thing.
Part of the Amazing Transformation is the question "Why?". What the heck are you doing. Those are good and normal thoughts. As you find more of your inner Alenko, the strangeness of it all will fade.
Enjoy the ride. You are definitely in the right place. Now's the best time to learn about yourself.

[SuzyZahn]

Hobbies are good!!!!:)

[docrobbysherry]

Yes, Alenko. Altho many here have had clues about their "proper" gender when they were young. Some of us didn't!:eek:

It never occured to me to try on women's things until I was 50. Even then, no switch flipped on for me! It took another year+ for me to finally get serious about dressing. And, of course, finding this site 10 years ago was like Alice falling down the rabbit hole for me!:D

[Tracii G]

I will add that you are doing nothing wrong so don't get it in your head that there is something wrong with you.
There are lots of people just like you in the world.

[JocelynJames]

Hi Alenko, often times I find that passing thoughts remain only that but a suggestion by someone we respect can become a seed planted within our minds that germinates and grows until the idea consumes us and we succumb. It can’t just be my experience. Have fun!

[DIANEF]

I would just go with the flow if I were you. We are all at different levels with this thing we do and get different things from it. Just enjoy!

[Sami Brown]

I didn't know about this side of me until I was about 50. It just started happening too!

I have been enjoying this journey for the past five years. I encourage you to enjoy it too.

Sami

[Billie Jean]

Just curious, was the friend male or female? Judging from your avatar they were right. Billie Jean

[Tracii G]

We all have our reasons for doing it and there is no black and white answer to anything.
If you try to find answers by digging into the reasons why the only thing you will come up with is more questions.
Just enjoy it and be yourself.

[Alenko]

I will add that you are doing nothing wrong so don't get it in your head that there is something wrong with you.
There are lots of people just like you in the world.

No worries here! I'm just a little curious as to why humans do certain things, that's all! Sometimes I stare at myself into the mirror and I wonder, what lurks behind my eyes? I'm also in my 20's; that awkward age were I don't know a lot, but I do know some stuff.. but I do know this for certain: When I look into the mirror and I see a girl staring back, holy heck I love that feeling and it makes me happy.

- - - Updated - - -


Just curious, was the friend male or female? Judging from your avatar they were right. Billie Jean

My friend is a guy. He's also a photographer! When I was crossplaying for the first time, he was treating me like I was a real girl! I loved it. :)

[MLane]

I would just embrace it and have fun in the process.

[Becky Blue]

Alenko, it can be pretty common to have a what the h#@% am I doing moments is this really me? But generally those moments are few and far between and happen less as you get older, as others have said just go with the flow and follow your feelings, don't over analyse

[Tracii G]

Thanks for more insight into who you are.
It helps everyone to get to know you.

[Mykaa]

Alenko, I wonder about a lot of things still even at 50, things I know is I like pretty things, whether its clothes, shoes, boots especially or 1 of my long time passions, Cars. I like to shop & spend money, I try to justify things for something I like, Ive gained weight the last couple years, since I came here & decided I was ok with me, a little upset with me for the a lot of the clothes I bought dont fit or dont look so good on, lol. I go in phases with things but a lot of what I do are off/on constants, this being 1 of them, Im still reasonably happy and things are in general better now, Pinpointing, I had some interesting discussions with a few people I made friends with here some being genetic girls, I know some of my fascinations have been with me as long as I can remember (high heel boots) and the feelings that go with them, I do think with the discussing some of it comes with the relating to the feeling and in another thread here recently I do think behavior can be modified to some extent, I can tell you I do like girls, am not gay but my experience with women in general hasnt been good and thats turned to relating to bad. Yes I still think sometimes what are you doing but I think some of its just ingrained in my personality. Wearing pretty things whether for the thrill of it, or just to take my mind off something, to me better than a lot of alternatives, some people drink or other, I told someone this is my drinking once. The wardrobe is also now a part of daily for me, jeans and panties at the least, I do it some for comfort and other is I just know and really to me thats good enough. I am me whether others would like it or not, Im not very judgemental about much anymore either, we are all different and as many would tell you here are you made wrong? I dont think so, I am just different.

[jack-ie]

Sounds like you are discovering a side of yourself that you didn't know existed and thanks for finding and sharing your thoughts. I think we all wonder sometimes why we do what we do and it's not just crossdressers. Most important, IMHO, is that you are not absorbed in guilt and are openly exploring this new "personality". Nice to have you here, and glad you found us.

[Samantha2015]

I was about 27 before I dressed fully head to toe and still remember the thrill for the first time (crappy wig and all back then)
I'd say enjoy it as long as you can, if you only dress occasionally or every day. My late 40's was when the pink fog really hit me hard
and my girl wardrobe and accessories really expanded after that. Beware the shoes, they will sneak up on you and before you know
it you'll have a closet full :heehee: As far as the "what the heck am I doing" question, I ask myself that just about every time I start to put
the makeup on. Then when I put the wig on last and look in the mirror "Oh...... that's why I'm doing this" :battingeyelashes:
That part never gets old !!

Best of luck Alenko

[Samantha981]

I didn't have any inclination until I was about 40, playing around with undies and makeup, gradually adding things until getting to fully dressing a few years ago in my early 50s. Go ahead and explore and see where it leads.

[Teresa]

Alenko,
WE can all tell a different story of how it started and why and what road we are traveling on.

My CDing started with a bang as I call it at the age of 8-9 , it was more to do with T kicking in so it was sexual rather than wondering what it was like to wear girly things and experience what the clothes felt like , also in my case there was no external influence and lack of understanding why I was being driven in this way . Now I still have a sexual side but it is well in balance with just enjoying being Teresa , going out to shop and meet others socially .

Most of us go through WTF am I doing stage , why does a guy want to wear women's clothes , then the associated guilt and shame . The big difference is I was married at your age and there my wife didn't know so it was all happening in the closet . It takes a long time to work it all out if ever , in the end you learn all the labels but they don't affect everyday life so in my case I'm having to learn how to integrate it into everyday life when I go full time .

The bottom line is most of us are born like it , for some it lays dormant for years and others like me it's with me 24/7 no ebb and flow , the World is becoming more accepting so it has become easier to gain acceptance , as others keep saying to me , don't overthink it just go with the flow and let it happen .

[Isabella Ross]

Alenko, from one Canadian to another, I can tell you that in some ways, you've grown up in a kinder, gentler time than I did. When I was your age (geez, that sounds lame) I was deep in denial and suppression. It took me another two decades to realize that this thing wasn't a burden; it was an incredible gift. By the sounds of things, you're already halfway there. Enjoy the ride.

[jennifer0918]

With your permission I wanna say I started dressing at age 8 or 10 so it's been a while. Just have fun enjoy yourself don't feel what the heck your good

[Rayleen]

Alenko, its unexplainable, but if you like it and makes you happy, enjoy the ride like most of us

Welcome to the group Alenko

[Ressie]

I see a girl staring back, holy heck I love that feeling and it makes me happy.

In my view the reason humans do certain things is because they get a physical high from whatever that thing is.

The physical feeling that you get from crossdressing is a feeling different than other physical highs such as those influenced by drugs. Yet, it's similar. There are feel good hormones that are being released when you dress.

As to why this is happening to you, you'll have to figure it out for yourself. Don't expect to come up with answers soon and don't dwell on it. It's best to accept this as a part of yourself without worrying about why.

[Monique65]

As others have said, this is who we are. Just go with it and enjoy it.

[Kimmie WJ]

Alenko, thanks for posting a great question and thanks to all for the feedback. You captured one of my basic questions (what the heck are you doing) and the responses are reassuring to me and hopefully you. Also, I waver back and forth as to whether I am doing something wrong. I wonder if my "wrong" feeling isn't driven by societal expectations.

[Ginni]

Yes, many times I've asked myself the same question. I don't have an answer. I feel I have a need that gives me the desire to be a women. It gives me enjoyment. My advice is to continue as long as you enjoy it.

[Alenko]

Thanks, everyone! Like I've said, I just don't want to overthink it. But sometimes I'm thinking, maybe something happened in my life when I was a child that triggered this? Or perhaps I wasn't surrounded by strong male figures, therefore as a consequence a reduction in my testosterone levels. But that can't be possible because when I was growing up I've had a lot of positive male figures for role models! But as some of you suggested, it's really a possibility that I've discovered a side of me that I wasn't really aware of. When I first crossdressed, I wasn't cooped up inside like when some start. I actually went out in public with my friend, probably because I wasn't really taking myself too seriously and that helped! Then I crossplayed for Halloween and a few guys actually approached me and thought I was a girl! I got a real rush from that. So where do I go from here? I don't really know. My mom runs the local Sephora and she's always bringing new makeup home, and although I've expressed interest in makeup to her for minor things, I haven't really told her what I'm really into... I just don't want her to think I'm weird or anything.

[jennifer0918]

When I'm out en femme I get hit on also,but I don't tell them "hey you know I'm a "guy"! Because one the powers of observation should lead them to believe I'm not a gg,example when I'm in BOYSTOWN,kit kat lounge,circuit, Baton,or Big shot piano bar in AH these place cater to the LGBTQ community. Just have fun be in control of every situation relax.

[FeWill]

No worries here! I'm just a little curious as to why humans do certain things, that's all! Sometimes I stare at myself into the mirror and I wonder, what lurks behind my eyes? I'm also in my 20's; that awkward age were I don't know a lot, but I do know some stuff.. but I do know this for certain: When I look into the mirror and I see a girl staring back, holy heck I love that feeling and it makes me happy.

- - - Updated - - -



My friend is a guy. He's also a photographer! When I was crossplaying for the first time, he was treating me like I was a real girl! I loved it. :)

What did you cross play as? Sounds like you had a blast! I have only recently learned of cross play, and I'm a big fan. I think it is awesome. Haven't tried it though.

So you lived being treated like a girl, that is really cool. I can see that happening. Were you behaving like a girl too? That is the part i struggle with.

If that is your pic, then you are very good at it.

Colette

[Jean 103]

I completely understand what you are saying and feeling.

I only started dressing a few years ago and now live as Jean, a transgender person.

At first it is new and exciting, accompanied with gilt.

In my quest for answers I created a new life.

The gilt has been replaced with the knowledge that this is just who I am.

Everyone is different, at this point there is no telling where you will end up. You might quit tomorrow, go full time, or end up somewhere in between.

It's your life, live it the way you want.

Best of luck, Jean

[Alenko]

I completely understand what you are saying and feeling.

I only started dressing a few years ago and now live as Jean, a transgender person.

At first it is new and exciting, accompanied with gilt.

In my quest for answers I created a new life.

The gilt has been replaced with the knowledge that this is just who I am.

Everyone is different, at this point there is no telling where you will end up. You might quit tomorrow, go full time, or end up somewhere in between.

It's your life, live it the way you want.

Best of luck, Jean

Hi ya! Yeah, it's coming at me pretty fast. I want to understand so much more!

[Kayliedaskope]

"Gabba, gabba, we accept you, we accept you
One of us!"


:)

Welcome to the forums.

[CynthiaD]

Every once in a while I get that "What the heck am I doing?" feeling when I'm dressed. When that feeling hits, I usually think to myself, "Well, I could change into male clothing ... ." That thought always horrifies me, because it seems "so wrong."

The fact is, I know exactly why I dress. Unfortunately, some things just can't be easily explained in words. My best attempt is "I dress because it's the correct thing to do." Of course, that doesn't explain much of anything. I could go on for pages and pages about why I say that. But I think most people here understand what I mean.

I know why you keep going even when it seems weird or crazy or whatever. I do the same thing. Just don't ask me to explain it.

[DMichele]

Alenko,
You have so much going for you. Your initial crossdressing experience, out the door approach and not taking yourself too seriously approach is amazing. I commend you for being so free.

The science of why one has the desire to dress in the clothes of the opposite sex or experience gender dysphoria, etc. is not well understood, but insight is being gained. More and more people of your generation are open to exploring their true identities/gender and do not appear to be shameful or cower from the public - bravo! Keep on doing what you are doing, and don't worry too much about the why we do it, and continue being free to explore and enjoy.

All the best!

[Jenny22]

OH, to have your youth and future! You might ask your mom, in a round about way, if she ever did makeovers on men. Her response may be the key to telling her of your new passion. If she's OK with it, Let her do a makeover on you and teach you how to do your makeup. Just a thought.

[CONSUELO]

Alenko,

If it makes you happy to dress then I say do it and forget the analysis and just enjoy.