Is there a chance we could be friends?

[somestimeskaren]

I'm the father of twins a boy and a girl.My kids celebrated their 39th birthday this past week.I've been thinking about telling my daughter about my crossdressing with the idea of having her meet my femme persona if she wishes.I think she would be open minded enough to accept this part of me.Even if she doesn't want to meet Karen I'd just feel better opening up to her.I don't want to stay hidden any longer and have nobody to share with,I can't find a support group near me and Toronto is too far away.My ex mentioned my wanting to dress to her sister and I don't know if the kids know,we split when they were in their mid 20's so they may have heard.I don't want to have this discussion with my son just yet.Even though the kids are very close being twins I think my daughter could keep this just between us.I'm hoping that if she is O.K with meeting Karen she would think of her as an older lady friend and not Dad in a dress.I'd love to be able to go shopping with her or out for dinner and a movie as Karen.My biggest fear is what my son would think.I almost wish he did already know and is just waiting for me to come out.Lots to think about,is it worth the risk to expose who I truly am?We'll see.

[Tracii G]

What makes you think your Daughter would be accepting?
Who is it benefiting to tell? You? her?
What will happen if she is repulsed by the news what will you do then?
With your son what are you afraid of if you tell him? I think I know the answer but you tell us.
How is the news going to affect others around you?
If you come out it will get around so are you ready to handle that?

[Taylor186]

Google says Hamilton and Buffalo have support groups. Probably a safer bet than risking your daughter's affections. That said, I pretty much agree with Tracii's thinking as I see nothing in it for your daughter.

[Helen Waite]

What about the group which organized "Fabulous at the Falls"? Surely some of them are nearby.

[Diane Taylor]

Why do we have to worry only about other's feelings and who might be hurt? How about us and how hurt we have been just by having to keep a secret. I've always believed that it's best to come out to as many as possible and let the pieces fall where they may. But that's just me. it's always risky coming out but it's a heavy burden not to.

[Tracii G]

I don't know why people assume there are no trans groups close to them.
I think they say that because they are too afraid to look because they may actually have a group in the own town so they would have to go.LOL

[Jaylyn]

Maybe there are different degrees of coming out. I have kids I would tell them even if I had to stop and never dress again. I'm happy if only my wife ever knows and we both take it to our graves. There's no reason to confuse or risk a loved one not accepting us if we feel it's not right to bother them with it but I would rather keep being able to see all my grandkids and the family traditions we've come to know. I know my kids might accept what I do but why do they need to know? What good would anyone accomplish if the dresser is happy the way it is as they are dressing. I don't feel a need to go out dressed but I do enjoy my dressing.
I think every one has a level they need to be at.

[Rayleen]

You would be better of joining a support group, and about telling love one's, you are the one who know them best.

Wish you the best sometimesKaren .

[Helen_Highwater]

Karen,

May I ask, do you venture out? If yes are there not Gay friendly venues somewhere near by? If yes then it's almost a certainty you'd find other CD'ers there.

As for telling the kids. You need to balance the possible gains and losses. You hope to share time shopping etc but that's a big ask of someone. While your daughter may be accepting asking her to step out the door may be pushing the boundaries.

If she outright rejects you then your son will ask questions of his sibling and your now outed to him and further rejection.

Our desires sometimes overwhelm us and we loose the power of rational thought. Think long and hard on this before acting.

[BarbraAnne]

Check out The Buffalo Belles support group. www.thebuffalobelles.com

[Pat]

Lots to think about,is it worth the risk to expose who I truly am?We'll see.

I think that's the key to your question. If that's who you truly are, do you want to die without your kids ever having met you? How would that feel for them to know they only got to meet the impostor? That's what got me out to my kids -- I wanted them to know me.

[Krisi]

My thought is never tell anyone about your crossdressing who doesn't need to know. Obviously, someone you live with needs to know because they are going to find out sooner or later. Adult children who don't need to know and aren't in the habit of dropping by unexpectedly don't need to know.

If you want to tell somebody (relative or not), it's up to you but think first about the possible consequences. What good can happen? What bad can happen?

I don't think telling one child and expecting her not to tell the other one is a good idea or fair.

[CONSUELO]

Sometimes a secret is just too much of a burden. So, that part of your post is very understandable.

Sharing your secret with your daughter is another issue. She may or may not accept your femme self and all of those dreams of sharing and shopping may be dashed. It is a big step into the unknown and I believe you should be very very careful about this decision. Some here have suggested cross dressing groups near to you. Why not try those first as a place in which you can be open about who you are and see if unloading the burden of your big secret will help put your mind in a better equilibrium from which you can more dispassionately judge the wisdom of coming out to your daughter .

[DaisyLawrence]

I agree with Pat about your kids knowing 'the true you'. However, I don't see the case for telling your daughter and not your son. Yes they are close as they are twins and you may be correct that she could keep it to herself and not tell him BUT is it fair on her to ask her to keep it to herself? I am quite close to my sister and would not want to know something she did not, it would feel wrong.

[Thumbelina]

I'm hoping that if she is O.K with meeting Karen she would think of her as an older lady friend and not Dad in a dress.I'd love to be able to go shopping with her or out for dinner and a movie as Karen

Wow! Forgive my bluntness but this strikes me as pure fantasy. Imagine when you were at the age your daughter is now, and your Dad came to you in a dress (or perhaps your mother came to you in a business suit and a fake mustache and beard) and expected, hoped, you wouldn't think of him as your Dad when the two of you went out together... Seriously, put yourself in that situation. Think carefully about what your motivations are in this situation before doing something that cannot be undone.

[Georgina]

For me, if I was your daughter, I would be asking who is this Karen? We don't need another person around. If you wish to wear dresses etc. please still be my dad.

[Beverley Sims]

The need to know is not there, why tempt fate?

[Sidney]

My two cents. I have two daughters and two sons all in early to late forties. I have come out to my two daughters. I talked to my wife first and she said she thought they would accept me as me. One of my sons I feel will understand. He lives 12 hours from me and I think he will but have not had a chance to be alone with him to talk. My other son is a man's man and he totally would not understand so he will never be told about me by me. I know my kids pretty well so it's a one on one situation. Only my youngest daughter has seen me dressed because she asked to see and she is my shopping buddy. Just remember if you do come out and it is not a good reaction you can't say oh I was just kidding. You are their Dad, not an older lady friend.

[Micki_Finn]

Wow! Forgive my bluntness but this strikes me as pure fantasy. Imagine when you were at the age your daughter is now, and your Dad came to you in a dress (or perhaps your mother came to you in a business suit and a fake mustache and beard) and expected, hoped, you wouldn't think of him as your Dad when the two of you went out together... Seriously, put yourself in that situation. Think carefully about what your motivations are in this situation before doing something that cannot be undone.

I’ve seen this quite a bit on these forums: the whole “gal pal” fantasy. Seems a lot of the girls on this forum think that coming out to a female friend or relative is going to instantly cause them to bond and want to go out and do girly things with the CD, possibly doing her clothes and makeup etc. Not saying it’s not possible, but I imagine there are a lot of disappointed girls out there.