Reflecting on unexpected reactions from family

[Ashleyrobyn831]

Been reflecting on when I came out years ago, and I was struck by something that I didn't think much about at the time. When I came out to my sisters and mother, they were fine with me being trans, but not with if I had been a crossdresser. At the time I was just happy they were accepting me and left it at that, but for some reason now I can't get my mind off of the why. Why were they so ready to accept that I knew myself to be female, but at the same time vehemently unwilling to accept if I had merely enjoyed dressing in ladies clothing? I'm not the sharpest marble in the jar, but it seems more sensible to either be open to both or not open to either, and that if only open to one that it'd be the less "extreme" of the two. Has anyone experienced anything similar &/or have an explanation reconciling what to me is a baffling contradiction?

[Bianca Fay]

Although my experience is different than yours, there is a similarity.
For many years all I wanted to indulge in was hosiery. I had no other interest in other women's apparel. This proved to be unacceptable to my then wife.
But now that I've begun exploring my inner woman she has become accepting & supportive.
In her words "pantyhose was a fetish but crossdressing is a hobby". She seemed to be better able to deal with the whole picture rather than just one item & is more comfortable with the thought that pantyhose became an accessory rather than a necessity.
This is just my experience... every GG & relationship would be unique

[Leslie Langford]

The answer is simple, Ashley.

Most people like things to be nice and orderly and well-defined, especially when it comes to sex and gender. Seeing the gender binary as an absolute and a "black and white" concept gives them great comfort, as it allows them to put others into well-defined little boxes and clarifies their "boy or "girl" status at a glance...no ambiguity and no questions asked. Thus, they become unnerved and sometimes fearful and antagonistic when someone rattles their comfortable little world by going against the grain and by being either gay, lesbian, bi-, trans, or - God forbid! - a crossdresser.

"Crossdresser" does not compute. Why would someone want to wear clothing that is normally associated with the opposite sex - especially sexy female clothing, which is inherently uncomfortable and whose primary purpose is to titillate the opposite sex? In their minds, it is therefore likely better to want to "be" a girl in order to justify wearing the appropriately gendered clothing, rather than come across as some sort of in-your-face freak who challenges societal norms . At least in that case, the clothing will again align with the designated sex, and the natural order of things is thereby re-established (sort of, anyway).

This is the same type of thinking which prevails among the leaders of the theocracy that is Iran these days, where it is illegal to be a practicing homosexual. All is forgiven, however, if the person is willing to undergo GRS (state-subsidized, even) to "put things right" again, so to speak.

[Beverley Sims]

When discussing this with others, crossdressers are out...... but being transgendered is acceptable.

[Stephanie47]

I'm in somewhat of agreement with Beverley. Once upon a time homosexuality was out! Now homosexuality accepted as something that is NOT a choice. At least by medical science. It's the same with transsexuals. Most people are willing to accept the premise there are some men and women born into the wrong mass of protoplasm. It makes everything orderly. People like an orderly universe.

Men wearing women's clothing, yet proclaiming they do not want to be a woman. Nor bed down with a man. That does not compute. As it has been said time and time again, why would any man endure the scorn and ridicule that potentially comes with wearing women's clothing? I cannot explain it. I gave up trying. I told my wife the truth as far as I know it. I do not know why I do what I do. That does not make for an orderly universe. Unfortunately, government bodies of law are not uniform in the treatment of men who wear the clothing of a woman. Many states' statutes seem to apply to transsexuals, but, not issues of gender expression.

[docrobbysherry]

Actually, there even a number of trans who consider CD's as 2nd class citizens. So, why would vanillas think differently?:straightface:

[tbryant2k16]

To me, these social/gender norms that govern what females/males wear and do are just outdated and pointless guidelines in 2018. They are not written rules or laws. And just because your comfortable in wearing clothes that are deemed female doesn't mean your transgender either or will be come one. To me it's about wearing what's comfortable in.

[Ashleyrobyn831]

This is why I love this site. For days on end I was confounded by trying to think through this thing; in a few hours I get a number of responses that not only make perfect sense, but even give me better clarity on other things I've had bouncing around my head. You all rock! 😘