Confidence boost in Brighton.

[Krea]

Hi,
Last weekend my wife and i went along the coast to Brighton, which as many of you will know is one of Britain's most LGBT friendly places.:thumbsup:
Whilst there i took the opportunity to look in a few shops, after deciding that i wanted some jeggings and/or skinny jeans. Normally i am very shy about buying feminine things for myself in shops and mainly stick to online purchases, but for whatever reason (maybe the more tolerant image of the town) i felt absolutely fine. I didn't feel any need to rush, and looked thru the items quite happily, realising that i was not actually the slightest bit bothered what anyone else might think. This is something that i have never really felt before and it has given me a real confidence boost for the future. :)
I wondered if others here, especially those like me who are barely out of the closet, find that you also feel more comfortable in certain places/surroundings?

[Helen_Highwater]

Nic,

So pleased you had such a positive experience. First times out can be daunting.

What I've come to realise is that most places are pretty much the same. Shopping enfemme in one M&S is much the same as any other. For that matter one retail park is very much like any other.

Sure there are some places, often places of social deprevation, that make me more wary so I just avoid going there.

It's been written here so often that it's becoming a cliche, crowds are your friends. Going about in a busy mall, shop or town centre you just blend, assuming your suitably dressed, into the crowd. Going about enfemme I have met so many decent accepting folks who have chatted with me.

Use this success to widen your boundaries. Choose somewhere else and just think of it as Brighton mk11.

[Krea]

Hi Helen,
Having read your very kind reply, i realise now that i forgot to state an extremely important point in my original post. :facepalm:
I am not out to the public, but go out underdressed almost all the time.
My post was meant to be about feeling nervous just while generally shopping for female clothes (not en-femme). Even this has been a challenge for me. Sorry!! :doh:
It was a still a psychological step to get over tho, and as you say one branch of a store is like any other, so i feel good about moving forward from this.

[alwayshave]

Nic, I'm glad that you had a positive experience shopping on Holiday.

[Beverley Sims]

I don't know about Brighton, I was wary of Glasgow and I went around London with no or little apprehension.

[Pat]

When I was still pretty closeted I used to enjoy going to Provincetown, MA -- a very LGBT friendly place -- just because I could feel myself unclench. So, I think I was feeling exactly what you were feeling. And even though I'm totally out now and presenting as myself full time, I still go to Provincetown every year and I still feel that smidgen more freedom. It's kind of wonderful to feel that the place where you are totally backs up who you are. ;)

[Helen_Highwater]

Nic,

I guess we're both a little guilty of the sin of omission. I sort of guessed you weren't out to the public. Perhaps I should have made i clearer that those of us who do present enfemme out and about for the most part experience little or no negativity, often quiet the reverse. If I'm honest I'd probably be more self conscious shopping for femme things while in drab, always feeling SA's were nodding and winking, "For your wife is it? Yeh OK we believe you". Standing there with a bra and knickers in your hand enfemme sort of takes away any ambiguity.

Word of caution; don't let your new found confidence turn into the pink fog and end up shopping for the sake of it. Having said that I'm sure your SO will keep you rooted.

One final thought. Have you considered finding a support group in Brighton where you can go and dress on the premises. Trust me, you won't need to be anywhere near "passing" to be welcomed. That's not an excuse, sorry reason, that holds water. These tend to be broad churches.

[Sherrii]

Your feelings and experience probably have to do with the fact that you were probably not likely to run into anyone you knew that would out you and the fact your were in a CD friendly area. Glad you had a good experience. Sherrii

[Krea]

Sherrii - Yes, i think both of those things helped me feel more confident, but the support from my wife and from this forum help considerably as well.

Jamie - Thank-you :-)

Beverley - Central London would be good, it's a diverse area and nobody really pays a lot of attention to other people anyway.

Pat - Yes, it did feel reassuring to be in a place that is generally known to be supportive. It's little differences like not worrying about whether the straps on my vest-top were showing thru my top.

Helen - I have tried to tell myself before that there should be nothing wrong with going out to buy women's clothes in drab, but i think the difference now is that i actually believe it. I think the SA was much more bored than amused.
Fortunately there is no danger of a pink-fog spending spree as my CDing budget is very limited at the mo due to circumstances, probably a blessing in disguise!
A support group may be a good idea in time, Brighton is a bit too far on a regular basis, but i can search for one in our area at the far end of Kent.

[Jenny22]

Nic, I have a closet full of femme clothing and more lingerie, makeup, jewelry, etc. then I can count, plus shoes. And, I bought everything in male mode, occasionally asking female shoppers for help or opinions. I don't try to hide anything, and may even hold up a garment in the cashier line to further admire it. It becomes easy. You just gotta start.

[Zoeytgtx]

Nic:

Your story reminded me about one of the strangest things I had to convince myself after I started going out. I thought that my local area in the DFW metroplex was CD friendly enough for me to be out in public without any problems rather than the more important fact that I was now confident enough to be out in public anywhere in any circumstance day or night. It took a few business trips where I was able to go out dressed in New York, St. Louis, Austin, and Oklahoma City. The public reation was completely the same no one noticed! About the only common thread here is they are all large metopolitan areas. But the public reaction to me, and I do make an attempt to mix with the locals is that they treated me like any other female.
So I go back to what Helen said previously expand your world, it will only increase your confidence.

Zoey

[Shelly Preston]

Nic

One of my earliest outings enfemme was in Brighton, it was not an issue as it is one of the friendliest places.

I have also been out in Glasgow, Edinburgh, Dundee, Perth, Carlisle, Manchester, Liverpool and a few other cities as I was progressing in life.

Now I can go anywhere without issue. just choose your venues carefully to build confidence.

[Krea]

Yes, hopefully now i have got past this initial awkwardness shopping should be more enjoyable in future. :)

[jacques]

hello Nic,
I share your apprehension when shopping; but am usually pleasantly surprised that shop assistants are more interested in my money than my appearance!
luv J

[suzanne]

It really sounds like you had a wonderful time. Its nice that you are feeling more comfortable in dress shops. That comfort is omething that develops over time, not all at once. Eventuality, you may feel completely at ease in any shop anywhere, whether you are dressed or drab. I'm cheering hard for you.

[HollyGreene]

I went to university in Brighton back in the 80s. It was pretty much the same then. There were a lot of clothes shops that did the "unisex" thing, so it was easy to buy feminine clothes as a guy. I never went shopping dressed there though.