So, what have you learned?

[CarlaWestin]

Here's one that you can really put some thought into so take your time.

Lately, I've been assessing this whole broad gender experience I've invested in for as long as I can remember. It's really been a ponderous extra special activity that I view as a life enhancement that's been richly rewarding while at the same time being challenging to manage. Yes it is a journey. The first big destination was self acceptance. After that it was all exploration and pushing the boundaries. At this point, I've experienced quite a bit. But, there's still a lot more adventures I've yet to experience. So, this is where I am and what I know. I am definitely a heterosexual crossdresser. I like to throw in elements of surprise with presentation and venue but, when I'm not playing, I enjoy my male self which is fairly tame and androgynous. I wouldn't mind a bit of feminine feature and contour but, I'm not going to any extreme to achieve it. I'm fine with being the female impersonator and just as comfortable in jeans and a t-shirt doing guy things. Just a true happy balance. It's OK to just enjoy the ride as I age. I will always have broad shoulders, walk like an ape and look like a guy dressed as a girl. Passing isn't even in the wheelhouse. It's more like undetected or those nice knowing looks from women.

So, what have you learned?

[Pat]

Carla -- That sounds like you've learned the answer for yourself and have reached a balance that many would aspire to. I think it is entirely possible for a transgender person to find a balance like that and be satisfied with their physical body and their internal gender experience.

What I've learned is that the answer is wildly different for different folks and spans the full range from a TS who absolutely has to go through enormous change to find peace to the person who just needs to wear a small piece of jewelry once in a while and that everyone's answer -- if it answers their need -- is correct. I've also learned that answers change over time. And that's correct too. When we're being ourselves we're telling the truth and deserve to be believed. ;) Most of the posts that talk about good or bad experiences all kind of boil down to either our sense of being honest with the world/our partners or our sense of being believed/disbelieved by them. That said, the thing I've learned most is that we need to tell the truth to be happy with ourselves and we need to be believed to be happy with our lives.

[Jodie_Lynn]

Interesting idea.

The most important thing I have learned is that I am NOT a freak, pervert, deviant, or a 'damned soul'.
I am learning to accept myself, and to accept that others may not accept my situation.
I am learning that I am not only entitled to, but also deserve some happiness & contentment in my life.

[Sidney]

I to am a heterosexual male crossdresser. What does that mean, I have seen so many definations. My feminine side emerged at a late age. Dont know why it took so long. Looking back it was always there, I just never acted on it. When it did emerge from within there were so many emotions and feelings I was overwhelmed. I love it, I hated it. Guilt, embarrassment and shame. Love the feeling of soft material on me, etc, etc, etc. Ashamed, scared to talk to my wife about it, guess for fear of rejection. When after years I finally told my wife I felt relief but she was hurt and confussed. We talked alot and always have been able to express our deep inner feelings to each other. However the "Secret" I had been hiding from her all these years was beginning to take its toll. We started joint and separate counseling. That was one of the best joint decisions we have ever made. The things we learned in counseling about ourselves and each other was amazing. To me the most amazing thing I've found over the last few years was to find the ability to finally get rid of the feelings of guilt and shame I have had crushing my ability of me to be me. Since the moment I gave up guilt and shame I have felt so freed and liberated and can now enjoy and love all of me. So I guess for me the most important thing I have learned was the ability to be me without the guilt. Hope this made sense.

[giuseppina]

I've learned that I am a hetero crossdresser. There is nothing harmful about it, in and of itself. It often is at the root of marriage drama, whether or not it is a convenient scapegoat for relationship issues. Those who claim there is something wrong about crossdressing generally have an axe to grind.

[Rayleen]

I also have learn a lot and revealing to my wife was one happy moment of my honey acceptance of my CD lifestyle.

From then on the guilt vanished, and was time for exploring where I was going with my feeling and learn .

Then, joining the CD group, learn a lot how to deal with different stages of lifestyle.

Each day is questioning where do I want to go with this learned it was cautious to go slow ,

Each day is different and my mind is busy asking questions like: why was I not born in opposite gender ?

That question pops in my mind very often, but have to accept who I am.

The forum helps to focus on all aspect, and thankful I joined.

I live by this: "You are as happy as you make up your mind to be"

[Teresa]

Carla,
I've learned enough to know I still want more , I haven't found that balance yet , passing well none of us do 100% but I'm not going to lose anymore sleep over that issue, as long as I can be out and accepted as a TG just going about my business . OK I accept the guy will have to surface sometimes but I prefer the Teresa side of me and the lifestyle that goes with it . I know those looks from GGs that knowing smile as if I've discovered some of their secrets .

The lesson learned is it wasn't going to happen inside my marriage .

[DanielleDubois]

Carla, as you are fully aware from our personal emails, 90% of your description applies to me and there isn't much more I could add. However outside of the important things like self-acceptance I would like to say my ever evolving crossdressing experiences have made me very tolerant of all kinds of lifestyles that are not in the accepted norm.

[Jaylyn]

Girls just reading each of your posts and I find myself in each one. Here I what I have learned I am a male that loves to dress in sexy clothes on days that I am feeling like I need to fantasize about what it would be like to be a real GG. ( I would probably be a very wild one if I were). I also learned that there's a soothing feeling when I dress in something soft or panty hose swishing under my jeans. They actually mellow me out. Dressing is a stress reliever for me. I've also learned that I am just a guy in a dress and lipstick and would never pass. I look at this site daily and the younger girls on here need to not wait like I have to enjoy it. I was in denial that dressing made me feel like a whole person again. I still love my male activities but found I can enjoy both with just applying my red lipstick and still work in my wood shop. Lol I guess the words I learned is that I feel completed. Hope that makes sense, it does to me and the best way I can explain it. I'm just a male/ female all in a dress or wranglers and love both genders.

[Beverley Sims]

I have deteriorated over the years from 110% passable to probably 10%.

What have I learned?

Just accept it and work around the problem.

I can still say I have been there and done that, quite successfully too. :-)

[RADER]

I have been under dressing for years. I would never pass in a million years, so
I put on my bra, panties and girl jeans and a DAB Polo shirt, and go for it.
In many ways, except for the long hair I do not have, I might as well be
dressed as a girl. I look much like most I see out and about, specially in
the cold weather.
Rader

[susan54]

I have always known I was heterosexual and have never been ashamed of crossdressing. What I have learned is a lot of technical stuff about style, colour and make-up. I know how to walk like a woman. Though I do not quite pass I come close. Broad shoulders are not a problem if you wear the right clothes. Though I do not feel like a woman I have learned how to act as one very well - I am good at it. You might realise I am a man but admit I am very skilled at presenting as a woman. I have also learned why women need so much luggage and why they take so long to get ready. I have learned that I might have a good figure and legs but my facial profile is emphatically male. Big hands can be disguised with gloves. I have also learned that nice people can be trusted, which is one of the nicest things - I have met some wonderful women I would not have met in male mode. I have learned things most men have no knowledge of like which tights are nicest and why, to wear smooth bras with clingy tops, that leather handbags get you taken more seriously by shop assistants, that leather shoes are SO much more comfortable, how much better lipstick looks if you apply it with a brush and so on. I have learned the value of a really good style consultant - the best money I ever spent on clothes without actually buying clothes! I have learned that there is a pleasure to clothes and getting a cool outfit together you can't really achieve with male clothes. And finally, finally - after 40 years of wearing skirts and dresses most of the time - I have learned that I can use my lap to hold stuff!

[Helen_Highwater]

Carla,

I guess we're not that different.

Last year I met a fellow CD and we were chatting about folks who want to either fully trans or simply live an enfemme life. I commented that I was happy with the duality of my life. I adore the time I'm enfemme and out and about, I know I don't pass but I don't worry about it anymore, but I also like the male me and the things that I do in drab. I've learned to look upon it having the best of both worlds.

I will always strive to make my femme side as good as it can be while at the same time not fretting about what others think.

[Jodie_Lynn]

I just remembered something else I learned: When walking down the street in heels, watch out for potholes, gratings, and uneven sidewalks! Sprained or broken ankles are no fun.

Maybe not as 'deep' as some of the responses, but an important lesson none the less.

[NancySue]

Long ago, I learned that once you’ve faced reality and accept the fact you’re a cder, you need to accept that your dressing ebbs and flows, but will never go away. Fighting it is fruitless. Accept yourself, honestly for what you are and enjoy life. I’ve also learned to be honest about your dressing, both to yourself and wife, SO. I did and fortunately, she’s accepted and supports my dressing.

[jacques]

hello all,
through this site I have learnt a lot.
I have learnt that I am not the only crossdresser in the world. And for that I give you all a big hug!
I have learnt we crossdressers are not all the same.
I have learnt that my crossdressing does not stay the same. and that fashion is ephemeral.
I am slowly learning to stop searching for the answer to the bid question- "why do I do it?" and just enjoy life as it is.
luv J

[Monique65]

I agree with all the posts in this thread. Since joining this forum, I have come to understand myself as being a part of a vast community of like minded sisters who accept, understand, and encourage my needs. Before joining, I assumed that I was living in a vacuum and had nowhere to turn for support.

I have made vast strides in my dressing. Shaving my beard, purchasing a wig, and even dabbling in a little makeup were unthinkable before I met this group. Although I have not yet come out to my wife, I feel I have the knowledge and courage to do so.

[IleneD]

Don't have time right now to fully address the great extent to which this Forum has helped me and perhaps even saved me.
Suffice to say that through this Sisterhood, I began the long journey to unravel a whole lot of issues (gender/orientation) that I "parked" long ago when I was young. It put it all aside to pursue the more conventional "Straight" life of a career American male. The issues didn't go away or resolve. In my maturity, my gender issues came screaming back demanding attention.
I thank God every day that I found this Forum and the girls on it. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, all.
I'll be back with the complete analysis later after I've had time to think and write.
This is a good place to be.

[Gillian Gigs]

I have learned so much!
I learned to accept myself, if I don't like me, then who else will.
I do my best to change the things that I can and live with what I can't change.
I have come to realize that they are just clothes, and nothing more than something to cover the body. I just wish that everyone thought that way also.
I accept that sometimes dressing can be for a sexual reason and sometimes not. I do desire it to be less sexual and more just comfort enjoyment.
I have learned to live inside a boundary and not cross the line. It's really not that difficult.
I have learned to appreciate my wife for being accepting, and not push my luck.

[Shely]

I've learned to be more thorough at removing makeup. Last Thursday my wife told me I still had eye makeup on. She did it in a nice way, but i know it pissed her off a little bit.

[Asew]

As a newbie I love reading all your replies. I think the best thing I have done is to accept it. I don't know what it will look like in a year or a decade, but at least I have accepted that this is part of who I am and I will never let it be ignored.

[IleneD]

Pat,

"I am not a woman; I don't want to be a woman; I don't want to be mistaken for a woman.
I am not a man; I don't want to be a man; I don't want to be mistaken for a man.
I am a transgender person. And I'm still figuring out what that means."

I absolutely value your words. Love your signature line. I learned so much from those 3 lines. It literally helped clear up a lot of conflicts I had over the last year. Somehow, that little phrase helped make it all make more sense.
It gave me pause to consider that I may not be a woman "trapped" in a man's body, or that I simply wanted to be a woman contrary to my physical biological assignment. It made me think of other options and descriptions that defined neither male or female entirely. There the possibility of another "gender"; a TRANSgender.
I too love your words and rational thinking about all this, Pat. There is a way to manage my gender life and come to grips with it. By not defining what I feel as strictly male or strictly female, I'm a little more free to "be me", including the male side of me that served me well for so long.
Bless you Pat. Again, I cherish what you share.

[Lana Mae]

I have learned more in 2+ years than in a lifetime! I too embrace what Pat shares with us! Thanks Pat! I will probably never pass-too ugly,but then do I want to be female or... It is a mobile thing! Yes I have learned that as well! But I have also learned that women come in all shapes, sizes, and varieties! The perfect image that many try for is actually very rare! Be yourself and be happy! Hugs to all Lana Mae

[~Renee~]

What a great question. I have learned alot.

1. I am not alone with the sensation that my inner self is at odds with external self. And that the sensation ebbs and flows.
2. Because of this forum I have come to terms that I am not going to feel guilty for what goes on in me
3. I am learning, not to cower in fear of this running away on me. Im in control of my life and Im going to enjoy this next chapter of my life.
4. Its okay to be different.

[sometimes_miss]

So, what have you learned?
Far too much to write in one forum post. you can learn what I have, by reading my CD bio, link is in my sig.

[DaisyLawrence]

Over the years I've learned that if you throw off the shackles of conformity and the stereotyping of gender you can become a better person as your true self which can lead to deeper and more fulfilling relationships with your partner in particular.

[LeannS]

I have learned it is ok to be different, do the best you can and
love yourself
I show my wife that being a crossdressers can come as an advantage oh she knows what I do but doesn't want to accept it or see it
one day I do hope she will turn around but I am not going to hold my breath.
I dress for me and have fun doing it and I am very happy
and that is what I have learned here free of charge with out going ot a therapist