If you were starting over on this journey ....

[~Renee~]

Im finally accepting and enjoying this aspect of me and I am wondering ...

What would you do differently? What would you avoid? What was the best thing you did?

Thanks
~Renee~

[Joyce Swindell]

If I could start over with the knowledge I have now as far as my crossdressing goes, I would not have stayed married as long as I did the first time. I only say that I would marry the same due to my daughter and I wouldn't want to change that past for anything where she is concerned (other than make it better of course) As far as my CD'ing I would have not purged as much as I did for sure. I would have seeked out my current wife much earlier. I would have experimented much more while living at home and kept a good stash of my dresses and tings. Life would have been very different I am certain.

[Jaylyn]

I bet every one would do a few things different but I really can't think of any right now. I married the love of my life. She accepts me for who and what I am. As already mentioned I'd not have purged so much and maybe have tried to enjoy the dressing more.

[Heather J]

I would have accepted who I am and tried to live my life, not the kind society expected.

[Becky Blue]

Good question Renee, my biggest regret was ever allowing my body hair to grow.. if I had kept it smooth from the get go then there would be no issues with shaving ti now.. also as I have had face laser I regret doing it at around 48 yrs old not 30

[April Doe]

1) Not blame my younger self for not understanding. I once had my ears pierced three times. Once was professional. The other two times - punk rock, eh? I'll see if a professional can salvage the situation over the holidays (only 11 months away!). And the ponytail...

2) Guilt

3) Tell my wife

[2BArianwen]

I would have accepted who I am and tried to live my life, not the kind society expected.

I'm pretty much in agreement with Heather, and I'd do it without the guilt and self-loathing.

[Dana44]

When we were young. There was no way. But today is different. The best thing I did was find the right girl for me.

[Shayna]

2 things

1. Told my wife before we got married
2. Not purged (I got rid of some nice stuff)

[Helen_Highwater]

Two things. Come out to my SO before we married and travelled this road more quickly. Many lost years not knowing the joy of getting out and about.

[alwayshave]

Would have started going out much younger.

[NancySue]

1. Accept myself, 2. Told my wife, before we wed, 3. Continue to improve, i.e. makeup, style, etc, her help has been invaluable. Only regret is that I waited so long to go out for which there were community and social challenges.

[Stacy Darling]

Heather said it for me!

Differently? Come out at 22ish when I knew for certain I was.
Avoid? I would have avoided being so caring to people which are so shallow.
Best thing? OOOOh, Come out and lose contact with my family. I know where I stand!

Please don't read me as nasty or negative, It's just what's in my head as we speak.
My Journey!
Stacy!

[ginapoodle]

What is past is past. Water under the bridge. No looking back.
Culture has changed since the 1960s.
I coped my best given who I was at the time.

[Cheryl T]

Starting over as in my youth??
Well, firstly I would have come out in my teens and most likely have transitioned in my late teens, early 20's at the latest with all the knowledge I have now and all that is available to me at this point in time.

[Debra Russell]

I would go back to 12 yr old and have my prayers answered to wake up as a girl :eek::heehee::D...........................Debra

[Christie ann]

I would have invented the internet earlier so I would know I was not alone at a much younger age and then transitioned.

[Maria in heels]

I would have embraced Maria much more and not hidden her away in the closet for so many years. What i really would do differently now is explore Maria and her persona much more, meet other sisters who are comfortable as themselves too, and see where it goes. Growing up years ago, we didn't have the internet to meet and greet, and this is such a good thing for the "younger" generation now. As a young Maria, i never got the chance to even just talk with someone who understood what i was feeling and thinking because there just wasn't any way to do this. Going into NYC in the dark clubs was just not my thing...

[Teresa]

Renee,
This starting over question has been asked before, and the same answer still applies, I would still have to live with a trade off. Whether I married the right or wrong person is unimportant we still had some good times, and tough times, I may not have had my kids , who I think the World of , I wouldn't have been the proud father when giving my daughter away on her wedding day. I wouldn't have missed a single moment of the first Skiing holiday we all had with their partners and I couldn't imagine life without grandchildren.

Starting over might have possibly meant an earlier acceptance and possible transition , the big question is would I have been any happier ? I could have had SRS and been totally unhappy .

Sadly life is not what you make but often dictated by the actions of others, the lesson to learn is try and walk away from those people and the situation they create , in hindsight you are far better off , that's possibly the aspect I would do different .

The important journey is what is to come , I enjoy what CDing contributes to my life so I'm going to try and live it for a few years while my good health continues .

[Rachel Anne]

Interesting thought exercise....

I think we are all, to some extent, a victim of our times.

I often think about how I would have done things differently, transitioned in my youth, etc etc, and how much happier I might have been. But then I realized that the world of yesterday is not the world of today. The attitudes were far less hospitable, and the paths available far less numerous. Every choice that is made compounds the future, and it's impossible to say with any amount of certainly that taking a different step then would have resulted in any more or less happiness than one has now. It might have been good in the short term, but had less than desirable long term outcomes.

I do wish that the avenues for expression and the relative acceptance was the way it is now was available back when I was in my youth. That might have made things a lot easier and could have changed my direction, but there is nothing I can do about that and there is no point to dwell on it.

As said above...I do wish I hadn't purged that one time. I had some nice stuff. Should have gotten a storage unit instead.

[Beverley Sims]

I am sure I answer this question differently each time it comes around......

I think I would have transitioned at twenty if I knew what I know now.

There was a lot of doubt then.

I was on medication that gave me big aureolas and nubby breasts no beard growth and so on.

If I had known more I would have continued the treatment, sadly I stopped.

Mind you I wonder what might have been but I have been happily married a long time now and enjoy being out with the wife dressed.

When I was twenty I was living it up as a woman but going to work as a man.

The breasts started to show and became a problem.

[PamelaRI]

If I were in today's society, but in my 20s with the financial needs of my 20s, but as aware of my true self as I am today, I believe that I would seek counseling with the goal of transitioning. And while I love my SO and family, I wouldn't have married.

[Jane G]

I have a great life. So I wouldn't change a thing. You only get one go at it. So little point in speculating on if s buts and could have beens..

[Krea]

Jane,
This is exactly what i was thinking. I am happy with how things have turned out and i would not want to change things, even if i could. It might turn out far worse!

[Jenn A116]

Wow - good question. I think I'd come to terms with my CD'ing earlier. Not that I was ever in denial. Just that I didn't push my boundaries sooner. I'd probably have done some permanent hair removal and spent time learning about hair & makeup. Oh, and I would have bought a nice pair of attachable breast forms much sooner that I did (just a month ago).

[CONSUELO]

This is one of those "if only I knew then what I know now" questions. With a much greater knowledge of both myself and transvestism and fetishism, I would hope that I had the good sense to do things differently. But what I have noticed is that being a fetishistic transvestite is not just a "condition" or "state", it is a journey. As you proceed along that journey you change and the nature of your transvestism changes and there is an interaction between the two that can lead to unanticipated results. We are not static beings. The atoms that make up your body today are not the ones that were there when you were young. You are in a constant state of flux and your emotions are in flux too.
So these types of questions are difficult to answer. For example I feel now that knowing about my desire to dress and appear as a woman most of the time I would not have married or I would have used the criterion of acceptance of cross dressing as a major one in selecting a mate. But what would have happened if I had met a woman who just bowled me over emotionally. Would the strong feelings of love and sexual attraction have overwhelmed my rational understanding that I am a transvestite and that I need to find someone who likes and accepts transvestites?

[Sometimes Steffi]

I guess I have 2 answers.

If I was coming of age today, in other words, if I was questioning why I wanted to wear female clothes, I would make totally different decisions. The Internet, the publicity, the acceptance, etc.

But, if I were transported back to the 60's. I don't think I would have changed very much.

There is one thing that stands out however. When I was about 8 or 10, I was watching intently as my mom was painting her nails. She looked over at me and asked me if I wanted her to paint my nails. I so wanted to, but I was frozen in place. I gingerly walked over to her and held out my hand. she painted 1 nail the bright red she was painting hers. I loved it, but then the world came crashing in. The shame, the possible ridicule, my self image, everything. I wiped off the nail polish before it even dried and ran out of the house to go back to playing with my friends. Afterwards, I kicked myself for not taking the opportunity freely offered. The opportunity never came up again.

In retrospect, maybe my mom would have been accepting. It would have been wonderful to be able to open up to someone. Like many of you, at that time, I thought I was the only one in the world like me. Perhaps, my mom would have even facilitated my desire to dress like an look like a girl. That one event might have changed my whole life.

Of course, my dad would have probably taken off his belt and whipped the girl out of me if he found out. That is, if he hadn't had a heart attack on the way to the woodshed. As it turned out, I never got much past a lingerie fetish until after both of my parents passed away. I never had a discussion about this with either of them. That's not to say that my mom didn't have a clue because I may not have put her panty drawer back together exactly right every time I went it there.

[Nikki A.]

It's a tough question to answer. If it was the 60's I don't know if there was anything I would do too differently, of course knowing what I know now it wouldn't be so confusing and I'd probably be more out earlier than I did.
However if I was a teen it today's society, with the advances and some changes in attitude. I'm not very sure how I would react, do nothing until later, live an open double life, go 24/7 pre op or fully transition. I would definitely have kept my body leaner and less hairy. It's hard to know how one would react.

[Tina_gm]

I would have set myself free after getting out of the armed forces. The experiences I had while serving I feel are and have been valuable to me in so many ways, and I would always want to keep them. So starting at 22, free myself from any constraints in terms of gender and let it go wherever it would go. I would then build a life in which people around me would know at the least and have jobs where it would not be in conflict.

[~Renee~]

Thanks for everyone responding to my question.

For myself
1. What would I do differently - I never really look back since I can't change things anyway. I am content where I am.
2. What would I have avoided - Definitely self loathing
3. Best thing I did? - Successfully navigating the waves without blowing up my life.

Now I am on to the next chapter of my life

[Stephanie Julianna]

Renee said eveything I wanted to say. When I do look back, I remember, back in the '50's and '60's, seeing pics and stories of Christine Jorgenson and April Ashley (I'm old, OK?) when few people were in the news about changing gender but I then knew it was a choice. I will admit that at different times in my life I thought I could and should transition to feel happy and complete. But my love for my wife, children and now grandchildren changed all that. There simply is no substitution for having a loving family of your own and it is a great trade off. I'm not saying it is easy but I will say it was worth it. What a loss to the world I live in if I had transitioned back then and my incredible kids and granchildren had not been able to make their mark on society and my life.

[MaidMarguerite]

If I were starting again from square one, I'd avoid the mistake of purging (happened once still regret that waste). But mostly I'd be a little more patient, with myself and the situations I found myself in.
Also my fiance would probably appreciate it if I used a little more tact in opening up to her, if we're going back in time.

[Amelie]

I would have transitioned before puberty and probably stayed in school so I could get a job. I would have avoided pervy men, well, probably all men, also avoid Creedmoor Hospital as well as avoiding Times Square. Best thing I did, I learned to sew.

[Glenda58]

I wouldn't get remarried after the first one Love my daughters. But at 40 I would have stay single and be transition.

[Stephanie47]

As an elder from the 1960's there really isn't too much I could have done otherwise..as a man who needs to wear women's clothing on occasion. To have started out differently would have involved time travel. I'm sure if I had told my wife of 47 years I wore women's clothing she would not have married me. Transgender men and women, as well as gays and lesbians, were discriminated against. Cross dressing men were deemed to be homosexuals. My cross dressing developed slowly. First, it was only 'bedroom play' nylon nightgowns. When cross dressing developed into more than that, it caused friction in my marriage. She wants no part of it. It would have been nice to be more open about it. Participation would never occur, and, will not. The only thing I wish would have been different was to have been able to find a support group. My wife suggested I seek one out. Back in the early 1980's there were none that I could find. If there was one I think there would have been more discussion about the issue rather than just ignoring the elephant in the room.

As a sidebar, it was not too long ago when my wife was cleaning out the back of her closet. She was donating many nightgowns that it not fit her anymore. Tons of lovely slinky gowns. There was one in the pile that I had bought her which was way to big for her. In 1971 I did not know anything about women's sizes. It was way to big for my petite wife. She had found me wearing it once when my desires were limited to 'bedroom play.' She told me if there was anything I wanted in the pile to take it before she donated everything. I took that prize. She was not at all hostile about it. No snide comments. I have wondered whether that was a missed opportunity to discuss the issue after three plus decades of ignoring it. I don't think she would accept being en femme around her, but, hope springs eternal.

[ChubbyLeahCD]

OP, if I was starting over and knew what I know today, I would have told my spouse from the get go and would have possibly let more people in so I could have a support network.

[suzanne]

I suppose my life would be better now if i had tried to understand and accept my feminine urges when they first appeared as a teenager rather than be fearful and disgusted by them. But realistically, i didnt have the courage then to challenge the rampant, visceral hatred i witnessed from my father and even my friends.

[RachelB.]

I really don't think I would have changed much. I would have liked to be more comfortable earlier in life. I would like to have been more perceptive when my wife was trying to be supportive but I didn't understand me, let alone her. There were many times I thought she was being critical but I have come to realize that I was taking it the wrong way. I was totally dressed one day at home (wig, make up heels etc) and she came in and wanted me to go to Walmart with her. I told her I had just finished dressing and didn't want to change. She looked at me and said "Who asked you to" I finally realized that she was encouraging me in the past but I was too hung up in my mind to realize she just wanted to help.

[DaisyLawrence]

I'm not even going to give this question any thought. It deserves none. You all have a finite number of days of life left and pondering past mistakes is probably the worst way to spend any of them. You can't change the past. What matters is the future so instead of thinking about what you wish you had done differently 20 years ago, think about what you do today so that in 20 years time you can look back and say that you wouldn't change a thing. Life moves forwards, not backwards, just say to yourself "from now on I will do nothing that I could look back on with regret".