Coming out at work?

[Drew GB]

I am just curious as to the types of responses some have had when they felt confident enough to come out at their workplace and where should that discussion begin? HR, Boss, co-workers? Now I do expect a lot of horror stories, not that I’m looking for them. Just general advice.

The bonus for me is I work in theatre so it is generally a very accepting and forgiving bunch already. But I am still curious as to what may lay ahead for me.

[Rachael Leigh]

Andy it depends on what you mean by coming out. Are you wanting to work dressed or just in general let folks know your
Trans or CD. HR is a very good place to start because they can give you company policy on such things and what to expect.
I came out at my job and it was very easy as my company has a very open policy.
HR though is your best bet

[Drew GB]

I want to be myself at work and if that means dressing some days then that would also pronounce to them I crossdress! Honestly we already have 1or 2 folks at work that are trans and openly out so I am not that worried. I just want to see what points I may be missing while wearing these rose tinted glasses.

[IleneD]

Georgia,

Let's see......
You live and work in a remote area of one of the strangest states in the country (not a pejorative, BTW; but face it. Oregon has a reputation). And that's OK.
You work in and around the Theater and theater people.

I'm trying to see the road block.
Were I in your heels, I'd be there every day in a heartbeat.

[Krisi]

Different jobs are structured differently and many jobs are with small companies or individuals with no "HR" department.

Remember, a job is something that's created by someone who needs work done and is willing to pay to have it done. Your company and your boss want people who will focus on the job, not on what they are wearing that day. In some jobs (like a factory job), it wouldn't really matter if you came in one day dressed as a woman and the next day dressed as a male, but in other jobs it would matter. Suppose your job included dealing with the public in person and people came back looking for "Jack" and you were dressed as "Jill" that day.

You need a job to support yourself and your family. Hopefully, you will advance in your company.

My suggestion is to keep your crossdressing as far away from your job as possible. Don't even tell co-workers you are a crossdresser, much less come to work cross-dressed.

[Cassandra Lynn]

I have no real world experience to relate of my own, but I do think the first stop in just about any situation or industry would be HR.

There are some basic policies that should discussed: bathroom usage, standards already in place as to dress codes for females, any codes of conduct that may be different for one sex as opposed to another, etc, etc.

But then again, if there are transfolk already there, then perhaps some communication with them would be appropriate?

[Pat]

This is one of those cases where I would start by asking in the TS forum. They are a center of real-world experience for coming out at work. As you may note, only one of the answers so far is from people with experience (not even mine, since I owned my own company when I came out.)

[Lana Mae]

Well, I have not come out at work officially! I do wear my pearl earrings and nail polish to work! Now if they can put 1 and 1 together they might figure it out! The boss has seen my fingers and earrings and has said nothing! It is a small company and basically she is HR! YMMV Hugs Lana Mae

[Stephanie47]

I read your introductory post before responding. You indicated you're a cross dresser. It also seems as if you may be new to cross dressing based on that thread. IMHO cross dressing is significantly different than being a transsexual. Which is it? If you're a man who enjoys wearing women's clothing on occasion is it necessary to announce this to the world? Once the Genie is out of the bottle she's not going back in. There are other ladies here from Oregon. Wouldn't be more prudent to indulge yourself with like minded men and women than announcing this personal bit of information without really understanding the potential consequences?

[Drew GB]

I guess the personal consequences are what I am trying to figure out as I see this glorious road ahead of me I am afraid I may not recognize or see any pitfalls. I am just a cross dresser. But I hate hiding this as well because I have hid it most of my life. I want to be able to go out as who I am a man who enjoys being pretty.

[Harriettes]

Talk to HR while realizing that HR represents the Company!! The person you talk to has a boss and will probably bring your issues to them and your supervisor/manager. The potential for friction from some coworkers is a real possibility. If it is really important that the people you work with know about your CD side throw a party and invite them somewhere well away from the workplace.

[Drew GB]

Now that is an idea. Thank you Harriettes! To be honest Ours is a small business so we do not have an HR, as far as I know, but their are those I can talk to and who doesn’t love a party!

[Tracy Irving]

Actors routinely pretend to be someone else so I would host a "pretend to be the opposite sex party".

[Drew GB]

But I want to be the only pretty boy in a dress. LOL!

[Vickie_CDTV]

Like Kristi said, think very very carefully before you do it. Unless you are a TS and have to live fulltime, it is really best to keep your dressing and your job separate. Even though you are in a pretty tolerant industry and a pretty tolerant state... coming out and going to work dressed is not going to help your career, but it could harm it, especially if it causes issues (like bathroom issues) that may disturb others. The squeaky wheel gets the grease, and an employee who is squeaky can end up fired. It is best not to go there if you don't have to.

[Beverley Sims]

Even in the theatre environment you have more of a future being gay.

Even gays are not that condescending to cross dressers, they seem to think you are invading their territory.

Then there are the militant and politically correct women.....

My work in theatre productions has been as a straight male. :-)

Most actors are theatrically articulate anyway.

[looking_good]

"....host a "pretend to be the opposite sex party".

Brilliant!!! Alternate theme might be "Make a Wish"???

No matter what the theme, the party is simply a brilliant idea....

Cheers!!!

[Drew GB]

I am not an actor but a technician, prop master/mistress which means I am my own department. I do end up sharing space and working mainly with guys doing construction. They are used to working with GG’s no problem heck the person before me in this position was a GG who wore jeans and a flannel or T-shirt. Their have been other GG’s in the shop before who all dress in drab and when it comes to doing my job I would be dressed in my normal drab clothing as well because it is more a safety thing. A dress and heels in the shop is just not a good idea.

Where I would like to dress is for cast/crew parties and opening night events and also if I just want to spend a night out at the theatre with my SO. This however would mean someone I know/work with would most definitely see me and we’ll then I would be out as a CD’r. This is where my conflict lies I guess. I am sure the business would have no issues with me but now my fear is the guys I work with may be put off and quite frankly there will be times when I’ll need their help and just have to work with them. It is the potential razzing and awkwardness of revealing this side of myself that has me worried the most. It’s funny but I could care less what strangers on the street think of me when I dress but a co-worker has me worried.

[Christie ann]

Andy, your last line nailed the whole issue. Ashland seems a nice small college town from the little time I have spent there. I don’t think anyone will give you a hard time until you need to work with them and even then It could easily be a non issue but Once the girl comes out she doesn’t go back in, especially in everyone’s memories. This is a decision that will having a lasting impact. That said, wearing a dress to a cast party would probably be looked at as just those crazy thespians. Wearing a dress to work might up that ante before you want to.

Let us know what you decide. Good luck in living your authentic life!