I am so sick of being me

[Andy1087]

Hi Evereyone,

In addition to being jealous of how well a lot of you folks pull off your dressing I am very enivious of the fact you live your own lifes unlike me not doing anything held back by my fears and frustrations. I get so sick of my life at times.

Andy

[GypsyKaren]

Hi Andy

You really shouldn't be so hard on yourself, so please relax. I'm a bit older than you and I've only been out of the closet for a year now, you've still got plenty of time to live your life the way you want to. The key to success is learning how to love yourself for who and what you are, once you do that it's esay to love others and let them love you back. And you know, you really should come up with a new name, or change the spelling to Andie. Take care.

Karen

[Tina Dixon]

Hang in the Andy, we all have our frustrations but all will be worked out.

[ChrissyGG]

it is a tough road but eventually all works out!

[Casey Morgan]

As with anything else you do, the key is small steps. Every step I've taken I've had to sort of dare myself to do it. Otherwise I wouldn't have tried. I've had to push my boundaries a little at a time, when the time was right.

You need to recognize yourself for the steps you've already taken. I can think of two off the top of my head: you became a member of this site, and you admitted how you are feeling right now. I'm sure there are a bunch more steps you've taken along your journey.

Don't compare your journey to anyone else's. You don't know where our roads have gone. So comparisons are meaningless. Your journey will take you where it's supposed to when it's supposed to. Just enjoy the ride.

[Fallen Angel]

when I started years ago I didnt have anything like this to come to and finding others was impossible. Nobody to show me the ropes, how to dress ,make up ect.Your among the most wounderfull group of girls there is.take one day at a time and it will all fall into place. theres so many different offerings from each of us here so enjoy. xxxxxx

[Andy1087]

Well Karen you may think I have a lot of time to live my life, but at the age of 44 I feel my life is over.

Andy

[Fallen Angel]

Honey Im 46 and its just a number xxxxx

[Phoebe Reece]

Andy, I'm 56 and having way more fun now than I did at 44.

[Janelle Young]

What Shari Ann said...

I agree with her and can not think of any thing to add to what she said, but I will anyway.

Andy, I may or may not know what you are feeling. I see great looking girls here and think I will never be one of them. Then I think that I am happy with who and what I am at this point in my life. I have never been out in public and I may never go out, but I do hope that one day I will. The bottom line for me is that I like myself. I am who I am and I am a crossdresser. A man that likes dresses and skirts. Do I look great in them? Well maybe sometimes I do and lots of times I do not. I don't care though, I like / have a need to be dressed in woman's clothes. I like me the way that I am. I am what I am and I am OK with what I am. That is the most important thing, at least for me. I can accept the fact that I am what I am, a crossdresser. If you are Ok with yourself the rest will fall into place in time, at least I hope it does, for both of us.

[TracyDeluxe]

And Andy, you might want to join the Mental Health and Depression forum. And yeah, 46 is nothing.

[kathy gg]

hi Andy

I sense a real cry for help with this post. i also looked through your post history and noted that you have broached this topic before as well...feeling like you could never look as good as others, ect, ect.

I just wanted to say that most of the cd's who you see pics posted here got to that point through good ol' trial and error and I am sure {girls, pipe up here} plenty of scary mistakes and misteps on their road to better self improvement. No body starts off with excellent make-up, perfect clothing choices, or model bodies and hair. Most people have to take time and effort to get from point 'a' to point 'b'. I doubt anyone becomes super skilled only after a few attmepts which we usually never see pics of.

You say you have fears and flustrations...what are they? write them down. if you are fearful of... being discovered locally? find a solution. if you are fearful that you won't 'pass' then start figuring out what you need to do to look as presentable as possible. If you are thinking you need items which seem out of your financial range, start saving. Most things in life that are worth acomplishing come with emotional and financial price tags. Figure out how much it is worth to you to feel less flustrattion and more happiness and decide if these feelings are worth investing in.

Losses and gains. Sometimes we lose one thing in order to find another that brings more joy.

If you are not in a relationship then truly you have and hold your destiny in your hands. And please.:p ...age 44.... that is the age when many people start to realize that they have spent their whole life doing things which brought no happiness..and decide to start with a fresh outlook. IT IS NEVER to late to start enjoying life.

Please try to hang in there and look for the answers to all these fears. You really do hold the key to solving these problems. I find the road to happiness is admitting that you are not happy and want to achive it. That is the first step .....





Hi Evereyone,

In addition to being jealous of how well a lot of you folks pull off your dressing I am very enivious of the fact you live your own lifes unlike me not doing anything held back by my fears and frustrations. I get so sick of my life at times.

Andy

[KathrynW]

I just wanted to say that most of the cd's who you see pics posted here got to that point through good ol' trial and error
And skilled use of photoshop... ;)

[BeckyAnderson]

Hi Evereyone,

In addition to being jealous of how well a lot of you folks pull off your dressing I am very enivious of the fact you live your own lifes unlike me not doing anything held back by my fears and frustrations. I get so sick of my life at times.

Andy
Hi Andy,

Wow, don't be so hard on yourself.....We have all been there at one time or another! We have all suffered from the same fears and frustrations that you are expressing. It comes from a lifetime of societal brainwashing and lack of understanding by those around us. Shoot, we don't even fully understand it ourselves. The good thing is that we don't necessarily have to understand something to accept it.

As we near and eventually reach a point of self-acceptance many of those fears and frustrations evaporate. Also, once we reach that point, the way in which we present our feminne side seems to change for the better. We feel more at ease with ourselves and begin to refine our makeup technique and clothing style. In some cases we have our spouses or girlfriends to help us out with these things and in other cases we must to learn on our own by reading and experimenting. In both cases it takes practice, practice and more practice. One technique I use is to take a lot of pictures and then study them to see where I feel I can improve my appearance. If you saw pictures of me just three short years ago you would hardly believe it was the same person. Three years ago I hadn't yet reached a point of self acceptance and it showed in how I presented myself. Today I am completely at home and comfortable in who I am and it makes a huge difference.

Hang in there girl and think positive thoughts. Don't come down on yourself. Take the journey with a curious and open mind and learn all you can.

By the way, I will be 59 next month :happy:

Hugs,
Becky

[Laurie Ann]

Andy I'm 53 so 44 is just the beginning. Slow down and just try to enjoy yourself and the lovely gift you have been given.

[maria amber lee]

before i started dressing up, i was also sick and tired of my life.. but when i noticed how radiant i have become after some time, i decided that life isnt that bad after all.. mwah

[EricaCD]

MMMM thank God for photoshop! And practice. Andy, you would simply not believe how awful my first attempts at dressing turned out.

But the simple reality is that looking 1/4 passable in a photo is not, and should not be, what this is about: it's about figuring out a way to express a critical aspect of your personality notwithstanding serious social, personal and emotional pressures to the contrary.

I have been dressing in one form or another since I was about 11. That means I have been coming to terms with myself for 25 years, and I am still a neophyte in dealing with the emotional soup that is crossdressing. Think about the steps you have taken, and let that manifestation of your own strength be your inspiration for the steps to come.

[Penny]

Hi Evereyone,

In addition to being jealous of how well a lot of you folks pull off your dressing I am very enivious of the fact you live your own lifes unlike me not doing anything held back by my fears and frustrations. I get so sick of my life at times.

Andy
Ji Andy all never right with the CD world. Don't be so quick to judge how everyone is fairing. Many here are working on their problems. Many share
frustrations and fears. Sucess is not in the triumph but in the venture.
Sometimes we have problems that require outside help. That's OK; it just means that in addition to being a CD, we are also human. Humans are unique to this planet because we are the only creatures that can change our enviorment. Other creatures change with the enviornment. If you are not
happy with your life, change it; if your having problems ask for help.
You can be all that you want if wamy

[connie rotten]

Andy,
My 0.02 be who you want to be. For a long time I dressed up to be Margret Dolan.Then I descovered Connie was role playing until she built up confidence in my being a girl.
Honey it really does get better. Make some friends here. The transgender people are wounderful in this site.
May I ask: how small is the closet you are in ?

[Aileen]

I could never look good if I didn't have help from Carla my make-up lady. Where are you located? There are places all over like the one I go to, where they will make you up and take pictures. I heard there is one in Columbus Ohio.

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

I just wanted to say that most of the cd's who you see pics posted here got to that point through good ol' trial and error and I am sure {girls, pipe up here} plenty of scary mistakes and misteps on their road to better self improvement.

Scary was the operative word regarding my appearance not that long ago (http://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?t=17029). As Kathy said, it takes a bit of practice, and even GGs aren't born knowing how to do it.

Anyway, others have given you some good advice. Hang in there....

[Mandy Salamander]

andy, darling!!!,,, us christmas eve babies gots t' stick t'gether,,,sooo,, i'm exactly six years older than you,,,'n 44 's only a glass half full,,, doo just learn t' relax 'n enjoy being who you are, 'n be happy with whatever you're comfortable with,,,,, oh! yeah, i'm all out 'n about 'n all that, but it took mee a looooooooooooooong time 'n lots o' practice t' get here,,, and, as has been mentioned, 'baby steps' are key,,, my first times out were nothing more than seriously over-dressed weekly strolls to th' nearest mailbox 'n back,,,, and after having spent some time with th' local TG-support group, 'n various TG chatrooms 'n forums like this one, you are far from alone in feeling self-conscious 'n frustrated with your femme self,,, 'n one o' my dear CD friends is like 6'7+,,,yeah, that'll pass!!!,,but 's still oodles o' funn t' hang out with!!!,,, sooo,,,take heart, darling, 'n doo learn t' love yourself,,, you are worth it!!!!!

[sparks]

Hon! I gots probs too! I am just thirty five spring chick eh? I try not to think about how bad life is or how bad life can get. Amongst these girls you have a huge family I just started here and I'm meeting girls who offer their help and as for mine. The last part i'm still tryiyng to figure out I guess my two minds are better than their ones.
Have a chortle or two and relax. One morning after a fight with my wife I said to her "I don't think I like who I am anymore!"
Her reply "Suck it up you are who you are!"
From a woman who cried pretty heavily about me liking to wear bras(Nothing tacky I swear!)
Beside you are also among girls who may never pass! OK Just me! I ain't ever going to pass! This is also OK! Is it the end of the world for me not really. Does it heart sure it does but I'm coping!
Actually I hope I'm cheering you up cause I'm getting a little depressed.
The point is I don't know what your problems are but they are all workable!
Such as my large tattoo that says "Daddy's girl!"

Buck up little camper and let this forum be a helpful guide.

[Teresa Amina]

Someone once wrote that life begins at 40- but really life begins Today. What do we really have, anyway? Yesterday is long gone, and for the most part... good riddance! Tomorrow is a dream in the making, and we have some (important) influence on it. We do have Today. Begin now to bring about that tomorrow you want, create as much as you can that new Today you seek.

Want to have some fun playing with your looks? Look at my Avatar. I created this yesterday using a program called Mirror of Beauty, starting with a picture of myself (dressed but without makeup). Now I'm 50, and looked real tired in the original photo with plenty of worry lines and bags under my eyes. Didn't turn out too bad, did it? I'll never look as gorgeous as some of the girls here but how many GGs out there in the world are real babes anyway? Find that expression of your inner self. I'm sure you'll look fine!:D

[Tiffy]

Andy I use to be the same way you are. But, joining this group a little over a year ago has helped much. And now I am very happy and ok with the fact that I am a CD. Now, I just get mad when I can not dress because someone around me has a narrow mind. Just try to relax and pace yourself. It takes a ton of mental effort but it can be done. And trust me about one thing. The only thing I am "pulling off" is my drab clothes. I will never pass but that is ok. That is who I am. We are like children. We all grow and progress at different rates. Do not compare yourself to others and how fast they progress. Everyones surroundings and the people in their lives are different. And we all progress differently.

Kisses, April Marie

[Julie Avery]

Hiya Andy. I can only add a footnote to the insights so many have posted above: if you're anything like me, you're just entering into the stage of life where you really begin to integrate all the diverse strands of longing, desires, capabilities and limitations that make you up as a person. It can be very unsettling and frustrating at times, but the deep down unshakeable inner peace that begins building as you work these things through is a wonderful light at the end of the tunnel, keep an eye out for it!

[sharifemme]

Andy...

Do not despair! I'm 54 and I just put a foot out of my closet a couple of years ago. Yes, it takes a little courage if you are afraid of what others you know think of you, but most people will treat you like a person and everybody here in this group understands what you are going through. If I can be of any help, just let me know.

Sharifemme

[TGMarla]

Well Karen you may think I have a lot of time to live my life, but at the age of 44 I feel my life is over.Oh, come on, Andy! That's ridiculous. Look, I'm only a year older than you are, and I sure don't feel that way! I've never been out, and I don't have plans to go out any time soon. But I might. I'm not sure.

Why do you feel this way? Is it because if you managed a passable look, you still feel you are too old to go out and hit the bars like some 25-year old chick? Come on! Haven't you really outgrown the bar scene anyway? None of us are ever really going to be that dancing queen in the night club. We tend to wish we could live that life for even one night, but it ain't gonna happen! There are so many other things to do, though.

Or is it that you feel that you can never achieve a passable image? That doesn't make your life a waste. There are lots of rather masculine looking women in the world, many of whom probably wish they were prettier. Do the best you can with what you have, and then you've done what every one of us has been forced to do. Not one of us is Christie Brinkley, you know.

But know this. At 44, you are just getting to the age where maturity takes the edge off of our fears and inhibitions. At 44, you can begin to appreciate yourself for who you are instead of loathing yourself for who you are not. Count your blessings, and you may find that they outweigh your regrets. Regrets have never helped anyone live a fuller life. Many CD's live their lives with the regret that they aren't female or aren't pretty. But there is no point in longing for something that you won't ever have. So just do the best you can.

Look, ask yourself, why do you CD? Is it because you wish you were a girl? You aren't. It's okay to feel that way, but there is no point in dwelling upon it. Is it because you enjoy the clothing? Well, there's nothing that says you can't enjoy the clothing just the way you are. Take your lemons, my friend, and squeeze them for all the lemonade you can get, and enjoy it. No matter how much I try, I'm never going to look good in a bikini, so hey, you're not so bad off as you might think. There are a lot of us who deal with the very same things as the rest of us. It's all a matter of how you look at it. Chin up!

[geegee2]

Well Karen you may think I have a lot of time to live my life, but at the age of 44 I feel my life is over.

Andy
so you think your life is almost over? Im 61 and my life is no way over,just let your heart gide you listen to what the girls on this forum have to tell you dont be so hard on yourself. find that happy place and youll find out how happy you will be love hugs and kisses GeeGee2

[carol ann]

I have passed your age and have become serene with the passing years.

Firstly i have learned to lose the guilt i always felt about crossdressing - in other words i have found out how to love myself and that is so important.

Secondly i have come to terms with the fact that i will always be in the closet because my relationships are more important.

Thirdly, i wear lingerie/stockings under my outer clothes most of the time and that makes me feel good because i am always aware of them

Fouthly i have lost my apprehension about shopping and that always gives me a thrill

Fifthly I have found this site and talking about my feminity helps me cope.

Sixthly I quite openly look after my skin and complexion with ,moisturisers, eye shadow cream, satin shower creme, clear lip moisturiser and sometimes a very light foundation cream.

Seventhly i keep my body hair shaved. in this am fortunate in having very little but i took it off gradually.

All of these are daily exercises help me feel that I not losing a feminine identity

As Becky says
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

[carol ann]

there is an eighth thing i do - i try to watch my diet. Burgers and fries are out.

Just think feminine

[Jennaie]

Andy:

The feelings are the only part of this that come natural. The rest of it consists of a lot of hard work and study. If you want to look good as a female, you have to work at it. Yes, you will fail many times and feel like giving up. But if you really want it, you can achieve it.

Look at this girls website. Take a look at some of her first photos and what she has done to get to where she is at today.

http://www.reneereyes.com/

[Janice Ann]

Andy-- I am only 65 and do not have all the answers-- But you have come to the right place-- look- listen - participate-- & and remember WE are all unique-- Not 2 of us are the same-- Love ya Andy-- big hugs
Janice