I've begun to question my sexuality

[MysteryWoman]

Until recently I've been very self-assured about my sexuality: I am a devout heterosexual. Even at my advanced age (70+), the sight of an attractive GG in an alluring outfit lights my fire. And the thought of a relationship with another man has never even crossed my mind.

I find going en femme highly erotic. My peak pleasure comes when my wife and I make love with each of us wearing a silky nightgown and thigh-high stockings. When we do so, we are a man in a nightgown and a woman in a nightgown. My nightgown is simply a means of enhancing my male pleasure, not of changing my gender identity. I believe this mindset is consistent with my heterosexuality.

The Internet has made it possible to view thousands of photos and videos of crossdressers, many of whom are gorgeous. I find that I am more aroused by an attractive crossdresser than I would be by a similarly attired GG. I attribute this to the eroticism I feel when I myself am dressed---it excites me that someone of my gender can look so appealing. So I think this is still consistent with heterosexuality.

Where I've recently had doubts is that I've become curious about what it might be like to have some form of relationship with another crossdresser. I have no idea what form this relationship might take, and more specifically, whether it would include any level of physical intimacy. If it did, it seems to me that would clearly(?) move me into more of a bi-sexual orientation.

I don't expect that this newfound curiosity will eat at me, because at this point it's purely academic. I have neither the means nor courage to progress from curiosity to experimentation. But I'm interested in any and all comments or insights about my feelings.

Thank you.

[Micki_Finn]

I’d you ask me, people are too keen to put labels on everything. Your sexuality is what it is and you’re attracted to who you’re attracted to. Why sweat trying to label it? What good does that do anyway?

[Tracii G]

Its a fantasy more than anything more than likely.
You state you would never act on it so you are heterosexual and a bit Bi curious which is quite common.
Nothing to worry about and if you were gay you would know it.

[CONSUELO]

While I am unsure what being a devout heterosexual means you are probably just letting your thoughts wander. However my casual and purely anecdotal observation is that many people seem to change in later life. I am always impressed by stories of married men who in their later life come out as homosexual. Why is that? Is it just because of changes in our bodies chemistry?
Why not just enjoy the thoughts and don't worry about it. I doubt if any fantasy of what it would be like to be with a cross dresser beats what you already have with your wife.

[docrobbysherry]

Mystery, welcome aboard!
Many of us have the fantasy of being with man or M to F crossdresser. But, in the end, parts is parts. I'm straight as an arrow. But, I thot I was turning gay when I had them. Until I figured out it was all about me being treated as a woman. Because there's nothing about men I find attractive, sexually.

I have been hit on heavy a few times by nice looking young men while out. I play along for awhile because they make me feel like a pretty woman! :battingeyelashes:
But, when things start to get too serious, I bale out!:straightface:

I don't have an SO and it's probably because I'm so involved with my fem persona. I like to present her as a female I find attractive. That I am that pretty woman is doubly erotic!:o
I've been here 10 years and have discovered many other dressers r turned on by their fem selves. So, you're far from being alone!:heehee:

[Fiona123]

I consider myself mtf transgender and i cross dress every chance i get (and yes cross dressing can be very sensual and erotic). My sexual preferece though is for women. One therapist said i was lesbian.

Gender identity is not the same as sexual preference. Neither gender or preference operate as a binary. There can be lots of vatration. You will be just fine. I hope you enjoy your journey.

[Tracii G]

Just because you CD does not change your sexual preference Gender expression and sexuality as Fiona said has nothing to do with each other

[Pat]

To extend Micki_Finn's reasoning, this is where labels go bad. Labels can be used to describe yourself, but when you instead use the label to determine what actions and thoughts you are allowed to have, then it's defining you, not describing you. Feel what you feel -- you're the living being. Don't let the label make decisions for you.

[michele4848]

h all; I myself have only had one man that I was sexually and emotionaly for, but he never knew. I wanted to be his woman, his wife, his mistress, his alone. I would have done anything for him, even supported him. but I never told him. he passed 8 yrs ago. so I would see myself as a lesbian, cause I don't find males attractive. females are softer, slower, just mho. michele

[Territx]

I think Micki_Finn & Pat have the right approach. As someone wise (I have forgotten where I heard it) once said, don’t over-think it. If you are ever in that situation, see where things lead you. Chances are that your heart/feelings will guide you to the right choice for you.

[Rachelakld]

So here's the go...

You get to know someone who is CD.
5 years of social girl time create a bond.
You find out your CD girlfriend wants to experience sex with a male (probably thinking of transitioning, or maybe not), but knows your the only one who understands.
She shows you photos of what she wants to experience (dom, bondage, rough, oily, whatever)
So you get nearly naked, maybe keep the stocking on and with respect, enjoy each other.

Mentally your probably having sex with a female person who is just stuck in the wrong body - hope that clears up the label issue :)

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Crossdressing is about muddled sexual identity, is it not? My feeling is that wearing lingerie to heighten sexual pleasure with your wife is hardly the action of a devout heterosexual. A devout heterosexual might agree to wear lingerie because it heightened his wife's sexual pleasure, but once it starts to turn him on, he enters a grey area.

Dear friend, I think it's safe to say that you are bi-curious.

Right now you're still in Kansas, but you've glimpsed the yellow brick road.

[Isabella Ross]

Micki is dead on in her response. Who really cares? And to continue Nikki's thought, who is truly a straight arrow in this world, anyhow? Very few, I think. And when it comes right down to it, it matters not. When we move on from the strident assertions that we're either 100 percent straight (or gay), we'll be in a much better place.

[adam7476]

I know I'm straight, but I do like looking at some sexy cross dressers. Sometimes they are smoking hot.

[jacques]

hi,
fantasies are not reality... enjoy them both!
luv J

[sometimes_miss]

I am always impressed by stories of married men who in their later life come out as homosexual. Why is that? Is it just because of changes in our bodies chemistry?
Most likely just unable to bottle up the homosexual desires any longer. We repress thoughts we cannot accept often, sometimes, for life. Homophobia is so drilled into our minds since we were first self aware, and we are told repeatedly that it's the worst thing a boy can be, that we simply cannot accept the idea of being feminine in any way at all, least of all, sexually.

Until recently I've been very self-assured about my sexuality: I am a devout heterosexual. Even at my advanced age (70+), the sight of an attractive GG in an alluring outfit lights my fire. And the thought of a relationship with another man has never even crossed my mind.
Well, it just did. You are aware that the female appearing person is actually male. so you're fantasizing about having sex with a male, albeit a very feminine one. Your role in the event, whether dom or sub, is irrelevant. It's a homosexual fantasy, glossed over by trying to normalize it by pretending that actual genitals are not important.



I find that I am more aroused by an attractive crossdresser than I would be by a similarly attired GG.
And you know that the person is male. Hence, the veiled sexuality of the object of affection.


But, in the end, parts is parts. I'm straight as an arrow. But, I thought I was turning gay when I had them. Until I figured out it was all about me being treated as a woman. Because there's nothing about men I find attractive, sexually.
^this is where the divide occurs. Even though I agree that there are female impersonators out there who might be considered more female LOOKING, than many GG's, the idea of dating, kissing or having sex with one just feels repulsive to me, because there's no way I could bring myself to have sex with a male again. How much this has to do with having been molested sexually as a child, vs all the other abuse I suffered from other males when I was growing up, I can't say, but I'm sure it all contributed.

I know I'm straight, but I do like looking at some sexy cross dressers. Sometimes they are smoking hot.
It sends mixed signals; We get all the traditional feelings because of what we see, yet, we know what we're seeing isn't what we ultimately want. Sort of like a mirage of an oasis in a desert, that changes back to just a pile of sand when we get close enough to see what it really is.

[Beverley Sims]

My view, too much of believing what you see on the internet can lead to a false sense of being.

[Pat]

It sends mixed signals; We get all the traditional feelings because of what we see, yet, we know what we're seeing isn't what we ultimately want. Sort of like a mirage of an oasis in a desert, that changes back to just a pile of sand when we get close enough to see what it really is.

My brother's metaphor is it's like a chocolate-covered turnip. We see that big, lump of chocolate and think, "Wow, I really want that!" But then you bite into it and it's a turnip. :( I suppose there's some cognitive dissonance when you look at CD/TG people superficially.

[ShyLibrarian]

The are valid and cogent points, sometimes_miss. Some of us are full on hetero, some of us feel some degree of bisexuality at some place along the Kinsey 1-6 and presumably some of us are gay. I appreciate that some cross-dressers so not relate their activities to sex at all but to more complex feelings. However, when I see, touch and wear pretty lingerie I feel a definite zing. The serotonin, dopamine and whatever other endorphins/enkephalins might be involved, move to DEFCON 4 or even DEFCON 3. It's a wonderful feeling. Cross dressing is not a "lie back and think of England affair" (or lay back as the kids and some media say these days). Rather, it gets the hormones racing. It also makes me want to engage with other cross dressers, to share and laugh and to talk, talk, talk about it - some of that is presumably sexual and it culd be at various points along the scale.

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should be framed and put onto a prominent billboard, Isabella.

(useless fact: The British call Billboards 'hoardings', which always makes me think of Alaric and his mates, sacking Rome)

Kilroy: and there was much to sack

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(grins) very good

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makes me wonder if it's declining testosterone with rising estrogen either relatively or absolutely - your observation is spot on in my experience

[Krisi]

You talk about your wife. Being married should put a stop to anything more than fantasizing about having a relationship with a crossdresser or anyone else, male or female, gay or straight. I think we all fantasize at times but that's where it stops.

[Stephanie47]

Everyone has fantasies. It's acting on them that will get you in trouble. Having a platonic relationship or friendship with another cross dresser is totally different than an intimate relationship with a cross dresser. Maybe the man side of you considers a lesbian relationship as something erotic. That's a big deal in pornography. Perhaps you would equate a MtF relationship with another MtF crossdresser as a lesbian relationship rather than a guy to guy homosexual relationship?

[ClosetED]

You are a heterosexual femophile, if you want a label. Nothing you wrote indicates a desire to have sex with a masculine male. You enjoy femininity and seeing humans who are very feminine is a turn on, as you stated both light your fire. The statement that a CDer turns you on more than a GG may be more of the excitement that a male such as yourself could look as feminine as that. The stated desire to have a, as yet unclear, relationship with a CDer is still just that - unclear. You most likely want someone who you could explore femininity in yourself with, without physical intimacy. You joined this Forum years ago but few posts. Maybe start with sharing yourself here and maybe someone would bring you into the local CD community safely. Maybe you and your wife. That might help settle your confusion.
Hugs, Ellen

[Stephanie Kimberlie]

I sometimes question my sexuality and feel that I am bi-sexual and other times heterosexual. A real dilemma.

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So very true.