It's Become Ordinary, and I Don't Like It!

[Rhonda Jean]

I don't even know how long it's been this way. I just haven't been into it like I used to be. Still do it. Still go out. Still buy too many clothes. Still do all the maintenance like shaving, skin care, regular mani-pedis with polish. Still carry a purse most of the time outside of work. Still do the 50/50 or "half baked" thing very frequently. Haven't done the all out, no holds barred thing in a while, simply because it hasn't seemed like it was worth the effort.

Girlfriend and I took a short trip out of town this past weekend to a place I've frequently gone for decades to do my girl thing. With her encouragement to let down my guard, I did. Did I even have my guard up? Maybe, but not that I was really aware. So, off we went. We already had our toes done, so first thing, we did manis and got matching red nails. Good start! We're having fun! We check into the hotel in my 50/50 mode, and she hasn't done her makeup either, so we're getting ready for, more or less, evening. I even wore forms, which I've very rarely done over the past few years. I'm trying my best to get excited about this, but it's not happening. Not scared or apprehensive. That's all pretty much been gone for decades. I'm just not excited about it. It just seems like any other "getting ready". It's like I'm missing the mojo. I'm thinking at this point that once we get out I'll get into it.

Didn't happen. It's not that I don't think I look OK for my age. I hate the wig, but not because it doesn't suit me. It actually looks good. Tight jeans and heels, I was happy with my makeup, loved the top, fun having boobs for a change, big saucer earrings that I love, new necklace and bracelet. Everything was about as right as it could be. Girlfriend liked it. I have no idea why I just wasn't feeling it, and I SO miss it!

I'm going to figure this is a temporary lull. I hope it is. My favorite thing in the world to do, and I'm no longer excited about doing it? Not a good deal. To be totally forthcoming, I've pushed even the little fem things in male mode (like nail polish) further that I was really feeling it at the time just because I kinda felt like I "should" do it. Don't get me wrong, I still like doing it. All of it. And I'm not quitting. Even though I'm just not into it right now, it's way too much a part of me to just walk away. I have no motivation to do so.

Maybe it's too easy now. It doesn't have that "forbidden fruit" attractiveness. Maybe I'm just tired of that hassle, and it's not nearly as much fun to look like a 60 year old as it is a... pick any younger age. I'm not sure if I'll keep pushing it or if I'll let it lie for a while and hope that it comes back around.

[Micki_Finn]

Sounds like maybe you got hooked on the adrenaline of doing something “wrong”. Maybe time to evaluate WHY you dress. Do you dress to express youself or do you dress for the thrill-seeking.

[Sidney]

Yiu seem to love your crossdressing so I hope you get your mojo back. I'm in my 70's and do have ups and downs but it always comes back.

[docrobbysherry]

If u don't feel like "doing it" don't! U r dressing just for u, it sounds like? So, why keep doing something u don't enjoy?:brolleyes:

I don't play around with nails, shaving, etc. I dress all the way or not at all. When I'm not, "feeling it", I don't do anything fem. After awhile the urge returns. If the time comes when it's, "not worth it", or the thrill is gone? I'll quit dressing until it returns! Maybe u should, too?:straightface:

[jennifer0918]

Wow this is one spot I do not want to be ever. I keep pushing the envelope. I keep evolving trying something new all the time. I try different places or sometimes incorporate a fetish element into my CDing always exploring and learning. It sounds you have a cool girlfriend she sounds very accepting. I don't know what to say, I like dressing for me the only downside is the logistics behind it all when I plan an outing. I'm closeted so for me I guess the final frontier will be to come to my wife.
Good luck darling.
Toodles

[Jaylyn]

I'm kind of like that at times but I haven't pushed this thing like you have. I sometimes just want to be the male me and do my male type hobbies. My dressing hits and won't let go though until I dress and play dress up for a morning or evening. I'm in male mode right now with my toes a bright red but my boots hide them. I've got to get some things done this afternoon and here I set playing on the forum. As I said my female comes and goes, but unlike your talking mine can leave for a few days but Jaylyn always has came back to visit. The reason I'm leaving my toes painted for this month is because when I take my boots and socks off I see them and think of Jaylyn. It has soothed the desire to dress for a while. This morning I had my boots on and wanted to wear my lipstick as I drank my morning Protein shake. After the shake I wiped the lip prints off and here I set and am not in any female mode showing or even want to right now. It comes and goes but has always done that and goes back to my youth.

[ShyLibrarian]

ditto here

[Tracii G]

I'm glad to know being 50/50 is just "half baked". I guess being gay is frowned upon here too.

Whats the point of dressing if you aren't feeling it?
Must be nice just being a CDer where you can turn it all off anytime you just aren't feeling it.

[Rhonda Jean]

Tracii,
That was a not to someone else who deemed it "half baked". I prefer your term 50/50, but whatever gets the point across. I'm not sensitive about it.

Doc, I guess I'm hoping that it'll come back. This is a fairly recent thing. If it keeps up that I actually don't enjoy it, I guess I'll stop. It is somewhat a matter of habit that given certain circumstances, that's what I do. I'm certainly considering that I may lay off until it sounds like fun again.

Micki, I don't if it was the "wrong" part that got me, but certainly I enjoyed the adrenaline rush. Given that the adrenaline rush diminishes the more you do it, I still never foresaw that it would get to where my desire to dress would be this low.

I did consider the obvious option of not dressing at all this past weekend. I guess it's not totally gone, because I opted to do it. There were/are aspects of it that were quite good, but none of the rush that it used to be. I'm sure that other women don''t get a rush out of it every day. Ordinary is the best way I can describe it.

[Allisa]

Boy do I know from what you speak. I don't not like the feeling but I do miss the being "different" and some reactions that went with it, they made me smile. It's just a part of me now like breathing.It seems it's getting more difficult to express my birth gender without my secondary gender being involved and not in a minuscule way either.I guess it's just my way of being "natural" or true to myself and a no-brainer now.Ordinary?..yes.

[Lana Mae]

I am not as far along in my journey as Alisa but agree with her! It is just a part of me! Nails are always polished and pierced ears and all women's clothing! Just no wig, bra/forms , or make up! This is normal mode! When I dress fully, it is a treat but not as great as in the past! I am just being me! Hugs Lana Mae

[Pat]

The problem with thrill-seeking behaviors is that they eventually loose their thrill. What I've read of people who crossdress for the thrill (fetishistic crossdressers) is that the thrill dies away with time but the desire to dress remains, which sounds like what you've described. I suppose it's good news/bad news -- the good news is you have your transgender identity free and clear of any confusion caused by other behaviors The bad news is you're going to have to find another thrill-seeking behavior if you need the adrenaline. Maybe motorcycle racing, skydiving or shark-tickling? You can do any of those while presenting female if you wish. ;)

[Beverley Sims]

Once I got over the initial thrill, I settled down and refined my act.

This kept me interested to the present day.

If you feel flat, do something else until the urge returns.

It will I assure you. :-)

[Krisi]

You seem to be saying that you don't like not enjoying crossdressing. Well, if you're not enjoying it, don't do it. It's not like you are living as a woman and have to shave and dress every day. Do it when you want to.

I will say though that for most of us who have been dressing often and for a while, the "thrill" of having boobs, but and long hair is less than it was the first time because it becomes normal. That's to be expected.

[Rhonda Jean]

Ahhh! Now that I re-read the title I see where it's confusing. What I meant was I don't like the fact that it's become ordinary! Sorry for the confusion. I want the excitement back. I know it'll never be as exciting as it used to be. I'm bored with the things I do when I'm dressed, which doesn't help to ignite any excitement. I think I'll get back to normal before long.

[docrobbysherry]

The problem with thrill-seeking behaviors is that they eventually loose their thrill. What I've read of people who crossdress for the thrill (fetishistic crossdressers) is that the thrill dies away with time but the desire to dress remains, which sounds like what you've described. I suppose it's good news/bad news -- the good news is you have your transgender identity free and clear of any confusion caused by other behaviors The bad news is you're going to have to find another thrill-seeking behavior if you need the adrenaline. Maybe motorcycle racing, skydiving or shark-tickling? You can do any of those while presenting female if you wish. ;)
Thank u for posting this, Pat. It helped me understand how and why I dress. I hate dressing to blend and/or appearing without a mask. But, I must do it to hang out with other dressers! :battingeyelashes:
(I've tried going out with them in drab and am always treated as a 2nd class citizen, at BEST!):sad:

On the other hand, I'm always pushing the envelope with Sherry. Trying to do things I haven't done before. Go places I haven't yet, etc. I haven't thot of these things as a causing a "rush" but maybe they do? I think of them more as expanding my horizons or another notch in my lipstick case!:heehee:

This weekend was a perfect example: Attended a wild, clothing optional, Valentine theme, club costume party. Where I was quite happy to dress to blend! As a 20/30's, scantily dressed female. My mask fit rite in and I was accepted as one of them! I got no rush, but one hell of good time with sexy, young folks for this 75 y/o! And, passing is always a rare treat!
I strongly recommend trying it at least once, any way u can!:devil:

[Rhonda Jean]

Good points, Pat. I'm really not much of a thrill seeker, really. I've thought about it since I wrote this. I think it simply comes down to being bored. I mean, how many times can to do the same thing in the same places, shopping, eating out, and expect it to be exciting? It used to didn't matter. The only thing that mattered was being out dressed. Now it's not that simple. I need something interesting to do while dressed that captures my interest. Dressing is a side note. It's not the be all, end all it used to be. I've never been one to dress and stay in, but whatever I did was totally unimportant. Not so anymore. Call it a comfort level, familiarity through repetition, whatever. I want to go places and do things as a woman. The point being there has to be something to do, not just to go through the motions of doing something, anything, just to have a venue to dress.

[Pat]

Dressing is a side note. It's not the be all, end all it used to be. I've never been one to dress and stay in, but whatever I did was totally unimportant. Not so anymore. Call it a comfort level, familiarity through repetition, whatever. I want to go places and do things as a woman. The point being there has to be something to do, not just to go through the motions of doing something, anything, just to have a venue to dress.

Sounds to me like you've achieved Nirvana. ;) Since dressing is a side note now, do what you'd have done as a guy -- go see the latest blockbuster movie, go try out that new steakhouse, go check out a museum, go check out a carnival, go on a ghost-hunting tour, ride a bike, fly a kite -- the world's your oyster. Life was never supposed to be about dressing -- it's about living.

[Dana44]

I agree with pat, go out and do stuff. If you are bored.

[Vickie_CDTV]

Thank u for posting this, Pat. It helped me understand how and why I dress. I hate dressing to blend and/or appearing without a mask. But, I must do it to hang out with other dressers! :battingeyelashes:
(I've tried going out with them in drab and am always treated as a 2nd class citizen, at BEST!):sad:


Don't feel bad, I have been treated that way en drab too. Not always, but I have gotten the cold shoulder when going out en drab with other trans. The "why are you bothering to be here if you are not dressed" thing. Dressing for me takes a lot of time and work, and some times I don't have the time or energy. Not like I am literally a different person when I am wearing a dress or something...

[Becky Blue]

What you are describing has kind of happened to me but more dramatically (Yes Becky can be a drama queen at times ) In my case Becky left me totally and very suddenly for over 3 years, in that time I would never have even considered dressing, posting here or anything F related. After over 3 years she slowly started coming back and has been back ever since and that was 5 years ago. So hopefully it will all come back to you soon..

[CynthiaD]

Yeah. I dress every day, and it's just ordinary and regular. No thrills. But I was never really focused on the thrills, so being ordinary doesn't bother me. I have always dressed to feel normal rather than for thrills.

What I'm trying to say is that "ordinary" is exactly how I want it to feel. I love being an ordinary woman.

[Pat]

Yeah. I dress every day, and it's just ordinary and regular.

I would totally agree with this except for one thing: every so often when I'm checking out my outfit for the day I flash back a bit to when I was pretending to be male and I have a brief up-welling of joy that I'm not doing that any more. ;) So ordinary-ness is actually kind of a thrill to me after all. It's what I was craving all those years.