Curious Wife

[Soapstar411]

Hello. I posted on here a while back regarding my husband’s cross dressing and how I came to find out about it. I have been accepting of him and he has begun to start dressing around me, but I am curious about one thing and hopefully someone here can help me out. Is it normal for a crossdresser (who is straight) to be flattered from compliments by another man? My husband is a driver at night, and when he drives and picks up customers, he is often dressed up. He had told me the other night that a guy had told him he had nice legs, and I could obviously tell he was flattered by that compliment. This isn’t the first time he has mentioned a guy trying to hit on him, and he doesn’t seem to be bothered by it. Am I reading too much into this? I did ask him when I first found out about his cross dressing if he was sexually attracted to men, and he said no. I need another crossdresser’s opinion. Thank you!

[natalie edwards]

Probably just validation. You put in that much effort to look nice it's nice to hear how good you look.

[Aunt Kelly]

What Natalie said. I wouldn't read anything into it that isn't already there. You husband has a feminine side and appreciates the compliments that come when she expresses it.

[kimdl93]

Really, he had no other option than to say thank you. To do otherwise would have been ungracious, so long as the compliment was genuinely offered.

Some years ago, a young male cashier at Petco looked at me and commented "you have beautiful eyes" It was a very sincere compliment, but not one I was accustomed to hearing. I responded with "thank you, thats very nice of you to say.

Nothing else would have been appropriate or necessary.

[Micki_Finn]

Very normal. Compliments of this nature are not something bandied about by men under normal circumstances. So while it’s probably pretty normal for you to hear “Your purse is so cute!” Or “OMG Betty, your hair is fabulous!” men don’t often throw out “Hey Bob, your biceps are totally rocking it today”.

Everyone likes compliments. They just tend to be a rarity in the hetero- cis- male world. This doesn’t mean that he wants men to come on to him, or that he’s attracted to them or anything like that.

[Judy-Somthing]

I think everyone likes to be told they're good looking weather it's from a man or woman.

I'm not interested in men but a compliment is a complement. Last year I got carded at a bar and the bartender couldn't believe I was 60, it was a good feeling!

[kimdl93]

Judy....carded at 60! wow, now I feel so diminished. How dare you be so youthful!

[Peggie Lee]

When your sure in who you are it's easy to take compliments no matter who made them, only those who are unsure of their sexuality would be distrubed by it.

[Sallee]

Being complimented is nice I like it when I guy or a woman compliment me or better yet I get mistaken for a real woman. I am totally into women. Guys do nothing for me, but to have a guy tell me I look good is a kick. I have been asked to dance by a guy in a straight bar and I was so flattered I am shore he thought I was real. I said no I couldn't and have to run from compliments. We all like complements so we'll take them when we can get them

[Jodie_Lynn]

I can only speak for myself, but when a man compliments my appearance, yes, I am flattered. Granted that the guys I usually get these type of comments from are in a club, and that I am fully aware of the reason for the comment (ie: they are chatting me up in the hopes of getting lucky...), it is still flattering that they are noticing my appearance. Once, in a gas & go, I stopped for a coffee and the clerk ( a middle eastern male) said: "You look very nice and happy" I did a little twirl and flourish, and said "Thank you, I feel happy" with the biggest smile on my face, considering that I went in the shop with much fear & trepidation in my chest expecting a very negative reaction!

Soapstar411 you have to understand that most guys who compliment a CD-er are assuming that the CD in question is gay, or Bi-. It does NOT mean that your spouse is! Think about it: if YOU were well dressed, coiffed and made up at a function and a guy made a NICE comment on your appearance (not a creepy, 'hey babe' kind of comment), wouldn't YOU feel a little flattered?

Just my 2 centavos, your mileage may vary

[Vickie_CDTV]

It depends on the person. For some it is validation of how well the pass, present as a female etc. If you are worried about him cheating, don't worry it isn't a sign that he is. (Complements from men do nothing for me personally... not that I get them. I seem to be a minority there even among straight dressers, maybe it is because I am an introvert? I don't know.)

I would be far more concerned that he is going to work dressed (cab driver?) picking up strangers at night. Not only would he be more vulnerable as a woman at night, he is also at risk for being trans too.

[Beverley Sims]

It is nice to get validation from men, just means that you probably pass.

I have no reaction towards men and I would assume the same goes for your husband.

[docrobbysherry]

We don't really know, Soap. So, we r guessing. Liking compliments from men is pretty normal for confident, experienced dressers even if they r straight. Which it sounds like your husband is. But, dressing often creates a curiosity even in dressers who say they r straight. Some just fantasize about being with men. But, some actually swear they r attracted to men only when they r dressed! And, do hook up.

I'd say, just keep your cat senses up in case u feel something's not rite!:straightface:

[faltenrock]

Don't read anything into it. This happens to me every time I'm out dressed at least once.

[char GG]

Yes, my husband also gets complimented by men. I believe he likes it. He will actually “strike a pose” when complimented! He will also recall and tell people, that he was whistled at, honked at, propositioned, etc. He seeks out validation. He will downplay his excitement when I’m with him but it's obvious.

My feeling is this; he that in man mode, he is a very good looking for his age but only gets complimented when someone has to look at his ID (for senior discounts!, haha). My telling him that he looks great is just same old same old to him, he enjoys the outside attention. I don’t read much more into it than that. You know your husband best.

If I were you, I wouldn’t worry unless it morphs into something more.

[mbmeen12]

If I were you, I wouldn’t worry unless it morphs into something more. Well said and everything is fine I'm sure. Think of it this way, when your complimented and how you felt.

PS It is great you support the inner gurl in him. It makes for s super relationship.

X Kara

[Helen_Highwater]

Let's come at this from a different angle. The customer isn't expecting to see a man in a dress. Hence he's probably a little taken aback. So does he, say nothing, hurl an insult, a WTF, or does he make an off the cuff remark that may have an element of truth to it as a way of breaking the ice? It's the sort of lighthearted remark "blokes" make when in unfamiliar territory.

If it had been a female driver he probably wouldn't have made the same comment for fear of being called sexist.

Don't read anything into it. I've not yet been complemented by a man, I live in hope, but I've had lots of comments from women about what I'm wearing or the colour of my nails. And yes it makes me feel good, who wouldnt?

[alwayshave]

Soapstar, I think a little affirmation from a stranger is not an indication of your husbands sexual preference. I would appreciate the comment for just that and nothing else.

[SaraLin]

Soapstar411,

It's always wise to keep your eyes and ears open, just in case, but from what you've told us, I think that you two are probably fine.

The reason *I* think you're safe, is that he's coming home and telling you about what happened. It always seems like one of the warning signs of real trouble is when a person's loved one goes into silent mode.

for what it's worth, I've only been 'out' a few times, and the rare instances where a man did something nice (compliment, holding the door for me, etc.) I was on cloud nine! and no- it didn't have anything to do with wanting any kind of sexual/romantic connection. Even if it was for just-that-moment, I felt like I was being accepted as a female, and I L*O*V*E*D it!!

[NancySue]

Compliments are always very nice and appreciated especially when we go through so much (enjoyable) efforts. Time will tell. If it’s just a casual comment and nothing more, I, too, think you’re OK. However, I wouldn’t assume anything. If it goes beyond compliments, and his enjoyment of being hit on continues or becomes moreintensive, you may have to readdress. For me, being complimented and being hit on are two distinctly different actions.

[IleneD]

I think that if a stranger wanted to go directly to a CrossDresser's heart (so to speak), they would go via THE LEGS.
IMO, nearly all CD-ers love their own legs. They love the look of their legs, the feel of legs in stockings, the way legs look and feel in heels and skirts. CD is VERY MUCH about The Legs. I think your husband's passenger hit Her sweet spot by complimenting Legs.
Now that you know the secret too, you can compliment your husbands legs to your advantage. (LOL). Love him well, Soap. Love him. I know you do.

[CONSUELO]

One aim of a cross dresser is to look as feminine as possible. A compliment from a stranger, man or woman, tells them that they are doing a good job of looking like a woman. It is a huge confidence boost for most in this community to receive such a compliment. The compliment also carries with it an implicit acceptance that you are a cross dresser and that it is OK.
I would not get bothered about his being gay.

When you say he drives at night and picks up customers that tells me that he is possibly a cab driver, perhaps with Uber of Lyft. You don't seem to be worried by his working while dressed and presumably he takes care of make up and hair also. I have the impression that you must be very accepting of your husband's dressing. Good for you!

[ClosetED]

Glad to have you back SoapStar!
Think about it without gender - don't all people like to be complimented by other people?
As a GG, don't you feel good about compliments from other women? You probably get them from family, friends, acquaintances but love it more from strangers.
Another form of compliment, but with possible dark side, is the wolf-whistle. Some women see it as a compliment that they look good, but fear physical interactions.
If a woman you met at work or a party told YOU the you had nice legs, would you be flattered? Bothered by it - possibly a bit, as opposed to complimenting your hair.
As others said, this validates that they do look feminine to others and not just fooling themselves. They want that validation and not really sex with other men. But I think we also love it when GG's compliment our looks as well, but then, for heterosexual CDers, is that risking being 'hit on'?
I hope that helps see it from a few more sides.
Hugs, Ellen

[Julia Welch]

Everyone likes compliments so just leave it at that ...

[Eva Bella]

I'll add to the chorus here. Outside of wearing an expensive and perfectly fitted suit, it's hard to get compliments on your appearance as a guy. Especially from a stranger. When we present en-femme, it's thrilling and validating to hear positive feedback. This is routine for cis women, but a whole new world for us.

[Amelie]

For your husband to be flattered is not really an issue. Anyone who gets a compliment is usually flattered.

But think of this in a female perspective. If you were driving a client in a car and got a compliment about how nice your legs looked, first thing to come to my mind is this guy a creep, as any female probably would. I would say thanks but be on my guard cause most creeps I run into start of with a compliment. Your husband can take the compliment as flattering but since he now portrays himself as a woman he must also have the instincts of a woman.

Edit: I just re-read where your husband drives at night. The night time makes one need to be especially cautious.

[JenniferR771]

Thanks for your note Soapstar. It is so important to us to understand to woman's point of view. What are your most important concerns? What is your instinctive emotional response?
I think Char is right. It is a validation. Someone thinks he looks good.
I once got a compliment by two gay men who were standing just outside the door of a gay bar. I could not help but do a twirl for them. I appreciated validation for all the work I went to get gussied-up.
Women sometimes feel the same way (I suspect). If you have gone to a lot of trouble and expense with your hair, outfit and makeup and are wearing some great heels. Don't you hate it when some men don't even notice. They look right through you! "Down in front this will be a field goal". What could be worse?

[AmberLeigh]

At first I thought it was weird when men would pay me compliments and it botherd me a little. I thought to myself, why is it bothering me? I'm comfortable with my orientation so if someone feels that way about me, it doesn't change me and who I am.

[Jenny22]

I often compliment women on how pretty their nails are, and without exception they always say thank you. Everyone enjoys a personal compliment. Women especially do as long as they are not being hit on... and maybe even then?

[Jessica May]

I'm just going to basically echo what most have said. Personally I think its nice to be complimented regardless of the source. It feels nice when someone tells you look good after yous pend a lot of effort on presenting well. Just my two cents but I wouldn't read into it beyond him being flattered.

[Becky Blue]

I love being complimented by either men or women it makes me feel great to think thats someone is nice enough to actually comment... it makes no difference to me whether the compliment is from a man or a woman.

[Stephanie47]

OK, a guy gets into a car and the male driver is dressed like a woman. Presumably wearing a skirt or dress, otherwise the legs would not be showing? What's the patron or customer suppose to say? I'd suspect, even if the customer did not approve of a man wearing women's clothing, he may just remark out of small talk or courtesy. Sort of what the heck! At least the guy has nice legs! What would your husband do or feel if the customer said something uncomplimentary or said he'd find some other transportation? Also, complimenting your husband's legs does not necessarily equal being hit upon.

[Rhonda Jean]

I'm not going to be quite as nonchalant about it as most others have. It's not so much the compliments. It's a combination of things. I read your other posts before commenting on this one.

You said in one thread that he was buying stuff from Victoria's Secret. Stuff that YOU couldn't afford. If you can't afford it, he can't afford it either. That's an indicator that he puts his wants above yours. He evidently treats his feminine self to things out of reach for you, and that's not right. It show a self-centered-ness that's out of place.

Realize that if he's driving (for Lyft or Uber) while dressed, that's graduate-level crossdressing. You are both WAY down the road on this. Not many of us on here have reached that level, myself included. As someone else pointed out, he's apparently wearing skirts or dresses. If we are to also presume that he's wearing short skirts and dresses, I think we're teetering on the brink of something here. If he's also wearing heels (to drive!)... Hmmmm. You see him. You know whether he looks like a hot woman or like a guy in a dress. You can read into what you see him wearing if he's fishing for compliments.

On the surface, I don't think there's anything wrong with him liking the compliments or even being excited about it. I personally think it crosses a line if he's dressing provocatively. (I don't need any lectures about how it shouldn't matter). You and he also have to consider the danger. I'm sure I don't have to spell that out to you.

What would he see as appropriate for you to wear in the same situation? How would he expect you to react or feel when complimented by a man riding in your vehicle at night? The rules do not change because he's a crossdresser. How do other women drivers dress?

Compliment in themselves aren't the problem. Maybe they mean that that particular man is attracted to him, maybe he's just being nice. If it's that he's attracted to him, how does he react to that. Where is his head in all this? Frankly, the first time a man came on to me it scared the crap out of me. The fact that it doesn't scare him is a little telling. I will tell you that when he's not scared, it's probably exciting him in a way that you'd be less than comfortable with. Doesn't mean he'll act on it. I personally think it's a bit of a betrayal even if it's only that he gets off on the compliments. Alone in a car late at night with a man who is attracted to him as a woman, a guy who may be from out of town, a guy who may have been drinking. You add it up.

[Rachelakld]

I love compliments, however one was laying it on a bit thick and was after a date, had to close him down. I mean he was nice enough but I'm not into guys.

[AlexisRaeMoon]

I'm probably in the minority here, but I actually get a little creeped out when I get a compliment from a man. It's one of the reasons that I had to get off Flickr, because the thought of crossdresser obsessed men telling me I looked hot really started to weird me out. However, that's probably more my own issue than anything else. I don't mind compliments from other crossdressers, because I feel like it's a supportive, camaraderie thing - like, "Hey, thumbs up! Good job!"

I absolutely love it when I got compliments from real women. To me, that's like the ultimate validation, because they're putting aside any internal prejudice that they may have about a man in women's clothes and just being honest.

Of course, this is all without any context. It could've been an innocent compliment, and probably no big deal. But without being there, we're just sort of projecting here. If your husband is honest, and you trust him, then I wouldn't worry about.

Though I totally agree with the earlier poster who said driving Uber en femme is definitely graduate-level crossdressing! I can't imagine being that far down the road...(No pun intended).

[donnalee]

I'd worry more if he started complimenting guys, but it really depends on the context.
Perhaps a ride along might be a good idea, but I wouldn't give him a heads up, just spring it on him - you have to go somewhere right away and your car has troubles, you don't feel safe going out alone at night, it's an emergency - well ,you get the idea.
I really doubt you have much to worry about.

[suzanne]

First of all, its rare for a CD to get any kind of a compliment from a man. When it does happen, it could be taken as a sign that he was VERY impressed. That has never happened to me, but when I am complimented by a woman, it definitely feels like validation.

[Joyce Swindell]

So if he passes well then it's just a compliment. If he looks like a guy in women's clothes then who knows what it was. Point being if you trust him then it's a non issue. If he is a big guy and the passenger was a little guy maybe he was complimenting in looking for a break in his fare? So many possibilities......talk to him/ask him about it...honesty with him is the best approach....I think. It sounds like you're in this together.