Opps!!!

[Glenda58]

I'm pretty careful about sale slips I try to put them in trash right a way. But yesterday I just back home from Kohl's after returning a top that was to small. Wife said let's go we're meeting friends for dinner and their house for drinks after. I put the sale slip in my back pocket and off we go. Later that I take my phone out of back pocket and the sales slip falls out but I didn't see it. Today the friend calls the wife and asks her if it was hers because it had a skirt and top on it with a credit card number. Wife says no and for her to toss it out.

Well that when the SH*% hit the fan. She knew it was mine number and we're in a DADT relationship. I told it was mine but I had returned it which was true. But I got a replacement. She said how would I like it if she told all my friends. I said great then I wouldn't have to hide it anymore.

Then she says what if she tells her daughter who thinks the world of me. I said I know your daughter and the first think she would ask you is when did you find out that he like to dress in women cloths and you would have to tell her before we got married. Then she would say he was honest with you and you still married him and now you want him to change.

Wife hasn't talk to me yet. But I have been moving some of my things I will to gone for 10 days a few of them to dress in my new things.

[Sami Brown]

I am sorry, Glenda, that you had such a terrible day. Hopefully writing about it here provides some support through this difficult time.

I admire your courage for standing up for yourself despite the threats. Hopefully she will calm down by tomorrow.

Sami

[Beverley Sims]

Glenda, we all get caught sometimes, I hope over time it can improve for you.

[MindiB]

Yep sounds the same except I did a girls night out with my daughters and I don't care what she thinks. (See Special Events) Girls night out.

[Majella St Gerard]

extortion anyone

[Dana44]

Hope she settles down and things get back to normal for you.

[docrobbysherry]

I can't decide which is worse. :straightface:

Lying and hiding or blackmail?:sad:

[Kay J]

If you are in a DADT relationship ask her that you don't want to hide little things like sales slips or any other small things. Don't try to much at one time. If you talk nicely things may get better for you in time .

[Jaylyn]

I'm sorry Glenda as said already we usually are gonna get caught sometimes. My wife's and my bank accounts are at the same bank. We each have an account and then a joint of which we both contribute to pay bills. I use mine for most of my dressing things and makeup etc. I got caught buying hose and a lot of makeup not too long ago. She just happened to check the bank account that same day and when there's a debit it shows fast I found out. I did buy some grass seed, a few groceries and a bunch of makeup. She asked me if I went shopping that day and I told her. Wouldn't have been so bad as I usually shop and buy for the farm out of my account but not Walmart. I had to tell her I bought groceries and Jaylyn bought a few things. It's cash for me from now on. I did though destroy the receipt but the bank debits showed how much I had spent. It's easy to slip up especially in a DADT.
Maybe she'll cool down while you are gone for those ten days. Just walk on egg shells till you can get gone. Sorry this happened to you, but we all usually get caught sometimes.

[alwayshave]

My take on DADT, is you don't tell or shove it in her face. You didn't. Sounds more like don't than don't tell.

[Krisi]

Crossdressing aside, I see a marriage in trouble here. One where love and caring about each other seem to be gone. We shouldn't be hiding things from our partners and we shouldn't be threatening each other.

My take on DADT (not a good situation to begin with) is that the crossdresser dresses when the wife is not around and doesn't talk about it to the wife. The wife knows it's going on but doesn't ask or talk about it. In this case, she knows you dress so she shouldn't be surprised that you buy women's clothes. She shouldn't have made a big deal about finding out about it. And you shouldn't have said what you said. That just made it worse.

Sometimes we have to know when to shut our mouth and walk away.

As for your marriage - You're going to have to fix it or end it. Life is too short to fight constantly with your partner.

[CONSUELO]

One very interesting part of your post is the statement that your now wife knew that you were a cross dresser before you were married, yet she went ahead and married you anyway. My question is why? Didn't she know what cross dressing is? Given the availability of information I find her decision to marry you anyway to be perplexing.

That said this seems to be moving into the major row category. I hope you can defuse it and come to some reasonable understanding.

[Pat]

A marriage counselor once told me that if you have a fight about something that it's unusual for you to fight about and it escalates quickly, the fight is probably not about that thing. (As an example, I once had married friends who got into a rip-roaring fight over whether butter should be kept in the fridge or left out on the table. That fight wasn't about butter.) His take on it was that there's something else (usually sex or money) that they feel they're "putting up with" but don't want to talk about and the unusual thing causes a reaction of "I'm not going to put up with <the big, unspoken thing> and this too!"

Just saying, maybe there are other sources of tension in your marriage that should be looked at. ;)

[Jenny22]

Glenda, I feel like the defecation contacted the ventilation mostly due to your wife feeling embarassed 'in front' of her friend due to the phone conversation.

[Kelly DeWinter]

Take the high road and apologize(sounds like you have) and try to de-escalate while engaging in conversation. Kindness is always the best policy.

[Tracii G]

She is in a sense trying to blackmail you with comments like that.
Sure she might be mad over something totally non related to this incident that could have happened a week ago.
I think Jenny makes a good point she was just embarrassed.

[DIANEF]

This is why I always pay cash for things, easier to draw some out at the ATM and use that in the store, also the fact that mail order is not an option right now.

[Tracii G]

I would rather pay cash like you do Diane.
The lesson here is keep a better eye on your receipts.

[Kelly DeWinter]

I not sure she was trying to blackmail, In family arguments things are said in the heat of the moment that later on seem rash. Like Jenny said it was probably more like embarrassment. Thats why taking a day or two when everyone's calmer or seeing a counselor would most likely help.

[Glenda58]

I'm sure she was embarrassed. But the blackmail back fired on her because at 70 I just don't care who knows. She is calmer on been talking to me. She knows I'm not going to stop dressing. She even told me I'n good in every other way and I treat her great. She just thinks if I love her that I would stop. I told it doesn't work that way about dressing up. I love her but I'm not going to apologize for something that she knew about before we got married and has a problem with it. I don't dress in front of her or when she is around for respect for her.

[Micki_Finn]

It kinda works both ways you know. Yes she knew about your dressing but married you anyway, but I can turn that around and say that you knew she was uncomfortable with it but you married her anyway.

The bottom line is that this just doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship.

[Glenda58]

It kinda works both ways you know. Yes she knew about your dressing but married you anyway, but I can turn that around and say that you knew she was uncomfortable with it but you married her anyway.

The bottom line is that this just doesn’t sound like a healthy relationship.

She didn't say she was uncomfortable with it. If she did I would not have married her. I've been through this to many times before with my other wife's and didn't want to go there again. I just want to dress in peace with no hassle.

[Hollibelle]

Is it possible that she was just mad because you were "careless"? Sometimes I think we want to over analyze things. The wife and I got into it on our way home because we werje talking about me getting one of those knee scooters. I told her the one I thought I needed was more than what I wanted to spend but it had bigger tires on the front... well she cut me off and said you dont need it, you justg want it because it costs more. Welp that put me through the roof. Last PC i built I went middle of thef road, last laptop...i bought a reforb from DELL. My rifle I bought I specifically did not buy the one I "wanted" because I could not justify the extra money.

Oh and my new skirt, refused to pay $40 for it. The next day I got it for half off 😇

[Tracii G]

We are all human and we make mistakes so maybe she can forgive you for it.

[Glenda58]

We're talking she has been herself. I'm getting ready my golf trip and she been helping me with things. I just won't her know about the other bag.

[suzanne]

So she thought she could "fix" what was "wrong" with you? (Hey, nothing wrong with you, so nothing to fix except her attitude. OMG, she needs to hear that!) Has she ever listened to a word you have said about your feelings toward dressing? Have you ever gotten the chance to say something without getting a frosty silence? Does she know exactly how many women ended their marriage to you over this? And that you let them rather than give up something thats such an intimate and precious part of you?

Does she even have a shred of respect for you? Respect says "I don't understand or like some parts of you, but i realize their validity and I'm willing to try to understand them or at least make accommodation for them" You say she loves everything else about you, but is that really love? Because real love is unconditional.

Just saying. Good luck with your DADT.