Can't quit

[deebra]

Just read a thread where it was said once you have the desire to cross dress you are not likely to have it ever go away. So where does that leave us as crossdressers if we want to quit and get rid of all the problems that go with cross dressing? Society acceptance, family, wife, job, embarrassment it does come with problems plus not passing and some CDers just don't look like a woman when dressed. Whether you purge, try abstaining or whatever that hunger will always be there and it can get so overwhelming that you just have to get off your abstaining diet and go put some panties on. Feels so good, helped with the hunger but didn't get rid of it, just stimulated your need for more, to dress and be feminine. What now that you've tried to quit and can't? Continue to dress and deal with the problems? Accept and dress as a woman and enjoy it but dislike it? Or say screw everybody and everything, accept you are born mentally part female and you just have to be normal for who you are and dress female.

[rachael.davis]

I'm in early transition, slouching into full time, so this may not apply to everyone, or anyone other than me. I've purged, cried, repented, fasted & prayed, took insane steps to be more "masculine" than any other alpha male - all same oh same oh, and nothing changed.
MY GG best friend / big sister commented when I got scared and wondered about backing up / backing off (at least I knew the rules and felt safe, not happy but safe)
Her comment - so how did stuffing the Djinn back into the lamp work the last 10,000 times you tried it Aladdin?

[bridget thronton]

We all need to do what seems best for ourselves and our families (it can be like an optimization problem)

[Krisi]

If you want or need to quit, just stop doing it. No different than smoking or drinking. Actually, easier because smoking and drinking have a chemical dependence. Crossdressing does not.

Here's your choice each morning - bra and panties or briefs and a tee shirt. Want to quit crossdressing? Choose the briefs and tee shirt. Get rid of the bras and panties.

Don't really want to quit? Keep on wearing the bra and panties. It's your choice. You weren't born mentally part female, that's just an excuse.

[Jaylyn]

I understand all of your questions and the problems you encounter. I also worry at my age about dying and all my girly things be found by my kids. The girls might laugh but my son would not think it was funny and I have thought maybe hate me the rest of his life. It's so hard to juggle CDng and family. I've purged so many times and stopped for a bunch of years while working to support the family, except maybe dabbling into my wife's old makeup drawer. Especially when alone during the working years. I've even thought I was going crazy at several points in my struggle to stop. After retirement I did get back into the CDng more and now I'm really going strong but I know that I still have barriers I wish I could cross but will probably never get to. My wife knows but really wishes I'd not do it and made me promise to only persue the passion inside of our house. This doesn't satisfy the want to be out though.
I've accepted that sometimes my mental part has a femme touch as you posted but I get by because I've never been accused of thinking with my whole brain any way... Lol
Krisi I know the brain is not half female but it sure does feel better in soft women's attire than those briefs and t shirts.

[DaisyLawrence]

Can't quit?? Then don't quit. Problem solved, next customer please.
If, on the other hand you really really want/need to quit, you're probably talking to the wrong people!

Jaylyn, you worry too much about the death thing, nothing can hurt you when you are dead. Afterall, nothing is worse for any individual than being dead.

EDIT:

I have NO idea why I was referred to by Suzanne in post number 8. My reply above bears NO resemblance to that of Krisi in ANY way.
Suzanne: YOU really haven't been paying attention, not me. I suggest you read a reply properly BEFORE picking on the author. The same goes to the others that have complemented you on post number 8 (sarahcrossed etc).

[dana 1]

Normal for who you are, that says it all.

[suzanne]

Krisi and Daisy. You really haven't been paying attention to all those who have quit or purged and then found they couldn't stay on the wagon. Its clear that, for most of us, purging or quitting is is like sticking your finger in the dyke to stop a flood. Why is that? And why are the stories here always so consistent?

It is now known that both mentally and physically, all human beings begin life in the female form. If the fetus' chromosomes are XY, then the usual male structures develop. Penises form, testicles descend into place and "masculine" structures form in the brain. Usually. But not always. If that development happens physically but not in those brain structures, you get us. Our brains ARE female to a greater or lesser extent. Forcing us to fit into the gender roles assigned to us at birth is the problem, not the dressing. The guilt, shame, ridicule etc are all imposed on us by society and are easier to shed than our feminine tendencies.

Its more accurate to compare our situation to being left-handed. Which, coincidentally, also was once considered to be a defect that must be corrected. Forcing a lefty to do things righthanded leads to nothing but problems throughout the victims life. For no good reason.

[sarahcrossed]

Krisi and Daisy. You really haven't been paying attention to all those who have quit or purged and then found they couldn't stay on the wagon. Its clear that, for most of us, purging or quitting is is like sticking your finger in the dyke to stop a flood. Why is that? And why are the stories here always so consistent?

It is now known that both mentally and physically, all human beings begin life in the female form. If the fetus' chromosomes are XY, then the usual male structures develop. Penises form, testicles descend into place and "masculine" structures form in the brain. Usually. But not always. If that development happens physically but not in those brain structures, you get us. Our brains ARE female to a greater or lesser extent. Forcing us to fit into the gender roles assigned to us at birth is the problem, not the dressing. The guilt, shame, ridicule etc are all imposed on us by society and are easier to shed than our feminine tendencies.

Its more accurate to compare our situation to being left-handed. Which, coincidentally, also was once considered to be a defect that must be corrected. Forcing a lefty to do things righthanded leads to nothing but problems throughout the victims life. For no good reason.

A thousand times this.

[rachael.davis]

It's your choice. You weren't born mentally part female, that's just an excuse.

It turns out my mom was RH-, I'm a second kid and RH+, mom denied it during her life, but I know that "Doctor knows best" was the rule of thumb, particularly for military dependants using DOD hospitals. I tried to check my birth records, but there was a massive warehouse fire years ago, well before everything was on microfiche so they're gone.
At any rate I'm fairly certain that I'm a DES baby, and spent the first part of my life swimming laps in a massively estrogen enriched pool, and I'm equally certain I've never had a male brain - persona yes indeed, brain not so much

[Elizabeth G]

If you want or need to quit, just stop doing it. No different than smoking or drinking. Actually, easier because smoking and drinking have a chemical dependence. Crossdressing does not.

Here's your choice each morning - bra and panties or briefs and a tee shirt. Want to quit crossdressing? Choose the briefs and tee shirt. Get rid of the bras and panties.

Don't really want to quit? Keep on wearing the bra and panties. It's your choice. You weren't born mentally part female, that's just an excuse.

Yes, it's true - in the morning I can choose to not put on panties and a bra. However I can NOT chose to not want to put them on.

[Pat]

It is now known that both mentally and physically, all human beings begin life in the female form.

My understanding is that is not medically correct. The fetus is not "female" it is "undifferentiated" until development of the sex organs. A woman does not come from a fetus that fails to develop a penis -- a woman comes from a fetus that specifically develops female sex organs.

It appears at this point in time that being trans is at least partially genetic (there are DNA markers for transgender folks both FtM and MtF, and twins studies show the trait is inheritable) and perhaps also partially developmental. At least one scientist claims to have identified a unique "trans brain" which is neither male nor female. In 20 years, 40 years, 100 years, maybe we'll actually know they answer.

Which leads us to:


Its more accurate to compare our situation to being left-handed. Which, coincidentally, also was once considered to be a defect that must be corrected. Forcing a lefty to do things righthanded leads to nothing but problems throughout the victims life.

Which I whole-heartedly agree with, being both trans AND left-handed. ;)

[CynthiaD]

Of course you can quit. When I was in high school I decided I was going to give up all the girl stuff and not think about it any more. Then after a number of years of successfully not thinking about it, I realized I'd given up the best part of myself, the things I liked best about myself. So now I dress every day. I embrace the things I had once given up. I feel more "genuine" than I ever have. When I see the woman in the mirror, I see myself, not some stranger. Yes, I could give it up again. Why would I want to?

(And as a side note, I'm also left-handed, but was forced into right-handedness in grade school.)

(One other side note: When I get dressed up and made up and I'm standing in front of the mirror looking totally female, my first thought is "F... the world." And the thought pleases me.)

[Joni T]

It's like quitting smoking or drinking. It's called will-power.
Jon

[docrobbysherry]

I don't know anything about quitting, Deebra. I guess when I get tired of dressing? I'll just cut back or quit!?:straightface:

However, I've always been jealous of u, "Throw on a pair of panties, a bra, and be satisfied", girls. I passed thu that simple stage 20 years ago! Now, it's all the way or nothing for me!:battingeyelashes:

[Tracii G]

My question is why are some of you so locked in to viewing this with a victim mentality?
If you need to deal with something just deal with it and quit trying to make up reasons to lie to yourself and claim to be a victim of DNA markers.

[Teresa]

Krisi,
I hope you were talking from your own viewpoint , your last comment is way off the mark for many of us . Some are wired differently at berth it's now a proven fact and not an excuse , if it were that easy this forum probably wouldn't exist .

talking of quitting is fine for members who treat it as a hobby , go and find something else other than pretty panties and bras to collect, I don't have that many as you'll find many GGs don't .

The choice of physically dressing or not doesn't change the inner feelings, to me the clothes are the window to World to how we feel inside , in that context why even consider if you need or want to stop or not ?

Jaylyn,
I'm not going to let that issue worry me at all, I've done enough for them all and they know I'm determined to safeguard their inheritance , as long as they get the money the rest isn't going to affect them .

I'm going to repeat something a good friend told me some time ago when I talked about my fears of coming out to my son in particular , he replied by saying , " What makes you think he hasn't got something to hide from you !" I've never forgotten that, when we all talk about the fears of coming out to people , we aren't the only CDer in World we never truly know when we're talking to another !

Tracii,
That point is becoming clearer and clearer , that's why I don't believe DADT is a successful long term solution , you can't clearly deal with it until you are free of all those restraints .

[Princess Chantal]

I am in the almost same boat as Sherry. I could see myself not crossdressing anymore/severely cutting back if I get tired of it, lose interest, isn’t a pleasure to do, have negative impacts to my life or am not physically able to due to health issues. Many of you may not believe it, however remember there is a really good chance that my crossdressing history, tendencies and mindset does not mirror your own journey.

[Janie Jane]

We read about all the people who have tried to give up CD'g and failed. Do we really expect to hear the stories of those that have succeeded....on this forum? Just a question to ponder. BTW, I'm here to stay and my wife says I'm a much better person now that Jane has emerged. And she is absolutely right!
Jane

[LilSissyStevie]

Of course you can quit. You don't have to believe every thought you have, you don't have to wallow in every emotion you feel, you don't have to act on every impulse. For me, once I disabused myself of the delusion that I had a "feminine side" or an "inner woman" the power that CDing had over me dissipated to a great extent. I still do it because I haven't found a better way to waste my time, yet.

[Teresa]

Dandizette,
If only it were as easy as that for some of us , OK it can waste too much time occasionally but it's life to some of us, truly inseparable !

[GracieRose]

I like Bridget's observation
it can be like an optimization problem.
There is no "one size fits all" answer. We are all different, and we can all stop, but we each pay a price for stopping. Depending on where we are on the spectrum, some pay a bigger price than others. Add to that
Society acceptance, family, wife, job, embarrassment it does come with problems plus not passing and some CDers just don't look like a woman when dressed, the costs and benefits are different for each of us. The balance that we end up with is harder to bear for some than others, but no one is guaranteed an easy trip through their life. Think of women born into societies where women are treated like possessions, or worse. People living in war zones, unable to escape. The woman, beautiful on the inside, but shunned because she was born with physical attributes considered unattractive to society in general. (Whoops, time to get off of the soapbox)
When I start feeling sorry for myself, I find solace in following the age-old advice of counting my blessings rather than focusing on frustrations (perhaps easier for me to say than for many others).
Perhaps I didn't summarize this well.
As a crossdresser in today's society, crossdressing can be stressful. However, because of who I am, not crossdressing is stressful. No matter what I do, I'm cursed with some amount of stress because of who I am and how society perceives that. I'm still searching for the right balance that allows me to experience the minimum amount of overall stress. I think that a lot of others here are in the same situation. Since we are all different, the optimum point is different for each of us.

[Cassandra Lynn]

A thousand times this.
Make that 1001!

It's like quitting smoking or drinking. It's called will-power.
Jon

This little gem has led tens of thousands of alcoholics and addicts to die of the disease of addiction. Posting your opinion as a statement of fact without the knowledge or experience is stooopid.
Treatment doesn't begin until self will is tossed into the trash can.

Sorry for the thread jacking.
------------
Pat posted a wonderful thread sometime ago, about the latest findings which included info from studies about early fetal development and the findings by science and the medical community regarding gender. I wouldn't begin to know where to find it and link it here, but maybe if she sees this again she'll do so.

Edit:
I found it: https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?253723-Our-favorite-quot-Why-quot-questions&highlight=
It's a bit of a read, but it does cover some topics brought up in this thread.

[Brynna M]

Elisabeth had it right, you can always choose not to wear panties etc but you will probably never completely not want to crossdress. But just like the choice to dress has all th consequences you name completely denying a part of yourself will have consequences though they can be less clear cut. Self loathing and unfulfilled longing tend to put a negative spin on life. I’ll also comment on the irony of active participants in a cross dresser message board telling some one else how easy it is to quit cross dressing.

[Isabella Ross]

I think Tracii and Cynthia hit the nail on the head here. I spent most of my life thinking like the OP. One day I realized that, with the exception of loving and being loved, nothing remotely comes close to the feeling of wholeness I experience when I honor my desires to be feminine. From that point on, I began thinking of it as a gift...and I began feeling sorry for people who either don't know the feeling, or won't allow themselves to experience the feeling. The hurdles and challenges are nothing compared to the joy of allowing myself to look and feel pretty.

[Diane Taylor]

Just go with the flow and let things happen naturally. Trying to suppress your desires is not healthy.

[Patricia_Campi]

Talking about myself. I really wanted to give everything away. And I did...

After some years, I want to dress more than ever!! Today, when I talk with other fellow crossdresser, they all have been there. Maybe there is, like, 2% of us that can really stop, but until today, I never met one!

But, that´s my point of view!

Cheers,

Patricia

[Maria 60]

Going through something like you, I know what your talking about. I guit smoking twenty years ago, not by choice I loved to smoke, but it didn't agree with me and for health reasons I had to let it go. That was the hardest thing I had ever did, even now after all these years I still find myself reaching in my pockets for my cigarettes and still craving. For some reason I'm able to control these cravings, I believe it's because I know if I didn't quit I would have been dead or suffering which was the road I was on.
When I told my wife about the dressing twenty plus years ago I promised I would be happy in the closet, and now it's far from that. It started with a Halloween drive that lead to another and another and now that's all I want to do, when the craving comes I could confine it for a little, but it doesn't go away that's all I start to think about till finally I give in. The problem is just like the cigarette I enjoy it but the dressing isn't bad for my health it's not going to kill me, but it's taking a big risk and if I get spotted that would probably kill me. My wife sees me when I'm trying to fight with my urges, I'm moody and she tells me to stop beating myself up and go for the drive and be careful. It's been a few months now that I'm controlling it but I can't seem to let it go, I went from three times a week to once every few weeks.
Im only telling you this to let you know your not alone, I know some answers here where "just stop" and we know we can only wish it was that easy. After my wife has been dealing with this all these years and is living it all first hand and at times it has put alot of strane on our marriage, but a few years ago she said she has to give up because it's real and it seems like it's in my blood. Just like the smoking was a hard and long struggle even till today, the dressing is the same, we can quit but it would be a long and hard struggle. After all just like my wife says "ITS IN OUR BLOOD"

[phili]

I've been bragging about how I have come to terms with DADT- being totally out to myself, my mother's retirement place, and at the community college, while staying in the closet for my wife.

The problem is that all night I toss and turn and stay half awake or whatever kind of sleep it isn't, and in the morning while my wife is getting ready in the bathroom I have about 2 minutes to pick an outfit and go out in the dark and get the paper, return, change, and presto her hubby. She knows I am doing this, but the invisibility really works.

The craving is intense- and I feel I am bursting. I've been wrestling with why I am craving dressing so much. Quitting is on the table, as this is so interfering with a normal sense of life- but I won't.

I think it is self-definition- first thing in the morning I wake up- my most intense need is to answer the question " who am I"? I reach for something super fem and after a few minutes I feel 'OK now I can pretend the rest of the day'.

Essentially I have accepted this tension because I am trying to have a foot in both worlds. When I am feeling I am a woman and no longer have a foot in the man world, I lose the intense interest in dressing- it is more just 'what culturally expected clothes to wear today'. But lack of sleep gets old. Quitting crossdressing? No - but may be quitting denying myself more room to live.

[kimdl93]

To paraphrase Samuel Clemens, "quitting cross dressing is easy. I've done it dozens of times."

I've also paid the costs associated with denying, suppressing, and trying to allow some degree of expression in my life. All indeed had their costs, and inflicted themselves on those dear to me. Which leaves me doubtful that I can permanently put this aspect aside. Denial is pretty hard in the wake of coming out/being out. I can abstain for long periods of time, but during that time endure the familiar strains of repression. Now, I'm mostly alone, so I have the latitude for self expression at the price of living a largely solitary existence. That's my reality.

[Ressie]

...just stop doing it. No different than smoking or drinking. Actually, easier because smoking and drinking have a chemical dependence. Crossdressing does not.

It's your choice. You weren't born mentally part female, that's just an excuse.

I don't know about everyone else but I get an endorphin or Dopamine rush from Crossdressing. These internal drugs are vert addicting in my case and I'm sure it's the same for many CDs.

Intersex is the most obvious form of being both male and female, but even that sometimes isn't obvious. There are also different degrees of male and female hormones in each of us. Or we may mentally believe that we are part female. It isn't black and white IMO.

[JoannaCD]

I'm not going to let that issue worry me at all, I've done enough for them all and they know I'm determined to safeguard their inheritance , as long as they get the money the rest isn't going to affect them .

I'm going to repeat something a good friend told me some time ago when I talked about my fears of coming out to my son in particular , he replied by saying , " What makes you think he hasn't got something to hide from you !" I've never forgotten that, when we all talk about the fears of coming out to people , we aren't the only CDer in World we never truly know when we're talking to another !



Teresa, thank you so much for posting those insights. I needed to be reminded of those things. I'm going to print this entire thread and put in with my will in the case I don't have that talk with my daughter.

[Teresa]

Phili,
It could be an age thing but my sleep pattern is becoming a drag if you excuse the unintended pun , lack of sleep does have an aging affect that's why I use Olay lift and firm moisturiser everyday ,especially around the eyes.

Do you think your craving would be less if you didn't have to do it in a DADT situation ? For me it's now working on the balancing act I want to make full time work but it's not so easy if you are a capable guy and are prepared to do most jobs yourself. Dressing just does go with using a chainsaw despite the Monty Python's song !!

Joanna ,
You're welcome, the insights only happen if you are out to people , it is surprising what other's think of our situation and how they relate to it from the outside ( non CDing that is ). We do have to stand back and realise it's not always about us and it shouldn't cloud our judgement to the detriment of close family members . I feel some of us go through so much because we care almost too much .

[phili]

Just wanted to thank all of you, and Deebra for the OP. I just went back and read them all again, and saw many new things that help a lot-something in every post. I am fortunate to have you all in my life. I'm going to try to catch the collective understanding expressed here and if I succeed, I'll bet I'll be able to sleep! ;0)

[Judy-Somthing]

I haven't been able to fully dress in two years and I noticed lately that I'm getting angry about it!
I need a plan.

[nikkiwindsor]

Judy, I can relate to how you're feeling...I wasn't permitted by my wife to dress for several years and I was angry, upset, frustrated, pouty, melancholy, you name it. My wife realized I was miserable and knew it was my GD...she then allowed me to dress which I do at least twice a week and I feel so much more content and at peace...hope you find a plan that works for you...Nikki

[DMichele]

Collectively the members on this site are like Disney's 101 Dalmatians times 100, i.e. we are different. Because we are so different some, IMO a small percentage, may be able to turn CDing off. But I believe the vast majority are unable to turn the CD button off for reasons stated in earlier responses to this thread.

For me, I turned off the shame, embarrassment, worrying, etc. and accepted my TG identity and finally let go and discovered my true identity, and I love myself. Upon the realization that I can not change my brain's programming and accepting myself, I am happier today.

[Ginni]

I can't quit and don't want to. I crossdress because it is part of me. It is who I am.

[Megan Rice]

I stay enfemme for hours at a time but there's always that one thing called sleep that will derail happy Megan time I've done serious harm in the past with no sleep at all staying dressed up and winding. Up sick so I've wised up Mr sandman tells me to call it a day

[Lacey CD]

you just have to be normal for who you are and dress female.

This is the place I came to. After a lifetime of cycling, hiding, purging, crying, hating it, loving it........I sat down with my wife 15 months ago and told her I was tired of the duality and that I wanted to integrate the feminine into my every day life. That I wanted to feel whole and in order for me to do that, I needed to make some changes. It came on the heels of me spending 4 days of holiday alone staying dressed. I haven't worn a wig in years and I only do light makeup if any. During those 4 days I experimented with different looks and styles, forgoing what I wanted to wear and focusing on what looked good on me. I went shopping, hit the thrift stores and basically set up a makeover laboratory. Each day I got bolder and bolder and by the end I had developed a look that worked for me and I hoped would work for my wife and my life.

Up until this time my wife's tolerance for dressing was limited to simple, unadorned nylon or satin pajamas in neutral colors. No pink or baby blue. We took it slowly. Girl jeans a few times a week and a maybe a slinky top out to dinner to start. More and more her acceptance grew and now, I own one pair of male underwear for the doctor and aside from work, most of my clothing is either women's or consistent with the style I've created for myself. I took my time emerging to friends and family as well. I'm fortunate to have an incredible group of friends who love me for who I am and so far no one seems to have any problem with it whatsoever. Several of my close friends have been aware of my feminine side for years and have never judged me in the least so I went into this new phase with high expectations and wasn't disappointed!

I have never felt more free and satisfied in my life!! The trick for me was subduing the visual enough while maintaining a high degree of femininity. This has opened the door for what I can only describe as a holistic healing. Once I worked out the physical thing, my mind and spirit followed. There has been some down side mind you. The biggest issue has been my alpha is melting away and I'm finding it extremely challenging to do my job. I work in a high stress high pressure environment where I manage a large contingency of miscreants and malcontents that require a tough guy to reign them in and I just don't have it anymore. I had to have a heart to heart with my boss Friday and tell him I'm actively seeking other opportunities. I told him everything including why I don't have it in me anymore to do the job. To my surprise he was incredibly understanding and empathetic. It could have easily gone another direction. He and I have been through a lot together and I felt like I owed him an explanation.

Of course there's a lot more to this story, so much so I should probably write a book! I've come out the other side and while the journey was long and hard, it was worth every tear, every purge and every therapy session. It took growing up a great deal and daring to live my life authentically. Your circumstances of course are quite different then mine and I'm certainly not advocating you take the path I took. But there are some basic truths a lot of us share and my hope is that you can take something of value from what I've shared. I pray you come to a place in your life where you can fully let your light shine for all to see!!

[Confucius]

I don't like the word "can't". It may be unlikely that you can permanently quit, but I think we are all different, and anything can happen in life.

I know some people who claim to have quit. One of them is at this link: https://healingcd.wordpress.com/2012/03/18/12-steps-to-stop-crossdressing/

If you really, really want to quit then you might be able to. However the vast majority of us know that crossdressing makes us happy and we want to be happy. For myself, I decided to set some boundaries that I can live with, and I stick with those boundaries. This was mostly because I cannot pass. You will have too determine what works for you.

[Beverley Sims]

I'm sure you can quit, there must be a patch or an app somewhere. :-)

[Krisi]

Can a person quit crossdressing?

I'm going to quote Stewie Griffin from Family Guy (a TV show)"

Whether you think you can or think you can't, you're right.

[Robertacd]

If you really want to quit and can't do it on your own, I would suggest therapy. Because maybe you are dressing for the wrong reasons.

[SnowW]

I've tried quitting and purging on numerous occasions, but each time for me the desires and urges to dress as a woman seemingly comeback with a vengeance. You can say I'm sort of in the "back to dressing" stage now. I've basically acquired a new wardrobe and all things that go along with it. When I was younger I actually did seek counseling to see if there was a way to help me get rid of my desire to crossdress, but ultimately I found myself returning to it.

As a previous poster alluded to, I could chose not to wear a bra and panties, but the desire to wear the bra and panties will probably still be there.

[Stephanie Kimberlie]

I do not want to ever quit. I love it so much and feel so feminine. Simply wonderful!

[NjJamie]

Megan, I wish I had taken your advice a few weeks ago, I had done such a good job of getting ready that I couldn't let the day end! I eventually did undo my work but it was so late I never got a good nights sleep and sort of fell asleep in an important meeting the next day.

Lesson of the day? Start as early as possible if I want more time or really regret the consequences!

- - - Updated - - -

Deebra, I guess the real question is whether we want to quit or feel forced to, quite a difference which will be the decider for the vast majority of us. At times I've felt it was too much trouble for the rest of my world but it was almost always there, just lower on the priority. I don't think I ever saw it as something I didn't want to do, which means it's a part of my personality and can't be separated out. Now that I've had more time to indulge and access to resources (Love you Amazon!) it's become a more regular, calmer and enjoyable way to spend some free time.

I would guess that the majority of those who want to quit feel that way for the associated issues (society, work, family) and not the experience or some inner turmoil. If you could just do it and not have any negative response I dare say no one would quit, it must be a part of something we cannot figure out how to control.

[rhonda]

Once a cd'er always a cd'er We are all connected by spirit . and that spirit isn't gonna let anyone quit . maybe for a while . that's life any time I even think about quiting I'm pulled back into line

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Deebra :hugs:, I have been in this program for 71years now and I don't see any end in sight.>Orchid...:daydreaming:...

[Olivia Lauren]

I have been crossdressing for about 45 years now and in that time I have purged all of my feminine things twice now. When I look back on those times when I felt that I had to stop dressing because society dictates that it is wrong.....well it makes me sad and just recently I made a promise to myself that Olivia Lauren is a part of me and I will protect her and never try to throw her away ever again.

One thing for me is that as I get older I feel more content when I dress as Olivia.

(((((hugs))))), Olivia

[sometimes_miss]

Well, you can quit, but it may always feel like you're wearing shoes which are two sizes too small; there will most likely always be the feeling in the back of your mind that what you're wearing just isn't quite right. I deal with this every day I go to work; man clothes simply don't feel 'right'.

As far as the causes of crossdressing stated by others here, the problem with that, is they assume that there is ONE, and ONLY ONE, cause. The belief that it's somehow genetic or caused before birth is the current favorite one because it relieves everyone of any responsibility for it, especially the crossdresser him/her self, and allows us to tell everyone else that we're just born this way. But that doesn't explain those of us who weren't crossdressers to start with. So they just ignore us and pretend that either we don't exist or that we were simply in denial all those years, repressing or suppressing the desire sometimes for decades. What needs to be done, is examine it all, and try to find out why each of us feels this way. There's no one, true answer that holds the same for everyone.
I stopped crossdressing for about ten years. Then the desire came back stronger than ever. So it can be done, but how long you can keep it up will depend on the individual.

[Ressie]

If you really want to quit and can't do it on your own, I would suggest therapy. Because maybe you are dressing for the wrong reasons.

I didn't know there were right and wrong reasons to cross dress. What are they?

[daviolin]

I don't know what to say. I've come to embrace my dressing. I'm glad for who I am. All the people in my life know of my desire to dress. It's just normal for me to get up and dress any way I want. and not be ashamed. Daviolin

[Alice Torn]

I know that my very strong urge to dress up, has a number of causes. i know that it is not allowed by the book my religion came from, and is a constant source of deep guilt, shame, and sin, fo rme. i also have been kept away from the opposite sex much of my life, and never really had any chance to marry. I am only attracted to certain types of women, and at my age 63), have little hope or chance of attracting the type of woman i am attracted to, and i am low income. Dressing fills unmet needs in my stark life. i repent, pray, abstain for a while, purge, then buy a bit more. i know i will have this struggle until i am dead.

[Stephanie47]

I didn't know there were right and wrong reasons to cross dress. What are they?

I think what Roberta is trying to say is a person may have some underlying issues which can caused a person to act out. How many times has someone on this forum indicated dressing provide relief from societal pressures? Why does someone seek comfort with drugs or alcohol? Or seeks a sexual adventure? Aren't these an escape mechanism? I believe research has shown there may be some DNA components which make some people prone to self medicate in certain ways, while others will not consider those.

Perhaps if someone has gone from feeling comfortable dressing once a month to having the urge to dress daily, there is some underlying issue which should be resolved. Maybe that underlying issue is affecting the person's life in other ways.

If you want a wrong reason to cross dress I could probably come up with one. But, I'll leave that to another thread if it crops up.