Vicious circle?

[Cathy Anderson]

Here's an idea I had today. It's about how crossdressing for some can involve a vicious circle as follows:

1. A person is lonely and isolated.
2. They crossdress to feel better.
3. Secrecy, guilt and shame causes further isolation.
4. More crossdressing, etc.

I don't know if this is correct, or if it's worth posting, but I thought I ought to at least run it up the flagpole and see what anyone thinks.

Cathy

[Yes I am]

It's something I have been afflicted by. I just got too lonely in the closet to stay in there.

[Rossie]

it is true....

[Alexandria]

Sounds about right, but you forgot a small step in the cycle.

"Purging"

The attempt of breaking the cycle, leaving a large empty void in life. I purged once with little success and I still think about doing it again it daily...but I know thats not the solution.

So I just live with crossdressing daily.

[Shelly Preston]

Here's an idea I had today. It's about how crossdressing for some can involve a vicious circle as follows:

1. A person is lonely and isolated.
2. They crossdress to feel better.
3. Secrecy, guilt and shame causes further isolation.
4. More crossdressing, etc.

I don't know if this is correct, or if it's worth posting, but I thought I ought to at least run it up the flagpole and see what anyone thinks.

Cathy


Hi Cathy

I just miss out steps 1 & 3

[Kiva]

I agree with 1 thru 4.

Kiva

[Julie York]

Doesn't work like that for me.

The very last thing I want to do when I am feeling hurt is dress in something that makes me feel even more vulnerable. In fact it is actually a good barometer of how chirpy I am feeling....or not.

But I see your point. People react in different ways and they get different things from dressing. I've never found it a comfort as such. I'd rather have a cig and too much to drink when I want comforting.

[Orangina]

I'm with Julie (apart from the coffin nails that is) on this one. I am always thinking about getting dolled up but wouldn't do it if I am not feeling good about myself for some reason. If it ain't fun, it doesn't work for me.

[FROCKYHORROR]

Definetely seems to work that way for me.

[teegan685]

Cathy Do what makes you feel good, I am sure you are a great person, lonely is a subjective thing. Being pretty cant be a bad thing. Kris

[Lindahexi]

Yes that fits my situation, even though I'm married I still feel very lonely; I feel that only the company of other CD's would end my lonelyness.

[Julie Avery]

I strongly suspect that the internet is going to make a radical difference in the "loneliness factor" in crossdressing. Yes, there's static, yes, it's limited interaction, but also, it enables connections where isolation used to be the norm, and some of those connections will spill over into 3-D. So I'm not as pessimistic as the original post in this thread struck me as being.

[KarenNY]

Seemed to work that way for me at times... when I was younger, say late elementary school into junior high, I was one of those smart, small, nerdy types -- three of the big strikes against you when you're in junior high. So yeah, I was a bit of a loner, plus I was an only child, plus I got picked on in school... so I did start dressing more often in my mother's clothes. When my mother opened the way for me to dress with her knowledge and consent, it only increased my dressing opportunities and frequency. This of course, fed some of the paranoia I had about being discovered, which led to more dressing. At least I didn't have the guilt associated with dressing behind my mother's back anymore, so that was one pressure off of me. Getting out of the house helped to break the cycle somewhat, though.

[Karinna]

The Circle of Crossdressing exist like planets orbit around the sun.
The Circle is delimited by points like Cathy's ones.
The Circle may be elliptical so more time is spent one some points.

We're isolated in our body forever like planets are in the space.
Everybody knows that, but we're trying to compensate differently.

The point of purging mentioned by Ajax is a nice addition.
It may be on bigger orbit moon that doesn't pass much often.
If i was be purging every weeks, i had probs with credit cards.

- i am not an astrologer, but wait the dress is nice... hmm

[Laurie Ann]

Cathy I agree with you 100%.

[Marlena Dahlstrom]

I think it makes sense up to a point. If you get depressed enough, one often loses interest in any "feel better" activity one engages in -- whether it's crossdressing or having a cig or going through a pint of Hagen Daaz.

But I've certainly observed a number of people going through the cycle you've described.

[talkwithmelissa]

Sorry, but I can't agree on the loneliness factor. I am happily married to my best friend but still have come to dressing.

[Karren H]

Not that with me! I dont crossdress because im lonley or feel bad, on the contrary I feel great in male mode. I just love to dress like a chick also. And I feel great dressed. I have no remorse about dressing since I've come to grips that it is a part of me thats not going away. So why frett!! Just go out and buy a new dress and get on with your life, in both or either gender you choose.!!!

Love Karren

[Angela Burke]

I'm with Shelly on this one.
In fact if I am feeling depressed I find buying a new skirt and top a very morale boosting experience.

[Cathy Anderson]

Thanks for all your replies.

Ajax - I think you're right about a purging step. Good point.

Julie - Sorry if my post seemed pessimistic. It wasn't meant that way at all. I'm just commenting on a possible pattern. I'm not suggesting the isolation and loneliness are terribly strong, or much different than non-CDs feel.

Shelly, Orangina, Karren, Angela - Naturally I didn't mean to suggest the pattern applies to everyone. One detail I might add is time frame. There could be near-time-frame patterns within large-time-frame patterns.

Cathy

[Sarah Rabbit]

I just take 4.:D :D :D

Regards, Sarah R. :bunny:

[melissacd]

When I am lonely and depressed the last thing I want to do is cross dress. I see that cross dressing and more recently the connecting with my feminine spirit is making me feel whole again. It is helping to lift my spirits and make me feel good about myself for the first time in a long time. For me this adventure in self discovery is helping me to realize that repressing and feeling guilty about that part of myself was making me very sad, angry and bitter.

I vote with Karren...it is a wonderful thing.

[Adrienne Heels]

In the last couple of months, since I have decided that I really want to dress, I actually feel better about myself, even in guy mode. It is perhaps a feeling of liberation . But maybe I am lucky that I have met a couple of people who support my dressing as well as finding this community which also provides so much support !

[allisonrn06]

I would say it's true for me,however it would be less so if I could get my wife to accept it.

[Marla S]

In general I agree to the circle, but IMO in the beginning it's the crossdressing itself which makes a young boy lonely, because he doesn't know where he belongs to and has nobody to talk about.

[cindycd]

Hands down one of my favorite thing's to do in this world is to wear some of my lingerire. I can't explain how wonderful it is to get out of the daily drab situation of day to day life with out any release. Being a crossdresser is probably the only thing that keeps my sanity in tacked.

[Joy Carter]

In general I agree to the circle, but IMO in the beginning it's the crossdressing itself which makes a young boy lonely, because he doesn't know where he belongs to and has nobody to talk about.

It is socialy debilatating I had trouble relating to others when was young Cding made me feel better but only for a short time. Since being an adult I can cope better but it has not been easy because I have never known another like me. But being here has helped me further accept my self.

[Raychel]

I also agree 100%, that is exactly how my younger years in crossdressing went. Now I enjoy it for other reasons. Mostly I just enjoy the feeling of the clothes, and the fact that when i am dressed it totally takes my mind off of the rest of my world. Which sometimes can be VERY stressful.

1. A person is lonely and isolated.
2. They crossdress to feel better.
3. Secrecy, guilt and shame causes further isolation.
4. More crossdressing, etc.
5. Forget the guilt and shame.
6. More crossdressing.
7. Relax and Enjoy life.

[Cathy Anderson]

5. Forget the guilt and shame.
6. More crossdressing.
7. Relax and Enjoy life.
No pain, no gain.