The Joy of Self-acceptance

[phili]

So much of what we do in our lives is conditioned by desire for acceptance. It is like we can't really enjoy the fact that we exist until someone else says so, and likes us.

I have found a lot of value in focusing on the simple fact that I do exist- here I am.

When I stop trying to figure out ways for convincing others I should exist, my life becomes a lot simpler and happier.

I don't need to care about labels. I don't need to postpone pleasure in being myself and enjoying what I enjoy. I do want to find ways to be with others, but I don't need to stress about it. I don't need to engage in arguments about any of it.

Whenever I consciously just let myself enjoy my crossdressing as something personal to me, I am very peaceful. I am also not straining to make it something it isn't.

Yes- the fact that my wife actively doesn't like me to do it means that I can't just enjoy myself around her. But I am letting that be more like the weather- I can't wear a sundress when it is raining and cold. It is no one's fault, and when it is raining [my wife is present] I can and should find a different satisfaction to enjoy together. I can move to a sunnier climate [go out on the town or to my college classes where I can just be myself] but if I don't, I have to admit it is my responsibility to myself not to endlessly reprocess that choice or complain that I have to make it.

I feel this is a desirable maturing process for me. It is no surprise I feel like my ancient 3 year old self, mixed with traces of every other age up to the present 67. But the point of life is to enjoy ourselves!

[Tracii G]

Well put phili.
I am the same way. I am fine with who I am and seek no ones approval or worry what others think.
I have friends that know and some that don't and thats fine I can get along with both and have no problems.
I do not stress over anything.

[Sidney]

As Tracii said "well put". When I first became aware of my girly side I was so filled with so many negative feelings I was miserable. After some counseling, which I still go to, I have been able to let all that go and enjoy life. I now love my girl me.

[Allisa]

Funny how acceptance from one grows on to two and so on. And with this comes confidence of who we/you are that feeds our acceptance and the cycle completes. Soon we are enjoying our being and what we are and don't want to lose that feeling and it encompasses us and we start living the way we should by our standards not everyone else's. I believe it's called peace of mind. It's a shame we have to wait until we're more experienced in life to reach this goal. Maybe there's hope for the future after all. Lets all keep marching to that different drummer.

[Asew]

This post is a ray of light. I am definitely been guilty of being grumpy when I felt like I shouldn't dress in the last week. So I love the weather analogy and strive to be more like phili :)

[kimdl93]

Intellectually, I understand what you’re saying, philli. What I think drags me down in, obliges me to seek acceptance from others, is that I simply do not “believe “ that a person has inherent worth. I know I’m suppose to believe that, but I cannot apply that principle to myself. (I will give others the benefit of the doubt, at least for a while.)

I’m not saying this is right, but to me value is something ascribed by people...to a commodity or a person. If I am respected, accepted, loved...then I have a value. Absent that external appraisal, no worth exists.

It gets even worse. The acceptance of a stranger is almost valueless, but the more I value another person, the greater weight I will apply to their assessment of me. So, 100 strangers could support me as a transgender person, but it can’t offset the disapproval of one person dear to me.

[Beverley Sims]

As Popeye said.

I yam wot I yam.

I think that puts it in a nutshell, well thought out post.