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Tarapalmer
03-16-2018, 09:37 PM
Hi Guys, I am new here. A bit about myself. Living in NZ, first time I have started wearing my mothers clothing when I was 12 I think. Anyway fast forward some 25 years I went full on, badly ugly and inexperienced at that time. Then dropped this after my wife was a bit concerned gently describing her mood. Anyway add extra 10 years sitting on 40+, I decided to go full on just to prove how far I can do. I am 100% passable, not bad looking size 16 which works pretty well for me. Lucky me in NZ woman are huge so I blend in no problem. Need to practice my voice a bit. Otherwise all good. What strikes me when I go out is lack of purpose. I see no point to go out for sake of going out. Cinema, shop, street... what I am concerned about is lack of purpose. I like it but have no purpose. Have you had the same kind of feeling at any point? I am not a gay so not interested in man, or woman as I am married. I just like to dress up. Wife not keen on it so I am left to myself here and no girls out with the wife will work for me, without friendly soul around I am alone and walking around for sake of walking around in a dress is not a fun. Advise?

Alice_2014_B
03-16-2018, 09:50 PM
I go out dressed for several reasons.
Main reason is for when I do stand-up on open-mic nights
Other times is just to go to classy adult stores to check out high heels and clothes.
I want to go out to make more YouTube videos.
If nothing else, just go shopping.
:)

Pat
03-16-2018, 09:55 PM
What would you do if you went out as a guy? Do that. Go to the hardware store. Get groceries. Go to a museum. Catch the latest blockbuster movie. Go to the library. Take a class.

Micki_Finn
03-16-2018, 10:02 PM
I don’t think I can help. When dressed it’s so I’m not in public naked. I do all the same kind of things I do when presenting male. Purpose? The purpose is to live my life and be who I am. If you think there’s some kind of endgame to dressing I’m afraid you’re going to be disappointed.

Sami Brown
03-16-2018, 10:07 PM
I agree with the others. Once the thrill isn't there, the best thing to do is whatever you would be doing anyway. All you have to do is decide what gender you are going to present when you do it.

Sami

Tarapalmer
03-16-2018, 10:30 PM
Thnx, didn't think of it.

Tracii G
03-17-2018, 03:21 AM
If you would please don't stereotype CDers like that.
90% of CDers are like you straight married males so please don't assume CDers are gay and out trolling for men because they are not.
The fact some men like you enjoy CDing does not mean they are gay. Sexual preference has nothing to do with CDing.

Rachelakld
03-17-2018, 05:23 AM
Go to the Auckland Museum when they have special functions - like when they had the flight desk of a 727 on display
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Play mini golf with a friend at Sylvia Park
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Visit Navy ships on open days
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Go skiing if your lucky enough to live in the South Island
NZ is such a fun country, and even more fun if dress appropriately :)

phili
03-17-2018, 06:06 AM
Hi Tara,
I think you are saying that without people reflecting back pleasure in seeing you and interacting with you in a fun way, you find yourself in a lifeless world, which then is not satisfying, and therefore does not meet any purpose. The original purpose of just getting to wear the clothes and pass was not satisfying for very long in itself.

I think many of us experience that evolution. First we just are intrigued or titillated and finding surprising emotional satisfaction in wearing women's clothes. Then we feel it is kind of normal for us in a way, and want to enjoy it as part of our life with others. Then we are dismayed that people don't like it and avoid us. We finally get to wear what we dream of, but then aren't finding it easy to enjoy the natural 'purpose' of dressing as part of an occasion with others.

The irony of passing so well is that you are effectively a new person, whose history has to be made by interacting. Living a double life doesn't always seem like a good idea, so perhaps you feel stuck.

Perhaps, you have a purpose that is unstated to yourself? You may very well have the purpose [I do] of having your wife accept more of you- that is- to accept and love and interact with the you that loves to pass, or at least, loves the pleasure of women's clothing, or perhaps wants to step out of some of the male role. There is some history recounted here on the Forum of wives gradually losing their fear and reservations and becoming supportive and appreciative, as they begin to understand more, and realize that they will not suffer as much as they originally worried.

Teresa
03-17-2018, 07:37 AM
Tarapalmer,
If you go out why not find a social group and meet up with other CDers, it can be a lot of fun and put some meaning into what you are doing . I'm not sure if you should fall into the trap of thinking you are passable, because not many of us are there are too many small details that gives us away . It all depends how GD affects you if at all, if the need comes and goes then just accept it , there aren't any rules . I admit the buzz of just going for a drive does wear off , why put yourself through all the preparation just for that short time .

CynthiaD
03-17-2018, 11:26 AM
For me, that's the main impediment to going out more often. I have no reason to go anywhere. If I were to stay in male-mode all day, I still wouldn't go anywhere. I can go anywhere en femme that I go in male-mode (I've done it) but I have no particular reason to leave the house. (I live in a small town in Texas where they roll up the sidewalks at noon.)

docrobbysherry
03-17-2018, 12:52 PM
Tara, I can relate to what u r saying. Altho, I think we dress for different reasons and I can't pass at midnite on a moonless nite in a blackout!:doh:

I see no reason to get dolled up for a shopping, casual lunch, et., outing. I get nothing out of being dressed there except stress and distraction, from the purpose I'm out for!:sad:

On the other hand, I quite get a kick out of dressing to meet other T's at bars, clubs, and special events! If fact? My primary social life IS those meetings and get togethers! I suggest u find some dressers in your area and some "gay bars" and take Tara out to socialize!:drink:

For me, it's 1000 times better than getting dressed up for simple, boring tasks out alone!:hugs:

LeannS
03-17-2018, 02:54 PM
Tara you are in a pickle if you have no purpose
but you do have a purpose if than only to make the wife upset that you dress.

Tarapalmer
03-17-2018, 03:19 PM
"I think you are saying that without people reflecting back pleasure in seeing you and interacting with you..."

Thnx, spot on comment. This is precisely what is happening.

"so please don't assume CDers are gay..."

I am sorry, I was to say that my purpose is not in this category. If it would then it would be simple reason for it. Maybe badly put out.

"I'm not sure if you should fall into the trap of thinking you are passable..."

At least noone acted like I would not be passable. It is nice feeling when you called maam. Anyway I will see how it goes in long run.

Teresa
03-17-2018, 03:35 PM
Tara,
It's a difference between people being polite and thinking you are a real woman, take a look in the TS section to see some still don't find it easy even after SRS.

Tarapalmer
03-17-2018, 03:46 PM
Tara,
It's a difference between people being polite and thinking you are a real woman, take a look in the TS section to see some still don't find it easy even after SRS.

Thnx. I guess you right and it depends on many factors. Cold water always works ;)

tammy1
03-17-2018, 04:17 PM
Tara,
My CDing has evolved over the past several years. During the last several months I have found myself enjoying "pink fog" more and more. My wife of 30+ years initally wasn't sure how she felt. But her loving me has greatly added to her aceptance of my "play time" and enjoyment of dress. Aftera little time, questions, sharing,learning and her openness to "try and understand" and with the help of this site's input, thought, experiances and my sharing of information sharedhere, she has become a more understanding about my enjoyment of CDing, so much so that she is now suggesting things when we shop that "tammy" might like or would look good in. All good things in time. Yet, she prefers not to see me when dressed (although she has). I too am straight but love enjoying the feeling and dressing in fem. I have been actively preparing to get out and enjoy some activities en fem when not in my small rural town. Consequently, i'm a "behind the door" girl, home alone. The suggestions of sharing with some other area CDers is a great iead you might try. Shopping is always fun...ALWAYS.

Tarapalmer
03-17-2018, 11:41 PM
Go to the Auckland Museum when they have special functions

I think I need to find friendly souls here, I guess part of the answer is that it is boring alone as I have realised. We are social creatures in the end. Auckland is big enough for me to find something to do.

My wife probably would join me in just for loughs but someone needs to look after the kid so I need to keep working on this on my own.
Thanx for help guys. I am a bit more clear on it now. So to speak new identity, new character, new social life, I need to get used to it.

CONSUELO
03-18-2018, 09:52 AM
You say NZ women are huge. Didn't used to be.

Tarapalmer
03-18-2018, 11:57 PM
180cm size 16 or 18 is not very unusual. Not all but many enough to make a difference for me. If I would parade in my dress in France or Asia I probably would not blend as much as I can at home ;)

Beverley Sims
03-19-2018, 07:03 AM
There is always a purpose for going out.

Feel the breeze, the freedom and exhilaration of being out.

That is enough purpose.

Why not go shopping?

Patience
03-19-2018, 10:35 AM
When it comes to this activity, you seem to have everything going for you.

I think most of us have to work a bit to get the results we want, and even then it may be a compromise. Maybe it all came together a bit too easy?

If you can't find purpose for something you do, consider taking a break. Then, reconsider your feelings and your options.

sometimes_miss
03-19-2018, 02:04 PM
Purpose? I put clothes on so that I am not naked. That's the purpose. I choose girl clothes because that's what I feel like I'm supposed to be wearing. That's it. That's all there is to it. I'm not trying to present to the world that I'm really a girl, I'm not trying to attract anyone sexually. I crossdress because it feels appropriate.

Maria_mtf
03-19-2018, 03:13 PM
I have posted a similar question in the past, if you find the answer let me know!

My dressing time is very limited but I enjoy shopping for dresses, passes the time very well. I recently had a few conversations with a GG SA and I found that wonderful to talk to someone who loved dresses more than me. So I suggest go meet some new people to talk to them about a common interest.

Alice B
03-19-2018, 05:52 PM
Had this post been seen about a month and one half ago I would have asked which Island? Was on S. Island and would have contacted you. Ask around to where dressers in your area go. There will be some spots and then you can go to them and meet kindred souls.

Tarapalmer
03-20-2018, 01:02 AM
I have posted a similar question in the past, if you find the answer let me know!

My dressing time is very limited but I enjoy shopping for dresses, passes the time very well. I recently had a few conversations with a GG SA and I found that wonderful to talk to someone who loved dresses more than me. So I suggest go meet some new people to talk to them about a common interest.

Any ideas from locals in Auckland where are any places where could meet people without being harrassed? I guess one day or the other will have to meet some humans with kind of same interests. Then the purpose will appear I guess.