An extremely interesting question I was once asked

[ShirleyN]

Ok girls, heres a question I was once asked by a female friend (who knew about in relation to my CDing and it was a question that really got me thinking at the time. Put simply the essence of the question was "What gender do you perceive your sexuality to be?"

[Pat]

"What gender do you perceive your sexuality to be?"

Perhaps you could explain what you thought the question was asking because to me it reads like "Would you rather go to Boston or by bus?" Gender and sexuality (and sex) are generally thought to be separate things.

[suzanne]

That goes to show how most people, your friend included, don't understand the relationship between gender and sexuality. So the question "Are you gay?" follows inevitably when we come out to someone.

Gender (which sex you identify with) and sexuality (which sex you are attracted to) are very much independent from each other. I, speaking only for myself, am comfortable in a dress, and I feel that my personality is mostly feminine, but I'm not sexually attracted to men.

[Leslie Langford]

What Pat said. "Sexuality" or "sexual orientation"?

"Sexuality" has more to do with how "sexual" a person you are - in other words, is your libido high, low, or "other", and what turns you on in general when it comes to sexual relationships, be it hetero-, homo-, or bi-.

"Sexual orientation" refers to which biological sex you are attracted to - male, female, or intersex.

It is now generally accepted that "sex" and "gender" are not necessarily one and the same, as we of all people can certainly attest to.

[docrobbysherry]

It's pretty obvious to me she meant, "R u attracted to men or women?"

What I'm wondering about, Shirley, is why that, "got u thinking"? Don't u know which gender(s) attracts u!?:eek:

[Beverley Sims]

Getting a mixed question like this becomes confusing and does encourage one to look at a thesaurus and dictionary to clarify the question.

Usually it is a person who does not understand the meaning of the words in the first place.

I favour Pat's analogy.

[Shelly Preston]

The question is normally asked by those who don't know that gender and sexuality are different.

[ShirleyN]

It's pretty obvious to me she meant, "R u attracted to men or women?"

What I'm wondering about, Shirley, is why that, "got u thinking"? Don't u know which gender(s) attracts u!?:eek:

Absolutely. I an and always have been attracted to women. I'm not attracted to men at all. I think what mny friend may possibly have meant is what sex is my female self attracted to? In which case, the answer would be lesbian for the reason i mentioned above. I know it's confusing but 'what got me thinking' was the fact that it just simply made me stop and think for a moment.

[Joyce Swindell]

Dressed as a woman or dressed as a man... I like women.

[Cherylgyno]

I had a GF ask that question while we were (you know). I said Are you kidding?
The answer is the same today as it was almost 60 years ago. I am a heterosexual male.

[Teresa]

ShirleyN,
When she asked the question what answer did you give her ? Did you correct her for confusing gender with sexuality ?

To answer the question , my sexuality doesn't vary no matter how I'm dressed , I have no interest in a male to male relationship but dressing does heighten my normal preferences for GGs .

Gender well it is really floating on the fence , I prefer to be dressed as a female but can I make full time work ? It's taking longer than I thought to make that happen . Somedays I'm frustrated and annoyed with myself and others I've had to accept drab to get some jobs done without the hindrance or consideration for nice femme clothes .

[Milly1410]

Somehow I believe that girls make this question fearing that their CDing partners/friends/whatever could be gay just for being what they are. My opinion is that girls couldn't be completely fine with the fact that many guys could have a feminine part of themselves, and this is CDers way to expose it.

Going back to my case, I feel just attracted to women. I think that even if I was a biological female, I would have been lesbian anyway.

[phili]

I used to think I was only attracted to women, and mostly, I am. However, I have discovered that there is some internal switch associated with this- so that when I liberate the right hormones inside, suddenly men appear very attractive and interesting in every way, and women just boring and normal- it is the flip side of how I used to feel.

So your GF could be feeling, as I do, that her sexual gender preference is conditioned by her own personal femininity (choice for gender and sexuality), and wonders if you are experiencing the same things she is. She may be feeling a conflict with your presentation, but trying to affirm that her instincts are wrong, and you are not pretending, too.

However, I also have days where personal character is what is attractive and interesting to me and the sexual anatomy is completely irrelevant, in that I would be ready to engage whatever is to be found under their clothing.

[Confucius]

I would answer with, "I'm only sexually attracted to women."

[Ariana225]

I think she meant are you straight (identify as a man) or lesbian (identify as a woman)? I don’t know, her question was really confusing because gender doesn’t change your sexuality but it can change your label, for example a trans woman that is attracted to women could label herself a lesbian when she was presenting as a man might have called it straight...

[Rayleen]

same answer as Joyce, attracted to women. Each his or her choice.

[Cassandra Lynn]

It is now generally accepted that "sex" and "gender" are not necessarily one and the same, as we of all people can certainly attest to.

I'm going a little off topic here, so excuse me for a quick second or two folks. One thing I continuously rail against is the fact that society is so clueless to the real definitions of 'sex' and 'gender', or at least enough of how they differ.

Sadly though, a good many peeps who have been here for extended periods of time, seem to still speak of the male and female gender.

We live in a google, wiki, search engine at our fingertips world, yet people never take a moment to read a simple definition. I guess that just goes back to the 'I only want to know what I think of the world, according to the beliefs I was taught' rather than learn something new and life changing.

Rant over.
Cass

[MarinaTwelve200]

Straight and male---I am attracted to women. The very definition of a Crossdresser.(for the most part)

If I were attracted to men I would not Cross-dress, and would not "get off" dressing like a female. (Yes, I am aware that many so called CD's are borderline TS, but There are several different types and reasons for CDing.)

[Tracii G]

Just shows your friend has no idea there is a difference between gender and sex.
I agree with Cassandra in a way as well because people will not lift a finger to actually learn they just go by what the crowd says and spew misinformation.

[Kate Simmons]

When I'm en femme, I consider myself to be female. :battingeyelashes::)

[Micki_Finn]

It's pretty obvious to me she meant, "R u attracted to men or women?"

What I'm wondering about, Shirley, is why that, "got u thinking"? Don't u know which gender(s) attracts u!?:eek:

That’s what I was thinking. This question is essentially the “Are you gay?” Question we all hate just with more affected verbiage so I’m not clear on why this is an interesting question.

[Cheryllynn]

When I talked about all this recently with my wife, I flat out put it out there that I was not gay...but have a feminine side of my personality that wanted to be let out occasionally. Like most here, I don't understand why, but after fighting myself for years decided I was done trying to figure it out. My personal opinion is that we are all "multi gender", for lack of a better term...but one side or the other (M or F) becomes the dominant one. Some people go through life with only one side in play, while others like us have at least a remnant of the other still struggling to see the light of day.
-Cheryllynn

[sometimes_miss]

It's an interesting question because it can help her understand what you're feeling. When you're able to interact intimately with a woman, do you feel as if you're in the male role or the female role? Or, do you wish you were in the female role (as I do) but feel you have to remain in the male role because that's what's expected of you? I think perhaps that is the question that is being asked. Remember, there are women who would prefer to take the more assertive male role in sex, even while retaining their female self identification and retaining their attraction to males. It's a very varied situation, where gender, gender roles, as well as sexuality all are intertwined.


I was not gay...but have a feminine side of my personality that wanted to be let out occasionally.
The problem with that, is that other people tend to understand that what we might refer to as 'a side', is actually US. The phrase 'a side' is simply a way to try to distance ourselves from something we find unacceptable, in order to justify why we do something that we wouldn't ordinarily do. Others can see through our deceiving ourselves, and our attempt to fool others. What we do, and what we think, is what we are. Calling it a 'side' fools no one but ourselves.

It's kind of like a child molester telling you that he's not a really a child molester, it's just a side of his personality, that's not really who he is. Would you accept that and have him baby sit your kids?

Wanting to dress like a female, behave like a female, talk like a female, move like a female, alter our bodies to resemble the ways that they do too (shaving, make up, padding, foundation garments, etc.), sort of tells the world that we feel like or wish to be seen as female. Everyone else can see that. Denying it to ourselves isn't hiding it from anyone.

The reason people generally decide that we are gay is because we go to great lengths to do what females do to attract men: Dress and appear as attractive females. So there's no surprise that they think, 'Well, he's quite obviously doing something that will attract men, so that must mean he's having homosexual desires'. We can deny that all we want, but that's how most people see us.

[Cheryllynn]

I never really looked at it that way, but I totally see what you mean. Always learning...
-Cheryllynn