Thinking of a Name Change

[IleneD]

I started to discuss this on the "Your Femme Name" thread. Sorry if I'm redundant but the mods suggested I take the topic to another section. As usual, I'd like the usual advice, wisdom and loving understanding I always receive from my Sisters here.

ILENE is a construct of joining the forum discussion board. I needed a femme name when I signed up for an CD.com account. I didn't regularly use a female alias so I quickly seized upon my mom's middle name. Always loved the sound of it anyway. So.... right now, I am proudly "Ilene".

As I go down my crossdressing path into a more transgender realization and transition, I find myself thinking of a more practical name that may be more easily normalized with a transitioned femme existence.

I am going to reveal personal info about myself, and trust my friends and sisters here to not mis-use it; please.

My given male first name is Tom. Most of my childhood my parents and family called me Tommy. I cringed at that name when I was a child. I don't know why it irritated me so to be called Tommy, but it did. As an adult I used the more common Tom.

While I love the name Ilene, as I consider the possibility of transitioning to life as a woman (full time), I am also thinking of aligning my femme name with my bio male name and calling myself something akin to who I've been known as all my life by all: TOMMI.
TOMMI would be a version of my real Tommy name, and I could feminize the spelling. I can't help but believe that some day it will make changing my life documents a little easier too, when everyone knows me as Tommi [Tommy].

Help? Thoughts? I value what you girls have to offer.

[Rogina B]

I think Tommi is a great choice. I was named Roger,chose Rogina 13 years ago,and use Ro daily..It is a way to keep up with "who is on board with the social transition"..

[Rachael Leigh]

A lot of girls who transition will do just that use a name closely related to the male name. But it’s not always the case.
I will say this if you really are going to do a leagal change be sure it’s what you want and are happy with. I knew had I decided to change mine I was more than content with Rachael so Ilene it’s really up to you in the final decision

[Hell on Heels]

Hell-o Ilene,
Spelling your name with an “i” at the end
may make it seem a bit more feminine, but
not in all cases. Look what it did for Jimi Hendrix,
and his given name was actually Johnny.
Do you suppose he hated being called Johnny
just as you hated Tommy?
As Rachel said, just make sure whichever name
you choose is something YOU are happy with.
If you’re choosing it to make others more at ease,
you’re not doing it for the right reason, and Tommi
may stir up some bad memories somewhere down
the road.
Much Love,
Kristyn

[DIANEF]

Ilene, just had a search for female deriatives of Thomas or Tom, not that many really, the only really femme sounding one I found was Tamara.

[Lana Mae]

I only have one thought, make sure it is something YOU can live with!!!! Best wishes and regards! Hugs Lana Mae

[sometimes_miss]

I I am going to reveal personal info about myself, and trust my friends and sisters here to not mis-use it; please.
.
First, you DO know that this section of the website is open to the public, you don't have to be a member to read this, so disclose your personal information carefully, remember that everything posted on the net stays here forever. There's no putting the toothpaste back in the tube.
That said, be who you want to be. I abandoned my given name because of all the negative memories associated with it. Then chose my new name because it was what I liked. I don't know exactly why; I never knew anyone named either Alex, Alexandra or Lexi.
It just felt right.

[CynthiaD]

"Cynthia" isn't anything like my male name, which I have despised all my life. I chose a name that was as far from my male name as I could get.

There is no need to preserve your male name unless you really want to.

[NicoleScott]

I like Tommi. Or Tommie.

[Sami Brown]

I think Tommi is nice, but I also agree with the others that it isn't a requirement to feminize your male name. My femme name is nothing like my given name.

I think you should think about a few more names that you feel match your personality. If Tommi still rises to the top, great! I think it is a really nice name.

Sami

[Sometimes Steffi]

I searched for "female version of name tom", and there were lots of choices.

The one I liked best was "Tammy", which is not really Tom, but a very pretty femme name.

When I was thinking of names, I thought of:

1. A feminization of my boy name
2. What my parents planned to name me if I turned out to be a girl
3. The name of some celebrity
4. The name of some girl (or girlfriend) that I liked

[Tamsin Secret]

Ilene,

Firstly don't rush a decision the name you have chosen is fine and sometimes things happen for a reason.

When I joined the site I used Miss Secret so I had the chance to think about a first name as I became more comfortable with the forum and myself. I kept the surname after deciding on Tamsin.

I put a lot of thought into finding my name but as I said I didn't have one! (Started a thread on it)

Just another angle on things and btw whichever way you choose to go will be the correct decision (it's your name!) How about thinking about a cute alias/nickname for yourself? That way you can keep Ilene but sign off with something different when required.

You could link that to something that's personal to you i.e if you like gardening you could use 'Rose' or cooking 'Cherry' (didn't have a lot of time on the reply so they were off the top of my head, I'm sure you could do better however I do like Rose!)

Anyway, good luck with your decision,

Tammy :<3:

[Ariana225]

It took me almost a year after joining the forum to pick my name. I realize you’ve been here longer than that. So if you find the perfect fit then go with it! Especially make sure you love it if you legally change it, you don’t want to regret your decision FO EVE ER 😁

[Tracy Irving]

Ilene,

When I joined I paid little attention to picking a name. I just went with what I would have been called had I been born a girl. I never knew I could change it so this is exciting news! Tracy (and variations) is very common here.

Do what you think is best but it will take some getting used to seeing your picture with a different name.

[Beverley Sims]

Tomasina is one that springs to mind, maybe not for you. :-)

[Helen_Highwater]

I can see a certain logic in thinking taking on a female derivative of your male name when undertaking a legal change but in truth I doubt it makes any difference to the process.

My femme name is nothing like my male one. I picked a first name I liked and was fortunate enough to be able to have a little fun in creating a matching surname.

I would say don't limit yourself to femme derivatives. If that's what you're comfortable with fine but it's a big wide world out there and going full time might be an opportunity to break with your previous life, name including.

[Teresa]

Ilene,
My personal preference would still be Ilene , it's a nice attachment to you mother , Tommi isn't a name you often come across , OK it doesn't sound as femme but you will possibly end up being called Tom .

I admit I'm lucky Teresa was available when I joined the forum , which surprised me , it directly relates to my male name of Terence and even better shortened to Terry and Terri .
A big fly in the ointment is an ex GF was also called Teresa and she was my wife's best friend at school , my wife obviously doesn't know this but I can imagine her thinking I still have a thing about the ex GF and adopted the name because of that . It really is coincidental , I like the easy transformation of my name it feels natural as does my transformation from male to female . When I hear members of my social group call me by it it feels very comfortable .

[Charona]

I offer another thought, one I have suggested to people thinking about names for soon-to-be born children. Go visit a tourist attraction with a gift shop, and look through the personalized souvenirs. See if you can find a name you like. When our daughter was born we gave her an unusual name, and the unanticipated consequence was that we could never buy a personalized souvenir anywhere we took her.

[Krisi]

On the forum, it's easy to change your name but it really means little. If you're talking about in real life, "Tommi" is a great choice because it's a derivative of what your parents named you and just a small change from what you are used to being called. I think if you want to change it at all, Tommi is a great choice.

[Rayleen]

I think Tommie would look more feminine, but its your choice.

Nice name by the way !

Rayleen

[Jemima]

I searched for "female version of name tom", and there were lots of choices.

The one I liked best was "Tammy", which is not really Tom, but a very pretty femme name.

When I was thinking of names, I thought of:

1. A feminization of my boy name
2. What my parents planned to name me if I turned out to be a girl
3. The name of some celebrity
4. The name of some girl (or girlfriend) that I liked

I was about to suggest Tammy, and then I saw this post of Steffi. So, I am quoting this post. Yes, I also say Tammy :)

[Asew]

My concern is that you didn't like Tommy as a child but doesn't seem much different from Tommi. You might feel those nostalgic thoughts when being called Tommi.

[GretchenM]

There are so many ways to pick a name. The important thing is that you need to like it and therefore name picking is very personal. I was called Markie when a boy and I could pick that now except I associate it with being a kid and now that I am most assuredly not. I did adore the actress Markie Post. I used Marcy for awhile, but it was too much like my given name. I decided I needed something different. My favorite feminine name is Audrey but Gretchen is a close second. Why? I have no idea; they just seem really feminine. I am currently more of a "Tomboy" type of woman, but it changes often. And Gretchen seemed quite versatile with regard to fitting a personality. Chose what you are most comfortable with and if Tommi or Tommie is it then perhaps that is it. "A rose by any other name would smell as sweet."

[Jenny22]

My good friend, I think that Ilene is a beautiful name. I love the ring to it. My suggestion: Keep it. But, if you just have to have a name that relates to Tom, I agree with Beverly Simms ... Tomasina.

[Leslie Langford]

Ilene, I chose "Leslie" as my "femme" name as it is gender-neutral and can be used in all situations, including here, on Facebook, or when I am ordering on line, corresponding with retailers, or else leaving product reviews on retailers' websites etc. - especially when it involves women's shoes or clothing.

As for your proposed name change, I would also lean towards "Thomasina", "Tomara", "Tamara" or the like. "Tommie", "Tommi", "Tammie or "Tammi" et al sound more like cutesy-pie children's or teenagers' names IMHO - or, worst-case scenario - stripper names, and hardly appropriate for a "mature" lady such as yourself.

[Alisonforme]

I like Tommi! How do you feel about being called Tommi now?

[Nikkilovesdresses]

Since you ask, Tommi seems rather a tomboy name to me. But if it feels feminine to you, that's all that matters.

It always interests me that a Christine might choose to remain Christine, but she might choose Chris, Chrissy, Kristy or Tina. I see huge significance in choosing Chris- it's a real statement, a rejection of the feminine.

In my heart I'd like you to choose something more feminine, and I hope it's ok to say that.

[GracieRose]

I had to think this over for a while.
I think Tommi (or Tommie) is a good name for you, if you are comfortable with it.
My only concern was that you did not like being called Tommy as a child. But I suspect that was because the -y suffix added to male names generally indicates a very young boy and can be interpreted as an insult to a young man past about 5 to 10 years old (e.g. not man enough). I believe that you've matured way past that.

[Kandi Robbins]

I am going to reveal personal info about myself, and trust my friends and sisters here to not mis-use it; please.

Ilene, FYI the "Male to Female Crossdressers" section of the forum is public information, open to all, members and non-members (or lurkers as they are commonly called). If you want to keep something among us girls, you are better to post to a Members Only section.

[Diane Smith]

I actually like Ilene a lot. It is my nail technician's (also a good friend now) name as well, and I also had a beloved great grandmother named Irene.

Tommi or the variations sound kind of juvenile to me.

I specifically wanted a female name that wasn't derived from a common male name. So, no Stephanie, Charlene, Tommi, etc. (not that any of those especially appealed to me, anyway).

- Diane

[Leslie Langford]

Then again, there's nothing inherently wrong with your present name. Come on, (E)Ilene! ;)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WSQPMNtUNfU

[Krisi]

On the forum, it's easy to change your name but it really means little. If you're talking about in real life, "Tommi" is a great choice because it's a derivative of what your parents named you and just a small change from what you are used to being called. I think if you want to change it at all, Tommi is a great choice.

After a bit of thought, I would spell it "Tomi". That's a bit more feminine.

[Pat]

After a bit of thought, I would spell it "Tomi".

But under the rules of English pronunciation that would be pronounced "Toe-me." You need the second "m" (or at least a second consonant) to make the "o" short. I mean, she could always correct people if they pronounce it wrong, but she'd end up having to do that a lot.

[Leslie Langford]

Yeah, tell that to comedian Denis (Dennis) Leary, and you might just be rewarded with an earful. ;)

On the other hand, comedic actress Ana (Anna) Gasteyer (of SNL fame, among others) might react more benignly... :heehee:

[~Renee~]

I agree, I like Ilene too. I'm not sure I would want to be called something I hated when I was a kid.

[Tina June]

OMG! Ilene,
I am in the EXACT same predicament! My birth name is Thomas and I too have been contemplating just going by Tommi!
I think we should both just do it!

[Becky Blue]

One of the great things about being CD/Trans/TG or whatever is we get the chance to select our own names instead of having one forced on us when we are too young and helpless to argue if we don't like it. For me I wanted a name that had nothing to do with my birth name, each to our own..

[Nicole Erin]

Here are some possibilities, the name with the reason.

Chuck so people could say, hey what's up Chuck?
Freddy so people could say "Are you ready Freddy?"
Joe so people could say "Ready to go, Joe?
Ronnabellinski so you could tell people you are American/French/Polish mix.
Areheyho (must roll the R) so you could sound like some exotic lady.
Sharon Peters - You could say you like "menage a trois"

OR, you could claim to be an urban lady and change your name to Shanaynaynaynaynaynaynaynaynaynaynay