C'mon! What's the worst that could happen!?

[docrobbysherry]

Most of us started out as closet dressers. I've attended countless T and many vanilla events dressed since I began going out about 8 years ago. And, I'm usually out dressed as me. Not Sherry with a mask. I'm still a closet CD at heart. Because of the flack I receive out dressed! :sad:


I'm used to: comments, fish eyes, giggles, "OMG what was that?", and, "Oh crap! That was a man!" But, the worst/best came from another trans who hollered, "What the f---? That's the worst thing I've ever seen!":eek:


I've read countless threads here encouraging girls to go out in Vanilla Land. So, I thot it would be interesting and cautionary for u to post the WORST THING that ever happened to u out dressed?:doh:

[Asew]

Well I have only been out once and it was Halloween event at the mall dressed as Dorothy (as seen in my profile picture). At least five people asked if they could take a picture of me (mostly in a rude or laughing way), several people took pictures of me at a distance, and just in general a lot of people being awkward around me (staring, whispering, laughing). There were a lot of positive comments including one old lady telling my wife how it is hard to find a good man like me and I am a keeper.

[Beverley Sims]

I have only become ridiculed by my drunken friends at a party.

All in jest but they could have gotten the mob principle and tarred and feathered me.

It is something that can start in fun then escalate with alcohol involved.

[Tracii G]

Treated like I was the worst thing on the planet by a bunch of radical feminists.
I have had a few WTFs from guys and girls but that doesn't bother me because they never really do anything.
The radical feminists were hurling threats of bodily harm as well as personal attacks on my character.
Thats why I hate feminists or activist types because they get up in your face and demand you conform to them and I will not do that.

[Alice B]

I have been very lucky. My worst adventure was going out to an Elton John show is Las Vegas with a member of this site. Heel got caught in a sidewalk crack and I fell. Tore my nylons and tore up knee. Blood everywhere and still had to go to show. Cleaned up as best I could and had great time at show

[LelaK]

Thats why I hate feminists or activist types because they get up in your face and demand you conform to them and I will not do that.
Good for you (unless you "trigger" them). It's too bad that certain unnamed institutions in society have turned them into such hostile, intolerant people. Just when we thought the public was becoming more accepting.

[Eva Bella]

In my very early days, a bunch of young guys in a car yelled at me and a friend while we were in a taxi, stuck in traffic. They yelled homophobic slurs and a bunch of hateful things. I yelled back and flipped them off, then traffic started moving and we went our separate ways.

Since then, nothing significant. Every now and then there's a laugh, or someone points, or they take a picture.

But I have four things that I consider when this happens:

1) What we're doing is not typical. It's better to expect that some will be rude or uncomfortable with it.

2) My negative experiences pales in comparison to the usual young cis female. I've never been threatened with real assault. I've never been pursued by a man who could overpower me. I don't get called a bitch on NYC streets for not smiling at someone who's catcalling me. It's less about being trans and more about presenting female. If you're going to be feminine, than someone is going to try and victimize you for it. Every woman deals with this.

3) For every asshole in Las Vegas who calls me and my friends "dudes," there's a hundred people from all places and creeds and colors who go out of their way to be friendly, accommodating, and complimentary to us.

4) When you present female, you have to mind yourself like you are one. Women don't walk alone to their cars at 2AM in sketchy neighborhoods, and neither should I. Men are used to a considerable amount of anonymity and invulnerability.. and that's simply not the case for females. It's necessary to adjust your thinking.

Also... I went to university in the middle of Pennsylvania.. which is easily the least tolerant place I've ever lived. I played in a punk rock band and dressed the part. I received FAR more grief and aggression as a straight cis male in a Black Flag t-shirt and spiky hair than I've ever gotten as a girl.

[Tracii G]

Lela The whole trigger thing is just an excuse people use to feel justified in treating you like crap.
Kind of like the NYC saying "no offense" when it is their intention to offend you they just try to justify it by saying that.
Clear their conscience is what they are trying to do.
Eva at 65 I still wear my Black Flag T shirts and go to punk shows.
Saw Black Flag a couple of years ago and they tore the house down. Great show.

[GracieRose]

The worst that I can think of is a confused look occasionally. I would love to know what may have been said later by the bearer of the confused look
Eva; Interesting observations. It's useful to lend some perspective to our situation.

[Princess Chantal]

The in-your-face confrontation that happened during the period I was trying my darnest to be as “passable” and took to the blending in idea of dressing. I think that situation was mere seconds from being physical on his part, lucky for me a girl in his group interjected herself and diffused the situation. With that confrontation and others like it during that period, I believe that folks tend to be more aggressive if they think you are trying to “fool” them. I haven’t had much negative experiences when it is more obvious that I am not trying to “pass”!

[Stephanie Nicole]

I have been out a few times, and while there are alot of statres and whispers I have never really had anyone say anything to me directly. I have had a few good times too ( I met my wonderful fiancee while dress shopping). The cutest one was one time my fiaancee and I were shopping ( I was dressed as Stephanie) and a little girl who couldnt have been older than 5 or 6 years old came up to me and said " excuse me mister ( I am no where near passable) are you wearing a dress?" When I said yes she asked me why,old her I liked wearing them and she said "oh ok, so do I." Then she said I looked very pretty. Her mom stood there and saw the whole thing and didnt say a word and when the little girl walked back to her the mom came up to me and said she agreed with her daughter that the dress was very pretty on me.

[Dana44]

Amazing, nothing bad yet. But I was stared at in a restaurant as they were trying to figure me out. But he never said a thing. So all good in vanilla land. .

[Teresa]

Sherry,
To perfectly honest there hasn't been anything bad or adverse happen. I could list numerous humorous things but nothing that has ever put me off being out .

I'm going to say again that as a minority group we are something of a rarity , not that many people have seen a CDer so when they do they are going to look and maybe look again , did their eyes deceive them ? Was it a man dressed as a woman ? I overheard exactly that conversation from a couple , not laughing and giggling but genuinely questioning it to each other .

[Majella St Gerard]

The worst thing that has happened was years ago me and the wife were checking on her parents vacation home. We had the place to ourselves so we were "playing around", I was dressed in a red schoolgirl skirt and blouse, white ankle socks, platform Mary Jane's and no wig. She "made me" walk out to the mailbox to pick up the mail (it was a long driveway). As I was retrieving the mail a pick up truck passed and some "good old boy" yelled QUEER at me. Got punched in the mouth one night out with friends but that had nothing to do with my dressing, I tried to break up a fight between friends. And just a few ignorant comments and assuming that I was gay. Nothing where I felt threatened.

[Eva Bella]

I believe that folks tend to be more aggressive if they think you are trying to “fool” them. I haven’t had much negative experiences when it is more obvious that I am not trying to “pass”!

I'll echo this. I go to mainstream clubs all of the time, and part of me is shocked that I DON'T get any static from young, macho guys. But I'm always with my girlfriends (cis, CD, trans, whatever), and we generally keep to ourselves. I mean.. I've definitely gotten drunk and been really outrageous and flirtatious with the other girls, but we're not approaching those guys or trying to seduce or trick them. As long as you don't make them feel defensive about their sexuality, I think that people can be much more tolerant than we give them credit for.

Haha.. I'd also say that a bunch of transgirls dancing and making out with each other is much more acceptable to "normies" than a bunch of gay males doing the same. Interesting thoughts on that one.

[sometimes_miss]

post the WORST THING that ever happened to u out dressed?:doh:
THe worst thing? Well, the dead ones aren't able to post their responses. Yes, people have been killed because they were crossdressers. I'm assuming this thread was created in order to give everyone here a false sense of security that it's perfectly safe to go out crossdressed, just because most haven't experienced any catastrophic backlash. It happens, and when it does, there's nothing you can to about it unless you're either armed or a martial arts person. And I'm guessing that doesn't apply to most of us here.

And it doesn't address the hidden backlash that is not immediately apparent, when outing ourselves. Word gets back to our landlords, employers, family, friends, social contacts. landlords can evict us for other reasons, employers can put us on the top of the list when downsizing (again, for other reasons to avoid discrimination charges), family & friends can distance themselves from us, social invitations can dry up and cease, etc..
People don't necessarily have to feel hate or dislike for us for all this to occur; all it takes, is for them to feel uncomfortable with us. That's all it takes to make them reconsider being around us for any or all of that to happen.

[Eva Bella]

Jeeez you don't have to freaking panic everyone. For all of this conjecture, I know literally hundreds of people who are out as crossdressers to family, friends, and work.. and it's simply not a big deal. People register or lurk this site for information and reassurance, and I think you're being needlessly alarmist.

Got references for the many killed for crossdressing? I googled that phrase and found two sad stories in Jamaica and Detroit, and a bunch of links for a crossdressing dermatologist who murdered his wife. Obviously no one should die for this, but it hardly seems to be an epidemic.

[Joyce Swindell]

I can't recall anything ever bad happening to me while out dressed. The only thing that has come to mind was when I went to a local group meeting and had to walk through the hallways of the motel looking for the meeting room and had a little girl walking hand in hand with her dad look intensely at me as I passed by. I don't think dad even gave notice. But I'll give it more thought and see if I can stir some forgotten times.

[sara.rafaela]

1. Rear ended by mechanic on his way to SFO for work. No damage to either car. At the end od the exchange, seemed like he wanted to ditch work an go to the bars.

2. Left my keys inside car and had to call AAA. The tow guy was polite but kept calling me by my male name over and over again.

3. Pulled over for random stop and subjected to DUI test. Not drunk at all. Next day, returning to hotel from work, the same cop follows me around until I get to the hotel. Does not stop me, but approaches me as I get our of the car. I was in guy mode. I guess he wanted to check me out again.

[Diane Smith]

Only a couple of pretty minor things.

One time, as I was walking out of my nail salon in a strip mall, a guy started following me and yelling, "Sir! Sir! Why are you dressed like that?" over and over. He followed until I got to my car, and then stuck his face right up against the window as I was getting ready to drive away. I ignored him as much as possible and got out of there forthwith.

Two I can remember happened when I was in drab:

A guy once followed me around a big thrift store in Tucson as I looked at the women's clothes and shoes. I kept seeing him out of the corner of my eye wherever I would go. When I checked out, he was waiting near the door and followed me out into the street, yelling epithets about how immoral it is for men to wear women's clothes.

An SA at an upscale department store in the Chicago area refused to sell me a pair of women's shoes, and went out of her way to point me out to all her co-workers and make me feel creepy for even looking at them. (That was back in the mid-'80s. Times have changed.)

On the other hand, there have been hundreds of pleasant, humorous and enlightening experiences as well. All in all, the balance is toward the positive.

- Diane

[Aunt Kelly]

I feel like I've told this story at least a dozen times (which probably means that it's more like two dozen...)
Worst exprience was my first time out in public, in a busy casino in Las Vegas. A cross dresser will get made in under thirty seconds in that scenario. The tourists are wide-eyed and looking at everything. When they spot you, their mouths gape and they stare. If they look away, it's only long enough to tap their companion on the shoulder and say something to the effect of, "Look at that." It was trying... for about a minute, and then I realized that nothing else was going to happen, and that I could choose to smile and become part of an amazing story they'd tell back in B.F., Iowa.
That's it. That's the worst. Maybe I'm lucky or maybe confidence (and a smile) makes all the difference.

[Jean 103]

Ok Sherry,
First we have met, I have no problem with how you are.

Are you saying you want the general public to accept you, seeing you as the same as anyone else, so to speak?

The worst, I’ll give you a couple.

A boyfriend and I had attended a local town fair. Walking back to the car some young guys passing in van yelled out obscenities at me as they drove by. It bothered my boyfriend more than it did me.

Someone sent pictures of me taken in public to the owner of the company I work for. They were trying to get me fired. I’m out so it was really nothing.

This happened at a transgender support group I use to attend. They meet at a LGBT center about 30 minutes north of me. I have this very close gay friend that had been feeling down. I had heard that there was a new gay bar in that town. I asked the moderator after the meeting if she had heard of it. She lives and works in that town. She looked at me like I was trash and said we don’t go to bars. I just left and never went back. WTF I was asking for my gay friend, I didn’t tell her that, did I need to. This bothered me more than all the other stuff.

There are other things but my friends stand up for me, they shield me at times. These are just everyday people, the Vanilla world you refer to.
A couple of people have been thrown out of the bar for bothering me. I did not say a word, I don’t have to.

I don’t want to leave the wrong impression. I am generally accepted, loved and treated well like all the time. I have been pretty much full time for the last two years. I live, work and play in the Vanilla world.

See you in Vegas.
Love Jean

[IleneD]

Oh my bloody God. Has anything disastrous or crazy ever happened while out dressed?
Almost without fail.

I was taking a 250 mile bike trip through wine and ag country, and staying overnight in small town B&B's. I took a few femme things; a beloved long blue floral dress, heels, headscarves, some make up, undies, etc. (no wig); and dressed on a few evenings.
I stayed at one nice B&B that stood on a corner of a small winery town. During my check-in I was given my keys (to the outside door and my room), and reminded that after hours there would be no staff on the premises to help. However they (allegedly) had an emergency contact number.

I went out (en femme) for a dinner. Walked the un-busy sidewalks around the art shoppes and bistros, and spent time in my B&B back courtyard. There I met a woman traveler. We shared a bottle of wine and strange stories. After we parted and I went inside, I decided to return to the courtyard for one last glass of wine and the night air. After sitting alone for a half hour or so outside I tried to re-enter the B&B.
The door was locked. All the outside doors were locked, and I suddenly realized I had left my set of keys on the kitchen counter (whenI prepared my nightcap drink). I was in a panic. It was almost 10pm. I was in a dress and locked out of my room. If I called someone I'd be found. If I didn't, I faced having to sleep outside in the courtyard, and THEN being discovered in the morning.
I tried dozens of times over the next 2 hours to contact the emergency number to help. No joy at all. No response. I eventually got desperate and broke a small window on the back door with a rock. I let myself in and found my keys.
Fortunately, not alarms sounded even thought there were placards on the premise doors announcing 24/7 surveillance. I cleaned up my glass mess, went to bed and slept until the morning when I explained myself to the manager.
The Owner called me several days later. We came to an agreement and I made fair restitution for the broken glass. He said he saw the video, and I gifted him with a fine bottle of Scotch.

[Helen_Highwater]

I think Sherry is making a fair point. In truth it isn't all sweetness and light out there. That's why we say to newbies stay safe. Pick where and when you go out. It would be wrong to say otherwise than there are dangers out there.

One of the support groups I've attended held a brief moment of reflection during one of my visits to remember all the trans folk murdered over the years. There's a memorial in the gay village in Manchester to those who've suffered that fate.

That said, in all my excursions the worst that's happened to me is being referred to as buddy and mate in pointed tones, deliberately making a point by two SA's in different shops.

Yes people look, nudge their friend to bring you to their attention. We're different. If a smurf walked by they'd do the same. It goes with the turf.

What I think is important to realise is as I said earlier, there are dangers out there but it's important also to get it into proportion. The vast majority of folk really either don't care or can't be bothered to react. An increasing number now think it isn't a big deal at all and treat us just as they'd treat anyone else.

[Linda E. Woodworth]

At first I couldn't think of much if anything to comment on. Then when I read the previous posts the light bulb would go on and I'd remember that the same thing has happened to me.

I dress to pass but fully understand that I don't so getting called "sir" never bothers or upsets me.

At SCC one year I went out to dinner and the waitress sat me at a table, in the middle of the room under a spotlight. I could car less and had a great meal.

Driving around Atlanta I locked my keys in the car. Luckily I still had my purse and cell phone. AAA was there in minutes and the driver was a perfect gentleman. I forgot to ask for a picture, darn it!

Having my truck break down 100 miles from home while Linda was returning from the Therapist. I just went with the flow and called AAA. I really appreciated the young man who came up to me and asked if he could help. I even got "ma'amed"!

The worst was when I was window shopping at a mall and a guy was following me while making disparaging comments. I just ignored him and walked on. I was watching his reflections in the windows and ready to defend myself if needed. Kitty has claws.

[ChristinaK]

I have been surprised by the snuggles. For the most part, I can go where I want and people either don't notice or they are polite enough to not stare.

My worst experience came from my group therapist. We agreed that I could come as Christina if I told the group ahead of time and they were all cool with it, which kind of irked me. If I were some weird ethnicity and wanted to come in my native clothes, she wouldn't have made such a requirement.

So, when another counselor ran the group, I came out. Everyone was fine. The next time, I came in the door, my therapist looked at me and sternly said she wanted to talk to me in her office. The other members were standing in the waiting room not twenty feet away, waiting.

She chewed me out with the door open, saying that I didn't get her permission and how it was going to take weeks to prepare the group and on and on. I was extremely embarrassed as everyone could hear. I offered to change in the parking lot and she told me to do so.

So, I had to walk out in front of the group, who were embarrassed for me. I changed in a busy parking lot and took off my makeup. I was on the verge of tears. I didn't want to go back in, but did.

The group members felt bad for me and defended me during the session. The incident was extremely detrimental to my self esteem and feeling of being accepted. We talked later and cleared the air. She had never dealt with a transgender. I left the group after 3 more sessions. I just couldn't get over the vicious anger she displayed. She said she had no issues with me, but I didn't believe her.

[Krisi]

Let's remember that the worst thing that has happened to anyone responding to this thread may not be the worst thing that has happened to anyone. Someone above mentioned that dead people cannot speak and that's true. People have been attacked and even killed for being a crossdresser at the wrong time and place. The worst places are around bars late at night. Walking down a busy street in the daytime is probably pretty safe. Walking through a shopping mall is safe but the parking lot at night may not be.

Personally, the worst thing that ever happened to me was when I was walking down the sidewalk and a group of women came around the corner and one caught me off guard when she spoke to me. I managed to mumble a reply but I wasn't ready for that. It was some time ago.

[Ressie]

I haven't been out dressed in vanilla land very much. Last year as I was walking into a hotel someone in the parking lot yelled "Hey baby". Once at a gay bar (out of the blue) a gay guy took off his belt and started flinging it at me. That's about it for me.

As for TG murders there were many last year (and previous years) in the United States according to this from wikipedia, and many more in other countries. I'd surmise that it pays to avoid altercations by keeping thy mouth shut.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_unlawfully_killed_transgender_people

[CONSUELO]

I have no bad experiences to relate but after reading all of the replies to Sherry I am struck by the stupidity and inanity of much of the trivial harassment meted out by others to members of this community.

That said, there are some dangerous people around and the stories of the stalkers following some members does give one pause.

[Stephanie47]

My interactions with people have been limited to Halloween. On the Halloweens on which I intended to interact with people A woman attending a Winchell's Doughnut store complimented me on my attire and presentation. Yeah! A plus. I have to agree I was a lot younger than now and had better skin to work with. Another Halloween I went into a Safeway to buy some Coke. The cashier said nothing, but, a young male laughed his head off. Before I realized I should take my evening strolls outside my immediate neighborhood I heard a neighbor, who I never interacted with, told someone she was standing next to on her porch that she had "called the cops" the last time she had seen me walk by. That gave me a clue she knew where I lived and all that. No police officer responded which is should be the norm since wearing women's clothing in public is not a crime in Washington State. But, that did clue me in that I was not passable (6 foot/200 lbs). So my evening strolls are taken in a different residential neighborhood.

I've never had the desire to freely mix with people. Whatever needs I have to emulate a woman seem to be satisfied at hone. Wearing women's clothing brings some degree of peace and serenity. That would be lost if people stared at me or made obscene comments or gestures. I have to wonder sometimes about the comments received from other oppressed minorities. You'd think people who face discrimination would be supportive of others expressing themselves.

[Alice B]

I forgot about the time my car was towed and the police gave me a ride home. Fully dressed

[ChristinaK]

I hope that posts here don't prevent people from going out if they want to. I have been out, fully dressed, in just about any environment you can think of. I have found that most of the time I can feel absolutely comfortable in a crowd. I'm 6' 1" and 220lbs. People still seem oblivious, SAs have been polite for the most part and I would say the women have been more friendly than when I'm dressed normally.

Yes, we have to be careful, just like any woman. A trans woman was shot and killed locally last year, but it was 2am and in a bad area.

So, I highly recommend getting out there in the world if you want to. It gets easier with time. Now I go out with confidence knowing that I will most likely be treated like any other woman. Yes, I live in California, but it's a very conservative part.

[Alice Torn]

Got pulled over by a cop at night my first time out. Also the next day, first day out, had a man ask me for a jump start, as i was parked next to him. He told his kids to not look.

[docrobbysherry]

I guess some folk's "worst" is pretty mild. Which is why I didn't mention the time a strange woman saw me looking at women's shoes in a Goodwill and started throw shoes at my feet saying, "These would look good on u. Or, these!" I was in drab.:doh:

Or, another time after a T event in Vegas, I didn't notice the guy tailing me out of a casino at 2 AM. Until I got to the far end of the parking building with no one around! He was about 6' 2", 200 pounds and about 30+. I'm 5' 9", 150, and ancient!:eek:
He wanted a BJ. Even tho he was none threatening, he scared the crap out of me! Now, I never leave anywhere dressed without looking behind me!:daydreaming:


Ok Sherry,
First we have met, I have no problem with how you are.
Are you saying you want the general public to accept you, seeing you as the same as anyone else, so to speak?
--------------------------------------------------
Heck no! I'm thrilled when other dressers see me as one of their own!:devil:

[Helen_Highwater]

Sherry,

I'm aware of the need not to criticise others under the rules that govern our conduct here so please accept that this is an observation not me being disparaging of your choice in how you present.

From what you've written in many posts I'm making the assumption, please correct me if I'm wrong, that at the time of the circumstances you describe above you were wearing your breast plate. Now from the outset let me say I in no way condone such behavior but this side of the pond I grew up with the phrase, "Don't put it in the shop window if you don't want to sell it". Utterly sexist, totally unjustifiable. You and any GG should be able to wear what they like (hey and us) without some moron jumping to conclusions as to your "availability". As it stands this however isn't the current status in the world.

I totally support your choice to present as you do. At fault are the knuckle draggers who see more than what's there. The guy who wanted a BJ read the situation incorrectly. This is something we have to learn to deal with. We have to think as unfortunately GG's do. Until society changes, and hopefully it is, as the guidelines for this site say, we need to be utterly aware of our surroundings and that means sometimes altering what we do. It's not right, it should be totally unacceptable to modify our behaviour to placate the idiots but we have to face reality. Hopefully though I think things are changing.

In order to bring about that change those here who go out need to do so with an awareness of societies boundaries and just how far and it what way they can be pushed. Perhaps it all comes back to baby steps and the need for each of us to be self aware. Pushing the envelope carries with it an element of risk so sometimes, no pain no gain. Make of it what you will.

[kimdl93]

nothing terrible has ever happened when I went out dressed. The worst thing was the destruction of a relationship driven by what I can reasonably describe as self-absorbed and compulsive behavior. That is a lot worse than the whispering I never heard.

[donnalee]

I don't get out that much, dressed or otherwise. About the worst has been some under the breath comments from the male members of 2 couples and sirs from gas station attendants. I am the shy type normally, but won't back down if someone is hostile and in my face, but this has yet to happen and I do as little as I can to encourage it. I do take precautions if push comes to shove.

[Becky Blue]

I have been out about 25 times in 5 cities on 2 continents and clearly I have been very lucky so far, at a push i would say a guy trying to kiss me in a bar in San Francisco would be it. He was drunk and a bit pushy, I had to be quite firm with my no..

[Nicole Erin]

Stay away from places likely to be over run by drunkards or young males and all should be fine.

[CarlaWestin]

.............it would be interesting and cautionary for u to post the WORST THING that ever happened to u out dressed............

As far as bad reaction from a person, as you all know by now, Carla is a little (big) breast obsessed. Early on I would just enjoy the feeling of being well endowed while out and about.
One time in a large chain grocery store, an employee thought I was stealing merchandise and grabbed me by the arm and started reaching under my shirt. In the struggle, I yelled,
"I'm just a crossdresser you ___________!" He let go and I left the store. I returned non-brassiered and walked into the manager's office and had a chat about employees physically abusing customers.
Never saw that guy in the store again.