I wish I had the guts

[Maria 60]

On Saturday still on my High from Friday my sister in law calls me and asked me if we can meet for a coffee because she wanted talk to me about something. I have three sister in laws and this one is probably the one that I'm closes with. In my past threads I talked about her stating if I was going to tell anyone else it was going to be her. Until a washroom decussion lead her to say that crossdressers and cross gendered people have a mental disability and should seek medical attention as soon as they realize they have this disease and it's just so wrong.
Even after her comments I didn't hold it against her and we still have a great relationship. After meeting her and asking her what was going on, she said she needed a favour from me because out of everyone in the family I'm the only one she can turn to. That I have a lot of common sense and everyone in our family will not buy a car or renovate or do anything before talking to me first. She said I'm a great role model for her children and they look up to me, in which she is happy about. I was still wondering at this point what she wanted from me, and then she told me about a problem with her son, my nephew, that he was changing and she told me all the scenarios and asked if I could maybe talk to him to see what he was involved in.
I wanted so bad and it was on the tip of my tongue and wished I had the guts to say " are you sure you want a person with a mental illness to do this". I was thinking about all the good things she just said to me and how fast it would be erased if she found out. But I was more upset with myself for not having the courage to stand up for myself and everyone here and to have proved her wrong about cross gender people. I was upset because I was on a little high about Friday and she put a little blink on my high.
I'm going to talk to my nephew tonight, I guess that is the important part now but I think one day the cat is going to come out of the bag and when it does, it bothers me to death and hope she realizes the person she described is who I am, and maybe see us as normal happy go lucky people. I don't know if I'm beating myself up over this for not speaking up, or maybe I should just go put on my new breast forms and get back on my Friday high.

[Dana44]

Actually I would not tell her as she is so done on it. But yes have a talk with your nephew. But keep mum on yourself. She will never accept you.

[2BArianwen]

Hi Maria. I kind of think you're beating yourself up a little. I'm sure you will know when the time is right to reveal yourself and now obviously isn't the right time. Talk with your nephew and see where things go from there - it could well be that a few scenes need to be played out before the final act. Just keep on doing what you're doing. Rian x

[Joyce Swindell]

Wouldn't it be interesting if her concerns with her son was that she was finding panties in his room thinking womanizer and not realizing they were his?

[aprilgirl]

Maria,

Your sister in law obviously respects you and your opinions, otherwise she wouldn't have come to you for help towards her son. Speak to your nephew, find out what's going on with him, and help provide support for him and his family. Regarding your sister in law's comment about washrooms, I wouldn't put that much stock in it. After all, what is her exposure with, and understanding of gender fluid individuals? When the time is right, and assuming your spouse is ok with her knowing, it may very well change her opinion, or in the least "humanize" it for her, given the respect she has for you. Kim

[sometimes_miss]

I wouldn't tell her about yourself. Please remember, few people think up this stuff on their own; it's drummed into their heads by their own elders, religious leaders, friends that they look up to, etc.. And it takes a whole lot to throw all their values away to embrace something that everyone they know seems to believe; it could leave them all alone socially, and women especially are terrified of being cut out of their clique.
Guys don't define ourselves by our relationships. We can go for years without contact with a male friend, even decades, and when we meet we can pick up right where we left off. After my divorce, leaving me with only a couple of friends, I rebuilt my social circle outside of the previous one gradually, spending much time alone and isolated. But ask a woman to go for a couple of weeks without talking to any of her relatives and friends and she'll go nuts.
So let it go. There is nothing to be gained by her by finding out that you are a crossdresser. Nothing. Be the noble male, and leave it alone. Sure, it's not easy keeping your secrets to yourself, but that's one of the things that men have to do, even when we don't like it.

It's not about having the guts to spew your problems to someone else, hoping for the best. It's about having the strength of will NOT to.

[Tamsin Secret]

A lot of people say a lot of things alot of the time but when it turns up on their doorstep it's funny how opinions once held change.

There is a areason she holds you in such high esteem and it's because she should. ( I don't know you obvs but im going from the narrative you provide).

Myself? I'm a 3 x bestman, all-round great husband who gets on with most and is an outgoing dad that I would suggest know one would suspect. But there is the point. There is nothing to suspect, were not doing anything wrong in fact, subversely, it's the reason people do like us so much. We have depth.

Sure it's hard to get their head around and if I knew the secret to that conundrum I would have used it myself long ago.

Give your nephew the advice he deserves, you were always going to.

As for your sister in law.... She is the same as the rest of most of everyone else. Goes with the grain, the mainstream and I suspect would be mortified if she knew what her words actually meant (her not knowing and all).

My bet is she would embrace that side of you, but that's my 2 pence and nothing is certain.

Tammy :<3:

[Tracii G]

Don't tell her just yet and find out what is up with her son.
Do tells us what the son is up to LOL

[Helen_Highwater]

Firstly, no need to tell.

Secondly there's a part of me that wants your nephew to turn out to be Gay. It would be interesting to see how she copes with those chickens.

[Tracii G]

Or trans Helen Oh boy would that be interesting?
But Maria would be the perfect person to talk to him.

[Maria 60]

Tracli and Helen your both killing me of laughter. If he turns out to be a crossdresser I have a lot of hand me downs.

[Joyce Swindell]

Just a question....do you think this message board has "clicks"? I'm kinda feeling like it might.

[Aunt Kelly]

Don't make this about you, Maria. Not right now. A relative has come to you in confidence, earnestly seeking help which she believes, probably with good reason, that you can provide. I know, I know... the irony is delicious and it is surely tempting to rub that in her transphobic face. Don't. Not right now. Do what you can to help out. If things turn out poorly, your TG nature won't be the ready target it would be if you outed yourself. If things turn out well, mission accomplished. Maybe that will tip the balance in your favor at a later time. Maybe not.
Focus on the mission before you.

[DaisyLawrence]

I think you should go with option 2, the boobs and the high.

[Beverley Sims]

Keep everyone's opinion out of this and retain your stature by talking to the boy.

As has been said before here, who needs to know.

[alwayshave]

Maria, Be a good uncle and deal with your nephew and leave crossdressing out of the relationship with your SIL. It's not the pending issue.

[Stephanie47]

"Risk vs Reward!" What are the risks? What are the rewards? of telling your SIL you are a cross dresser? Sometimes I think this drive to reveal oneself is to anticipate affirmation of oneself. I learned a long time ago many people are two faced. They'll agree with you face to face, and, then knife you in your back when you're not around. You already know how your SIL perceives transgender men and women and cross dressers.

If your nephew turns out to be a homosexual or cross dresser don't offer up your sexuality or sexual identity. Based on your SIL's belief she'll probably blame your families genes as the cause for whatever she does not like in her son.

[NicoleScott]

Make this about you some other time. You have been asked to help a nephew. Focus on that, not you or your SIL's attitude towards crossdressers. Do it for the nephew.

[docrobbysherry]

Unless you're planning on coming out, Maria, don't tell anyone u don't have to. It puts a huge burden on them to keep your secret.:sad:

Just recall how/why u r tempted to tell her. That's how she will feel! Tempted to tell this or that friend or family member about u!:doh: