Wanting to be a girl thoughts don't stop

[AmandaM]

I wake up wanting to be a girl. I think about it all day. I go to sleep wanting to be a girl. Sex, food, etc. are only diversions. Then this "one thought" returns. I see beautiful women, and I think they're hot. I always want to be them. And...sometimes...I want to do them. But mostly, I want to be them. Is this the thoughts of a transsexual?

[joanlynn28]

I wake up wanting to be a girl. I think about it all day. I go to sleep wanting to be a girl. Sex, food, etc. are only diversions. Then this "one thought" returns. I see beautiful women, and I think they're hot. I always want to be them. And...sometimes...I want to do them. But mostly, I want to be them. Is this the thoughts of a transsexual?
I don't know, but I have these same thoughts too. As I have gotten older these thoughts have only grown stronger over the years. I believe that I am a secondary transexual. Like today all I could think about was transitioning, I keep trying to put those thoughts out of my head but they always come back. Me, I want to see a good gender therapist and get to the root of this, otherwise I feel that I'm am going to lose my mind.

[Lisa Baby]

I recently initiated the proccess to see a Gender Specialist myself. (I have not yet found one that my insurance will cover completly, but I am still looking.)

MY opinion is that you should seek out this form of help. The future is full of possibillities. Some good, some bad, and everything in between.

Expand your horizons.

Lisa

[caitlin]

T have had those very same thoughts and feelings...many of us have. When I see a woman walking along wearing something nice I wonder whether it would look as good on me as it would on her...only one way to find out...I may need a bigger closet though...lol.

Finding a therapist to help you is a god idea. You will always have "sounding boards" in friends and us in here, but at times a professional is what is needed to help sort things out. In my case the specialists are few and far between since I live in the sticks of New England. It just means I have to drive a couple of hours...but its worth it if I need it.

Caitlin (aka Katie)

You aren't alone in this. Hang in there

[Deborah]

I wake up wanting to be a girl. I think about it all day. I go to sleep wanting to be a girl. Sex, food, etc. are only diversions. Then this "one thought" returns. I see beautiful women, and I think they're hot. I always want to be them. And...sometimes...I want to do them. But mostly, I want to be them. Is this the thoughts of a transsexual?

Yes i have the same issue walking around all day everyday and it never goes away.
My mind is usually filled with the hatred i feel towards myself for not being born her to even think about doing her. ;)



T have had those very same thoughts and feelings...many of us have. When I see a woman walking along wearing something nice I wonder whether it would look as good on me as it would on her...only one way to find out...I may need a bigger closet though...lol.
It's not even about the clothes for me. More body image then anything.
I haven't been diagnosed TS yet either. Maybe one day.

[Lisa Maren]

I have those feelings pretty often, too. Sometimes, when I'm looking in the mirror in the morning, I feel like I'm looking at a female face with a guy's haircut and facial hair. Yecch! :)

Hugs,
Lisa

[joanlynn28]

I don't know, but I have these same thoughts too. As I have gotten older these thoughts have only grown stronger over the years. I believe that I am a secondary transexual. Like today all I could think about was transitioning, I keep trying to put those thoughts out of my head but they always come back. Me, I want to see a good gender therapist and get to the root of this, otherwise I feel that I'm am going to lose my mind.
I went to my therapist today and had a very good session. I told her about what has been happening in my life since the last time I saw her. I mentioned how I went out last weekend and how comfortable I am now. Discussed with her how I wanted to see a gender specialist and she asked me if I had contacted any yet. No, but I know where to look and told her I am more comfortable with myself dressing. It just feels right for me, told her I just want to be happy and have my exterior self match my inner self. She notices how more relaxed I am now. And that I my path leads to transitioning that is the path I will follow.

[sparks]

Yep sounds like you re amongst the same! It can make you pretty grumpy with those thoughts constantly pumping into your head!
Really doesn't matter I would never leave my wife and kids to make the transition! Thought about, fantasized about it but way to late in life to act upon it. At least for me!
Someday I would love to find a therapist to help with these thoughts. But really will some kind of happy pill make them stop! They didn't work for me!
She was really odd so I never made the trip back.
By the way watch out for the sexual side effects of some those so called happy pills. That's a whole other level of frustration!

[jenna19]

All the time. I see a woman and wish like hell that I was her. I see a nice article of clothing and want to be able to wear it all the time. I hardly ever look into the mirror because I see a man there and I really hate that. I feel so alone and isolated in my maleness. I don't know how to express my feelings to my female friends. I have told several of them of my desires and for the most part they are fully supportive, but, they can't understand my feelings 100%. No but another sufferer can know the pain in my heart. I have been feeling suicidal again lately. I wont follow through on it, but, it makes me so depressed. I know that I could go for therapy and live my life as a woman, but, I'm just so afraid. I have ventured out in dress on several occasions. I always feel like I'm just an ugly guy in a dress though. I'm lost.

[cd_lisaplaything]

I wake up wanting to be a girl. I think about it all day. I go to sleep wanting to be a girl. Sex, food, etc. are only diversions. Then this "one thought" returns. I see beautiful women, and I think they're hot. I always want to be them. And...sometimes...I want to do them. But mostly, I want to be them. Is this the thoughts of a transsexual?
Yep, I'm in the same boat as you Amanda. I'm 35 & the feelings just keep getting stronger as the years go by. You're certainly not alone, darlin'.

[azure]

A typical day consists of being wherever you are, and passing a woman, noticing her smile, the style of her hair, the way her clothes compliment her shape, the way she moves, and wishing that the first thought that comes into your head and the only thought would be "fwwwooaaarrr shes cute!!....etc" and not the overpowering and unremmiting train of thought screaming within you"I WISH I had hips like hers, I want to be pretty and be feminine and confident like her!!!!" and of course not forgetting the blast of self hatred, and revulsion as you pass a shop window and see "some guy" looking back. Sometimes I try to kepp the thoughts at bay by seeing this as an illness, that way I can see it as a problem to be combated and dealt with........until about oh lets see all of ten minutes when you pass a group of girls shopping and the whole thing starts again. Maybe a good dose of ECT will give me some peace, maybe its why theres such a high attrition rate amongst the TG community. I must state that there are conditons which people are suffering which are many many times more challengeing, though in terms of expereinced stress and damage a Tg person encounters it is relative.

hmmm end on a positive note......ummmm....a lady came in today and said to me "oooohh its lovley to see a female assistant in her today" I smiled quietly.

[fancy nancy]

I have thought about checking into female hormones . Still thinking about it more and more every day.

[Deborah]

Hiya Lex
It's nice to see the point of view from the other side of the fence for once. :D
Hugs
Debbie.

[Sarahgurl371]

I agree Deborah. Hi lex. I sit and wonder sometimes if Real Girls ever even realize how wonderful they are. If they love being who they are. If "normal" people ever do.

Then I get a refreshing opinion like Lex's. While I do not like being male, its odd to think that someone out there would just love to be in my body, and have my life.

[Star]

Ive felt that way too. Wanting to be the girl in te movie etc. Admitting it will never happen and accepting myself for what I am is all I can do.

[kymmieLorain]

I have the problem that I like being a guy, but more often I would love to be a girl. I see a beautiful girl and be envious of her looks and cloths. Oh well It is nice to dream. Maybe if I went into the witness protection program.

Kymmie

[Priss]

I wake up wanting to be a girl. I think about it all day. I go to sleep wanting to be a girl. Sex, food, etc. are only diversions. Then this "one thought" returns. I see beautiful women, and I think they're hot. I always want to be them. And...sometimes...I want to do them. But mostly, I want to be them. Is this the thoughts of a transsexual?

I used to have thoughts like that a lot, although I don't think they permeated every part of my day. After being on this path since 90, I don't really have them like that anymore. Since the surgery in 00, I seem to be more at peace with things internally. Now days the thoughts and feelings I have seem more normal to me. There is no more "I want to be a girl", because Iam a girl...

Your milage may vary however, because only you can answer the questions that plague your mind and heart. Ask yourself and listen. Be sure of what you want though, because once major changes are made, there's no going back like you were before you started.

[Jolene]

Just today a women walked by me and i wanted to have hips like her's. Oh well ..... we all do our best and enjoy .. Jolene

[cd_lisaplaything]

One day they'll probably be able to surgically swap brains from one skull to another, in effect swapping bodies. Won't there be a looooong waiting list for that?? I can see internet forums like bodyswap.com where you register your blood & tissue types & your desireable body & hope you find a match, then just whizz down to your local neurosurgeon....presto! Instant gender reassignment. Pity I can't see it happening in my lifetime.

(this surgery has been successfully carried out on some type of lizard, so it's not unplausible)

[Katrina]

Thanks Deborah and Tammy. :)

Yeah, I know what you mean. It's weird to me that you would all want to be female, while I'm trying to be anything but. I see guys and wonder if they appreciate how lucky they are to be guys, whereas you think that about girls. We're all different, but we're all the same. :D

That is so true. I think, why would anybody want to be a guy, and you think the exact opposite.

[Gail Stauffer]

I agree too, I have those same thoughts off and on!! I think girls are pretty!! and at times would love to be one!!

[lydia7]

I have found this thread especially thoughtful and nice. Thank you Lex for adding a refreshing perspective, and to everyone for sharing your inner thoughts. One day, people will look back on this time when bender mattered outside of the bedroom and think how backwards the world was. Though I have been lucky enough to make a transition that has been--for the most part--accepted and extablished, I can remember how hard it was for me, and how sometime awkward it is for me even now. Our children's kids will have a different place, and like all of this was never possible 60 years ago...there will be progress. We continue to love and support each other like sisters and brothers...and thus the family will grow. ;)

[Star]

People think teleporting like on star trek is possible. Who knows, in the future maybe they will be able to rearrange us into anything we want to be! Anyway we are girls here aren't we?

[AmandaM]

One day they'll probably be able to surgically swap brains from one skull to another, in effect swapping bodies. Won't there be a looooong waiting list for that?? I can see internet forums like bodyswap.com where you register your blood & tissue types & your desireable body & hope you find a match, then just whizz down to your local neurosurgeon....presto! Instant gender reassignment. Pity I can't see it happening in my lifetime.


Do you think Liv Tyler would trade down? :eek: Can I hire some of you to drug her? :eek: :eek:

[mistunderstood]

Being a F2M I to think of wanting to go to bed tonight and wake up in the morning and be a guy. Sometimes I dream I am a guy.

[Jennaie]

I can't say if this means your transexual or not. I can say that I feel simular feelings and think simular thoughts. I remember looking at a picture of an adorable woman who was posing nude. Suddenly I felt so depressed because I wanted so much to look like her. I had feelings of anger and sadness at the same time. I really do understand how difficult some of these emotions are to deal with.

I hope you can find some peace and understanding within these forums.

[marciegirl777]

I think often of what it would take to be truly at peace with myself. If I could cast off all social responsbilities, I always see myself as the gentle, quiet, woman enjoying cooking, art, writing and gardening with an equally loving and gentle lesbian lover. I would wear a simple, but ladylike dress everyday with conservative makeup and live in a little cottage. I would look at myself each day and be able to say; "you are pretty Marcie, and so peaceful with yourself because you are living the real and gentle you."

-Marcie

[Nyx]

There is an unspoken policy that you musn't tell people what they are. Since everyone is following it, nobody is going to venture into telling you whether you're transsexual or not.

There is a good reason for this policy, however. That reason being that it's sometimes difficult to tell if people are honest or not. It can even be difficult to be honest with yourself.

But the facts are simple. If you're transsexual, you've secretly ALWAYS wanted to be female, and not simply in a frequent sexual fantasy kind of way. If you are transsexual, then secretly you know that you are.

You can meet a therapist, you can ask as many people as you want, nobody is going to give you an answer. It's all up to you and what you feel. Just make sure you are being fully honest with yourself.

[emma_bb]

all i can say on the subject is follow ur heart ..ur a long time dead .i have been on female hormoanes and whilst on them those feelings and feelings of depression lessend because i knew i was on the path of changing my body to how i feel it should be ,its all very deep and requires deep soul searching to find the answers ur looking for ..no one can tell u if ur TS or not it has to come from you
its the only condition that the patient themselves diagnose not alot of ppl know this .all a councilor will do is help u find the answers within yourself ,it can be very hard beause it throws up more questions than answers
the biggest and hardest thing i found was the realisation i was a transgendered woman ,its a massive revelation that burried under this male persona beats the heart and mind of a female

[alisoncdnj]

I have the same thoughts all the time. Every waking moment I want to be a women. I have started therapy. I am happiest when dressed as a woman.

[Caitlintgsd]

When I see a gg with an outfit I like I tend to wonder "Does that come in my size"? A lot of times I find myself jealous, almost hateful, for having been born the way I was (I know, rather twisted). I think about it constantly myself. I suppose that I should go and seek a new counselor. I haven't done that for over a year as my last one and I didn't really "click" too well.

[cutechloe]

Hi everyone,
I too have these feelings, but day and night. Quite often I have a dream where I am a woman. I love it but hate waking to find that i'm still male. I feel really guilty because I love my fiancee but feel that I am cheating on her somehow. I have no love for my male parts and would have them removed in a heartbeat if could still be with my fiancee afterwards. She is great and lets me crossdress in the evening. She also lets me shave myself and is coming around to the idea of me growing my hair long. But still I can't fully open up to her because it would scare her away because I scare myself with some of these thoughts. What's worse is that I just stole one of her birth control pills (that she missed about two weeks ago) and swallowed it. I don't really want anything to happen, it just makes me feel really nice and calm (I've done the same thing twice before when I was living with my parents... with my sisters pills). I know it's a really stupid thing to do but I can't help it. This is kinda destructive I guess, but I have no masculinity left in me. I want to see a therapist but I know exactly what they will end up saying, basically that I have to be a woman... and lose everything and everyone (as I know will happen), or just find a way to be a man. Like I said I don't want to lose my fiancee but I don't really want to be a man. I can't have sex normally anymore because of my mind, and I keep imagining having sex as a woman, which is scaring the life out of me. Sorry for the rant, I'm just losing it steadily. Please reply if you feel the same. Chloe.

[Nyx]

Hi everyone,
I too have these feelings, but day and night. Quite often I have a dream where I am a woman. I love it but hate waking to find that i'm still male. I feel really guilty because I love my fiancee but feel that I am cheating on her somehow. I have no love for my male parts and would have them removed in a heartbeat if could still be with my fiancee afterwards. She is great and lets me crossdress in the evening. She also lets me shave myself and is coming around to the idea of me growing my hair long. But still I can't fully open up to her because it would scare her away because I scare myself with some of these thoughts. What's worse is that I just stole one of her birth control pills (that she missed about two weeks ago) and swallowed it. I don't really want anything to happen, it just makes me feel really nice and calm (I've done the same thing twice before when I was living with my parents... with my sisters pills). I know it's a really stupid thing to do but I can't help it. This is kinda destructive I guess, but I have no masculinity left in me. I want to see a therapist but I know exactly what they will end up saying, basically that I have to be a woman... and lose everything and everyone (as I know will happen), or just find a way to be a man. Like I said I don't want to lose my fiancee but I don't really want to be a man. I can't have sex normally anymore because of my mind, and I keep imagining having sex as a woman, which is scaring the life out of me. Sorry for the rant, I'm just losing it steadily. Please reply if you feel the same. Chloe.

Be honest with yourself first. Consider possibilities. Ask yourself questions.

How do you see yourself in the long term?
Do you think your current lifestyle is sustainable?
If you have children, do you think you can make a good father?
What kind of life do you think you would lead if you changed sex?

More questions may come to your mind, and if you really consider sex change a viable and desirable option, a therapist can help you. Just don't do stupid things without thinking.

Taking birth control pills is useless (for you) and annoying (for your girlfriend). The hormone levels in those are extremely low, which means they won't produce any noticeable changes, even if you take five a day. Taking hormones inconsistently (swallowing a pill once in a while) is also not effective and not recommended (it can at best produce mood swings).

As far as changing sex... It's just not something you want to do "on a whim". I personally wouldn't advise doing it unless you really feel your mental health depends on it and there is no way you can live a happy life without it.

[MarieTS]

I laughed reading some of these posts, particularly the ones on page one. What I found so amusing is that I could have written them myself! It's as though so many of you read my mind and transcribed my feelings. It's incredible how many of us feel this powerful current that grew into an undertow, and has now graduated to a full tsunami.
Like so many of you, I've accepted that I don't simply want to be female, but that I really am one. I now feel comfortable with that. At least for me -- and I can tell for many of you -- this isn't simply a preference, but rather a full and total identification with everything femme. For some this discovery was gradual and phased over time, but for most I bet that if you really searched through your memories it was there before you realized it, or at least before you were willing to admit it.
But don't you feel natural as a gal? Isn't it second nature for you? If you can answer "yes" to this question you are a girl. If not, you have more travelling to do. Eventually you will reach your ultimate journey. Enjoy the ride wherever it takes you.

[Sarahgurl371]

There is an unspoken policy that you musn't tell people what they are. Since everyone is following it, nobody is going to venture into telling you whether you're transsexual or not.

There is a good reason for this policy, however. That reason being that it's sometimes difficult to tell if people are honest or not. It can even be difficult to be honest with yourself.

But the facts are simple. If you're transsexual, you've secretly ALWAYS wanted to be female, and not simply in a frequent sexual fantasy kind of way. If you are transsexual, then secretly you know that you are.

You can meet a therapist, you can ask as many people as you want, nobody is going to give you an answer. It's all up to you and what you feel. Just make sure you are being fully honest with yourself.


Being honest with yourself, that is the hard part. I have been over every stinking little facet of this in my mind a thousand times over. I am so confused. Secretly knowing...yeah I feel as though I have a secret. Its killing me to not be "honest" with everyone else around me. I just feel like I am being deceptive. Then I read posts or biographical excerpts like these and everyone who has been down the path seems to have thier own spin on it. You must feel this... you must feel that... to know that you are TS.

If you have sexual fantasies of being the woman, you are not TS... aren't we all sexual at some basic level? Wouldn't a person who is TS see themselves as the gender they "want to be", or "are"? I guess for me, the sexuality of it all is what is scaring me. I have read time and time again about people getting caught up in the "Sexual" feelings of CDing, that it goes overboard. That you are driven by sexual urges, not truly emotional, gender, truths. Surely I am not the only person feeling all these things for whom there is also a sexual side?

So like you say Nyx, be honest with yourself. Well the problem for me now has become that I have questioned my every thought about this all so much that I can no longer see which end is up. Then on top of that all the original thoughts are still there. Then on top of that, what will everyone I know say, do and think? Will my marraige be over? Will I be alone for the rest of my life because I am who I am, whatever that is? Am I doomed to never being able to tell anyone, for someone else to "know" me? I wake up every morning with dred in my heart. What will today bring? Will people be able to look at me and see right thru the disguise I have been wearing for so long? Will I be cast out?

I am to the point now that "dressing" just makes it all worse. I cannot look the way I want. I am just not feminine enough. Then I know I will start beating myself up afterwards because, "what if people knew". "What if the next time this subject comes up in the break room, I cannot deflect it from me"? I can see "it" in my eyes. I know its there. How can they not see it?

I am so tired of this all. I am so tired of seeming like a whining little baby. My therapist says I need to get out and experience life en femme. That I will only then be able to start to understand the depth of it all. OK, great. Then the fear... what if someones see's me #1, and #2 can I handle them really seeing me? Am I willing to sacrafice everything I have worked for, struggled for, friends, family, so I can go around wearing a dress? Cuz that's all they see. They so not see inside me. They have absolutley no idea what so ever what its like for me to just get thru the day.

Sound real enough? What I would really like to know, from those who have transitioned, is how you have reconciled yourself to living in thier world? How do I thicken my skin? Cuz in the end, the bottom line, is if it weren't for them I could just be.

[Harriet]

I, too, think about being a woman all the time. I used to think it was because I found women to beautiful. But a few years ago I found myself admiring a woman and realized that she was not particullay beautiful -- she was just an "everyday" woman and I thought "I would be happy if I could present myself even half that good." I guess I just want to be accepted as a woman -- beautiful or not.

[Vaerise]

I wonder where you stand if look a nude woman, and want to become her yet you feel like doing her also?
Then again at the same time you absolutely cant stand being male and looking male.
So.. does that make you TS or not TS?
What really defines TS, or is it just a label given to people who are experiencing issues with gender/sexuality in general?

[janedoe311]

They are working on a “selective” cloning. In other words they will be able to grow a heart, lungs, kidney, vagina and the other parts inside someone. The male skeleton is another matter. Can not see it possible in the future to shape your bones, make you shorter, smaller frame, hands feet, female pelvis,(birth canal).

But maybe not impossible. Was thinking about a “modified” MRI that actually moves calcium molecules around to shape you structure. I write Science fiction so I have a bit of an imagination.

[CaptLex]

I write Science fiction so I have a bit of an imagination.
I wouldn't discount it. I learned recently that most of the high-tech stuff on Star Trek, which came strictly from the fertile imagination of the writers, has become reality because scientists saw it and decided to figure out a way to make it work. If we can dream it, we can do it.

So I won't lose hope that I can grow a willie - I just hope they can do it in my lifetime. :Pray:

[Maria D]

What I would really like to know, from those who have transitioned, is how you have reconciled yourself to living in thier world? How do I thicken my skin? Cuz in the end, the bottom line, is if it weren't for them I could just be.

First off, you mention people of all types saying that you must feel or do certain things to be TS. Who are they to know what is and isn't? Who are they to know you, and who and what you are?
The voice/voices to listen to are yours, and you need to listen to them and find your own path to happiness, if you can.

As to reconciling myself to 'their' world, I have only my biography to give. No answers and no path for you, just what I am doing in the hope it helps shed light on the choices you have:

Once I hid my feminine side from the world. I realise now that the fear I had of being seen was mainly because I was projecting my feelings onto other people. I hated myself and thought myself a freak, and logically thought everyone else would too. To reveal to the world my feminine side would invite scorn, hatred and ruin. I was so scared of anyone knowing. It's not a nice way to live...
The moment that changed was when I told my (now) fiancee about me. Basically I was at rock bottom, no job, no dole, no money left and I didn't care. I met my fiancee and she sent me money for a train ticket after chatting for a few weeks. I visited her, and we got on brilliantly, but I just knew that even with her, a life of being a man was something I couldn't do. I sort of figured that I had nothing to lose any more, so when the moment was right, I told her, and she didn't hate me, or attempt to cut my head off.
It wasn't so much her as the fact that a glimmer of hope appeared; maybe it could be ok for me to be like this. Eventually I had the confidence to go out for the first time, to a tranny pub quiz night. I was terrified, but as soon as my toe was in the water, so to speak, I realised that the mob with burning torches had not appeared.
After that, it became a matter of confidence building; shopping, town centres, everywhere. I always knew that I looked like a man crossdressing, which sort of helped me; rather than worrying 'do I pass?' I accepted I didn't, that I had a right to be who I was, and that by not setting fire to me everyone was actually accepting me. Or ignoring me. Or not noticing at all (cooking eggs, eh Lex ;)), it didn't matter. I was allowed to be me in their world. And then it was a matter of psychiatry and hormones before going full time.
I still look like a man, I know I do and I hate it, and I know that a lot of people I commute with, strangers on the train, know I'm TS because they've seen me as a man and a woman. I don't have thick skin, I just came to understand that their opinions don't matter. I mean, say I saw someone wearing a top I didn't like. So? Is my opinion in any way relevant to that person? No. And so it applies to me, albeit with gender instead of tops.

All this is not 'the way', just my way. I think the bottom line is facing the fear and gaining confidence. If you could do it if it were not for them, how are they stopping you? I always assumed they would hate me see, but they didn't. Even my Mum didn't, and I thought I'd lose her. They stopped me only because I assumed on their behalf. So who stopped me?

Of course, you must find your way, and your happiness. You may never transition, and if that's what gives you happiness, great. Just be happy eh? :)

I won't lie and say that transition is a bucket of joy either, life is just as hard, blow drying of hair is involved, and bras hurt. Having your bum eyed up is also a little odd. Oh, and high heels have a habit of locating and getting stuck down any grate within a 2-mile radius of you walking. The prospect of SRS is exciting yet scary; it's a tough operation to recover from. On the bright side men open doors for you...
It makes me happy though.

I hope that helped, it's all I have to offer, not much, sorry.

Take care :)

[OniKoneko]

I like you Maria. :P Cute and smart, altogether a lot like me, too. Although I'm probably a hell of a lot younger than you so nyah. ;P Heehee...

Anyway, playful banter aside... Being transgendered (differing from typical social sex/gender roles) or transsexual (feeling that your birth sex and actual gender are not congruent and wishing to modify your birth sex to fit your gender) is not clear-cut. There is not black and white. If you are busy asking others if this or that means you are transsexual, then you are busy being defined by the opinions of others.

I, personally, found great help in talking to a friend of mine, however. He helped me realize who I was and he even told me that he thought of me of a girl when he first met me. All my life I'd never really thought about wanting to change my body to be female until I started talking to him and he helped me through the options and possibilities. When I was little I always used to cry myself to sleep wondering why I wasn't born a girl and why I was a boy, and I never understood why I did that. I thought I was just being stupid or something. I've tried being a boy and, wow... I am definitely not a boy. :P

I see transsexuality as, and I know this sounds bad but please allow me to explain before you decide to start flaming me, a sort of disease or disorder. Yes, I honestly think that a great number of us are suffering from some kind of disease or disorder that affected us before birth. Maybe it is genetic, maybe not. We don't know yet. I want you to consider how some babies are born partially or fully deformed. Some are born without an arm or a leg, or something of that sort, or they are born blind, mute, or deaf. With all of this that could affect children, seemingly at random, is it so hard to believe that transsexuality could have been caused by a deformity causing a change in physical sex, possibly on a genetic level? Some deformities are exterior things, yet still seem to affect the DNA of a child. Many odd things can happen in development.

Anyway, I see the more serious and honest of us as being actual girls. We are, too. If a person is born without sight, hearing, speech, a limb, or the use of a limb, does that person cease to be human? If a girl is born without a vagina, ovaries, or any of the other girly bits, does that girl cease to be a girl? If a boy is born without a penis, testicles, or any of the other manly bits, does that boy cease to be a boy? Is it not wholly possible that we were meant to be female (for us MTFs, who rock) or male (for the FTMs, who rock just as hard, by the way. ;D) and some strange disease or disorder caused an even stranger deformity that resulted in us basically being like girls/boys stuck in boys'/girls' bodies?

I see nothing wrong or horrid about being transsexual, just like I see nothing wrong with the blind learning braille and the mute/deaf learning sign language. We are fixing a deformity in ourselves. We are not freaks. Sure, some of us are a tad freaky, but we are not freaks. We are people, just like everyone else, and most of us just want to be able to live relatively normal lives as ourselves.

The answer to whether or not you are transsexual doesn't lie in us, though. The answer lies in your own mind. Only through self-exploration and questioning can you begin your journey into the mind-shattering world of emotional pain and trauma that is transsexualism. You'll laugh (sometimes happily, sometimes manically), you'll cry (mostly depressed or manic), and you'll probably want to die on several occasions. Hopefully you don't give in to the pressure. :) I certainly would like to have more people in the world capable of understanding the sheer extent that a person can hurt inside instead of less.

[michelle19845]

i wonder where i am.i don't say be her or do her,i only say be her? i'm not one to say "i'd do her" ,it just don't sound considerate.i listen to lots of femme music.my highlights in life right now are shopping and trying to find a career.when i'm my femme self i feel so alive and positive,less stress and don't tend have anxiety.no kids,no SO.I personally think i have femme features such as some facial things and somehwta of breasts.i tend to try to be mor considerate and show respect for those i don't know and not carck jokes on them or about them,i like dancing and am one who likes to keep things clean and organized,hate messes.i kinda feel that my feelings can be soft at times.i think about where i move to someday and how it will /would affect my personality/gender.i'm up for any opinions on what routei'm on? any older girls tell me?

[OniKoneko]

Ugh. Breasts. Don't talk to me about breasts right now. Apparently my intersexed characteristics are having fun and I'm growing boobs. Unfortunately, even the slightest amount of pressure on my right breast will, currently, cause me to flinch because it kind of hurts and aches. :) Fun of growing boobs. Oh, and I know it's not fat because I've actually lost weight. Want to know how much I weigh? Sure you do. Okay, fine. I'll tell you, but I swear... If I hear anyone complain that they're fat because I'm so damn skinny... Something bad will happen. It will! Like... lasers... shooting out of your monitor...

>.>

So what if I already used that insubstantial threat? It's a good one! :P Yeah, so anyway... None of us can tell you what you are. It's also equally hard to explain to people, at least in my case, why you are transsexual... I get caught up with (and angered by, unfortunately) semantics a lot. Modern people tend to focus on the physical. It really is a pity that so many people in the world seem to have no spirit... No inner self. They are what they look like, and they look like cheap drones, never thinking past the physical realm.

I've talked to religious people about transsexualism and it seems that the general consensus is that transsexuals are "spiritually broken" people and they need to turn to God (capitalized as I am using the proper noun referring to the Christian god) in order to recieve healing. This healing will cause them to realize that their physical self is, apparently, who they are.

It is amusing to me how far the physical skew goes in the world, especially when one's physical self is easily modifiable or terminateable. A bullet between the eyes can vanish physical self in an instant, but it cannot harm your spirit, your soul...

Whatever you believe it is, it is your core being. Bred into humanity, we are taught to listen to society, our peers, and consumerist icons. Ask a child who they are and you get a name, physical sex, and age. Ask an adult who they are and you get the same thing, perhaps minus the age. Wouldn't want to admit that death is sneaking up on our larval physical state, now would we? People today do not just not know who they are, they've never even considered that there is more than just the physical. Most major religions make the flesh seem holy for as long as you have it, and reject any major physiological changes, despite the inherent corruption in the physical realm. Children are born missing limbs, with both sets of sexual organs, or with no sexual organs. I think a female child suffering a deformity where they are born male is completely possible, and vice-versa.

Whatever the cause of transsexuality, it is not something you... Agh, how to put this... You cannot become transsexual. Indeed, the word "transsexual" only serves to define a similar mindset among people, or so I feel. Transsexualism is not the "disease", so to speak, it is a symptom. You do not become transsexual because you either are or you are not. Mannerisms, femininity, masculenity, and so on and so forth... These are all insubstantial. A MTF transsexual could be a bull dyke, or a FTM transsexual could be a prissy fairy. Facets of your personality do not change your gender, nor do they change the feelings of what you should have.

Before I even learned of transsexualism or sex changes, I used to cry myself to sleep wondering why I was born male. I didn't know why I did it, I just knew that I didn't like being male, and I felt different than everyone else. I used to roleplay female characters or just be female online, like in a chat room. I didn't bait anyone, I didn't harass anyone... I was just a girl. That was that. I didn't have any alterior motive other than it made me feel happy and it felt right. It came to be that when I was on the computer, where no one saw your physical self unless you showed them, I was a girl. It was like an unconscious decision. I still have no idea what initially started my female roleplaying and such... I think I just did it because something in my mind told me to... Subconscious and stuff...

I was always a girl, I just didn't realize it because my physical state was contradictory to that. I wondered, embarassingly enough, when I would get my period. When I would grow breasts. I had sex ed rather young, too, so the fact that I knew of these things did not help. This wondering, however, did not occur in my conscious mind... It went on in my subconscious, and only by picking through my memories can I actually see those questions and fears floating about in my mind.

You are born who you are, and I was born a girl even though I was born in a male body. All my life I connected and associated with girls more than boys, and I even didn't follow the standard social order for children. Boys were supposed to think girls were icky, and girls were supposed to think boys were icky. I, however, thought boys were icky and girls were lovely. In fact, I even despised many boys simply because they were crass and rude! When puberty hit, girls became even lovelier and I never thought of boys... Until there were gay and lesbian couples evident in my little world. Then I did, although I wouldn't admit it. I liked boys, more than liked... I mean, I more than liked them physically... I could never bring myself to be better than simple friends with any boy, though, as I found the male personality to be quite repulsive.

It is difficult, yes, but you have to figure out things for yourself. There is no specific criteria one must meet to be transsexual, no matter what anyone says. The criteria are imposed by other people, and transsexualism is a highly personal and subjective matter. Therefore the criteria are insubstantial and can be ignored.

The only place the truth lies is in yourself. Open up and explore the depths of your mind.

[Dee 1062]

This is my thoughts too, Maybe we are bi lesbians
anyway, I have wanted to be a girl way back when I was just 9 or 10 years old..

[janedoe311]

I wouldn't discount it. I learned recently that most of the high-tech stuff on Star Trek, which came strictly from the fertile imagination of the writers, has become reality because scientists saw it and decided to figure out a way to make it work. If we can dream it, we can do it.

So I won't lose hope that I can grow a willie - I just hope they can do it in my lifetime. :Pray:


When my wife is finished with mine you can have it, as long as we can trade! Oh gosh, Did I say that?:rolleyes: