dinner party

[susants]

My wife has agreed to invite one of her long term girlfriends here for dinner next Wednesday and I will be cooking and serving in one of my maid uniforms
Andrea my wife's friend does not yet know that I'm a cd and the maid here at home but after years of asking my wife has agreed to do it
Now my wife doesn't know how to tell Andrea any ideas girls
Susan

[DaisyLawrence]

Presenting as female is an instant way of confirming your CD status without any need to tell but is the maid uniform wise? There are strong kink/fetish connections associated with the maid uniform, is that the crossdresser you want her to think you are? If so fine but if you want her to go away thinking you are a man in touch with his feminine side who is prepared to express it then I'd choose another outfit.

Daisy

[DIANEF]

Have to agree with Daisy. If you are going to do the 'surprise reveal' maybe something a little more subtle than a maids outfit might be more appropriate. Just my two pennies worth...

[Teresa]

Susan,
I have a couple of maid outfits that not many have seen apart from some members here on the forum.
OK they are fun to you and hopefully your wife but they might prove a little scary or OTT to others who don't know about your CDing at all . Perhaps your wife should break the ice and tell and her friend otherwise she might find she loses her as a friend . Even then I might be inclined to dress more conservatively the first time .

[susants]

My wife is going to tell her before she gets here so not a big surprise and say it's just something we do to spice up your marriage like role play
https://www.flickr.com/photos/7353532@N06/14453705782/in/datetaken/
this is the outfit I plan on wearing

[DaisyLawrence]

Ah well, as maids outfits go that is quite conservative. My imagination went elsewhere!

[SaraLin]

I dunno. I still think it's a bit risky.

Not for the dressing, but for the poor friend who will be asking herself "They do this to 'spice up' the marriage - are thy expecting me to join in on something?"

Sounds risky for your wife's friendship - and that could end up backfiring on you. I can almost hear her saying "Because of you, I can't have friends anymore!"

Sorry, but the approach seems all wrong to me.

Wouldn't it be kinder and gentler for your wife to 'confide' in her friend about your dressing - and IF and ONLY IF the friend is OK with that - then invite her over with the understanding that you are likely to be dressed feminine when she gets there.

[susants]

Yes 'spice up ' may be the wrong way to put it
She is going to talk with her first and invite her if she wants to come planning on next Wednesday so have some time to talk this out

[Majella St Gerard]

Sounds like it could be fun but I would definitely check it out with the friend first

[Patricia_Campi]

I dunno. I still think it's a bit risky.

Not for the dressing, but for the poor friend who will be asking herself "They do this to 'spice up' the marriage - are thy expecting me to join in on something?"

Sounds risky for your wife's friendship - and that could end up backfiring on you. I can almost hear her saying "Because of you, I can't have friends anymore!"

Sorry, but the approach seems all wrong to me.

Wouldn't it be kinder and gentler for your wife to 'confide' in her friend about your dressing - and IF and ONLY IF the friend is OK with that - then invite her over with the understanding that you are likely to be dressed feminine when she gets there.

I totally agree with Sara on this one.

We keep trying to find acceptance by society, trying to show how "normal" we are, so, maybe this is not the right way to show it for a person for the first time.

Just my two cents.

Cheers,

Patricia

[Rhonda Darling]

As is often said, "You can't unsee something." Wouldn't it be better if her first impression of you was of a tastefully dressed woman who conducts herself at a dinner like other women of refined taste. IMHO.

[Sherrii]

I think your wife should tell/warn her before hand and you should dress a little more "normal/conservative" at first. Then maybe when it is time to eat your wife could say "OK Susan, go and get the maid and have her serve dinner". Or something like that. And the maid shouldn't be too ****ty, not the first time anyway. This sounds like fun if your wife can present it as a fun thing and the girl friend goes for it.

[Krisi]

My advice related to crossdressing has always been, don't tell anyone who does not need to know. I would think your wife's friend does not need to know that you're a crossdresser. It doesn't do anything for you or for your wife. Once this "news" gets outside of your immediate family, there's no telling where it will stop. It can get to your job, your church, and your social circle.

Forget the maid outfit, forget any female outfit and dress as a man.

[Princess Chantal]

I have one question that needs to be answered before I reply to the main focus of the thread.
Do you treat your crossdressing as a fun activity or as gender expression?

[AshleyWalker]

My advice related to crossdressing has always been, don't tell anyone who does not need to know. I would think your wife's friend does not need to know that you're a crossdresser. It doesn't do anything for you or for your wife. Once this "news" gets outside of your immediate family, there's no telling where it will stop. It can get to your job, your church, and your social circle.

Forget the maid outfit, forget any female outfit and dress as a man.

I agree with Krisi 100% on this one, I will say however I admire your courage to move forward but question the benefit of following through compared to the harm that could occur. Unless of course you are prepared to have this be your Coming out to the world event. If this is the case, I think that as others have said the Maid uniform may have too may sexual connotations, and may make your guest uncomfortable.

[CONSUELO]

Complete surprise reveals can be so surprising that the consequences can be bad.

Think it through from Andrea's perspective. She is coming to dinner with a good friend and her husband and when she arrives she finds him in a maids outfit cooking the dinner and after getting over the shock and seeking an explanation from her friend she is probably wondering why it was done this way. What is being suggested here? Uncomfortable may not even begin to describe her feelings.

I don't think this is a scenario that can end well.

[Taylor186]

If I were your wife's friend I would certainly turn down your invitation, and I'm a life-long crossdresser. I'm not interested in unwittingly being a part someone else's "marriage spice." Your wife should have many discussions about your crossdressing with her friend (and the kink aspect, if that is what it is) before subjecting her to seeing and being a part of it. A dinner is just not enough justification.

[docrobbysherry]

Susants, u haven't fully explained the maid's outfit. As maid's outfits go, it certainly isn't fetishy looking. Then, why do u want to wear it? Is it a special desire of yours to wear it in front of your guest?:daydreaming:

Personally, I don't see that it would offend anyone any more than u cooking dinner in a house dress and apron!:battingeyelashes:

[Jenny22]

As I read your post, Susan, it appears that all of this was at YOUR suggestion (twice said, "wife agrees"). What prompted you to come up with this idea?? What do you expect to gain from it?
Personally, I don't think the proposed dinner idea is a good thing, but if you want to do it, do it as the husband. Dinner conversation could ultimately come around to Gender variences, and the guest's opinions will surface, for you to disclose or not. Just saying.

[Gillian Gigs]

Susants, only you know this person that is being invited over for a meal, so you have a better chance of guessing how they may react. The maids uniform is conservative enough, but it can be totally taken the wrong way. If you are bent on doing this, then pick out a conservative dress, or skirt outfit instead. No need to mention anything to do with kinks, or quirks, the clothes will say it all!

[Shelly Preston]

I could understand this if the friend knew you are a crossdresser and wanted to see for herself.

You need to consider why you are doing this.

What do you think you will gain against what you could lose ???

[Beverley Sims]

Susan,
Think very carefully on this one, dampen down the euphoria AND read Shelly's post again.

If you missed the point, READ IT AGAIN.

[IleneD]

I am certain you will present yourself as the perfect picture of demure and modestly dressed domestic help. I don't see a "tart" in you or this setting.
Good luck. What tremendous fun it could be, especially with a supportive wife.
What are you making for dinner?

[candice.aihara]

This is a rather bold and direct way to share with Andrea an aspect of you. As others have mentioned, is there another way to broach the subject? It might be worth your time thinking about it.

[phili]

I'm with all the 'don't do it' folks.

I have had a similar fantasy, hosting garden party here for our neighbors and wearing some kind of nice summer dress. I can say in the cold light of dawn that I am glad I didn't do it. All the perspectives people have offered are correct- the neighbors want a good meal and not to be part of my fantasy.

The garden party can only work when the guests know me, want to be at my party, and think it is perfectly normal to wear a cute dress.

Otherwise, I am imposing on them, roughly akin to talking non-stop about how transgender people should get respect! If you think this friend would be supportive, ask.

[nvlady]

I think it might be better to meet her first in ordinary female clothing, and depending on her reaction maybe change into the maid outfit later.

[susants]

My wife is going to talk with her friend first this weekend and we will see how that goes first

[phili]

I think it is wonderful that your wife is supportive. I encourage you to let her be your public first- wear your maid dress over and over with her and talk about how you feel and why it is so attractive and satisfying. My bet is that after a bit you will have that itch scratched. You will have strengthened her ability to be a support for you, by focusing on the internal issues rather than the symbolic acting out- which is much more complicated when others are involved.

Maid uniforms are symbolic of a lot of things, not just being a willing, compliant, and sexy person who relishes flirtatious service. Involving others for whom maid means 'thankless housework' may hit too close to home, especially for women. Also, try to imagine a setting in which any female would choose to wear a maid dress to serve dinner to friends. It might be that you and your wife share an unspoken desire for role reversal, but maintaining the dominant/sub dynamic that is built into current gender norms, but tends to limit personal growth and true sharing. In all cases, the guest would feel like she was in a private showing of a play- rather than a normal dinner party.

You can help your wife by letting her talk through her wishes an hopes for the evening, and why inviting her friend seemed like a good idea.

[Taylor186]

My late night epiphany: Why not leave your wife and her long term friend out of it. Invite your best buddy, or even your boss, over to watch the ball game. Surprise him when he arrives by wearing your maid uniform and then serve him drinks and snacks while the game plays on.

[JenniferLynn0370]

Well, Susan, regardless of which route you choose, I like your outfit and wish I had one of my own as I do a lot of cleaning around our home. I wishyou the very best and look forward to hearing how things turn out! Hugs, Jen

[Jenny22]

I'm with all the 'don't do it' folks.

I have had a similar fantasy, hosting garden party here for our neighbors and wearing some kind of nice summer dress. I can say in the cold light of dawn that I am glad I didn't do it. All the perspectives people have offered are correct- the neighbors want a good meal and not to be part of my fantasy.

The garden party can only work when the guests know me, want to be at my party, and think it is perfectly normal to wear a cute dress.

Otherwise, I am imposing on them, roughly akin to talking non-stop about how transgender people should get respect! If you think this friend would be supportive, ask.

Well said, Phili.

[Connie D50]

Susan
It was funny how some people jumped right to the sexy French maid outfit lol. Maybe you should have posted the uniform right away. If your wife talks to her a head of time and you don't think that she would tell the whole world your secret. (unless you don't care) Then have a great time.
Connie

[Krisi]

I'll add one more thing. By inviting your wife's friend to dinner, she will feel captive to this entire event. If she is uncomfortable around you dressed as a woman (maid or not), she doesn't have a good way to get out of the situation. That's not fair to her. If you really think having your wife's friend know about your crossdressing is important, I suggest doing it under circumstances where she can escape without seeming rude.

[Linda Stockings]

I don't recall anyone yet bringing up an aspect that's been on my mind. That is, anyone who sees you dressed as your feminine self can pass that along - to whoever, wherever, whenever they want to. If you're okay with that, that's fine, your decision. I know from experience that it's already very difficult to maintain control of any information regarding our dressing. I've realized people knew through ways I had thought were totally secure. Happily, I didn't let it change me. I was just very surprised, and have been more selective in just who I place my confidence in. I hope it all turns out fun with everyone having a great time.

[Krisi]

Along the lines of Linda's post, if your goal is to let the world know you're a crossdresser, why not take it slow by coming and going from your hose dressed. Your neighbors will see you and eventually figure it out but without any pressure. They can come and talk to you about it or not, their choice. You could also go to public gatherings dressed and people can choose to talk to you or mingle with the rest of the crowd.