caught in a different manner ,need advice

[kristytv]

so , heres the story , i still live with the parents due to fiscal reasons , well they know i dress and arent completley too happy about, they just sorta ignore it . and last year i told them more and that i basicly wanted to be female , ok, up to date , i am on the computer last night with no socks on, mom was talking to me, its a glass desk and has a little light on it, she says whats up with your toes? why are they blue ? oh shit! i forgot to put socks on , so i wouldnt have this issue , says says your gay arent you , i just kow it, its not normal , yada , yada , yada , wel truth of the matter is that i am bi , not gay , but i need a way to better expalin to her why i am the way that i am and that it isnt something i can just turn off and shove into a corner . any advie would be helpful , kristy

[Michelle Hart]

Last year when I got my ears peirced my mom came over and actually noticed??

She is not very observant, she old school so here came the liebel. I just smirked and said "what about it ....so.... it's none of your busness what I do..etc.

Somtimes standing up for yourself is the best thing.

[Jenny Warren]

My mother is always saying she loves us unconditionally, and it wouldn't matter if one of us were gay or whatever. She might not like it, but she'd accept it and love us just the same.

I have bought my own children up using the same attitude, as I beleive that's how a parents love should be.

if I were you I would ask your Mom, would she love you any less if you were gay? Tell her you love her, but you are who you are, and you hope she loves you enough to accept that.

It's easy to sit here with a cup of coffee giving advice, but really you are the one who knows your situation best.

Good luck, and let us know.

Jenny

[Adnama]

I think it's a good chance for you to discuss it with them. I mean, she actually asked you.
Maybe you could talk about it and try to get them to understand it a bit more. I feel that most people don't realise how many T-people there are in this world and are often misinformed. I didn't realise how common it is myself until I discovered a lot of info on the web.
Good luck with it.

Amanda

[Lisa Baby]

I think it's a good chance for you to discuss it with them. I mean, she actually asked you.
Maybe you could talk about it and try to get them to understand it a bit more. I feel that most people don't realise how many T-people there are in this world and are often misinformed. I didn't realise how common it is myself until I discovered a lot of info on the web.
Good luck with it.

Amanda

Amanda gives very good advice. TALKING is always the firdt step to acceptance. Hopfully followed closly by understanding.

Lisa

[Ipexx2]

Last year when I got my ears peirced my mom came over and actually noticed??

She is not very observant, she old school so here came the liebel. I just smirked and said "what about it ....so.... it's none of your busness what I do..etc.

Somtimes standing up for yourself is the best thing.
I agree Somtimes standing up for yourself is the best thing Life is way to short to make eveybody happy. But not your shelf.

[Penny]

I agree Somtimes standing up for yourself is the best thing Life is way to short to make eveybody happy. But not your shelf.
Well yes I agree that you do have to stand up for yourself but I also think
that you need to reassure her that your blue toenails are not her fault. Sometimes parents are left wondering what they did wrong so this requires a lot of love and understanding by all.

[DonnaT]

Well, if you are having problems talking to them directly, then download and print the following information:
http://www.dcchildrens.com/dcchildrens/about/subclinical/subneuroscience/subgender/guide.aspx
Even though it is apparently mainly intended for parents with younger kids, just tell them you wish they had this available when you were younger, and ask them to read it.

[Julie Avery]

That's a great link Donna, thanks for putting that up. Worth reading even if this were the only good line in it: "Children do not choose to have gender- variant interests anymore than other children choose gender-typical interests. Both types of interests represent what comes naturally to each child." But of course there's a lot more than that in the article.

[Kimberley]

As a parent, I would want to know.

Have a chat.

[JeanneF]

That's a great link, Donna.

I'm getting to the point where I think I really owe it to my mom to tell her. I'm generally pretty open about my life with her, but this is one aspect that I've chosen to keep hidden. Plus, she's a (retired) cosmetologist, and a good part of her career working at high-end, trendy salons in Chicago, so there could definitely be a benefit for me to have her know.

Kristy - If you don't want to tell you mom the whole story, something as simple as "it's trendy" can work as a good excuse, especially if your male persona is the type that would keep up with trends.

[kristytv]

thanks everyone, i gotta think about how i am going to lay this out to her, lisa , i got your message too.

[LilDolly87]

0.02 I Kinda have the same problem. That's still living with a parent. My mom always say that she love me unconditionally but I like to ask her little questions to test that. Like a lot of what if type things. I remember I asked her was if one of us (my brother sis or I) decides to undergo SRS what would she do. She said that she would disclame us.:mad: It pissed me off like hell. I felt like she lied about loving us unconditionally and I also really dislike people that judge anyone for anything. Around 16-17 or so I painted my finger nails and toe nails black. She didn't ask questions but I could tell it was on her mind. My older sister on the other hand was really pissed off. And my mom was told her that is was a fase and I was trying to impress my girlfriend at the time. I still haven't told her that I'm bi or anything I do on my free time but not cause she told me that I would be disclamed (I've made my peace with that) but I would really have like a home to go to after college or no one to lend me a helping hand when I need it but I know that it just something that I have to deal with soon so I agree with who ever said u shold stand up for yourself.