I want to dress more but...

[jamienoir]

My wife would never accept it. I should have told her before, but the desire has went away for years. Now it's all I think about.

[Vicky_Scot]

Well looks like its a choice between your wife or dressing more as it looks like you can't have both in your life. x

[Tracii G]

You should have told her and I am glad you realize that.
If dressing is going to be a problem then don't do it.
No sense in ruining your marriage and both your lives.

[MichelleCD]

I agree. Because the wife is going to force the options. And jamienoir will have to choose. I completely understand how bad that sux. To want two things and only able to get one. Especially knowing that the thought will probably always be in the wifes mind, that "is he dressing when I'm not around?"

LOL... Sneaking around could be fun. In a dangerous sort of way. I know a gurl who has to keep all her fem things in the truck of her car. She was blackmailed into that position by the wife threatening to expose it to the children and family. The poor gurl.

[jamienoir]

I should have. I couldn't possibly sneak and dress in the house - too many people there. I'm restocking my reserves and buying more makeup (my skills have improved). I'm dressing up again when she goes on her next trip.

[Joni T]

If you play with fire.........
Jon

[jamienoir]

And when I say more I'm thinking 5 times yearly?

[MichelleCD]

I would go nutz if I couldn't do a little something every day. Or at least a few times a week. Especially in the mornings and night.

[jamienoir]

I have an Instagram acct and there are girls that are dressing daily. Full makeup outfits everything.

[Asew]

This sucks. I don't want to give any advice since I don't want inadvertently lead down the wrong path for you. But here are a few questions to ponder:

If it is all you can think about how is only dressing 5 times a year enough? Does she know? If not, does she have a clue? If there are many people at your place, what if someone finds your growing stash? If she gave you an ultimatum, would you stop dressing? It sounds like you are wanting to dress more than ever, is there something you are aware of causing this increase?

*hugs*

[Micki_Finn]

I have an Instagram acct and there are girls that are dressing daily. Full makeup outfits everything.

What does this have to do with anything?

[Tracii G]

I dress everyday and maybe those ones you see on instawhatchamacallit are transgender women.

[jessica33]

You can only keep that desire inside of you for so long before it blows up- depression . You might want to go to a hotel few times a year and dressed up there .

[jamienoir]

I was making an observation. Wasn't meant to mean anything. Do you look for meaning in all observations

- - - Updated - - -

I was making an observation. Wasn't meant to mean anything. Do you look for meaning in all observations.

[Tracy Irving]

My wife would never accept it.

Don't jump all the way to acceptance. Try tolerance first. Much lower threshold.

[RADER]

My wife was OK with my dressing, as long as I stayed in the house.
I respected her wishes, and dressed at home on the week-ends.
But even that I held down to only maybe 2 a month. I did not want to
burn her out as you might say.
Now she has passed away, well, I dress a whole lot more.
Rader

[Alice B]

There ois a wide variety of factors that no one here can answer for you. You need to cosider the strength of your marriage and commitments to each other to dedcide a direction and the final decision is do you discuss this with her or not talk about it. Both are loaded with possible major trouble. We are each n different relations with our SO's. For me it was full discussion about what it means to me, what I m not and what I want, plus what it means to her and what she is and is not comfortable with. I am lucky and she accepted, with some working rules. Forus this method works, but for others it can be a kiss of death. All I can do is wish you luck Fully inform her and discuss it if you wish to proceed. There is also a very helpful site her for wifes of cross dresers.

[docrobbysherry]

Every has different limits, Jamie, as do their families!:straightface:

I have no idea how I could live dressing 5 times in 2 months! (I couldn't!):Angry3:
And, I HATED lying, sneaking, and regretting my dressing from the family!:doh:

But, if those r fine with u? Best of luck!:thumbsup:

[Micki_Finn]

Jamie: I think it’s pertinent if part of what’s driving you is a “keeping up with the Jones’” attitude. If you’re comparing yourself to these Instagram girls and you feel somehow that means you should be doing it more, then you should be factoring that into your mindset.

[jamienoir]

Good insight from all. I have a lot to think about. I purged a bunch of stuff and now starting over. My tastes have changed. I'm going to buy more risque outfits. I now love the makeup aspect of it all too. I've gotten better at contouring and all that.

[Beverley Sims]

Jamie,
You have a long way to go and a lot to learn, it can't be done overnight either.

There are phases of dressing, purging, makeup experiments etc.

You are in an early phase of experimentation if you are purging, hiding your stash, going out to buy risque clothing, (that does not work by the way) you just get excited for a while and go on to better things.

Don't push the issue with your wife but sometime you will have to drop the deceit and tell her.

My question is why did you marry your wife in the first place?

Usually it is because you love her.

Is that still the case?

It is wonderful being married to the right person. :-)

THINK ABOUT IT!!!!

[Helen_Highwater]

Jamie,

There are many who like me are in the closet to SO's, family and friends. Fortunately currently I get opportunities to slip on a skirt most days, underdress in holdups and knickers most of the time and fully dress sans makeup 3 or 4 times a month for 4-5 hours.

It can be done but it's not without it's stresses. Finding somewhere your wardrobe won't be found, making sure nothing is left lying around, so many things come into play and need careful consideration.

It seems for you the underlying consideration is what happens if it all goes pear shaped and you're discovered. If you think your marriage would survive it may be something you can contemplate. If not then you need to think deeply just how much CD'ing means to you.

[Stephanie Julianna]

It NEVER goes away. Maybe for a few months or even years but never forever. When the urge does return, it is usaully stronger than ever. Over the years I found it best to dress before it gets crazy strong and preoccupies your every thought.

[Krisi]

............. I purged a bunch of stuff and now starting over. My tastes have changed. I'm going to buy more risque outfits. I now love the makeup aspect of it all too. I've gotten better at contouring and all that.

"Risqué" is exactly the thing that's going to have your wife shutting you down. If you want any chance at your wife accepting or even tolerating you dressing as a woman, you need to tone it down. Way down. Dress conservative casual. Flats, no miniskirts and no "over the top" makeup. Look at how your wife dresses at home and copy that.

Don't have her come home to find you prancing around the living room in a tutu and six inch hooker heels.

[NicoleScott]

Krisi, toning it down is good advice if Jamie wants to gain the wife's acceptance.
But sometimes that doesn't satisfy.
Jamie, if you're driven to dress risque and toning it down down doesn't satisfy, you may have to keep your dressing private.

Is it necessary to keep referring to six inch heels as hooker heels? Some women who aren't hookers wear them, and not all hookers wear them. If you don't like them, don't wear them.

[jamienoir]

Yea I've purged a few times in the last 10 or years. Believe or not my first purge was about 13 or 14 yrs old.

[KatrinaK]

I thing the only thing of value I can say here is that I’ve purged MANY times... so much money... since I’ve spoken to my wife and gained her acceptance, made some friends here and other places, and made the decision to leave the house, I’m ready to do my last purge. I’m going to purge all the garish, “risqué” things I’ve bought on my journey that served no other purpose than the thrill of buyin them (cuz they didn’t look so good in the mirror)... go on your own journey, but if you’re struggling with the next step, think about age and body shape appropriate clothing... just sayin... you may hang onto it longer

[AshleyWalker]

"Risqué" is exactly the thing that's going to have your wife shutting you down. If you want any chance at your wife accepting or even tolerating you dressing as a woman, you need to tone it down. Way down. Dress conservative casual. Flats, no miniskirts and no "over the top" makeup. Look at how your wife dresses at home and copy that.

Don't have her come home to find you prancing around the living room in a tutu and six inch hooker heels.

I agree with Krisi, it is going to be hard enough to expect her to accept or even tolerate what you do. Dressing over provocatively may make her feel inadequate, if she never dresses that way. It also adds a sexual connotation that may make her feel that she is not attractive to you in the way that she presents herself.