Accepting and supoorting

[Susan Albright]

Many of you have spouses that you have indicated are supportiveap and accepting of your dressing.
I am envious and curious. Please define accepting and supportive? do they assist in making you appear more feminine? Buying clothes? Helping with makeup?
When dressed at home does she refer to you as she? What types of conversations do you have?

I have not engaged my spouse in "THE" conversation she is aware but unaccepting but need some insite from my friends
Susan

[2B Natasha]

Hey Susan.

Accepting as in. She was informed from square one and was/is OK with it. Supportive as in we go shopping together. We go shopping separately. When we get home. We put on fashion shows for each other. She feels free to give me her thoughts on what I’m wearing and I feel equally as free to say how I feel. We have different tastes which makes it a little harder to take what she says and her what I say. Does she help with makeup? Not really. Only in as much as I ask her if I look ok and she’ll do the same with me. Generally speaking. She uses which ever name strikes her at home. Generally my boy name. Doesn’t bother me that much. I’m pretty much the same in my mannerisms in both expressions so it’s not a big deal. When we are out and about. She uses my chosen name. What type of conversations do we have. IDK. Same anyone else I guess.

[Sami Brown]

In my case, Susan, my wife is the one who recognized my personality as one that enjoys crossdressing even before I realized it myself. As I explored it, she kept reassuring me that she is accepting.

She knows that my crossdressing is bottled up in this small town. Over the past few years, I have been exploring a variety of cities as possibilities. Last year I met her in Las Vegas, and she recognized it is an accepting place. That decided it for her, so we are planning to move there this summer.

Yesterday she and I went shopping at Ross. We both got each other's opinions on pieces. I bought one for myself, and she bought three for herself. She said that if I get tired of mine, she'll wear it.

My wife doesn't wear makeup, but she has encouraged me to get help from her daughter, who is a licensed beautician. I appreciate the offer, but I am not personally comfortable doing that yet.

Sami

[Micki_Finn]

I would say that “accepting” in my mind is a spouse that has the “do whatever you wanna do” attitude. Most likely OK with seeing One dressed, may or may not be willing to go out with you. Doent get mind seeing your girly things or knowing you spend money on the activity. A “supporting” s/o could be a little trickier. For me it would be defined as “having active participation in a positive and growth oriented direction”. This can be anything from just being able to talk openly about it, to giving advice, to gong shopping with you, to buying you things. It’s going to vary depending on the individuals and the dynamics of the relationship, but anything that feels active and positive I’d say qualifies as “Supportive”

[Alice B]

My wife understands my need to dress and allows me to do so. We have standing rules about how I go about it and they are very broad (pardon the pun), But in no way does she want to be involved.From clothing shopping to application of make up. It seems to work for us although there are occasional adjustments from each of us. It something is not right we are able to discuss it.

[Beverley Sims]

My wife is accepting inso much as we go shopping together.

She rarely suggests things for me to wear, but occasionally she will see something I am looking at and say that's nice.

Not many woman to woman conversations at home only when ready to go out together.

The interaction is satisfactory for me and we get on with life together.

When on holidays I am dressed most of the time.

[Rachelakld]

My wife "understands" my need to dress occasionally
We have been out once together, but it's not her thing.
She did drop me off at the airport last week while I was dressed up, but she does worry about me when I'm out dressed (being recognised or attacked)

[Krisi]

Accepting, supporting or "tolerating"?

I usually use the term "tolerating". I'm sure my wife would rather that I was not a crossdresser but she doesn't say that to me. I can be dressed around the house, it's OK. Nothing bad is said. Sometimes she will even say "That's a cute outfit".

We go clothes shopping together and buy clothes for both of us. Sometimes she will be shopping and bring home a blouse, skirt or dress for me.

I should be thankful for all of this and I am but what I would really like is for her to call me by a female name when appropriate and go out in public with me even if we have to drive to another town.

[MichelleCD]

Susan A. Let me tell ya, some women go from one extreme to the next. And it can be all in one day or ten years. And you never know when it's going to be the sweet supporting wife, that gets turned on by the though of you in sexy lingerie or the beast from the bowels of hell who will threaten to (or actually do) blackmail you 5 years down the road for just painting your nails. I've seen or heard about both of those incidences and everything in between.
It's all a huge gamble. Even when they think it's their idea to dress you up.

[NicoleScott]

My descriptions are:
- deal-breaker. Choose CDing or me.
- understanding, but don't want to see. DADT
- tolerating. She rolls her eyes.
- accepting. OK but indifferent.
- supportive. Helpful, encouraging.
- participating, privately.
- participating, publicly

Maybe one more: pie-in-the-sky. OMG, I am SO turned on when you dress up.

I am somewhere between accepting and supportive, and happy to be there.

[michaelmichelle]

In my case my wife opened the door to CDing for me. When we were dating she teased me about wearing her panties till I agreed to. That as they say "was all she wrote ". Since then she regularly buys me outfits, wigs and jewelry.
She has stated repeatedly when I buy my own things that my taste is better than most women's she has known.
She always calls me by my female name if I'm dressed. Does my make up for me.
If I go over a week without dressing she will bring it up.
I know how lucky I am and tell her that constantly.
I have considered her being 15 years younger that maybe why she is so Open minded. But with her being 43 and reading about you girls wifes I realize it has nothing to do with age.
Hope everyone has a great day.

[DaisyLawrence]

My wife is supporting, as per Micki Finns excellant description so the answer is yes to all your questions. She is a 'live and let live' and 'life is short' type of person so it only took her a few months to go from OK to supportive and to actively participationg. It helped that she soon realised that when I am allowed to wholly embrace my true self, she prefers the person that I am (oh and I have lost the ability to complain about how much she spends on clothes so that helps :)).

[biancabellelover]

I told my wife about my desire to CD the same day I’d tried on her lingerie for the first time. She is very supportive and buys me clothes, underwear, etc. When I dress I get fashion tips.

However, I’m a male from the neck up. The topic hasn’t come up yet (I’ve only been doing this for a little over a year) but I doubt I’ll get much support if I wanted to wear wig and makeup, or if I wanted to go out in public.

IF I ever have these desires, I’ll discuss them then.

Michelle

[Sidney]

My wife is probably somewhere between accepting and supportive. I dress most days around the house. I don't wear or want to wear wig, makeup. I'm blessed, my wife HATES to shop so I get to do most of the shopping for both of us. As far as going out she tells to go but she doesn't want to go with me. Maybe if we were in another town city she would. I am very happy with our situation and not really sure I would like for her to "participate ".

[MichelleCD]

Biancabellelover, I'm with you on that. I don't really have a desire to go out in public. This is my private time. Back when the wife was supportive of my dressing, I was in heaven. I could dress up pretty often. Like your wife, she bought me clothes. But she also helped me with make up and picked out the best wig. The only discussion of going out, was usually just joking around. What we do behind closed doors, stays behind closed door.

I think it would make me feel like I was pushing my lifestyle on others. And most others, especially here in redneckville, wouldn't appreciate that at all. I do care what others think about me. That's why I'm nice to people I meet. I don't discuss politics or religion with new friends. It's sort of the way I was raised, to respect others, ya know?
I was born a man. And don't want to change that.

But I think if I had the chance to go back, I would've surrounded myself with the LGBT community, came out of the closet long before I got married and had kids.


WOW, this is getting deep. Sorry about that.

[Asew]

I really like Nicole's scale. My wife can be anywhere from tolerating, accepting or supportive. For me, accepting is being able to dress around her and supportive is her helping with it (such as buying clothes or giving tips). And with tolerating I see it as allowing it but having some negativity (do you need so many clothes, do you need to dress so often, can you not dress today). All of my purchases except one were by her or together. I don't do makeup so not an issue for us.

I don't prefer she so we don't use that. Also, I don't prefer my girl name and even though she knows it never uses it (she does sometime use "Felicia" to talk in code in front of the kids though).

[Meghan4now]

I would add one more to Nicole's list, between deal breaker and understanding, Angry. Just enough to mess with you but not enough to out and out quit. And if you want extreme on the bottom end, try Vindictive. Not only will I divorce you but I will do everything in my power to hurt you.

Fun huh?

[kayegirl]

My wife is fully aware of my dressing. She knew from a very early stage of our relationship and before we married. So yes She is Accepting, as in She understands that this is a part of me, understands that I have this need. She doesn't understand why, but then again, neither do I.
Supportive as in, She has no problem in laundering my femme clothing, will even seek it out if I've not put anything into the laundry basket. We both wear the same style of nightdress, every night, although we do try to avoid matching colours. We accompany each other when shopping for clothes and makeup, and we will encourage, or otherwise, each others choices. She encourages my membership of a transfer support group, BUT
And it is a big but. When we are out shopping, I have to present as a male, albeit wearing some distinctly andronerous clothing.
Apart from some photos taken at a professional makeover shortly before we met, She has never seen me in full femme mode, ie no wig or breast form's, and is adamant that She does not want to. Neither does She use my femme name, not even sure that She knows it, although She will from time to time call me Shirley, or Deardrie, not in a vindictive way, pure jest.
And me, well I am in a happy place.

The more observant will have noted that I always use the capital She, in conversations with others I frequently refer to my wife as She Who Must be Obeyed, it's part of our affection for each other.

[alwayshave]

My fiancee is accepting. She has know since early in our relationship. She goes out with me, shopping, etc. She does help me dress and has helped me learn to walk in heels. She does not refer to me as her or as Jamie.

[t-girlxsophie]

My wife and I met online,it wasnt a dating site as such,but we got on from the start and she was aware of my being a CD.We met and after a while I introduced Sophie to her.From then on she has been fully supportive and understanding (you'll all take from that description what suits)

In the early years of our marriage before her ill health we went out together and even spent weekends away.We go shopping together where we will buy each other pretty things.sometimes she'll jokingly attempt to steer me away from ladies dept.I wouldn't say our conversations are anything different to any other couples

At home she normally refers to me as Sophie,even if on odd occasions she uses male pronoun I'm not that fussed tbh it's lil old me either way.Bottom line in this respect I'm one lucky sod :daydreaming:

[Di]

Many of you have spouses that you have indicated are supportiveap and accepting of your dressing.
I am envious and curious. Please define accepting and supportive? do they assist in making you appear more feminine? Buying clothes? Helping with makeup?
When dressed at home does she refer to you as she? What types of conversations do you have?

I have not engaged my spouse in "THE" conversation she is aware but unaccepting but need some insite from my friends
Susan
With my beautiful Sherlyn ... We met here ..... Long story
I helped her make her wardrobe be like any other woman's and wanted her to have everything any other woman had.Always a she to me from the very beginning and I infact met her lbefore I met the guy side. Granted ours relationship was not like reg married couples and we just lived our life as two woman/ pretty much guy side for work. I encouraged her to live 24/7as her true self but it was her choice to hang on to the guy side for work. Like I said ours was different as I knew and loved her first.

[Angie G]

My wife is supportive and does buy clothes for my girl side if she sees something she knows I'd like. She as been accepting from the time we had the conversation about it.:hugs:
Angie

[ashley_taylor]

My wife accepts my crossdressing, and has bought some clothing and other garments for me. She knows and allows my dressing when she's not home, and doesn't mind that I always wear underwear. She doesn't want to see me dressed, but also don't mind the occasional glimpse of some clothing in me.

We have kids still at home, and since I don't see myself as full-time, she's fearful of the children finding out. If they weren't in the house, it'd be "have fun and dress away."

She knows my femme name, but we use my make name and pronouns usually. Sometimes, especially when were being intimate, she'll call me by my femme name.

Overall, I think I have a pretty great situation, even though she's not participating, or saying "this is the greatest thing in my life."

[ReineD]

I'm supportive but I don't help my SO with clothes or makeup. My SO is perfectly capable and does not consult me prior to making clothing purchases. Very early in our relationship we did make a game out of having "girls' night" with mutual painting of the nails, etc, but this was short lived. We were both in our 50s and it just felt weird to occupy ourselves with middle-school-aged girls' activities. Adult women don't usually groom each other. If you are starting out and want advice with makeup there are excellent youtube videos, but nothing beats spending time practicing. That's how both GGs and CDers eventually determine what works best for them. The way that I wear makeup is not the same as my sister-in-law because we both have different features, different skin properties, different tastes, etc, and so it would waste my time to ask her how to wear makeup if I were just starting to wear it.


I do refer to my SO when dressed as "she" because it's unseemly to refer to someone wearing a dress and makeup as "he". When my SO is dressed, our conversations and activities are exactly the same as they are when my SO isn't dressed. We go out to dinner, discuss our days, current events, future plans, our friends, families, etc. I talk about the same things with my female friends, my male friends, and my SO, except my SO obviously knows more personal things about me.

Do you think that women talk about different things than men?

[Marguarite]

Hi Susan,
My wife is very supportive, she understands how happy dressing makes me. Since Christmas we have found a restaurant we like and have designated as "Marguarite's Place" and that's only how they know me there. We have tried to get there every other week, the end of March we made it two weeks in a row.
A nephew came to stay with us for a while, she thought we may get out for a bit and she decided we needed to take advantage while we could. My wife does shop for me, and offers helpful hints on makeup and wardrobe. It's curious, but she sometimes switches talking back and forth between me and Marguarite in conversations depending on who the subject addresses. I constantly thank her for being so special.

[AshleyWalker]

From reading it seems alot like anything else. There are many different levels of Acceptance and Support.

But you will never get support without acceptance obviously.

Just like anything else in our personal relationships things develop and mature, as a certain level of acceptance increases, eventually the support may come along.

Acceptance could be as simple as your SO giving you access to her panty drawer because she knows you are in there anyway, or she may let you go out without her.

Support is an entirely different level of Acceptance I think. Again this can have many different levels.

Possibly the best way to differentiate between the 2 would be Participation.

I think to consider there to be support, there would need to be some type of participation from your SO.

Just because she lets you in the panty drawer, doesnt mean that she is going to buy a couple of extra pair of the black ones because that is what you like.

OR

If she is OK with you going out, she may never want to be seen with you in public while dressed.

You have to take what you can get. It is all good.

[Rollermiss]

My descriptions are:
- deal-breaker. Choose CDing or me.
- understanding, but don't want to see. DADT
- tolerating. She rolls her eyes.
- accepting. OK but indifferent.
- supportive. Helpful, encouraging.
- participating, privately.
- participating, publicly

Maybe one more: pie-in-the-sky. OMG, I am SO turned on when you dress up.

I am somewhere between accepting and supportive, and happy to be there.

I guess mine would be the bottom one, Participating, publicly. with times of Pie in the sky.:devil: When we are out of town. We go out together. She refers to me as Kelsey. We are best friends. Appropriate attire when home, no see thru or to reveling, as our daughters know too. Even when dressed my girls refer to me as daddy.

Kelsey

[Stephanie47]

My wife is totally non accepting. It's deep "Don't Ask, Don't Tell." Never a word. Never a snide remark. At best, if I left a bra or panty out in plain sight, she'll tell me she picked it up and placed it on top of the washing machine.

The entire thing is somewhat funny. When we were first married decades ago lingerie was incorporated into "bedroom play" because I told her I loved the feel of nylon. We even shopped together for several floor length nightgowns for me. She even bought me some black stockings and a garter belt to wear. All was good until she found I had bought some bras. The revelation was forced when our daughter pulled open the bottom draw of my armoire and open a box holding my small collection of lingerie. She pulled out a vivid red Vanity Fair bra. That brought about "The Talk." The talk brought about there was more to my story than just liking to wear nylon. That turned her off totally. It was the old she married a man, and, she was not a lesbian. It took some time for her to realize this was just another dimension of her husband and had nothing to do with her or anyone else.

[Cherylgyno]

Susan. My wife caught me about a month after we wed many years ago. I panicked and I made the most common promise I'll never do it again. My wife said something like bull shirt (the r was silent).
My wife will asked for the SA's name that did my breasts fitting. My wife will ask to see the SA. She asks flat out My husband had a bra fitting and I want to buy him some bras for his birthday etc. My wife knows my other sizes so she doesn't have to wait for me to have a fitting.
My wife was the one that threw out all of my male underwear a month or two after she caught me. If she goes to the mall she comes home with more clothes for me than she gets for herself

[Sissy_Michelle]

Susan,

I am as well “envious and curious”. . .

Accepting and supportive? At one time yes more so than now, where she would help me dress on the weekends when we had time, show me how to use some makeup products. We would also go shopping once a month for each of us, and of course she would want me to wear as much feminine clothing as I could get away with.

Whenever I have dressed around the house or we went on our outings she would always call me by Michelle and use “she”, most of the sales ladies do the same when I am out and about in their stores regardless if I am dressed or not.

Conversations? She has mentioned that when I’m fully dressed or if I’m just in a skirt and sweatshirt, that our conversations are more meaningful and that I pay attention more. I know she likes it because she will lay out a skirt or a nice blouse for me to wear when she wants to cuddle and chat.

“THE” conversation... if the conversation bothers you or her then you should speak with her more. I found that the more we spoke the easier it was for her to accept me. Also you should ask her to create an account here, so she can ask her questions that she may be too embarrassed to ask you in person. Before we came to this site we used a chat program anonymously so we didn’t know who each other was. She would post questions and I as well as others would answer her and she would get a better understanding of what other people thought. Which helped her, but also made her more curious as to how far I was willing to go with “Michelle”. . .

@—}——
Michelle

[MaidMarguerite]

My fiance is supportive in that she has made clothing and wig suggestions, generally recommending what she thinks will improve my possibility and make me more attractive in femme. She makes general recommendations relating to makeup, but she is not big on makeup herself so it's nothing particular. She has never made purchases for me, but has been shopping with me and helped me pick out clothing, etc.