Then there were 3

[SamanthaToday]

Then there were 3..

I had a few to many glasses of wine a couple of weeks back and had a bit of a emotional break down.

My daughter who I didn't know had come home heard me and begged me to tell her what was wrong, I tried to hide it but She worked on me for an hour and I finally told her that I dressed and maybe was Transgender.

Not going into the details of the next few hours but She was amazing, I couldn't ask for more. I am so proud of her.

The next morning She came into my bedroom and laid beside me to let me know everything was ok.

Three days later I text her pics of myself dressed and told her if anything made her uncomfortable to tell me.

She came down to where I was sitting and said I looked "good" but it would take time to get used to. I was hoping She would say I looked "great". oh well, I will take what I can get :)

The 3 are my wife , therapist and now daughter.

She hasn't seen me in person yet, but that might change this weekend.

I moved all my clothes from my wife's side of the closet to mine.

Felt like enormous relief to do so.

My wife told me our daughter kind of scolded her for not telling her sooner, got to love her generation.

The thing that has changed is I don't feel the same sense of panic and rush to do anything other than enjoy myself and taking it as it comes.

If people find out, they find out, but I don't feel the need to tell anyone else.

Free at last :)

[Helen_Highwater]

That is inspirational. I wish you all good fortune for the future. You obviously brought your daughter up well.

[Rayleen]

Glad it works out for you Samantha, must be a relief !!!

Rayleen.

[Sami Brown]

It is hard enough for us to come to terms with who we are, let alone share it with others. I am glad you are brave enough to talk about it and thankful that the discussion turned so well.

Thank you for sharing with us. I hope things continue going well.

Sami

[Lana Mae]

So glad it turned out well! Hugs Lana Mae

[Judy-Somthing]

Wow sounds great, being a CDer is definitely a crazy life!

[Tracii G]

Glad you got it all out. You have to feel so much better now.

[Beverley Sims]

You have done well considering the alternatives.

Give that wine a wide berth if you are feeling emotional.

[docrobbysherry]

U don't say how old your daughter is Samm? I assume she's in the same "generation" as my 24 y/o? When I told her 5 years ago she didn't want to talk about again or to ever see me dressed! So, it's not necessarily a generational thing!:straightface:

You're just very lucky!:)

[bridget thronton]

You raised a good daughter

[Rachelakld]

It's very liberating being able to wear pretty clothes at home and not worry about who turns up.
Glad it went well for you, you have a sensible daughter.

[Shely]

I wish like hell that would happen to me. My daughter is a beautiful woman and they have a beautiful family, i have a very beautiful granddaughter (teen). But I have a hard time imagining her reaction would be similar. Oh well life goes on as is.

[alwayshave]

Samantha, It's great that your daughter was accepting.

[Teresa]

Samantha,
I know these feelings my daughter is great about my Cding, she has seen my pictures and so has her husband and they have no problems in seeing me eventually.

OK word of caution , the brakes may not be fully off with your wife , never assume you have total freedom , my wife and daughter had heated arguments about how my wife treated me . Eventually I had to tell my daughter very tactfully to back off and not be caught " piggy in ther middle " . Yes it has made things easier since we separated but I'm still careful that my children remain neautral , maybe I'm slightly naive thinking that as my son is OK but sides with my wife , I don't have too much of a problem with that at least I feel he's accepting some responsibility to look after his mother .

Eventyually I hope you'll find the net is so wide to who knows it won't be a big issue to anyone. I've been open with my wife about telling my new neighbours , she still gives me that disdainful look as if to say keep it off my doorstep , we all know how we can run into close neighbours when we're many miles from home .

[SamanthaToday]

I had reservations on giving to much detail such as the wine, but decided to tell it like it is.

We never know how people are going to react but I think we can make an educated guess. I always felt my daughter would be cool with it and in fact supportive, this is what I told my therapist long before it happened.

It was convincing my wife was the problem, but even if my daughter had negative feelings about it, my wife still would have supported me, but it would have made things really complicated.

My wife feels relief from it and is happy it went this way. lol, my wife borrowed a top from me a few days later, somehow the clothes look better on my side of the closet.

Daughter age is 23, She has traveled around the World and has seen things.

My daughter wanted to see me dressed a week ago but I didn't feel ready, I waited a couple of weeks to post because I still wasn't sure if this was a good story or about to turn bad.

I wanted time for everyone to process it before taking another step.

Thank you all for the support.

PS: I haven't attended another support group as of yet, didn't see the point if I was just going to sit there like a potted plant.

Working on things with the therapist that has nothing to do with my dressing, one of them why I hate being in public dressed as a male, let alone female.

[Devi SM]

That's a beautiful experience.
I had one similar, not to full as yours but talking with one of my sons, 33 years old, in a completely out of confessions or revelation context, I ask him what about me being trasgender or bisexual, he told me that loves me as his dad, that I'd helped him in life with so much wisdom and I'd still wing his dad and count with his respect and love.
I almost tod him that I wasn't pretending but was reality but it wasn't really the right moment to do it...

[DaisyLawrence]

I love this story. It goes to show two things:

1. The younger they are, the more they get it.
2. Having too much to drink may not always be the bad thing we are led to believe it is :)

Daisy

[Sidney]

I've had a three reviel also My two 40 somethings daughters and my wife. All went great. Wife has known for years, daughters just in last five. It truly is wonderful to be accepted by the ones you love. Believe me i treat all three like queens. Ehhh maybe me too.

[CONSUELO]

Samantha's post raises an issue that I think is important and rarely is explored much in the posts. That is the mental strain of being a cross dresser and especially of being either DADT or keeping it entirely secret. That must be a terrible emotional burden for any human being and very damaging to ones mental health.

[SamanthaToday]

Just an update.

I dressed in front of my daughter last night.

Normally I would dress on Fridays anyway but She usually works, so this was new.

I was so nervous, at one point I was going to back out, but my wife said get dressed She wants to see you ("She" being my daughter")

So after 2 glasses of fermented red water I went to my bathroom and got ready.

I don't spend that much time with makeup and clothes, 30 minutes tops.

All my nerves dissipated as I was getting ready.

Once I was ready I came out and presented myself to my daughter.

Her words "Oh My Gawd you look amazing , way better than your pictures" My daughter is a former model and explained all the camera lighting stuff, but I didn't understand most of it.

I was over the moon in happiness.

We all had appy's together and had a few drinks, my wife then got tired and went into another area of the house and watched a movie.

My daughter and I put music on and danced, it went so smoothly that it started to feel a little weird, She was so unfazed by it. The night went along like it was so normal and we always did this. I told her I should write a book or maybe we could be a sitcom.

She told me a few times She was blown away by how good I looked.

LOL, I knew I took bad pictures but I didn't think they were that bad, but I do look better in the mirror.

Anyway I never thought I would be writing this 3 weeks ago, so it goes to show anything is possible.

Don't give up.

[AlissaMurray]

That is so cool. Both my adult daughters know and neither care a bit, I've not dressed in front of either but I know I could. They both have had transgender friends and hardy batted an eye when I opened up to them. My Son on the other hand, our relationship has not been the same since. His wife not being a fan makes things worse. He has not spoken to me in months and it breaks my heart. I hope one day he will need me and come back, and when he does I will be here for him.

[abby054]

Samantha's post raises an issue that I think is important and rarely is explored much in the posts. That is the mental strain of being a cross dresser and especially of being either DADT or keeping it entirely secret. That must be a terrible emotional burden for any human being and very damaging to ones mental health.

Not really. I grew up as the eldest in a nosy large family. I joined the army at age 17 to escape. I married a control freak who thinks dressing is horrible. Maintaining my privacy is great fun and a challenging game. Having secrets has always been my way of sticking it to the man. I wear a Prince Albert ring and keep my legs shaved and wife does not know. I dressed as a kid and was never caught. Wife only knows that I dress because, in a moment of folly, I believed the nonsense about having no secrets being important to a marriage. She cleared up that stupidity pronto. I agree that shame is an emotional burden, but owning something like this, even in secret and especially in secret, can be liberating and exhilarating. It is a form of Gnosticism without the social and religious baggage.

[SamanthaToday]

The thing I found enlightening. To feel stress and anxiety about the secret for so long and then to have it all unravel in a moment and to find out all the fear was for not.

I talked to my daughter about it tonight, about how I was shocked there wasn't some sort of reaction to my dressing.

She said "I had a reaction, it wasn't negative, it was super positive".. and that was it , I always expect a negative reaction. Not just from her, but everyone.... Eye opener.

I dont know where I am going from here, but I feel as light as light can be.

I love my wife, but the most important person in my life still loves me and accepts me, after that, every else can be darned.

[Karen RHT]

Revealing, thought provoking posts. Thanks for sharing Samantha. Happy to hear how well things turned out for you.


Karen

[DMichele]

Samantha,
Very beautiful story of your reveal to your daughter; and her acceptance.

I revealed my TG identity to my daughters in January via e-mail as 2 live in the northeast and 1 in California. They too were very accepting; and as they were home for Easter, all was very normal. Although I wore ladies casual attire, but no supplemental hair (i.e. wig).

[kimdl93]

Just a thought. Your daughter’s support and acceptance is fantastic. But be careful. Your wife must feel that she...and not your daughter...is the most important person in your life, and she must feelthat her (wife’s) acceptance of you is even more important than your child’s acceptance.

[SamanthaToday]

Thank you everyone, and you are correct kimdl93

"I love my wife, but the most important person in my life still loves me and accepts me, after that, every else can be darned. "

This should have read

I love my wife, but the most important person in my life "after my wife" still loves me and accepts me, after that, every else can be darned.

Spouse

Children

Siblings/Parents

Friends

Pretty much the acceptance hierarchy for me.