I'm building a CD cave!

[Judy-Somthing]

I been building a CD cave away from home and it's almost done!
Two years ago I told my wife I would stop dressing, it's been a tuff two years, I feel bad that I'm going to start dressing again!
It will involve lies which I don't want to do but two years ago when I told her I liked dressing she said she would leave me.
I'm hopping I can enjoy my CD cave without guilt!
It's a bummer she thinks it's so messed up, other than the dressing she thinks I'm a good husband and dad!

[Tracy Irving]

That must be tough.

Where does she think you are going when you leave the house to dig a hole into a hill?

[Shely]

Good luck with your Fe-man cave. it would be easier than hiding everything every time though, with mirrors all around.

[Rachael Leigh]

Judy I find it sad these kind of things in our relationships. Being a crossdresser while diffent is certainly better then many
other things men do. Lying to her will be difficult but for someone who just has no room for any compromise is very tough
indeed.
Wish you well

[Toni in nz]

I hope you can light a fire in your cave for when your wife finds out you maybe sleeping in there too.
Good luck.

[Aunt Kelly]

I feel bad that I'm going to start dressing again!
!
Stop. Don't you dare feel bad for needing to express part of who you are. You are not responsible for that part of your nature.

If you need to feel bad about something, feel bad about the deception you're engaging in, or about the risk it will present to your relationship. Those are things you can do something about. Maybe. Look, I am not saying that honesty now will pay off in the end, or that counseling will help. It might, but the odds are it won't. I am saying that you should face the fact that your TG nature isn't going away, and that it may end your relationship, and that the longer you continue with the deception the bigger the wreck will be. This forum is littered with the proof of that.

It is a hard choice. I know that because I made it over twenty years ago. I got lucky, but I was ready to have it end there because I didn't want another relationship where I had to carry that secret. I am not even saying that you should come clean. Only you can come close to accurately gauging the risk. All I am saying is that you should not beat yourself up over something that is just a part of you, and that you should admit to yourself that it is, and that you should proceed from that place with eyes wide open.

Hugs,


Kelly

[Lindabrown]

I purchased a mini camper trailer to dress up in and I have a large storage facility.
The mini camper trailer has a large makeup mirror, full Length mirrors,hot/coldwater,electricity,
Bathroom,HVAC,standup room in high heels,soft natural lighting and neutral wall paint.

Pods are $1600-$3500,mini trailers are $8000-$16000

[Kelly DeWinter]

That seems rather extreme. What exactly are you building ?

[Sarah Louise]

Hi Judy,

Perhaps unlike some others who have responded, I've followed your posts quite closely and i know it's been really hard for you having to deal with your wife's ultimatums. I think the view of most is she's been overly harsh with you.

The way she is is understandable maybe, but there's a side of you that needs to be expressed to make you happy. It's just a shame that you have to resort to this because of her attitude to your dressing.

Enjoy your CD cave, but still be careful you don't get found out by leaving traces of make-up on etc.

Would love to hear more about what your planning and of course see more photos when you're done!

[Scarlett398]

Hi Judy! I can definitely relate to having an unaccepting wife. However, I've been very fortunate over the last year or so with the positive changes in my wife's level of acceptance.

I never ever thought I would have the opportunity to keep all of Scarlett's wardrobe, jewelry, footwear, and makeup inside our new home. I had a mini "The Talk" at our new dream home while still under construction about my cross dressing and being able to move Scarlett's wardrobe out of the temperature controlled storage unit into our new home based on the increased amount of closet space in our new home. When she approved the move of all of the clothing, shoes, makeup, etc., I was in shock and never thought her acceptance would go to that level. And know, I can dress as much as I'd like as long as I don't do it while she's at home. She prefers to see me as her handsome husband rather than a pretty running buddy of hers.

Judy, it still sounds like there is still a bit of hope of getting a bit of acceptance from her one day. Especially since she still thinks you're a good husband and dad.

Good luck in the future with a bit of eventual acceptance from your wife.

Love ya Judy....XOXOXO Scarlett

[Nicole Erin]

Not sure why I am the first to ask about this but...

I am most interested in the set-up of this CD cave. maybe you could elaborate on what it will look like finished or if it's in solid progress, maybe post a pic or two?
I bet it will be nothing short of awesome. A space totally devoted to CD'ing. Will it store all your Cd attire as well like clothing, makeup etc?

[alwayshave]

Judy, its always easier to ask for forgiveness than permission, so your own place to dress is a good idea.

[NicoleScott]

The topic is not gaining the wife's acceptance, it's about creating a place to satisfy the need to crossdress while keeping it away from an unaccepting wife who said she would leave. Judy, ignore those who say "I told my wife and she's OK with it so you should tell, too." You know your situation, they don't.
Like Nicole Erin, I too am interested in your set-up plans. Fill us in?

[Majella St Gerard]

sounds like a recipe for disaster, hiding and lying is not the answer. Good luck with that though.

[Krea]

Judy,
It sounds like an ambitious (but exciting) project to create your own CDing retreat. Would love to read more about what you are planning.
I have followed your story with interest as your post about your wife discovering some of your things was one of the first posts i remember after joining this forum. You always look fantastic in your piccys (and also very happy) and it's a shame that your wife won't show a little tolerance of Judy, which has led to you wanting a hideaway. I hope that your CDing retreat turns out really well and that it can give you a little bit of quality Judy time. Good luck. :thumbsup:
I also hope that your wife doesn't find out about it, the consequences could be disastrous. :sad:

[BrendaPDX]

I am happy for you! Congratulations! Please post a few pictures when you have time, we are all dying to see and hear about it. Have fun and be safe:) Yes I have read all the other comments, do what you need to do. Take care, Brenda

[Teresa]

Judy,
I really hope the idea works, I know you have tried so hard to appease your wife.

I know I've asked this before but have you considered finding a social group so at least you can dress and be with like minded people rather than putting yourself in a cave, I personally wouldn't call it that to me it would be like going back into solitary confinement .

As for being messed up , I still wonder who has the worse problem with that , I do believe your wife is too much of a control freak and everyone lets her get away with it .

[Aunt Kelly]

Judy, ignore those who say "I told my wife and she's OK with it so you should tell, too."
Really? Who said that? I've reviewed the entire thread up until your post, and I can't find anyone who has offered such advice. And indeed, why would they? Judy has already told her wife. She also told her that she would stop.

I have seen two or three posts referring to the likely outcome of continuing the deception, which is exactly what she's doing.

[Stacy Darling]

I hope that you have all bases covered Judy. Hiding such a thing from your wife may be your best idea at present, and I too would entertain that thought. BUT the dangers involved if your wife finds out could be the worse that you have ever come across.

I say this because my wife is non-accepting, but I do have my Stacy room in our house. I can't explain it in detail because I don't understand, but my situation is sort of that I am not to be seen in dress but am not to hide what I do. Hiding IT from and lying to my wife would surely be a fate worse than death for my male!

I just want to say " Be very careful " and do hope that this option does work!
Stacy

[Majella St Gerard]

I got no problem with the desire to dress or with the CD cave, my issue is with the lying and deception, be a man and own it, tell the wife what you're doing and stand firm. When she finds out the shit will surely hit the fan.

[CONSUELO]

Well everyone else has weighed in on the rights and wrongs of this issue, so I shall keep "Mum" about that.

Your post triggered a memory of a conversation with a friend who said he knew a cross dresser who had a storage unit that he had fitted out completely as a bedroom where he could go and dress. Another person this friend knew had an apartment that was his "girl" retreat.

By the way we should not call it a cave. That triggers memories of "Man Cave". It should be a boudoir.

[Sallee]

I keep a locker in town with several other CD's. It works out well Can dress and hangout and there is a nice little bar associated with it that you can go to that is very accepting.
It serves its purpose well. althoughI wish the land lord would stay up on the maintenance a little more

[Lindabrown]

Well everyone else has weighed in on the rights and wrongs of this issue, so I shall keep "Mum" about that.

Your post triggered a memory of a conversation with a friend who said he knew a cross dresser who had a storage unit that he had fitted out completely as a bedroom where he could go and dress. Another person this friend knew had an apartment that was his "girl" retreat.

By the way we should not call it a cave. That triggers memories of "Man Cave". It should be a boudoir.

That's a good idea ,using the storage as a dressing bedroom but with cameras in the storage everyone will know what your doing.

My storage has like four women who went to a cosmetology school for free as a result of the government shutting them down.

There use to be 24 hour Locker rental around North Hollywood for crossdressers.

[NicoleScott]

Aunt Kelly, you are correct, nobody said that in this thread, or I would have quoted it. But I have see such advice by many members on many "to tell or not to tell" threads over the years. My point is that all of us should evaluate our own unique situations and make decisions accordingly, and ignore "what works for me will work for you" worthless advice.
It looks to like Judy wants to keep the marriage together and satisfy the need to crossdress, and has come up with this plan, aware of the risks.

[Joni T]

Sounds to me like you're playing with fire. Lies and deceptions are never a good thing. Hope your cave is in livable condition because once your lady finds out-and she will, eventually, you'll be spending a LOT time in it.
Jon

[Jenny22]

Ditto what Joni T said. At some point your wife will find out.

[Beverley Sims]

Judy, I am sorry, deceit leads to disaster.

[NicoleScott]

Judy, I am sorry, deceit leads to disaster.

And sometimes, so does honesty.

This discussion is about a CD cave, not "to tell or not", but since some want to go there, it needs to be fair and balanced.

[Asew]

It sucks that you have to do this but it obvious how often you are on the forums you need a space to dress and your wife isn't allowing that. Would love to to see the setup (or at least some more details). Is it just functional for now or have you decorated the space too?

[Majella St Gerard]

You can sugarcoat it all you want and say it's only about a Crossdressing Man Cave but it is NOT, it's about lying and deceiving his wife, who he has promised (unwisely) to that he would not dress (don t make promises that you can't keep). Nothing good will come from being dishonest. Face the music now rather than later. Ladies and gentlemen, she will eventually find out and now you're caught in a massive lie.

[Lindabrown]

There is a
Meetup group on Meetup.com

That rents a hotel room everyday for CD's to dress and go as they please.

[NicoleScott]

I agree that we shouldn't make promises we can't keep. Judy may have believed she could keep that promise, and did for two years. Judy has acknowledged guilt for the return of the desire to dress and breaking the promise. Is the piling-on necessary? So what to do? Deny the need to crossdress forever for an ill-advised (but not intentionally dishonest) promise? Get it over with and hang up the marriage? (but, gee, at least she was honest).
If Judy believes the wife's demand to not crossdress and threat to leave is unreasonable, and the choices are to
- don't crossdress (tried that)
- split up
- dress in secret,
Judy may have decided the third choice is the best, which IS Judy's decision to make.

[Micki_Finn]

I’m trying not to be overly critical but this seems selfish too me. Your wife has made it clear that she does not feel that the marriage is mainatainable if you continue to crossdress, which is her prerogative. Instead of respecting her wishes, you’re going behind her back and lying not only about the dressing but now also about the finances. (I’m assuming your out-of-town cave didn’t come free). If you respect her so little that you’d do that to her, and she’s making you miserable by not letting you be you, why are you still married?

[Majella St Gerard]

Relationships are built on trust not lies. The poster I believe is looking for validation for breaking a promise and being dishonest. As I said a recipe for disaster. She will find out, women are good at snooping.

- - - Updated - - -

IMHO if you have to lie to your wife about important issues then maybe you shouldn't be married.

[Diane Taylor]

How about flipping the threat.....If she doesn't allow you the freedom to dress You'll Leave Her !!!!

[Lindabrown]

CD cave,she shack, she shed,man cave, private CD locker rentals.

An insurance commercial just showed a
She Shack/She Shed burning with the married couple finding out that there covered while two firefighters put out the destroyed structure.

Bo Jackson had a Man Cave in retirement.
Bo knows baseball,Bo knows football,Bo knows hockey,......

I see a pattern/trend!

[Rhonda Jean]

And sometimes, so does honesty.

You said a mouth full, Nicole.

[sabrinaedwards]

Can I come and visit said "cave"? I hope that you get to enjoy your project.
Love, Sabrina

[Judy-Somthing]

Thanks for all the advice.
Some say it's bad to dress with out telling her She hasn't asked me in the last two years If I've dressed!
She's probably afraid to know the answer.

Let's face it everyone has issues weather they believe or knot!
Just people I know, I have friends and brothers who cheated on their wives for years, a sister who had a baby from a married man, a sister who is lazy a hell and won't work and feels the world owes her, I know drug dealers and bank robbers, I have cousins that are phycologists that are pretty crazy, I know people who love money more than their family, and people are saying I messed up! Not!

[Gillian Gigs]

Judy-Somthing quote, "people are saying I'm messed up!" I think that some of the biggest quirks in people make them the sanest. Whether a Cd'er is following their dream, hobby, desire, or whatever, it is usually helping them to cope, relax. or just be who they are. The problem is people need to get some insight into the real reason why people do what they do. You like to wear dresses, so what, put on a cowboy hat and boots and say you are playing Cowboys and Indians! lol

[DaisyLawrence]

Let's face it everyone has issues weather they believe or knot!
Just people I know, I have friends and brothers who cheated on their wives for years, a sister who had a baby from a married man, a sister who is lazy a hell and won't work and feels the world owes her, I know drug dealers and bank robbers, I have cousins that are phycologists that are pretty crazy, I know people who love money more than their family, and people are saying I messed up! Not!

You have to admit it, Judy makes a convincing point here :)

[Lindabrown]

Dishonesty breeds more comfortable dishonesty
Scientific proof in article below

https://www.msn.com/en-us/health/wellness/cheaters-dont-stop-after-the-first-time-for-this-very-disturbing-reason/ar-AAvQEwo?li=BBnba9O

[Sandra_Dodds]

There are plenty of other threads where the morality and risks of deception have been debated and y'all could start a specific one if you really wanted to argue the point; so let's get back on topic. Judy, tell us more about this cave you are building. Is it some kind of storage facility; will it have hanging space and mirrors and how are you going to explain your absences?

[Kelly DeWinter]

I'm with Sandra, Is it an actual cave that you are digging, like moonshiners, or is it a "CD Cave" as in you just need to carve out some space for yourself somewhere ? Which in itself can be understandable .

[NicoleScott]

She hasn't asked me in the last two years If I've dressed!
She's probably afraid to know the answer.


Some couples enter into DADT by discussion and negotiation, while others ease into DADT without a word. This sounds like the latter. Stay the course.

Tell us more about the CD cave !!!
Inquiring minds want to know.

[Judy-Somthing]

Believe me, I don't like keeping this secret but my wife and family are my life and it doesn't make sense to devoice in order to dress once or twice a month.
I'm pretty sure that's a lot of CD'er on this site haven't told there SO that they dress.

The Cave now named "The Play Room" ----- (man I hope there's no spies on here that know me) ----- it's in a building I own which has a storage room that's been full of junk furniture for ten years, I'm the only one with a key so I threw every thing out and have been cleaning out the years of dust.
The one problem I see is there's no running water.
At this point I've only set up a back-drop.
I'm thinking maybe some furniture would be nice but, I don't want to make it obvious what's going on.

[Tracy Irving]

Without spending money to pipe in water you have a few less than ideal options. Gallon milk containers transport water efficiently and can fill a Keurig for hot water, tea, coffee, cappuccino, etc. Gravity can help turn a large water container into a faucet or even a shower. It all depends on your motivation.

[Lindabrown]

Best to just get a mini camper trailer fitted as a makeup room and use that place as storage.
You can have hot/cold water,electricity and a shower with bathroom .

[abby054]

I rent a heated/cooled storage unit to hang out as Abby. The space is 2.2m x 2.2m with a 3.5m ceiling. I have it furnished, still rather Spartan but improving from time to time. The east wall is three levels of closet rods mounted on vertical 2x4 studs. I hang Abby's clothes there. I have a small stepladder and a hook to reach the top rod. There is a set of 1m wide cheap shelves along the south wall. Its ten shelves are home to Abby's shoes. Beside the shoe shelves hangs her nine purses, all leather in nine different colors. Her belts hang from the side of the shelves. Along the west wall is an old, nearly antique vanity with a 1.6m diameter circular mirror. The vanity has four drawers that store Abby's cosmetics, hosiery, breastforms, and jeans. Her three wigs are on styrofoam forms sitting on the right side of the vanity's top. Her jewelry boxes are on the left side. Her lingerie are in a lingerie rack that hangs on a clothes rod. There is a narrow full length mirror on the north wall and another mounted to the shoe shelves. This leaves a space about 1m wide and 2m long in the middle to stand and dress. The vanity mirror covers the entire dressing space well. I keep a folding chair to sit in. I should replace that with a more comfortable chair. A roll up door is the entire west "wall", so I enter to the left side of the vanity. I can roll down the door and leave the lock in place so it looks like the unit is locked when I am inside.

There is an obvious security camera at the building entrance and several at the main facility entrance. The facility has six buildings. I have not seen evidence of any interior security cameras yet. The neighborhood is safe, low crime, with two police stations within three blocks away. The lights in the hallways are on fifteen minute motion sensor switches. The heat is set to 10 C and the cool is set to 26 C. That temperature range can be a bit extreme, but I grew up in a house with far worse temperature extremes, so I do not mind. The thermostat's location is obvious but it is locked up. Not to worry...hang a bag of snow over it and the place warms up quickly. The unit is near a large window that the owners use for 24/7 lighted advertising, so the unit is fairly well lit day and night. This is my third unit. My previous two units were half this size and poorly lit. The lighting is why I moved units. The unit is located two blocks from my office. I can dress to my heart's content in peace. This rents for US$50 per month.