Finding time/balance

[Eve_cd]

It’s been quite a while since Eve has been able to spend any time in the world. Going a lot stir crazy, and it’s starting to impact my ability to manage my life appropriately. (Wife works long hours, mine are unpredictable, not to mention the six children). My wife is not a fan of my CDing(failure to disclose before we married). In fact it has been said that if not for the kids, it would have been the end. Does anyone have experience in a similar scenario, or advice on how to take care of what’s necessary without burning down what little rebuilding has occurred? Starting to feel a little desperate.

Thanks,
-Eve

[Shely]

Eve,
It's not hopeless, really but take it very slowly. I was married for quite a while before my wife found out about Shely because i went for a few years without dressing at all. But after several, maybe 8 or 9, I started slowly to dress and she caught on. I was caught several times in dressed with tits. But we have a solid marriage and we talked about it for a while, and i purged a time or two. Now we have a DADT relationship, she has occasionally bought me things, but not often. She doesn't want to se Shelly and i dress while she is not home. I do dress when we have sex though and she doesn't seem to mind because the sex is good. Anyway that's my $0.02. I hope it will work out for you especially for the children's sake.

[Stephanie47]

I found in the early years of trying to negotiate living without freely dressing it caused a lot of anxiety. I was in that mode which I call "catching the crumbs of time." If I was able to grab two hours on a Sunday morning when my wife and kids were at church I was grateful. Later when the kids were in school and my wife worked some days I had more time, but, it still left me wanting. It only got better when my wife started working full days and the kids were long gone out of the house.

My wife told me just after "The Talk" if we did not have kids or if she had known before marriage, she would not have married me or stayed married. She said she wished she had not told me details of her sordid past because it would have enabled her to break it off or divorce. I'd say it was somewhat two faced. I entered marriage knowing some of her past, but, not all. Some more was revealed four years into our marriage. Something really material. I know her issues have put more stress in our marriage over the years than my desire to wear women's clothing on occasion. Maybe because I fully accepted her past and revelations that she ultimately felt if her husband accepts her, then maybe she would just let my cross dressing be a non-issue. Yes, it is DADT. I don't bring up her past....never have...and she does not bring up anything related to cross dressing.

I don't expect she will ever accept my cross dressing and it will remain a private affair.

[kimdl93]

I’m not convinced that there is a solution or a reliable way of moving from distaste to tolerance to acceptance. It’s especially unlikely in a marriage so focused on the challenges of supporting and managing a home with six kids! That initial deceit won’t be erased...maybe tempered a bit in time.

So, perhaps it’s better to focus on what is driving your desperation. Can you reframe the situation in a way that makes it easier to cope? Coping may be the key in letting time work it’s magic.

[Beverley Sims]

I like the way Kim has described it, go slow, wait for suggestions and let time work it's magic.

Time can be a great healer, have patience.

[MarisaRose.]

I can remember going thru this and having many of the same feelings, it's a consequence of where you are in life. Raising a family and trying to stay connected to your spouse is in it self a difficult feat, now throw in your disclosure of being a CD, it gets complicated. It'll take time (maybe a lot of it) and a load of patience on both of your parts, be reasonable, be patient, and keep it in perspective, if your family and relationship are important you'll figure it out. And if needed, seek a bit of counseling either for yourself or for both of you. There is no quick or easy solution. Like all of life, it's a journey, it's an investment, all in measured dose's.

M...