Where am I and where to next?

[Jannis]

I have been cross dressing in secret for many years. However, my wife is aware of some aspects of my dressing. For example, I wear panties daily, knee high nylons daily, a nylon camisole, wear my hair long(longer than many females), and have zero body and facial hair except eyebrows. She has no problems so far. Now, my feelings to go further with dressing and gender bending are stronger all the time. I want to have my ears pierced, get some tight jeans and some more feminine blouses or shirts. She is very suspicious of the piercing request and I am afraid she will freak out with the clothes. I would like to be open with her about this, but she has expressed transphobic thoughts and belittling comments about cross dressers and other trans topics. I don’t want to upset her, but my feelings are pretty strong regarding moving forward with my secret. Anyone else in the same conundrum? How do you handle it?

[Tracii G]

You need to understand she married a man and she may not take to well to the idea you have.
She may feel betrayed and that you lied to her all these years.
Remember your marriage is not all about you and your desires its about both of you.

[Trione]

Depending on your age the tight jeans might just be a fashion issue. Men have been piercing their ears for years. Talk with her before you go too far. Sounds like she is ok where you are now, you don't want to lose that by surprising her.

[Gillian Gigs]

There may be an excellent possibility that your wife already has inklings of your CD'ing. Your clothing styles, and choices wouldn't go unnoticed. Her comments about CD'ing, and trans issues could be her way of expressing her fears of what you are up to. It might be time to talk honestly the elephant in the room. Yes, she might freak out, but the elephant isn't going away, and will get larger as you feed it.

[Gardener]

J it feels like you are dealing with an all too familiar issue: keeping a balance between somehow being true to yourself and avoiding upset to those around you. Of course it could be imagined upset?
Is there an easy answer? Maybe not.
Small steps help. Reassurance may be necessary for your partner who may gave all sorts of fears. However is there a future in denying something you feel is important about yourself. You may have to be patient, you may have to compromise. In all sorts of other ways us life ever as we would truly like it to be?
Good luck

[Beverley Sims]

You do have to be patient and let time take it's course, piercing of the ears seems to be the next step, so work on that for the time being.

[Asew]

Are the transphobic remarks directed towards you or towards all trans? If they are more directed at you perhaps it is because she is afraid that you are trans. And there is a large amount of people who think crossdressers/trans are all gay and she is afraid of losing you.

[Teresa]

Jannis,
Not an easy situation to deal with, age has a double edge ! One way we feel what the hell it should get easier but then we get the vibes from our wives/partners that we might well be too old for this nonsense .

To deal with the age issue first , I know you didn'y bring it up but it isn't a problem for members of my social group, some are in their mid eighties .

Now you want to progress further ,so the question is to solely dress in the home when your wife isn't there or would you likme to be out and about ?

If it's to remain in the home , maybe just settle for clip on earrings , that's what I use all the time ( pierced ears to me aren't top of the list for a CDer ).

To move forward the next step is sit down and talk it through with her , that's after yoiu've decided what CDing really means to you , ask her what the problems are and why she has certain limits. Often they are ill founded on stories she has heard from others .

I may sound like an old record player but could she be more accepting of you going out to a social group, they are safe , they often have changing facillities and you can meet others to chat about the same problems. It also helps if wives / partners attend I was surprised how many do they do give a different perspective on the issues .

[NancySue]

If your wife is “aware” of even a smidgen, it’s no secret...she knows. Get it on the table and deal with it...one way or the other. Take it slowly. Be honest. She appears to have some preconceived thoughts, that could be changed with patience, reading, etc. Good luck.

[jennifer0918]

O'Jannis darling life is too short. Just live your life and do what makes you happy. Transphobic, we all have fears so list the pros and cons and see what works.
Best of luck to you