Here you go, boss!

[Sami Brown]

I had an interesting thing happen today, but first I need to provide a bit of background.

I have a lot of fear about having one-on-one interactions with others while dressed. When I am mingling in a crowd, I am okay. It's when I need to talk to someone that my stomach still churns.

A few weeks ago, I decided to try going through a drive thru for lunch. I live in a small town, so I don't really want to be noticed, and doing that is somewhat difficult to do. I racked my brain on where to go, and the only drive thru I had never been through is Jimmy John's sandwich shop. I'm not a big fan of sandwiches in general, which is the main reason why I haven't been through their drive thru.

I've been doing this on Fridays for three weeks in a row, and I feel it is helping with my fears. I documented the first week on my blog if you are interested in reading about it later: https://crossdresserreport.com/overcoming-crossdressing-fear-samis-week/

Now for what happened today...

When I arrived at the window to pay, I was greeted by the same person as last week. He took my money and then went to the indoor counter to help someone else. A minute later a cook arrived at the window to hand me my order. What he said was, "Here you go, boss!"

What I don't know is whether I was read (which could have easily happened), or whether this is just the way he speaks to everyone. It struck me as a little funny, but he didn't have a smile on his face when he said it (although he was polite and professional). I would have liked it to be "Here you go, ma'am" or something like that.

Here's the question for those of you who are more versed in one-on-one interactions while dressed. Am I reading too much into what he said? Perhaps it was something like the waitress who always calls everybody "Dear". Or do you think he may have been having some fun at my expense? I am a little concerned about it but still plan to go again next Friday.

Thanks, Sami

[docrobbysherry]

I'm in the mood for guessing games, Sami!:)

So, my guess is he's your version of our West Coast types who call everyone, male, female, CD, they meet, "Dude"!:brolleyes:

[Alice B]

I do not think you were read at all. I find this reference very common from people from, countrys in the near east,especially Iraq. I often rerspond in kind.

[kimdl93]

I'd assume I was read, and think, "so what. I expect to be."

Thats really the key to enjoying life out and about. I'm not wearing a disguise when I go out dressed...I'm going as myself. And I am the boss.

[Tracii G]

Pretty common here in Kentucky I wouldn't worry about it he probably says that a lot and doesn't even realize it.
You need to stop being so scared is all I can say.
I realize you probably think everyone in town is trying to catch you CDing but its you more than anybody trying to nit pick about what people say or how they greet you.
If you had on a wig and make up no one you know is going to think its you because they have no idea you CD.
If they see womens clothes and a wig they think woman not Uncle Sam from down the street.

[Di]

I think you are reading to much into this and it’s just how he talks to everyone. Reminds me of a woman my daughter worked with called everyone kiddo and someone took offense to it when it’s just her way of talking to everyone .
I’ve gone out to lunch with friends and the waitress said be right with you guys.Just a generic way to say I see you be there in a few.

[Tracii G]

Di is correct.

[JenniferMBlack]

Beimg someome who calls poeple Boss a lot your readimg to much into it. I literally dont carr who or what you are if i call you boss it's a generic term and use it more when talking to customers.

[Helen_Highwater]

Nope, you were read. That's a million miles away from being recognised as your male self. It goes with the turf. There will always be those who can't help themselves and seek to make the point. It's happened to me, it's happened to others. I've been referred to as "Mate", "Pal", "Brov". I've learned to not let it get to me. Again, it goes with the turf. The error is on their part. They need better diversity training. Hell even a well known coffee retailer has recently realised the importance of that!

[Kandi Robbins]

I can only speak from personal experience, which is significant. We all tend to overthink everything, myself certainly included. You ordered a sandwich, you (as you said) were treated professionally and politely. Not much more you can expect from the experience.

Were you read? What does it matter? I've been out hundreds of times, been read each and every single time and am widely accepted because I do so confidently.

Being accepted is the single most important thing we can all hope for. Having a total stranger "validate" us, especially someone working a drive thru, which is designed to be a quick encounter, is going to be rare. Keep challenging yourself until you gain that confidence to be who you want to be.

[Leslie Langford]

...and what makes you think that a woman can't be a "Boss", Sami? Try telling that to the Queen of England, German Chancellor Angela Merkel, British Prime Minister Teresa May, or even the likes of Sheryl Sandberg, the second-in-command at Facebook and celebrated author of "Lean In", the professional woman's Bible and roadmap to the executive suite.

Besides, for all you know, this gent actually has a female boss himself, so using that form of address might just be second nature to him.

Time was, when I was out en femme and someone referred to me as "sweetie", "hun", "dear", or the like, I always agonized (as you did here) as to whether or not I was being either patronized, mocked, or both. It was only when I consciously began to take notice of how I was being addressed when in male mode and where many of the same terms of endearment were cropping up that I realized that most people in the service industry are equal-opportunity schmoozers. :heehee:

[kimdl93]

....I realize you probably think everyone in town is trying to catch you CDing ....
If you had on a wig and make up no one you know is going to think its you because they have no idea you CD.
If they see womens clothes and a wig they think woman not Uncle Sam from down the street.

I remember going to a museum in the middle of the day. I was wearing a strappy, relatively short, summery dress. I over hear a guy say to is wife "is that a girl or a guy" for me that was a win!!!

[Majella St Gerard]

I don't think he meant any harm and yes you were clocked most definitely. VERY FEW of us CD's can pass 100%

[Beverley Sims]

Sami,
Just roll with the punches, be pleasant back to them and engage in the joke if you can.

It does unnerve some people and puts you at an advantage.

[char GG]

I think you are hyper sensitive and reading too much into it.

[Suzie Petersen]

Next time, just reply "Thank you ma'am!"

[Tracii G]

You are trying to hide and that is so obvious to everyone around you.
Roll in put on your girl face and act like you belong there.
Be nice and smile act like you don't have a care in the world. If you act like its no big deal it won't be.
So what if they call you boss or dude even sir roll with it get your stuff and be on your way.
I have one GG friend that knew I dressed but she had never seen me enfemme and she worked at a Backyard Burger I used to go to every so often.
I gave her my order and payed her she didn't recognize me.She handed me my bag and I said here you go ma'am have a nice day.
I just looked at her and smirked a bit and she finally recognized me.Her response was awesome because she was completely unaware of who I was.
So my point is people don't pay that close of attention to people around them so don't worry chances are nobody will recognize you anyway.

[Aunt Kelly]

If I understand correctly, the window person took your order and your money, but someone else delivered it? And called you "boss"?
You were read, and someone thought it amusing enough to share the spectacle of the CD at the window. On top of that, you were deliberately misgendered with the "boss" comment.

That establishment would not enjoy repeat business from me.

FWIW, drive thru's invite this, much more so than even going to the counter, though only slightly more so when we're talking about fast food places. The drive thru focuses attention on us, framed in the window, and anonymizes us at the same time, making it easier to do things one might not when actually face to face as humans.

Consider also that fast food venues are staffed in large part by people who view their job as "just a job" and have little investment in it beyond the paycheck. On the other hand, a waiter at a sit-down restaurant will be more likely to consider their position as something more. Yes, I'm generalizing in both cases, but simple observation will show my assertions to be "generally" true.

[Nikki A.]

In the long run, does it really matter?
You are who you are and even if you don't pass who cares.

[mykell]

it is a venacular i will use when addressing strangers that are male, gas attendants, home cheapo, someone in the market,
women i will use hun, but thats me.

for me not letting someone having fun at my expense bother me is where my comfort zone has grown too. i sometimes seek it out :devil:

go to drivethru for food you prefer if it bothers you that much :D

[kayegirl]

In the part of South Yorkshire that I was raised it is common for people to call everybody Love, regardless of gender or appearance, and particularly so when shopping at the open market stalls.