Need vs. Want

[Majella St Gerard]

How many "feel" the NEED to dress as opposed to just WANTING to dress.
I love dressing up, I find it fun and makes me feel pretty and sexy, but I don't have a burning desire/need to dress, it's more of a fetish/hobby for me.

[Stephanie Julianna]

I truly need to dress to answer an inner call to sometimes feel complete. It's not a hobby or fetish for me. It is just who I am.

[Anna Stouf]

I think it is very important to be who you really are, and for me, dressing enfemme is an expression of who I am. That’s why it relaxes me and makes the world seem right.

So for me it is a need.

[kimdl93]

I can't say its a fetish or hobby for me. Despite struggles with self acceptance, relationship issues and the fear of social consequences, I only feel complete (to use Stephanie's term) and at peace when I am fully immersed in being a woman.

[nvlady]

I don't need to dress, but I like it.

[Stephanie47]

I really have to question why any man would undertake a hobby of dressing as a woman and venture out into the world among people who may not treat the person kindly. I do not consider what I do to be a hobby. I do collect stamps and coins and build plastic military models. Those activities seem to fall within the purview of a hobby. Fetish dressing? Maybe if I was only into wearing women's nylon panties it would be fetish dressing. This afternoon I was wearing a midi black and white print empire waist dress. Underneath a bra, panty, full slip..all in white. A low heel. Pantyhose. Grey wig. I was baking banana cake. I was packing away some Easter bric and brac. The vacuum the house. There was no sexual thrill about it. I felt totally natural. I feel the same way when I wear my guy clothes. Why did I wear women's clothing today? I don't have the slightest idea. There was no need to wear women's clothing today. If I was denied the opportunity I do not believe I would have been banging my head against the wall.

I've said it before many times. How I feel. How I perceive I look. That does not answer the question of why I do what I do. When my wife and I had "The Talk" I told her exactly that. I have no idea why I wear women's clothing.

[DaisyLawrence]

I'm in the need catagory BUT would encourage the hobby/fetish dressers to enjoy it openly. If most men were fetish/hobby dressers then they would have less problems with transgender people in general.

[Teresa]

Majella,
Somedays it's a real need to dress and on occasions something I want to do to give me a boost when I'm a bit flat or when i've bought something new and I want to try it out . Then it turns into a need to go somewhere to enjoy it .

[susan54]

I wear a dress (it is usually a dress not a skirt) every day most of the day - all my waking hours except when at my part-time job and except for a couple of hours at weekends. And in my non-waking hours I wwear a nightdress, I do this because it is comfortable and familiar now. Nothing to do with gender and I don't wear make up or a wig except in public and I no longer go out much in these clothes. I am just me in any clothes and me is male. I no longer even think about wanting to or needing to - it is just what I do. The outfit absolutely has to work - nothing mismatched or inappropriate for the outfit - and to make it work I wear a bra and forms. No thinking involved about that - I just do it. My legs and armpits are shaved or epilated so there is a commitment here but 'need'? I like to look elegant but at home my movements are not designed to be feminine - but wearing a dress and heels modifies your body language anyway.

I have occasionally gone for as long as ten days wearing only male clothes and didn't really miss the dresses but possibly linked to the great time I was having doing other stuff. When I buy new ones far from home I look forward to getting home so that I can wear them but that is as close as I get to NEED. It is really just want, not need. I bought three more dresses yesterday which brings the total to 920. Nobody NEEDS 920 dresses, but I spend £110 on dresses I wanted. So I think that even some of us who are wearing the clothes most of the time are doing so because we want to and we can - a bit self-indulgent, really. If no one else is involved and I can afford this, there is not a problem. OK you might argue that anyone with 920 dresses might have some sort of Imelda Marcos syndrome, and you might even be right, but if it makes me happy, no one else is affected and I can afford it - how would it be a problem? I am generally a very upbeat and happy person who rarely gets stressed - there could be a dressing connection there, but my music and my books also make me happy. I also find time for my friends, and I have no doubt at all that my clothing preferences make a big contribution to how great my life is. But if I had to lose one from the list of womenswear, books, friends or music I would not have to think about it - I would lose the womenswear.

[MarinaTwelve200]

How many "feel" the NEED to dress as opposed to just WANTING to dress.
I love dressing up, I find it fun and makes me feel pretty and sexy, but I don't have a burning desire/need to dress, it's more of a fetish/hobby for me.

I am pretty much the same way. I see it as a "vacation from my self" and it is also fun to "feel pretty" and turn myself on. ------I extend the hobby by taking photos of me as various "characters" and in different outfits. I do not usually go out dressed (unless for a costume role or Halloween party or the like.

[Kirsten1]

I lurk mostly and sometimes wonder what it would be like to have a wife that completely supports my dressing. Somewhat envious of those in those circumstances. Then I go and think back to the times of deep pink haze where i shaved and dressed however i wanted. Put on a wig and attempted make up. All that was fun but kind of a pain in the neck. Wigs are hot, shaving is a pain, makeup is difficult and messy. I have come to the conclusion that if you had not been doing this all your life it may not be worth learning. So here I sit in bra and panties under boy clothes. I have grown beard as a self limiter but yet I still come here and read and wonder what it would be like if I dressed all the time? My overall personally is not really girlish. I would mostly just be myself but dressed as a girl. So in the overall spectrum of crossdressing I think I sit on the less into it side of the pink haze. I am envious but not jealous of those that sit deeper in the pink haze, however i am not sure I really want to go there due to my own circumstances. I do really wish those that do, all the happiness and joy that they can get.

[Stacy Darling]

In a way, I am quite happy that I really don't have an answer.

I guess whichever it is, it is that which I will not allow to be taken from me though!

I just may "Want the Need"

Stacy!

[CynthiaD]

I need to dress. There are days when I come home from work (in male mode, of course) and I'm really tired and don't want to bother changing my clothes. On those days I force myself to take off my pants and put on a dress. I'm always glad I did, because I always need to dress, whether I want to or not.

[phili]

I definitely need to dress. Since my wife is agin it, I stretch myself all over the place to try to downgrade it to a want, but I am not successful.

This problem bedevils a lot of us. I think the subtext is that ''needs" are legitimate [reasons to endure the problems we face, and to feel confident asking others to accommodate our dressing positively]. In this subtext, "wants" are not [enough of] a reason.

Using the analogy of physiology of thirst- wants fall into two categories,
1. thirsts that are optional- 'I want to drink something sweet-' and almost anything sweet will do. And nothing much happens if we can't. Maybe we'll eat a piece of bread instead, or just skip it. We can easily forget about sweet drinks if none are available.

2. Thirst as a signal of a true need: 'I need water'. Although any edible liquid will do, I do NEED to drink, and the need will get more intense the longer I wait.

In both cases of 'wants', if we are able to satisfy the wants, we are at ease, and we don't feel a craving or have to distort our worlds to try to meet an underlying need.

When I dress a lot, I am at ease and don't mind not dressing for a bit- it is even refreshing to be all boy at times. When I go too long without dressing, I become very disassociated, as my craving is intruding into my thinking all the time. That is why I say dressing is a 'need'.

As a related question, I ask myself if the need is to dress, or to feel feminine. The latter is the case. If I can enter into feeling fully in my femininity, I am satisfied. Then I simply want [prefer] to wear cute feminine clothes for all the enjoyments they confer, but the clothes themselves are not a need, since I am stable and can live [albeit drearily] without them.

Thank you for asking the question- it is my 32nd anniversary and I needed [yep] to think this through. ;0)

[bridget thronton]

I like to dress - they are my clothes and I am comfortable wearing them

[IleneD]

I both Want and Need to dress; call it a Weed to dress, I suppose.
No.... this goes way deeper than playing dress up, playing "Ilene", or making a hobby of it. This is a definite PART of my being.

[Aunt Kelly]

It's a need. Life would be easier without it. Life is not as good when the need is unmet. I am still learning how much not meeting that need affects, which is to say probably more than I have realized.

Hugs,


Kelly

[kimdl93]

The toughest thing is differentiating between wants and needs. I can logically persuade myself that since it is possible to sustain breath and a heart beat without expressing this part of myself, then this is less than essential. I have managed to live for extended periods of time without such expression. But I have also have observed the problems that denial of self has precipitated in my life. I apparently need to have this for my emotional and possible for my physical well-being.

And, I do want to spend as much of my life as possible living ‘as a woman’ . I take genuine satisfaction in experiencing everyday living as such. So, it’s clearly not either or...it’s both a need and a want.

[Sidney]

It is not a hobby for me. My fishing I enjoy. If I don't get to go it's like ok next weekend. With my dressing it is totally different. Every evening, night and morning I wear womens cloths. Also most every day I get to at least underdress. When I can't for what ever reason I am just not me. There is a very real need. I can't explain it but I don't feel me if I can't dress.

[Shely]

I need to, and I want to, and I must, dress. I used to look at as a hobby, but now I do it every time i get a little time. It has become an obsession with me, I think i am loosing control of it. Is that what's called Pink Fog?

[sometimes_miss]

I guess it really depends upon what you define as a need. As, oh, if one doesn't crossdress we will die from a girly clothes deficiency? Well then, probably a need.
Otherwise, it's a want.
As in, I don't want to feel miserable, I want to feel good, so I crossdress. AFAIK, no one needs to crossdress. We can be irritable, nasty, impatient, depressed, anxious or even suicidal instead.

[Jaylyn]

I'm sometimes fetish and hoody and then if I don't dress for a while I find I need to as it seems to calm an inner beast.

[Jaymees22]

I'm pretty sure it's a need and I want to do it whenever I can.

[CarlaWestin]

After a continuous period of want I certainly feel an irresistible need that must be satisfied. Then I'm back to varying degrees of want. Occasionally but thankfully rareely, I neither want or need. That quickly passes.

[Ally 2112]

It is more of a need after 40 years i have to do it and want to

[Asew]

Definitely a want. But sometimes a very strong want. I remember when it was a secret and I would see an opportunity coming up to dress and would look forward to it. If for some reason it got cancelled, I would absolutely crave when could I even get 5-10 minutes to dress. The other day it was quite stressful and my wife told me to go put on a skirt already and do something calming and it really helped even though I wasn't craving to dress.

[Genny B]

I'm jealous of anyone that thinks it's a want. I'm even more jealous of a man who can live a life with never having the desire and to never have to go thru some of things in life that some of us do...

Genny B

[Teri Ray]

I am not at all sure if my desires are a need or a want. Either way I am happy to have the opportunity.

[Beverley Sims]

Want or need, I find it a bit hard to define.

I just want to dress all the time.

[Denise1951]

For me it is a need I have had all my life. A constant feeling in the back of the mind that reaches forward on a regular basis. I have tried for fifty years to get rid of it. Purge after purge. Kept coming back. I wish I understood it.

[krissy]

I need to dress its a part of me and i have an inner peace when i dress.it never goes away for long i have not stopped in my 61 years i dont think ill ever stop:)

[candice.aihara]

For me, the dressing is a want because the feminine wardrobes are so much fun, interesting, and varied. You cannot possibly be bored with it all. Lol

[Rayleen]

Truly need to dress , burning desire to fulfill my inner feminine self.

Anxiously desire sometimes all day dreaming of the delight it will bring me to get back home and get dressed.

[DIANEF]

Need or want?, the lines blur but I know dressing is something I would find extremely hard to live without.

[Becky Blue]

Mostly I need to, at other times I want to.. occasionally I don't want to.

[Brynna M]

I think it’s a gray area for me. It’s not something I will die or spin into dysfunction without dressing but for all the problems it could cause me I still always come back. So in that way it’s like a need (or maybe an addiction)

[Krisi]

If you are a man but "need" to dress as a woman. I would say you have a problem, especially if that "need" gets in the way of your social or business life or keeps you from doing things that you need to be doing.

I enjoy crossdressing but I enjoy other things as well. There should be a balance in your life.

[Eryka1]

How many "feel" the NEED to dress as opposed to just WANTING to dress.
I love dressing up, I find it fun and makes me feel pretty and sexy, but I don't have a burning desire/need to dress, it's more of a fetish/hobby for me.

I enjoy occasionally dressing and like you, find it more of a fetish/hobby. I never feel a "need" to dress and enjoy my "man" time as much as my dressed time.

[Confucius]

Want or Need...
Well, it doesn't kill me if I can't crossdress.... So that makes it a "want".
However the urge to crossdress is always there, always.... So that makes it a "need".

Since it makes me happy, and being happy is a good thing, I think I'll continue to crossdress. In the end, it doesn't matter if it is a want or a need.

[BLUE ORCHID]

Hi Mijella :hugs:, I guess that there is a thin fine line between Need & Want,
I am just happy having the best of both worlds. <Orchid...:daydreaming:...

[Victoria_Winters]

Want. I have gone years on and off as I have been inplaces that I couldn’t such as dorms... I want to and do when I can but in my current disgust ion where my SO is against it, I do when I can (when she is shopping and soon when she starts college)

[LilSissyStevie]

Again, this is a false dichotomy. You can need something and want it at the same time. I need to eat, I want a string bean. One can have a gender identity and a fetish. Acting on a fetish or hobby can be a need. I play musical instruments. It's a hobby because I don't get paid. It's also a need because I'd go insane if I didn't do it. Indulging a fetish can also be a need although I understand that because of shame many want to deny or trivialize it. There are few things in life more powerful than libido. In fact, my fetish was powerful enough, for a time, to affect my gender identity to the point where I started to believe its BS. To say, "it's just a fetish" can be like saying, "it's just an H-bomb. Move along, nothing to see here."

[Julie Martin]

A want in my case. Word definitions are problematic though. One of my favorite comebacks if someone tells me I need to do something is "I don't need to do anything but breathe"..although at some point drinking and then eating would become needs!

Seems to me it's a matter of degree in terms of labeling wants and needs depending on the outcome if the thing in question was withheld. You need to breathe if you want to stay alive, and eventually drink and eat. You need shelter depending on where you live, and a means to assure the continued supply of all these. Beyond that, everything else seems like a choice to me, and therefore not a need. But..that's just me, not judging for others :-) If someone would take their own life if they couldn't crossdress..that's a different story..and I have heard of people who were in that spot.

[donnalee]

It's the only way I feel comfortable. I can manage the discomfort if I must, but will revert as soon as I can. Perhaps I'm making a statement, perhaps not, but I know what feels right.

[Cherylgyno]

I need to want and I want to need.
I believe that the only time that I could consider this as a want would be the desire before the first time I dressed. I stayed dressed even after my mom caught me. Shortly after that I saw a GG that was budding, I wanted breasts.
50+ years later I still dress at home. I have D cup breasts due to gynecomastia from meds.

[TXSara]

I think there's a fine line... I like to think that it's a "want", but there is definitely a "compulsion" side to it as well. The need never really hits me until there is a clear opportunity to dress. The question that I have for myself is "if the opportunity was ALWAYS there, would I ALWAYS feel the need or would I only choose to dress when a wanted to?" Right now the opportunities are rare, so the compulsion hits pretty hard when those opportunities arise.

[jacques]

hello,
sometimes I like or want to dress, other times I have to or need to dress.
It is the first day back at work after a holiday and I had to dress when I got home from work.
luv J

[Rachaelb64]

I'm happier, more relax and calmer when dressed

[Samantha2015]

I like the way Marina put it "A vacation from myself " perfect !!!!
Sometimes I feel the need to shop for a dress or shoes but for actually dressing it's more of a want to situation.
It's so much work to transform and I am the worlds laziest crossdresser :heehee:

[Alice B]

I want to all the time, but there are times that I need to and when I can't it is very frustrating

[April Rose]

I wrestled with this for a long time, and finally came to the conclusion that the worst thing about being a cross dresser was that feeling of longing to dress and then being frustrated when I couldn't. Some years ago I made a decision to address that specifically. I made the decision to dress every day, seven days a week, for at least fifteen minutes. I stuck with it, for the most part, unless something came up that was important enough to prevent it.

From my point of view, it was a success. I am not saying I have escaped the drive to cross dress, but over time the feeling has changed from a compulsion to a habit. Now that I am retired, I dress every day, first thing in the morning. Then ,later in the day, I will change into drab and do any errands or yard work I have to do. I don't feel frustrated about changing, because I know I will be in a dress again tomorrow.

The arrangement seems to work well for my wife as well. The main point is; Make it a regular habit and it will stop feeling so much like a compulsion.

[Jeanettew]

I don't feel like I want to dress I need to and do every chance I get

[Elizabeth G]

Need. It's scary just how much real estate this has taken over in my thoughts.

[monalisa]

I like to dress because it makes me feel pretty and sexy. Plus the choices are endless for women's wear. The fabrics and styles feel so much better then menswear. I think it also reduces my stress. Not a hobby.

[rhonda]

It's a need , anyone trying to stop cd'ing will find the need will always be there

[BrendaPDX]

I feel both, but I do at times feel the NEED to dress, not just want, but the NEED. It isn't all the time by any means, and sometimes it can be as much as several months between dressing but when it comes the "pink fog" is an almost irresistible force. Now where can I sneak off to?

[Nikki A.]

Not so much a need, but I want to and I like dressing. There are sometimes when the urge is not there and that's fine. But there may be other times when I'll slip into a skirt, bra and a top and just hang out at home. Then again I know that usually at least once a week I will go full out and head out and do things as Nikki.

[dee anne]

I need to dress from time to time, would dress all the time if I could get away with it, I love presenting as a women

[Tracy Irving]

Some days my brain needs me to want to dress while other days I want the need to dress.

At last... I know why I'm always confused!