Okay, I got some things in order

[Pixie_94]

Hello everyone! Just in case, I'm not answering anything on my previous post anymore because of how it turned out and I see I didn't manage to communicate well what I was feeling. But here goes some update on the topic. By the way, to everyone who participated on my post, thank you!

Well, I have been thinking and yeah, I got hobbies and all, so to whoever recommended that, don't worry. However, something strange about this is that I can feel disturbed even when doing something related to my hobbies.

About what some people said about telling my secret (if it still counts as one) to my SO, well, I did, even before we were a couple, she's okay about it and has even said that we could get some potential fun out of it (what a relief).

About my circumstances in life, I still haven't got a job, I'm a college student, I'm in my 20's, however, I'm a bit grumpy at some times, depending on what's happening and I don't want any trouble, so I'm likely not to do something just to avoid potential trouble.

Also, now directly about what gathers us in this forum, for some reason I got the urges again, I have also felt like wanting to restore my "femme wardrobe", as some of you say, but this is the part that makes me feel a bit uneasy. I don't think I can go to a women's section of a clothing store without feeling watched and uncomfortable. I don't know what do you think, but if you got any recommendations, I'll be glad to read them.

Oh right, also, just in case, before anyone says something about the time I use for crossdressing or anything similar, I haven't done it in a really long time, the last times I did it I ended up feeling guilty and like there was something wrong with me.

Again, thank you for the nice feedback before. Have a nice day!

[jennifer0918]

OK quick question what time is it in your part of the world?

[suzanne]

If you're at all like most members of this forum, purging your wardrobe and wishing the urges go away just doesn't work. The urges may go away for a time, but they come back. The guilt you feel is societal pressure to conform to the artistically created gender binary.

The reality is that your femininity was hard wired in you before birth and can nor more be reversed than if you were gay or left-handed. It is who you are and you need to find a path to self acceptance. There is nothing wrong with you. We on this forum believe we have been given a gift, not a curse. There are a lot of very wise, experienced, compassionate people here who can offer you advice on coming to terms with your gift. Not so much if your goal is to be freed from your "curse", if that's what you feel you need.

Welcome to the forum. I hope you can find what you are looking for.

[jennifer0918]

Suzanne ,I'm concerned about the whole cloths burning. Why not donate your cloths to a charity?or goodwill? Why fire?

[Helen_Highwater]

Can I start by asking a question? Do you believe what the rest of us do to be wrong? If, and I sincerely hope the answer is no, then why do you feel guilt? You're only doing what thousands of us here do so if you are to move on then you need to rationalise your thoughts and come to the realisation that guilt needs to go.

As Suzanne quiet rightly points out, society created what is now seen as a false binary, male and female. To differ from that was to commit cardinal sin. Something to be ashamed of, ridiculed. It's now accepted it's a spectrum and we all sit somewhere along that line.

You need to not purge your clothes, but purge the old way of thinking out of your head. True there are many still in society who have yet to accept the new. It's they who need to also change but if you can't, how can we expect everyone else to?

[Rachelakld]

ya, 20's, I remember that...........
The need and the gilt.
The being caught in the female section of the shop.
The buying for the "girlfriend" that I didn't have
So what your feeling - I'd say "NORMAL"

But would I be happy now with just the "normal" 1/2 of me - heck NO

As we age, we learn to accept ourselves more, probably why most CD'ers are older (40+) although as society becomes more accepting there's a few more your age who cross dress.

So as a recommendation, baby steps, there's no time limit except the one you set yourself.

[Joyce Swindell]

You have to ask yourself how would anyone really ​know why you are in that section of the store. There are a multitude of legitimate reasons for a man to be there. Gift buying (birthday, Valentine's day, piece offering) or looking for your SO. A dress catches your eye that you think would look good on your girlfriend​....no worries. Most generally no one cares, it's less and less that anyone will say anything. If a sales associate asks if they can help you with anything it's up to you what information you give them.

[Shely]

DeadPixel, What a name. I had these same issues in my early years and i can say they will probably go away. but shopping isn't a big deal. There are many men shopping the women's section of the clothing stores, even Victoria Secret. You are self conscious of course, that's natural, but don't give in to it. Most shoppers are just looking at the things they are looking to buy. Anyway let people think what they will, you can't stop them and who cares what they think. Like most of us you will probably purge a few times before you realize the futility, and expense of it. Stay on this site and read, and read and it will help i am sure.

[Beverley Sims]

You seem to be starting out and maybe you have an attitude not condusive to dressing.

This is a social activity and you do not need to think the world is against you.

I can assure you it isn't and doesn't care what you do.

Here we care and want to see you make a success of yourself.

[GretchenJ]

Also, now directly about what gathers us in this forum, for some reason I got the urges again, I have also felt like wanting to restore my "femme wardrobe", as some of you say, but this is the part that makes me feel a bit uneasy. I don't think I can go to a women's section of a clothing store without feeling watched and uncomfortable. I don't know what do you think, but if you got any recommendations, I'll be glad to read them.


Best recommendation I can give you is make a list of the items you wish, and take a day trip with a list in hand to a location that is an hour plus away from where you live. Anyone you run into you will probably never see even again, so if you are feeling watched, it takes most of the stigma away

[jamienoir]

I used to do the exact thing Gretchenj mentioned. Now you have the internet. You can look up the exact items you want.

I used to go in the stores with a whole elaborate story prepared with notes from my "gf." Trust me they dont care.

I used to hit those cheap franchise womens clothing stores like Dots (not on business).

What state are you in?

[jennifer0918]

jamienoir they are opening a DOTS in my city now! I have never heard of DOTS be4 .

[Tracii G]

You sound like a perfectly normal male to me that likes to CD.
Nothing wrong with that at all and there are thousands of people just like you so don't think you are the only one.
Going in the womens section of a store scares you? Why is that ? Be honest with yourself and post an answer I would love to hear your reason. I'm pretty sure I already know but you need to admit it to us and yourself.
At 20 you really don't have much experience with life and CDing can seem confusing at best.

@ suzanne what does " artistically created gender binary" even mean? Buzz words and buzz terms confuse people more than help them.

[CONSUELO]

Amongst the many things we cross dressers learn with experience are the following;

Purging is just another way of burning your money. All the time, energy and money spent on building a wardrobe of female clothing is wasted and then you find a few months later that you have to START ALL OVER AGAIN!

People shopping in the women's clothing section of a store are focussed on their possible purchase and the SA is focussed on her next possible sale and therefore commission. Unless you are acting very abnormally, nobody is interested in what you are doing and why you are doing it.

[LeannS]

You say your SO is ok with this great!!! Take your time doing this as you don't have a job so go on the cheap side go to places like a thrift store.
You can get a lot of stuff for not very much money.

[Joyce Swindell]

What Gretchen J said about making a list would also be good... easily perceived as "oh...he must be shopping for his wife"

[docrobbysherry]

My opinion is based on my experience, DP, I'm 75. So, here goes:

You're too young to know what u want or who u will be. CDing hits most of us hard in middle age or later. Even if we resist it until then.

You're too young to get married. Hopefully you're SO is a girlfriend? You'll be a different person in 10 years. So will she!

Give yourself a break. Trying things out and changing your mind is what u r supposed to be doing now!:thumbsup:

Buy women's things in thrift stores. Folks don't care what u buy in most of them. Or, even notice! And, save $$!:)

[jamienoir]

Jennifer if it's the same Dots, it's a discount womens clothing store. Some decent stuff for a good price. I liked it yrs ago because I knew I might purge. I could also buy things cheap to check my sizes.

I like this one store in Illinois called Discovery. They have some nice stuff for cheap. I also like Windsor and Charlotte Russe.

[Pixie_94]

Can I start by asking a question? Do you believe what the rest of us do to be wrong? If, and I sincerely hope the answer is no, then why do you feel guilt? You're only doing what thousands of us here do so if you are to move on then you need to rationalise your thoughts and come to the realisation that guilt needs to go.

As Suzanne quiet rightly points out, society created what is now seen as a false binary, male and female. To differ from that was to commit cardinal sin. Something to be ashamed of, ridiculed. It's now accepted it's a spectrum and we all sit somewhere along that line.

You need to not purge your clothes, but purge the old way of thinking out of your head. True there are many still in society who have yet to accept the new. It's they who need to also change but if you can't, how can we expect everyone else to?


Okay, about your question, it's mostly against myself, I feel like I'm doing something wrong and that I must be punished. The guilt comes from some things I have heard. CDing is not very well seen in my country (Costa Rica), and people here are pretty discriminatory against anyone who does it, my stash was once discovered by my mother and I can say that if I already felt afraid before that, my guilt got worse with what she said (some things about feeling uncomfortable with me doing that and some things that a friend of mine qualified as toxic).

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OK quick question what time is it in your part of the world?

It was about 11:40 PM

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You seem to be starting out and maybe you have an attitude not condusive to dressing.

This is a social activity and you do not need to think the world is against you.

I can assure you it isn't and doesn't care what you do.

Here we care and want to see you make a success of yourself.

Starting? Well, I guess, I first tried shopping my own stuff about four years ago.

What do you mean by a social activity? I would like to know.

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Best recommendation I can give you is make a list of the items you wish, and take a day trip with a list in hand to a location that is an hour plus away from where you live. Anyone you run into you will probably never see even again, so if you are feeling watched, it takes most of the stigma away

Okay, now that's an interesting idea. I might try it given the chance.

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What state are you in?

I'm not in the United States, I live in Costa Rica.

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Going in the womens section of a store scares you? Why is that ? Be honest with yourself and post an answer I would love to hear your reason. I'm pretty sure I already know but you need to admit it to us and yourself.
At 20 you really don't have much experience with life and CDing can seem confusing at best.

You will find some hints on the answers to other users, but to be more direct, I feel guilt and shame, I feel watched and afraid that anyone who knows me will see me. Even if I can act natural like nothing happened, I simply don't want anyone gossiping or something, and I have already received a suggestion of going to psychological therapy to get to the "root" of all this and stopping to be "weird" (in someone's words), things like this make me feel like I would look disturbing in any of what I want to get, so I also try to avoid cringing myself and not making anyone uncomfortable with my habits or something. (I know, I might seem like attacking myself, but I get this kind of conflict between the part of me that just wants to be pretty and comfortable and the one which is a reflection of rules and strict codes which I don't know where I learnt).

[jennifer0918]

Do you speak Spanish? I would like to give you my email but it looks like at this time I can't pm you. K.I.T.

[Pixie_94]

Jennifer, of course I speak Spanish. Well, do you know how can I get my private messages enabled? I joined this forum on August of last year, but my activity is quite recent.

[jennifer0918]

DeadPixel OK I sent you a PM