They say they don't care BUT !!

[Teresa]

I hope members don't become bored with my outing stories but there is a point to be made.

Yesterday I needed to buy some patio dining furniture, do my supermarket shopping and hopefully fit in a trip to an out of town store to check out their clearance sale .

The UK weather has done a U turn so it's back to something warmer so I slipped into my slim fit cord trousers , I've just bought some block heel Mary Jane's in black suede and a neat light weight casual jacket so I felt OK setting off.

First stop the discount store to pick up the patio set, ( I'm having to watch the pennies at the moment believe it or not !) luckily a parking space right outside but I felt I made the reverse parking look a little too slick for a lady driver ( sorry girls not many GGs do a reverse park that well, especially in a car with non fuctioning reverse sensors and no minicam system ) . A young sales guy didn't bat an eyelid and when the packets arrived he offered to carry the heavy one out to my car. At that moment a lady touched me on my arm and asked if the parking space would be free in a few moments , I told her it would be. The young guy asked if I'd be OK assembling the items, so I'm afraid I was naughty by asking if he was offering !!

Off to the out of town store and had a great time going through the size 12 racks and chatting with other lady shoppers, I nearly bought far too much stuff , everytime I held something against myself to check it out in the mirror a lady shopper would encourage me to buy it because it look lovely . I managed to escape with only buying an asymetric hemmed dress in a easy fit crinkle material ( no zips to worry about !!)and a useful top with a good neckline for a broader neck .

Final stop the dreaded supermarket, this was going to be fun as I'd only shopped this one before in drab, I didn't have any problems, other shoppers chatted to me and I had some fun at the checkout with a couple in front of me.

So I drove home to find the husband and wife in their front garden working away. I just backed into my drive and found my door keys , got out of the car , gave a courteous glance in their direction but they were still working with their backs to me. I had several trips to do to my car with shopping and the heavy patio furniture, my bungalow is elevated so I have to use several steps to descend to my drive , we are only permitted open plan on our frontage so I was in full view for several minutes . They still maintained their side or back view but I'm sure if I wasn't dressed they would have made the point of saying hello .

To get to the point I wonder if the husband or wife if they were alone in the garden might have responded and spoken , I guess as a couple they didn't want the other to think they had accepted me by speaking . Yes they do know about me , I told them not long after I moved in . So they say they care but it will take time , as I found from a nice guy across the road , it's all new to them and it's on their doorstep now !

That wasn't the end of an interesting day because later my dog began to bark at some figures in the field behind my home, I'd forgotten I was dressed so went to look out of my patio door . It was the lady from the other side of my home with her daughter and granddaughter checking out the stream that runs at the back of us, she has had problems with it breaking through into her garden and is trying to find someone to sort the problem . Again she knows about me but again that is the first time she has seen me . I was cooking my meal otherwise I would have gone out to speak to her because I'm concerned for the problem she's having with the water flowing through her garden .

OK I'm getting there in stages , I admit there's still a little extra push needed to dress and step out into the World, it is funny but as soon as I start my makeup that feeling soon goes, by the time I'm finally deciding my outfit I know it's going to happen . When I arrived home I had my meal and assembled the furniture, this time the wife next door did look straight at me and smiled through a gap in the fence as I walked along my patio .
Maybe there's one small downside you actually forget you're dressed at the end of the day , when you get undressed you're taking off your clothes and not women's clothes !

[Gypsy Sam]

Most interesting review of your day. The positive acceptance by shoppers and sales associates to your presentation as female had to be encouraging. The neighbors indifference to you can be largely attributed to being consumed in what they are doing, and little to a difference in your presentation.Courage to you for allowing the neighbors to know of your desire to dress as female. People do adapt to the situation.

[sara66]

Teresa,
I love reading about others' experiences. Nobody ones to be the first, Once the dam breaks I think people we warm up. All we really can do is present our selves I the best way we can and answer and questions the have. Education helps a lot. I have also found most people ae stand offish to new neighbors and new situations, regardless of the situation.
Sara

[alwayshave]

Teresa, you may be overthinking your neighbors indifference. They may have just been busy. But either way, you get to be you.

[Beverley Sims]

Eventually they will get used to you and your "strange" ways.

Being a resident of the UK you should know how the other half think.

As for me, even the Welsh and the Irish accept me.

[Teresa]

Jamie,
I know they were tactfully ignoring me , as I had several trips back and forth, I know in drab they would have said hello , OK so it is early days and I didn't feel I could call across to them , my other choice was to open up the garage door and use the door through to my home but I knew I couldn't back off from this situation.

Bev,
I'm glad you can understand the Welsh and Irish , it's more than I can on occasions . Besides I don't have any strange ways , but I know my dog does !!

[Rachael Leigh]

Teresa, great story of your day. The part about the neighbors resonates with me in that I go out my door or garage many
times for all to see as Rachael and often wonder do they care are they curious about me, so far nothing but I’m ok with that
I’m just like anyone else just going about my day as any trans person would, of course when I’m out there in guy mode well who knows.
Thanks for sharing

[Vikky]

Hi Teresa
You are certainly having an interesting time. I think the neighbours are just being cautious, perhaps not sure how to react to someone new in the area with ‘odd’ habits, one they may have read or heard about but not had to face up close. You will know us Brits can be very reserved and reticent. They’ll get there in time.
Vikky

[DaisyLawrence]

Teresa, Vikky is right. You will probably need to 'break the ice' by initiating the conversation when dressed. After the first time they will be fine I'm sure.

[jennifer0918]

Sounds like a great outing. I don't care what people think about me or if they look or don't look .

[Di]

Teresa, Vikky is right. You will probably need to 'break the ice' by initiating the conversation when dressed. After the first time they will be fine I'm sure.
I disagree ..... they see you, you told them- just let them be how they are- start to reach out more Fantastic- if not their loss.You just be you and let them be how they are. Don’t take it personally. Don’t overthink everything. You can only control you and not anyone else. I still think you did not need to go announce it to them in the first place that you dress. You are not doing anything wrong and no need to explain.But you did just go on and in time they will see you are a good neighbor.

I re read what I wrote and thought I should add- we all are wanting the best for you- find yourself be happy but don’t take everything as pertaining to you. Just today I was cleaning up the garden / the neighbor cross the way was out washing the car/ We did not interact they were busy and I was doing my thing - in fact we prob only talked once in 2 yrs - I never even thought about it- I’ve lived else where and ended up friends with neighbors - some people are just how they are. Just continue being happy and finding yourself,

[Stephanie47]

"What would you do?" as the television show asks. A man who wears women's clothing moves into the neighborhood. You have never encountered such a person. Your only knowledge of men who wear women's clothing is obtained through the media. I think from personal observations some people will never accept a cross dressing man or a transgender woman. Others will open up with great acceptance. If you want acceptance you have to be genuine. What would you do if you were not a man who likes to wear women's clothing? Would you not say a brief high to a neighbor when walking your dog? Would you not give a nod or a wave to a person when putting out the trash can? If you do not do those things would you be giving the impression you're standoffish? Initiating a conversation does not mean to run across the street and give the person a big hug. If you never initiate an brief interaction you're never going to get anywhere. You already opened up to some neighbors and received mixed reactions. Cultivate relationships with those who are accepting of you. It's unfortunate, but, some people will never accept or interact with people unless they are a clone of themselves. I know people who will never interact with a gay or lesbian or a person of color (African-American, Mexican) or a Muslim. That's life.

[Lana Mae]

I go to my car when dressed which is either 20 feet if it is in the yard or 40-50 feet if it is at the edge of the yard! Only ones out so far were a little girl next door who had her back to me and a male down the street two houses and across the street! So, no interactions yet! Best wishes with your neighbors! Hugs Lana Mae

[IleneD]

Teresa,

We all learn valuable lessons on a CD Life and how to transition well into a life of being You. I have always been fascinated by your story, your resolve and the calm manner in which you've gone about liberating Teresa.
You have my heart and best wishes for integrating into your new neighborhood, making friends (it will and is happening), and being at home.

[AllieSF]

I think that the two groups of people involved here look at us in different ways. The people we meet when out and about in stores and restaurants may or may not see us very often, mostly not very often. From their viewpoint you are just another stranger who may be perceived as strange or not, but not to be worried about because of the rare opportunities to see and/or interact with them. However, your neighbors live close by and will see you more regularly and will have many opportunities to interact with you. By you introducing yourself as a person who occasionally dresses as a woman, they were forewarned about how you may present yourself. In that initial moment, it may be considered highly rude to make a negative comment or give off negative vibes. So, they seem or appear to be accepting. However, when those non- up close face to face moments occur when you are presenting differently, they may politely ignore you because that situation is new to them and maybe a bit uncomfortable, or because they don't like it and prefer not to interact with you in those moments. So, Acceptance may just be a neighborly tolerance for the time being. Only time will tell as they get to know you better as a friendly eccentric neighbor, and to better understand you. I think friendly consistency over time will eventually win them over.

[char GG]

I hope you are not over thinking the situation. If you were dressed as a man, would you expect any more interaction? In my neighborhood, the best we can hope for is a smile, nod, and/or wave no matter what we are wearing. Just because you are dressed as a woman doesn’t mean there will be anything other than the normal lives carrying on with what the neighbors are doing. (Although, the norm in the UK may be different than where I live).

Sounds like you are doing fine. It seems your posts are full of great interaction while you are out and about. I realize you don’t expect people to fall all over you with praise. I guess, if they don’t get up and leave when you appear, that is pretty much that they have accepted that this is the way you are.

Just keep doing what you are doing. Don’t expect too much in return.

Keep smiling😄

[Teresa]

Di,
Yes that's more or less how it is , the one point is I'm happier in the knowledge that I had broken the ice aand told them almost as soon as I'd moved in ,( if you check back on those threads) . The wife told me she had no problems with me so it would have been a bit of a shock to them seeing me get out the car and carry my shopping in if they didn't know .

Stephanie,
I am already building up a good relationship with the couple across the road. I have to be out all day next month to attend a LGBT conference , in those circumstances I can't ask my wife to look after my dog so I asked the couple if they would pop across to check on her , they didn't have a problem but told me they would be away but could help me out with another meeting at the end of the month . In return I offered to keep an eye on their property and cut his lawn for him, he was grafeful for that because he didn't know who to ask .

Ilene ,
I'm getting there but I also hope my stories might encourage others to find the courage to step out the door . Many of the problems are inside our own heads but situations like this have to be considered , " What will I do If ?"

Just to add a footnote , the previous time I was in a supermarket shopping dressed the husband of the couple walk past me not realising who I was , I looked him straight in the face but I could see the penny hadn't dropped .

[carolyn todd]

Teresa
Perhaps the husband has been caught with his hand in the cookie jar looking at another women or he just does not recognize you.
I have found that some people will talk to you and some don't but one thing i have found is that women will talk to women but not a man
so when i am out shopping or out for a walking dress they will either smile and say hello or just smile,
but of all the women that i have talk to 95% know that i am a male underneath the dress 5% not sure (i think) of the 95% i have told that i am a crossdresser
these are women that have no connections with my family,friends or work people (at the moment?) but there is a s/a in a dress shop that i have spoken to who knows that
i am a crossdresser but she has gone cold towards me on my last couple of visits, i think that i will avoid her for a little while.
Teresa what i am trying to say to you is let your neighbours do what there want to do ? if there want want to say hello so be it if not just say hi and carry on in doors.
life is to short to worry about weather your neighbours.

Carolyn

[Bobbi46]

Teresa,
I think they are taking things in stages, yes they know, and yes they have seen you but maybe it is they are taking a little while to get used to the "new you", after all how many people outside of our community really know how we tick? what motivates us and suchlike.
it is also quite possible that that your neighbours over the road did not want you to feel that you were being looked at albeit in a nice thoughtful way, also maybe at another time when you are actually face to face things will be quite a bit different you will have in fact found some really understanding friends.

[Shelly Preston]

Teresa
They have not known you very long so i can understand why the guy did not know you.
Mostly it will be the voice that make the penny drop. Also being new they might not know exactly what to say. It will get better.

[Nancy Sue]

Teresa, I am only recently "back" on the forum, so I haven't read your other stories - but I bet they are all as interesting as this one. I will look them up when I get a chance.

I suspect the neighbor who was at the "side view" of you was actually glancing with their peripheral vision. Next time when they are out I suggest to just turn your upper torso to them, give a big smile as you mouth "hi" (or whatever you normally say when greeting them) and make a lady-like wave or your hand. It will say you know they are there, you are comfortable with that, and are ok interacting with them while dressed as yourself.

And i liked your note at the end, about when you get undressed at the end of the day and are taking off "your clothes" (not "women's clothes). I get that. I transitioned 18 months ago and am amazed at how quickly I began to feel totally natural dressing as myself every single day.

[DMichele]

Teresa,

Thanks for sharing your experiences; I find them helpful and encouraging.

I really like Char's advice...
...Just keep doing what you are doing. Don’t expect too much in return.

Cheerio!

[Rogina B]

Teresa,You just started to selectively come out.. I can suggest from my experiences with neighbors over the years that you mind your own business,no matter how dressed. They will see you for sure and form their own opinion. What you will gain is RESPECT for living life on your own terms. Please remember that couples are a long term unit. The thinking of one affects the other. The female partner may be closer to your own age and her life experiences as a woman,wife,mother,grandmother,etc have shaped her. She may not "include you" in her view of womanhood,BUT,she may very well respect you for living your version of it. You bought the house,you aren't going away soon. They also own their home,and they aren't leaving soon. So,think "long term" in your exposure to them. Possibly this is my opinion only..

[Jaymees22]

Teresa, I've been following your posts as of late but l admit not too closely. Just wondering if you considered moving into your new place as a woman rather then starting out part time and having to explain yourself to the new neighbors?

[Tracii G]

Ro makes some good points again.
I do my thing without regard to what the neighbors think.
I am a friendly neighbor and always there to lend a hand if needed whatever mode I am in.
They know it and how I am dressed or presenting is never a big deal. They know I am the same person.
I never came out and said I was trans or gay but they figured it out in time.

Teresa I have noticed you ask people how they feel about you being trans or being a man in womens clothes.
I'm sure that kind of puts them on edge so I wouldn't ask and its kind of rude IMO.
You be yourself and let them figure it out on their own exactly what you are.
You are not obligated to tell them anything you know.
Its like when you meet a person for the first time and they announce they are vegan first off.
I met a friend of a friend and I said my nice to meet you and he said Hi I'm Bob and I'm vegan.
I mean why did he feel I cared what kind of food he ate?
Same thing here Teresa you don't need to announce what you are people can see that.

[Becky Blue]

Teresa, I love your outing stories and so great to hear that most of your experiences have been very 'normal'. Like many things in life we tend to focus on the one exception and ignore the 100 normal happenings. Your stories remind all of us that most people simply don't care. Thanks for sharing and hopefully your realistic experiences do help others..

[Teresa]

Tracii,
It's the way I am whether dressed or not, I would hate to offend anyone , tp me not telling people is like using shock tactics , I still feel more comfortable arriving home under those circumstances know they are fully aware of my dressing situation . I am trying to avoid at all cost unnecessary gossip and difficult reactions . In the worse situation if the couple knew I'd arrived home and immediately disappeared inside then it would be more obvious they don't approve , in that respect the fact they remained outside shows they are on the way to accepting me .

Rogina,
I mentioned that could be the situation, it's more likely as individuals they may have spoken but as a couple they were more guarded . They are a nice couple so I'll just have to give it time. The other point to remember is not only am I coming and going dressed but Carole arrives dressed as other members of my social group possibly will in the future .

Jaymees,
I wonder if it would have been any simpler ? I knew it would take time, I couldn't expect all this to happen overnight after 43 years of marriage and being in a DADT situation. I've posted previously that doing everyday is harder than dressing up to the nines !Pat did say maybe I was overthinking the issues , it's beginning to look as if she was right , everyday is proving easier than I expected , so now I have to find the balance and decide how I'm going to progress . Nothing is spoiling now so I can think it through , I do still have my wife trying to inflict DADT by remote control and a little blackmail so I have to decide how I'm going to stop all that .

[Tracii G]

Maybe our being from different countries is where our point of view differs.

[Helen_Highwater]

Teresa,

I get on well with not only the immediate next door neighbours but also with those 4 or 5 houses further on. I'm not out to them but I know I've been spotted enfemme by both the immediate next door neighbours and one 2 doors away. Nothing has ever been said, our relationship hasn't altered.

So in drab I may come home from shopping, one or other of them is working in the front garden. Sometimes we'll stop and chat. Other times we just go about our business. As others have said don't over think it. After all is said and done you're a new neighbour and it'll take time for you both to develop a relationship. If the same thing is happening 6-8 months down the line then it may need a rethink. Just give them time to adjust.

One other factor may be that they see you in two forms, drab and femme. It could be they haven't figured out how to interact with you depending upon how you're dressed. If you introduced yourself initially by your drab name, greeting you enfemme, even if they know you as Teresa could just be a tad confusing. Give them time is sort it out in their own heads.

[DaisyLawrence]

Maybe our being from different countries is where our point of view differs.

Indeed Tracii this is true. We English people in small rural towns like Teresa's are generally very tolerant but also often overly polite. They simply would not have been sure if Teresa wanted them to ackowledge that they knew it was her. They probably thought she might be offended that they had recognised it to be the same person rather than a visiting female. If Teresa speaks to them when dressed in future that barrier will be removed and I am sure they will interact normally from then on. If not then they do have a problem but I find that highly unlikely in my experience. It's just getting past that first potentially awkward moment so they know it's OK that is needed.

[Teresa]

Thankyou all for your replies, maybe I'm trying to run before I can walk and should look at it from their situation . If I was still with my wife and we had a new neighbour who outed themslves in that way I know my wife wouldn't have been as compliant as the lady next door has been. No doubt she wouldn't have been happy initially if I'd made conversation with them dressed , again as individuals yes we probably would , maybe my wife might have surprised me by her reaction .

I'm getting a little impatient with dealing with dressing full time but at least I haven't chickened out completely and backed off into my shell . I know the word is spreading especially around the dog walkers because of forgetting to remove my nail polish , it initially takes some explaining when they notice, now I just sayI went out last night and they now understand .

[Helen_Highwater]

Teresa,

I think the phrase is "Neither fish nor fowl". Sometimes in drab, sometimes enfemme. It's going to take a while for those around you to get a handle on how to interact with you.

Perhaps you need to consider whether or not you need to say something to those neighbours and dog walkers next time you meet them while enfemme as to just how they should address you. Do you want them to use two different names depending upon your presentation, m/f, or can you use a dual androgynous name such as Teri to remove any confusion (I think I'm right in thinking Teresa is derived from your male name).

People aren't mind readers. You're going to have to help them navigate their relationship with you. Tricky but on past evidence you're not slow in coming forward so I'm sure you'll cope.

[Teresa]

Helen,
I use the shortened form all the time anyway , I did have to resort to my full name for my business for thirty yeras but before and now after it's back to Terry or possibly Terri.
I'm glad I opted for that choice when I first joined the forum and it was accepted it has made all this far simpler. If I didn't have my first name accepted I was going to opt for my second name and become Joanne .

I must be careful and learn to hold back sometimes , not everone is on our wavelength besides some could have bad experiences of their own with these issues, which is something not often considered .

[CONSUELO]

Teresa,

Just relax and do what you want. Explaining yourself to others is not necessary. Your fellow dog walkers will notice the nail polish but you don't need to explain at all. They will judge you based on your interactions with them and their dogs and over time small things such as what you wear and whether you are wearing nail polish or makeup, will fade into relative insignificance.

Perhaps your neighbours were just very focussed on their garden and barely even noticed you.

You have made great strides and you are now independent. You don't need to apologize for being a cross dresser or explain yourself to anyone.

[Tracii G]

Well said Consuelo I agree.