Wanted to ask

[Steph_CD_62]

Where I work it is mostly guys except for the office ladies. Us guys dress comfortably, jeans t-shirts ect. The ladies normally dress casually and only dress up when the owners or other big shots are visiting.

Every lady has their own style and can't say any of the styles would be what I would wear. Well today was different, the youngest of them had a new shirt/blouse on that I hadn't ever seen before. It was cute and something I would wear. I wanted to ask her about it, but afraid I would out myself at work which I am not ready for. I want the same shirt/blouse she has but no idea where she got it from.

Does anyone else have this problem?

[DIANEF]

When I worked with an all female staff at a store I often had to stop myself asking about clothes, shoes, make up, jewellery ect ect. But sometimes I did ask, and I never got any sort of negative reaction from them. It can be done, you just have to choose your words carefully.

[sometimes_miss]

I got around this problem by asking a fashionable lady at work, about clothing with the particular interest of buying a gift for my wife (back when I was married). While she sort of informed me that most women are very particular about what they wear, there were certain things that they would just love to receive, such as a pretty dress, even if they didn't like the particular style (as long as they could return it and get a larger size if necessary, we must be careful NEVER to get a woman a larger size than necessary unless we wish to observe abstinence for an extended period of time, while a size too small is perfectly acceptable). Learning this, I went ahead and borrowed some of my wife's clothes and took them with me when I went about buying an outfit for her. The SA in the shop was able to put together exactly what I wanted, with the assurance that she could return anything she didn't like. Christmas comes, and after the usual gifts, I bring out the boxes with the outfit. Instead of thanks, she simply asks, "And where would I wear this?" Then I spring the tickets to the New Year's Eve show, and the after party that would go on until well after midnight. Nope, not good enough. She still preferred to wear some plain top and slacks. What a friggin' waste of time.
I would try again, but I never succeeded in picking out something she really liked. Wifey didn't do 'girly'. Thinking back, I kind of wonder why she even wore the wedding dress since she obviously hated feminine things so much.

[Helen_Highwater]

"You look nice, that really suits you, looks expensive. Going somewhere special?". Offer a complement with an open question and see if information is offered.

Just be careful about appearing a bit creepy. Sounding sincere is important.

[Teresa]

That's the problem , we can be oversensitive to these issues , why should it be a problem to tell someone how nice they look and see if they tell you where they bought the items. My wife usually does but I told her to stop saying how cheap they were , she didn't need to add that almost as an apology for the money she'd spent .

[DaisyLawrence]

Just say "that's a lovely shirt, my wife would really like that, can I ask you the make I may suggest it to her?"

[alwayshave]

I never comment on women in the workplace for fear of sexual harassment complaint, no matter how misinterpreted.

[Linda E. Woodworth]

Why limit yourself to work?

I've seen women at Church wearing lovely dresses and outfits I was dying to wear.

No, I never asked as I didn't think the venue was appropriate.

Telling a woman she looks attractive is something I will do if the occasion warrants. My wife told me to do that years ago and I took it to heart. If a woman goes to all the trouble to look nice, she will appreciate the compliments.

I never wanted to do that with any of the girls at work as they uniformly dressed in very drab, plain clothes every day.

[Queen Bridget]

Maybe try "Oh, my wife has been looking for an outfit like that. Do you mind if I ask where you purchased it?".

I used to work in a office. I would cry internaly at the fact all us guys had to wear suits, but the women could wear summer dresses when it was hot. Life isn't fair.

[DaisyLawrence]

Queen Bridget. Just out off curiosity, did you HAVE to wear suits? I worked in an office for 10 years in England where all the hundreds of guys wore suits in all weathers, except of course for one (me). I went casual. There was no company dress code, they just did it because everyone else did. Sheep, the lot of them. I bet I could have worn a summer dress if I had wanted to, they had a legally conforming inclusive personel policy. If I still worked there I jolly well would wear a summer dress on the 2 hot days we get each year in Northumberland :)

[Queen Bridget]

Queen Bridget. Just out off curiosity, did you HAVE to wear suits? I worked in an office for 10 years in England where all the hundreds of guys wore suits in all weathers, except of course for one (me). I went casual. There was no company dress code, they just did it because everyone else did. Sheep, the lot of them. I bet I could have worn a summer dress if I had wanted to, they had a legally conforming inclusive personel policy. If I still worked there I jolly well would wear a summer dress on the 2 hot days we get each year in Northumberland :)

Yeah, it was in the UK but an American company (1999). Very strict dress code for men. You could remove your jacket, but not roll up sleeves or loosen tie.

Things may be different now. I certainly hope so. I haven't worked in an office since then.

[Beverley Sims]

Remain Happilymarried guy and keep guessing.

You may find the holy grail one day, me? yes I sometimes see outfits on young girls I would cherish. :-)

[Rachelakld]

The rules here are not to personalise it
"That's a pretty blouse" is different than
"That's a pretty blouse on you" (this one can get you in trouble).

If I had to know, I would say "that's a pretty blouse, may I ask where you got it?" - my office girls know I'm into fashion (lots of male fashion designers out there, so it's not a crime)

[Tracii G]

I would not say anything, women these days are so hung up in the # me too stuff you are taking a big risk.
Especially if they have blue,bright red or neon green hair. Those do not even talk to if you can keep from it.
Sure they are free to color their hair any color they want but keep your distance.

[Steph_CD_62]

I never comment on women in the workplace for fear of sexual harassment complaint, no matter how misinterpreted.

That is how I feel too. I went through enough sexual harassment training at my last job, every year all the employees had to attend one of the several meetings, since there was around 300 people they had to have several training sessions. At these meetings I was taught a look could be considered sexual harassment and never compliment someone on how they look or make comments on what they were wearing because that could also be interpreted as sexual harassment.




Maybe try "Oh, my wife has been looking for an outfit like that. Do you mind if I ask where you purchased it?".



Everyone knows my wife had a stroke and also I think everyone has met or seen my wife. Since my wife is heavy set and I don't think the shirt would be flattering on my wife I am sure she would have thought it was an odd comment.

[Stephanie Julianna]

I have an easy out. First, being a nurse, we are known for being very observant. I also make no secret of how close my wife and I are, so I don't think I would raise any suspicion if I asked where someone got an outfit or blouse among the women that I work with who wear street clothes rather than scrubs. I always compliment my coworkers when they are looking nice so it all falls in place for me.

[Stacy Darling]

I steer clear of asking, with a few exceptions. I will ask if I'm already shopping in ladies apparel 2nd floor, or if getting work done in a salon.

Other than that I won't ask questions about clothing, way to dangerous!
Stacy!

[Vickie_CDTV]

As others have said, just don't do it. Not in the workplace. No matter how harmless it may be the last thing you want is a claim of sexual harassment. Common sense is out and victimhood is in, it is the way it is in the USA in 2018. Just don't go there, it isn't worth it.

Try to remember the design and google around for it.

[sometimes_miss]

I never comment on women in the workplace for fear of sexual harassment complaint, no matter how misinterpreted.

I got around that by telling women who were dressed attractively, 'My, you look very healthy today!'. That way I can elaborate if I get a positive response, or go on my merry way, if not. If they start flirting back, it's a go. If she says with a sneer 'What do you mean by that remark?', I just say her skin looks great, she looks wide awake and appears quite lively in comparison to the other women who are just sitting around (no matter what they're doing). I'm a healthcare worker, so I have a reason to be looking out for people who might appear ill. If anyone questions me, I simply say that in the past I've spotted people on the verge of having heart or breathing problems, and am always happy to see healthy people.
You can use this excuse too, just say you took a cpr class and was learning how to spot people that might be sick.
BS indeed, but it works for me!

[Krisi]

I never comment on women in the workplace for fear of sexual harassment complaint, no matter how misinterpreted.

Unfortunately, this is the truth. It's sad, but the world (or at least the USA) is becoming a place where everything you do or say can be used against you. Even if the person you say something to isn't offended, anyone who hears it, even if it wasn't directed at them can use it against you.