Can you come out too fast?

[LexiNexi]

After reading some threads about how when they see they knew as guys how to approach them, they seem alot more cautious them I. I'm new into all this: a few months in not passable but always wear pink nail polish lip gloss and dress like a guy most times when I go out since I only have a few girl outfits all for warm weather and its been cold here. Really the only time I feel uncomfortable is around redneck types. I had an accident and clearly can't fight: I lost all my muscle mass and use a white cane or "blind stick" to walk around with. Im pretty good at reading people but my family worries about homophobes since even when dressed as a guy I'm clearly not straight. I used to be someone who you didn't want to fight, but now I can't lift more then 15 lbs. I'm not going to change who I am BUT I'm not going to go into a biker bar or into the county too far either. Part of the reason I do this is so maybe I will meet a guy thats into "us" and if I met a guy as a guy I would know alot about him. I do see a therapist specifically for GID at a lgbT doctors but my therapist isn't as good as the old one and she always telling me to come out more they all want to see me dressed as female when I go in for appointments because it's not a big deal there: there are more trans people then cis people some days and very few straight people all days. But everyone here is so cautious... why? I do have a touch of asberger's so sometimes I don't get things. If I had the time and know how and wigs/ make up and every thing I would go out female 100% of the time every where because I feel confident about my looks.

[LexiNexi]

So maybe this is a good thing? I'm surprised this thread didn't fill with warnings. I admit all has been positive so far but maybe I'm lucky and bumbling around about to reach the inevitable...

[Megan G]

Yes you can absolutely come out to fast. Have you prepped your life for an impending blow up as once you throw that grenade you can’t take it back.

I can easily think of one person from here the last couple years that came out way to fast, would not listen to the advice of people that had already walked this path and slayed it, only to toss that grenade and she is still suffering hardships because of the poor planning.

[LexiNexi]

Yes you can absolutely come out to fast. Have you prepped your life for an impending blow up as once you throw that grenade you can’t take it back.

Such as? I have been walking around in girl clothes, very fem girls clothes, nails and toes done up lip gloss perfume etc etc for the last week every day and it was nice and got alot of nice complements so far.

If some asks I just tell them. I was always told to be confident should I not? I even use the lady's room no problem.

[~Emma D~]

It surely depends on the circumstances.

As someone who came out too fast, too soon, with no planning, just a naive notion that I would be accepted.
So in my experience you can.

This time, i am planning and hopefully, will avoid the grenade that Megan refers to, albeit unlikely.

[pamela7]

I would say that each of us has a pace of personal change that is unique. While I thought i was a fast person, i discovered long-term gradual perceptual and emotional shifts, as well as behavioural, and it takes time. Then there is the time for others to grow accustomed to the new/changing you. In society as a rule, lots of little changes are more easily accommodated that big changes which can and do traumatise others. You'll have to gauge others to work out your own pace with them. For example, on facebook, I spent six months posting topics on trans things, then some piccies of me crossdressed but not going overboard, then i posted that changes were coming, then i made intermediate name changes, then finally completed the "new me" id without losing more than perhaps one connection. Overall it took a couple of years to pace that social grouping gently. With relatives, my mum brief her siblings who then briefed the wider cousin network, without my knowing, and so they were fine at family gatherings (funerals mostly). However, with the inlaws, they were not paced, they found out, and were apopleptic, and have still not communicated with me since. So, the more gently and slowly you can make gradual shifts, the easier for most people - EXCEPT those who a fundamentally not going to get it - them you will lose anyway.

[Megan G]

Such as?

So you have a real life support network of friends (not virtual) in place? People who can be there for you when the shit hits the fan...

Not sure if your employed or a student or what but is your finances in order? This is an expensive path. If you get fired or laid off do you have a cushion to live on?

I could go on but i would hope you get the point.....


I have been walking around in girl clothes

Awesome! Amazing! Too bad that’s not how you prep... it has nothing to do with clothes, makeup or women’s washrooms...

[Jeri Ann]

Awesome! Amazing! Too bad that’s not how you prep... it has nothing to do with clothes, makeup or women’s washrooms...

Way to go Megan. Transitioning is NOT about being able to wear girl clothes more often. It is about living as a woman. Getting there is expensive, complicated and hard as hell.

[LexiNexi]

Not sure if your employed or a student or what but is your finances in order? This is an expensive path. If you get fired or laid off do you have a cushion to live on?

Yes, I put all my savings/credit card and sold things to put into in bitcoins last year and took them out in jan 18. All close friend family in real life accept what I'm doing. I have fixed income but I'm working with that and possibly crypto again to get more laser and clothes and rides to the doctors 5 times a month.

Now I'm perplexed as to "prepping" I see my self as female in the mirror although others might not though they definitely see me as "girly" from my walk and gestures all feels kind of natural. Never was much into boys things like sports or any of that.Still love pink and have a eye for fashion and shoes.

[Megan G]

Lexi,

My only advice to you is to seek out a qualified and experienced gender therapist/psychologist to work with. I am not questioning your level of GD or that you may or may not need to transition. It would be in your best interest to see a therapist and have any comorbidities ruled out and/or controlled if they exist and once cleared they can help you on a path of coming out if that is required...

Honestly i have quickly glanced over your past writings and see a ton of flags and i do question your authenticity and am not convinced that you are/have been truthful in your writings as I’m still wondering how a person loses 5-6” of height and a few other things....

[Kaitlyn Michele]

I just hope they get the help they need. In every way. I dont think there is a reasonable chance that the folks here can truly help the OP with whatever is going on.

[DaisyLawrence]

I'll second that Kaitlyn.

[Megan G]

Daisy,

If that’s the case i still stand by my comment to seek out a therapist/psyc..... transitioning is not a fantasy, it’s not a game and it’s not something to jump into if your not 150% sure that it is the only way....

[DaisyLawrence]

Megan,

No truer words have ever been spoken here.

See thread "Laser on the face hurts so bad what to do?" and in particular post number 12.

[Laura912]

Have been pondering the writings in all Lexi’s threads and the confusion created by different syntax, admission that early writings were not true, seeming lack of understand of what transitioning really is, and conflicts of facts sometimes within the same thread. There is a statement that Lexi has a touch of Asperger’s Syndrome (https://www.autismspeaks.org/what-autism/asperger-syndrome) but it is a little hard to see how one has a “touch” of this syndrome although there are varying levels of symptoms and signs. It could, however, lead to all the confusion we are experiencing about her path in life. Further, she has hinted at some degree of visual impairment which could affect typing and proofreading. Maybe there is a true need for our help and guidance and just accept each post at face value.

[LexiNexi]

Lexi,

My only advice to you is to seek out a qualified and experienced gender therapist/psychologist to work with. I am not questioning your level of GD or that you may or may not need to transition. It would be in your best interest to see a therapist and have any comorbidities ruled out and/or controlled if they exist and once cleared they can help you on a path of coming out if that is required...

Honestly i have quickly glanced over your past writings and see a ton of flags and i do question your authenticity and am not convinced that you are/have been truthful in your writings as I’m still wondering how a person loses 5-6” of height and a few other things....

I do see a therapist. I see her every week or every other week for GID at a LGBT doctors office, I actually asked her about this thread today and why people seem so apprehensive and cautious. ! She said I am alot more confident then most people and have less struggle once I set my mind on something. I also dressed 100% female in front of her today and she was quite surprised because she's a new therapist to me and had only seen me in mens clothes until now. I could tell you about my past but no one would believe that either so I won't.

About my height I suffered a seizure 2 1/2 years ago that left me disabled. i was very strong and had osteoperosis and didn't know it. If fell down breaking a table and it snapped my back in three places or one place and my muscles pulled apart my back they are not sure. I was visibly crooked and spent a month crawling around on the floor while I waited for insurance to get surgery. They fixed the crokedness but at expense of height. I was 5"2" after surgery and couldn't walk. Spent a month in a nursing home then about a year learning to walk and PT got me to 5"3'. Still permanently disabled lost most of my muscle growth. Im in constant pain and have regular doctor appointments for it. Want to lose alot of weight fast? Try being stuck in a nursing home where feeding you is not their priority and you can't do shit because you can't walk. Plus the food was disgusting. To think thats where we send old people who can't afford good care. I'll put up pictures soon I am feeling more confident but I want my hair to grow where I can style it and impress people. That matters to me for some reason. If its a lie its consistent go back and look. I'm a terrible liar my memory got wrecked after the seizure.

[Megan G]

I could tell you about my past but no one would believe that either so I won't.


That i will agree on, no use explaining.....good luck on your journey to womanhood...

[LexiNexi]

That i will agree on, no use explaining.....good luck on your journey to womanhood...

Before you write me off I quite enjoy your posts please see the other thread I made.

- - - Updated - - -


Have been pondering the writings in all Lexi’s threads and the confusion created by different syntax, admission that early writings were not true, seeming lack of understand of what transitioning really is, and conflicts of facts sometimes within the same thread. There is a statement that Lexi has a touch of Asperger’s Syndrome (https://www.autismspeaks.org/what-autism/asperger-syndrome) but it is a little hard to see how one has a “touch” of this syndrome although there are varying levels of symptoms and signs. It could, however, lead to all the confusion we are experiencing about her path in life. Further, she has hinted at some degree of visual impairment which could affect typing and proofreading. Maybe there is a true need for our help and guidance and just accept each post at face value.


Could you tell by reading online posts? a friend who was a psychiatrist told me I was "on the spectrum" but unique and couldn't figure me out and wanted to give me tests but my gf was the jealous type and probably for reason at the time although I never cheated on her. She went crazy when she found woman underware should have told her they were another womans and not mine. Kind of put me off the trans thing for a while.

- - - Updated - - -

I asked a my therapist about this yesterday. She said I was brave and alot more set on doing what I have chosen. Se even said I could be a role models for others from the way I came out while having multiple life issues all major go on at once. Perhaps people wished they came out this fast but didn't and there fore have no experience with it?