Getting approval from wife

[Erika_girliegirl]

Hi all,

So I've dressed much of my life and my wife has not known about it. At least I don't think she does. Well I get VS coupons in the mail, which she has always liked because then she gets two sets. Well the last two times they have come I mentioned them and she said no, those are yours. I told her I needed new underwear anyways and would use them. This morning she was taking the coupons out of the book and I said hey, those are mine. She said well you shouldn't just leave them on the counter then and I said I was putting them in my car. I did this morning and made it so she could see I was. Either Sunday night or Monday I'll ask her if she needs anything there while I pick up new underwear. Not sure what she will say at that point.

[Stephanie47]

I cannot understand why you believe she does not know of your cross dressing or at least your panties. First clue is you stating you're going to use your Victoria Secret coupons. Does VS sell guy underwear? Maybe your wife thinks you have only a panty 'fetish.' Has she ever asked why you're getting VS coupons? I use to get them in the mail because my daughter used my credit card when she was in college. My wife always snatched them and got the free panty. I noticed in a prior post you were married before and your ex-wife thought negatively about concealing your cross dressing. Are you sure your current wife does not about it? Maybe you should come clean with her?

[Micki_Finn]

If you’re going to come out to her, then just do it. The game-playing isn’t going to help anything.

[Beverley Sims]

Don't play games it is foolish you are heading for trouble.

[mykell]

it looks like you have been here long enough to find a reasonable way to talk to your wife.

https://www.crossdressers.com/forums/showthread.php?13841-How-to-tell-your-partner

tah dah rituals are not the way to go.
seems she knows something if she says that they are yours already....maybe use that to start the conversation....

[docrobbysherry]

If u can't communicate about this important issue, u may not about others? Without good, honest communication u will lose affection and concern for each other. And, eventually simply become roommates!:straightface:

[char GG]

Why are you playing this game with her?

Do you want “approval” or just enjoy keeping the secret from her?

[alwayshave]

Is making her guess easier than just telling her?

[TXSara]

Erica,

I know that it is extremely difficult to get the courage to discuss this with your wife, but you really need to find a way to do it. The truth is that nobody can speak to the best way to handle this in your relationship -- life isn't a "choose your own adventure" book where we get to try different paths then restart when one path doesn't work out. You have to choose your path and live with the consequences. I will say this, though... the path it sounds like you're going down is a "low probability" play (as others have stated). It seems like your best chance at acceptance from the wife is to be completely open and honest. If you want to be in the closet, stay there -- "trying to get caught" will probably not get the result you're hoping for.

Just my 2cents,

Sara

[LeannS]

Erika oh just tell her it would be easier on the both of you
let me tell you IF you get caught there will be HELL to pay.
Trust is a hard thing to get back once it is lost.
and if she doesn't like what your doing and won't listen to you because you lied to her
you could be out on the curb thinking now what do I do!!
so come out and tell her it would be best

[JenniferR771]

I think I am in favor of gradualism. Give her a chance to wrap her mind around the idea. Eventually she will suspect. She already suspects. Eventually she will search for your stash. When she is ready.

[Cherylgyno]

Like many have said you should be honest with her. Honesty is the best policy. It sounds like she already knows. A gray area is never a good thing.

[jacques]

hello Erika,
I found it hard to talk to my wife about my dressing when I was younger and ended up leaving clues and then wondering why she did not notice them. The reason was probably that she accepted my dressing and just did not talk about it because she thought it was not a big issue.
luv J

[Alice B]

There are a few here that get away with dressing in secret for a great many years. There are also those here that had their wife's find out that led to divorce and a few that received acceptance. But for all there was a great deal of stress, fights, breaking up of family and often counciling. I am a strong beliver of telling the truth. The end result will almost always be the same. Stress is not good for anyone. I wish you luck as you wrestle with this problem.

[CoralReef]

hiding leads to more suspect behavior. i know i've done it and still do. theres a lot to say but to keep it short and simple, it's better to bring it up as i like to, than have to defend and fight for your relationship to stay.....it's a hard thing, but the main thing is not hurting someone else.

[Krisi]

Don't be looking for "approval" from your wife. For most of us, the best we can hope for is "acceptance" or "tolerance". Many of us don't even get that. For some it's "Don't let me see you dressed as a woman and don't let me see your feminine stuff". For others it's "If you do it again I'm leaving you and taking the kids, the house and the car".

[Tracy Irving]

So, she knows you are buying panties. Does she know you are wearing them? Has she seen you in them yet?

You could try shopping for them together. Hold up a pair and ask her opinion. As time goes by she will see it isn't the end of the world.

After a while you can hint at other clothing. Back off if you feel resistance. The seed has already been planted. She needs to see you're still the man she married and you haven't "changed" overnight.

Baby steps...

[Kay222]

I think my wife is amused and accepting of my wearing panties, which I wear almost all the time, unless I am going to the gym. She is less comfortable with me wearing a bra and female clothing. I am hoping that she comes around more with time. I think you should just talk about it with her and I bet she won't have much of an issue, but who knows, everyone is different.