The penny has just dropped with some SAs !

[Teresa]

I'm finding I have made some lovely friends with SAs , it's not all about making a sale that matters to them. Yesterday during a conversation with a manageress at a EWM shop ( for those in the UK, Edinburgh Woolen Mill shop ) she revealed why she loves selling to CDers like myself . First she went into some detail on how hard it is for many women to find clothes that fit well, she said her figure was something she just had to live with, her arms weren't a good shape and her choice of work trousers were a total compromise between certain areas fitting OK at the expense of fitting badly in others . Then she said how lucky I was with being a size 12 and just get most things off the peg but what she enjoyed was actually having a converstaion about clothes , often women shoppers won't do that .

The message I got as I left the shop was she actually enjoyed serving me , I know there is a certain amount of intrigue about us, OK even excitement which brightens up her day , her assistant said the same thing . She's given me a handful of catalogues to hand round and suggested she might like to put a display on at one of our social group meetings . No it's not just about the sales there is a genuine feeling of understanding and dealing with our needs .

[Cassandra Lynn]

I totally agree Teresa; we're too quick to judge sales people on just being all about money. The SAs do have a job to do, and the owners too, or they wouldn't be in that line of work.

But it's easy enough to read between the lines of those who are just making a sale, and those that are connecting with you and enjoying the interaction while doing so.
It may very well be the novelty of us, but that's okay in my book, the point is that they are being friendly, non-judgmental, and supportive at the same time.

I've been to certain shops enough and had the same SAs that we have that little bit of a bond going on, it makes for very rewarding retail therapy!

Cass

[Stephanie47]

I think the qualifier in your post is the word, "Some." For most people the 9 to 5 routine is just work that needs to be performed to provide income. It all become routine. But, along comes a person who is different in the sense of showing interest. Too often shopper are in a rush to "get it and go." When I go to a particular grocery store I seek out a cashier who I have known since 1977. We have grown old together. I know she enjoys the conversation no matter how brief. It's the same with your interactions. Along comes a person who is actually interested in her as a person who is selling something. I'm sure there are men who are cross dressers, presenting or not, who are totaling boring. I accompany my wife to a lot of places that are best described as a woman's domain. I observe my wife's interaction with the sales associates. She and the SA's exchange pleasantries and chit chat about their families and interests. I can see it brightens their otherwise mundane day at work. Teresa, those sales associates enjoy their interactions with you because of how you interact with them, and, not the fact you're wearing women's clothing.

[Helen_Highwater]

Teresa,

Whether it's the novelty value, the fact we make the effort to engage, genuine interest, I like you have found the vast majority of SA's have been more than pleasant in our dealings. In balance I have come across one or two who, reading their body language, we're a little uncomfortable with the situation. Not every SA is going to be wonderful, they're all people and people are different. That said it's possible for any customer to come across an SA who's just having a bad day at the office.

As for having the manager come to your social group and put on a display that's a great idea. Alternatively if some of your group are a little shy at shopping, especially using changing rooms, would she open the shop late just for your members? A chance to try and buy?

[Teresa]

Helen,
When I first joined my social group we had a wig supplier , a makeup supplier and a lovely SA from M&Co . OK it was an anniversary evening but M&Co have been to several of our meetings , she does alright and is a great dancer !!.

[suzanne]

I completely agree with you, sister. Its what I have been trying to say on this forum for a long time. I feel like a dress shop is the best place for a CD to go to become more comfortable being out in the world dressed.

All the SAs I deal with seem to enjoy helping me find clothes. And I can't identify any one single reason for it. I think there are many pieces to this jigsaw puzzle. For one, I'm uncommon enough that it's easy to remember me. Second, a man in a dress is not like other men with all the usual male baggage. We're more relatable, especially when we start talking about clothes. We might even be accepted as "One of the girls". Third, I for one, am always happy to be in their store, and it shows. I'm told I light the place up when I come in. Fourth, I am willing to try on anything the SA suggests, because you just never know what's going to work. Sometimes they say something like, "As soon as I saw this, I've wondered how this would look on you." Lastly, they LOVE my shoes. I have a pretty good collection and they marvel at how well I can walk in 4 inch heels

[Beverley Sims]

When I was thirty I was complimented on my flat tummy and how well I fitted into a bathing suit, in those days I also walked the catwalk at charity modelling nights with a big reveal at the end.

[Cherylgyno]

I get the same feeling in the US. I shop in drab outer clothes. SA's greet me by name, always with a big eager smile. If they're with other people they always say Hi as soon as they are free.

[sweetdreams]

Teresa I couldn't agree more. I've struck up conversations with SAs in the supermarket and a bakery. These aren't places where they are pressing to make a sale. Anytime I've started a conversation with an SA it's always felt genuine. They do seem curious about us. Sometimes they aren't sure how to deal with us, but if you start talking to them I found they are more than eager to have a conversation.

[DaisyLawrence]

There are two types of people in any workplace. The first group are those that are just doing any job they can to get some money until they get the better job they want. The second group are those that have chosen the work as a life long career. I sincerely hope most SA's in clothes shops are from the second group but it is easy, untrained and poorly paid work so there may be many from the first group. I also hope that those that are in the second group have a genuine interest in clothes and want to help a client and engage with them in a positive way, if not they have definitely chosen the wrong career path. Teresa, I think the EWM lady is from group two and would interact positively and helpfully with ANY customer who engages with her regardless of their biological sex, gender presentation or anything else. No-one wants to serve an indifferent customer with no real interest in what makes up the majority of the SA's actual life. Your honesty with these people does, of course, help to personalise crossdressers and break down barriers in the mind of some which is a win I think so keep doing it!

[jacques]

hello Teresa,
I bet that was not in London!
I went there once and if you even make eye contact the shop assistants think you are a freak!
luv J

[Sara Jessica]

I met Diana, one of my dearest friends, about 10 years ago. At the time she was a makeup artist/SA for Prescriptives at Macy's. A couple years back I asked her if she recognized me at being TG when we first met. She replied that she did so I then asked why she engaged me in conversation and her response was "it was because you looked like an interesting person and I wanted to get to know who you are."

You never know where your next bestie might come from :) !!!

[DIANEF]

I have yet to shop en femme but I do now buy items openly for myself. There are a couple of shops I go to and the SAs have always been helpful and courteous without making too much of an issue of myself being a CDer, though they were certainly interested . I have done this role myself in the past so I can see both sides vis-a-vis the customer-sales assistant relationship and I have served TG and CD customers, treating them like any other.

[DaisyLawrence]

I met Diana, one of my dearest friends, about 10 years ago. At the time she was a makeup artist/SA for Prescriptives at Macy's. A couple years back I asked her if she recognized me at being TG when we first met. She replied that she did so I then asked why she engaged me in conversation and her response was "it was because you looked like an interesting person and I wanted to get to know who you are."

You never know where your next bestie might come from :) !!!

That is it exactly Sara. We 'different' types are always interesting. 'Normal' people might, or more commonly might not, be interesting. I have always gravitated towards anybody who has the self confidence to present openly as 'different'. That is what they are doing, showing the world that they are not one of 'the sheep' and that they have the self confidence to let you know it. This is the same for all sorts of presentations, not just non-binary geneder stuff. I was in Whitby recently, a touristy old fishing town on the English coast which has become the unofficial Goth capital of the UK (due to links to Bram Stoker and Dracula). Anyway, I have no interest in goth culture myself, it doesn't particularly float my boat, BUT as I walked around I see all these goths, young and old, dressed up and out in public and I'm thinking 'hey, look at these cool dudes doing their thing regardless of what anyone thinks' and I'm desperate to chat to some and see what drives them etc. The one constant is that I assume unquestionably that even if I don't like the individual they will at least be far more interesting than all the other muggles around! So to all those nervous crossdressers I say, get out there and show the world that you either pass or, more likely, you don't but you ARE interesting. That way you may end up with an interesting new bestie like Sara. Off you go now and choose a skirt. Bye.

Daisy

[Jean 103]

Yes the more you go out and talk to people , the more friends you will have. I dose take time , but it is pretty much that easy.

[Carole]

A group of us reguarly meet up at a local Outlet Centre on their late night shopping day. After a leisurely coffee (and for some a loo break!!) we visit the shops. The M&S ladies always look out for us and if one misses an evening they are asking if the person is ok. In Romans Original the manageress couldn't do enough looking for a particular dress I was after, darting all around the shop searching for it; finally defeated she said if I ordered it online I could collect it and try it on i store. So far there have been no problems in any of the shops we have been in, as I said earlier, concern about us if one of the regulars is missing on a particular night.

Daisy, I think you will find that the (now infamous) Whitby Goth weekends are a tourist attraction in themselves, they have been going for years.